my five wives

On last night’s season 2 finale of My Five WivesBrady Williams revisits the idea of moving his family to Washington State, finds out the gender of his 25th child, and – of course! – has a panic attack (not necessarily in that order).

We begin with Brady checking in with Rosemary about her conflict with Paulie that’s been festering like an open wound since last season, but has not been discussed in any kind of helpful detail on the show thus far… so we really have no idea what this beef is all about. What actually came between them? (Well, besides a man, that is.) Rosemary feels like the situation is still touch and go. Brady says the rift weighs heavily on him, but Rosemary seems reluctant to tell Brady her true feelings on camera. She admits she needs to forgive Paulie and plans to invite her to lunch to make amends.

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Later on, Brady and Nonie head to an ultrasound appointment to find out the gender of their new baby. The picture on the ultrasound machine looks like your typical blob, but the ultrasound technician is rocking such an awesome Elsa-esque Let it Go! side braid, that it makes the otherwise “meh” scene at least visually interesting! Prediction: Nonie will make this one ultrasound gender “reveal” into an entire episode of nightmarish attention whoring if my Spidey Senses are correct.  

Brady is still considering moving the family to Washington State and wants to get his homes (5 attached houses, rather) assessed. In order to sell their homes, they’ll need to get approval of the “community council” – i.e., the religious leaders with whom Brady and his tribe have broken ties. Rhonda says she’s scared to move, but Brady is adamant that they need to get the heck out of Dodge. Dodge, apparently, also wants them the heck out so they can insert a new, religiously-appropriate polygamous family in the compound. Robyn comments she’s glad they’re not a part of the old community anymore because they oppress their women. Whereas Brady oppresses his women only when able – which is every 8 nights, specifically.

Rosemary approaches Paulie the next morning to ask Paulie to lunch and they agree to go that very day. Yay! Let’s get these gals together so they can plan an exit strategy. #wishfulthinking

Brady moves forward with the assessment of his homes, explaining that he doesn’t own the land (that belongs to the religious community), but that he did build the homes with his “own hands.” Hmmmm. Ok. The assessor has never assessed a polygamous property before and has a bunch of awkward questions for Brady like, “If one wife kicks you out, do you just go to the next house over?” and “You have HOW many kids!?” I love this assessor. Assess away, assessor!

Rosemary and Paulie’s lunch begins with the standard operating awkwardness we’ve seen from them all season. They refuse to make eye contact until their soups arrive, then they finally start talking about their kids. Paulie breaks the ice by apologizing for hurting Rosemary in the past and Rosemary seems to appreciate the olive branch. They hug. Then they begin immediately drawing up blueprints of their escape route to a new life. Kidding! (Not kidding.)

Back at the compound, Nonie and Brady are ready to announce the gender of their new baby to the rest of their kids. Gawd. Here.We.Go. Nonie’s eldest son Paul says he doesn’t care what the gender is because in 3 years he’s OUTTA there anyway. Flashback: Paul is none too excited about the 25th kid’s arrival into their already-packed brood. Brady again writes Paul off as a “grumpy cuss.” I’d be a grumpy cuss too if I was trapped in this situation AND if this situation was being broadcast on national TV. Let’s get the Kickstarter campaign off the ground to #freepaul! Ok, back to the gender announcement: it’s a girl. Lots of luck to you, little lady! Nonie goes outside to talk to Paul and he says he’ll love his new sister very much even though he’s not thrilled about the pregnancy. Aww. He’s a sweet kid and doesn’t deserve this mess. #freepaulforreal!!!!

Out on the lawn, in a quasi Lord of the Flies moment, the kids decide to vote as a block on whether they’d like to move to Washington. They vote YES. Some kids comment on how they feel like outcasts in their current community. And I’m sorry, but the theme of this episode – and this entire show – is obviously how much the polygamist lifestyle affects the children, whether it comes from the family structure itself or the surrounding communities. It’s tough to watch.

Later on, Brady meets with the assessor, who values the property at $500,000 – not nearly enough to move the family into a comparable home in Washington.

Soooo, on to the Family Meeting then! After the appraisal, Brady took the final number to the religious leaders and asked if something could be “worked out.” No idea what that means. Robyn and Nonie astutely point out that no matter what polygamous community they move to, they will never be accepted because they don’t belong to the common faith anymore. Brady shrugs it off, but the wives seem to understand that being “tolerated” by a community is not enough for them, long term. Rhonda doesn’t want to leave at all, but Rosemary does because she feels a fresh start is necessary in order for their family to heal.

Rhonda’s brother Michael visits to catch up with her and chat about moving. He, and his curly ponytail, encourage her to just do it! Rhonda admits she feels like she doesn’t fit in where she is and ultimately knows moving is in the cards for her.

After making his rounds, Brady ends up in Paulie’s bed for the night. He can’t catch his breath, has a racing heartbeat, and feels light headed. So they head to Rhonda’s to check his blood pressure, which ends up being high enough that Paulie gets him in the car and heads to the hospital in her pajamas.

The next morning, Paulie calls all the wives together to let them know Brady had a panic attack the night before. He’s too stressed out. Rhonda brings up the fact that if something happens to Brady, the 5 of them need to have a plan in place to protect their family (families?). They ask Brady about life insurance and decide as a family that they should all go have wills drawn up ASAP. Question: if Paulie is the only legal wife, are the other 4 left high and dry?

Back in LaLaLand, Brady and Nonie are hosting some over-the-top party to YET AGAIN reveal the gender of the baby, this time to the entire clan. The lengths Nonie will go to in order to suck more attention toward her black hole self are endless. And, for the rest of the family, I think this type of excitement may lose its steam after – oh, I don’t know – baby number 17? Just a hypothesis. Plus, panic attacks are being had not 24 hours before this AND bankruptcy is just around the corner for everyone, so maybe let’s cool it on celebrating the 25th time Brady has inseminated a woman.

In final retrospect of the season, Nonie says she loves her sister wives and wouldn’t change a thing about their lives. Robyn and Rosemary think it’s been one of the best summers they’ve ever had. Rhonda thinks 2015 is going to be the “best year yet!” #spoileralert? Paulie feels like the past season has caused her to reflect on the woman she really wants to be and some ways in which she can grow. Brady, presumably, doesn’t have much time to reflect on anything as he reaches for the paper bag he’ll be breathing into while holed up in his Man Shed.

Post Script: Two weeks later, Paulie’s daughter Karlie had an emergency delivery of her son, Huck, at 25 weeks gestation. He was flown to a neonatal facility up north because he was born weighing roughly 2 pounds. At time of filming, Karlie and her husband were hopeful that little Huck would pull through, but were understandably frightened of the fight ahead of them all. (Note: Baby Huck is doing well & growing stronger, according to Twitter updates by Karlie and Brady @ #babyhuck – YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Recap Author: Erin M.

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Photo Credit: TLC

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