I don’t know who is writing Sonja Morgan’s Bravo blogs, but they need to cool it on the “vitamins” mixed with Red Bull (allegedly) and limit their word count to – oh, I don’t know – under 10,000. In this week’s War and Peace length narrative, Sonja bemoans the Real Housewives of New York ladies’ lack of support regarding her Latino Show Magazine party, an event which launched one single dress…and a thousand comments. But before we go there, let’s start at the very beginning. It’s a very good place to start! (Thank you, Julie Andrews.)
Sonja begins by questioning the emerging friendships on this season’s RHONY. “I must say that the relationships we saw in this episode seemed very forced! I feel like the girls are trying out some new friendships this season, and I don’t know that they are going to work out,” she snarks. “Just look at Ramona [Singer] and Luann [de Lesseps]! They tried to establish a friendship this year, and it completely blew up tonight (and at the fabulous Pettrosian of all places). But I must say that Ramona and Dorinda [Medley’s] new friendship does seem to be genuine.” Although Sonja supports Dorinda’s encouragement of Ramona getting back into the dating scene, she believes Mario does really want a second chance. “I am also not surprised that Mario wants to get back together with Ramona. Who wouldn’t want to stay with Ramona? She’s a fox, fun, and keeps you on your toes (even if an apology comes soon thereafter)! Ramona is going to have a rough road ahead deciding where she would like her relationship with Mario to go,” she comments. Because Sonja needs to make Ramona’s divorce situation all about HERSELF, she continues by admitting, ” I do wish that Ramona felt comfortable sharing these moments with me, but I need to respect her decisions during this difficult time. Like Bethenny [Frankel] says, sometimes its easier to open up to someone you hardly know. As is the case when Bethenny herself lets her hair down, and the tears flow with Carole [Radziwill], who doesn’t even have children.”
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Sonja goes on to discuss her (launch?) party, at which some of the ladies scoffed. She complains, “I just debuted one of my beautiful gowns from my collection on the cover of an international luxury magazine and all my so-called friends have is criticism. All the while they have a tequila cocktail in one hand and a lobster roll in the other. What kind of monsters are these people? Who does that?” Ah, but Lady Morgan has more rhetorical questions in store! She wonders, “Who laughs out loud at an independent woman building her businesses to support her child? Who laughs at a woman who’s living out her dreams and passionately loves what she’s doing? Exercising her creative side?” She adds, “I have yet to see one of the ladies tweet a compliment about my collection or post a photo from my fashion show at Fashion Week 2015 as I have done from the joy in my heart for them, their wine, their books, their songs, their jewelry, their fashions.” Well, if Sonja tweeted one single line in support of Luann’s “Money Can’t Buy You Class” disaster, then I say she deserves reciprocal support
of her delusions for life.
Adding to the extensive resume in her head, Sonja goes on to defend her expertise, as well as her unwavering support of her friends: “I have been nothing but nice and supportive of these girls and their aspirations. That’s what I do for decades as a luxury brand consultant. It’s in my DNA. I went to college for marketing (and merchandising).” After blathering on for while about her “branding,” her “team,” and her “collection,” Sonja calls out the ladies on their mean-girl antics one more time. “If these women really thought I had a problem, they wouldn’t be attacking like they are all over town and in public. They are just plain jealous that I am strong enough to get through my divorce, the business lawsuit, and build my own businesses from scratch while living in the moment and enjoying myself. It’s terrible they cannot wish well on others who are doing well,” she concludes.
Next, the REAL story (well, Sonja’s version) of the Toaster Oven That Won’t Die is revealed! “If you ask me, Heather [Thomson] is upset with herself and is taking it out on me. Otherwise, why would she be so unfeeling and unsupportive? She would roll her sleeves up and spend the time with me,” says Sonja. But, “She doesn’t. She washed her hands of me over the photoshoot I organized with her photographer. We never did the brand identification. We never changed the logo to match my brand ID. We had a difference of opinion over what my brand was. I certainly didn’t think it was a shirtless man on my box, but she was so overbearing I just said yes to printing both pictures (one without the guy and one with the guy) and put the guy on the box. And when I got to the department stores, they said the toaster would sell based on its features and the fact that I endorsed it as a lifestyle expert, dressed head to toe in fashion and bling! They said look at your image on the box. You are an international fashion lifestyle brand, and therefore you are making a mistake to sequence your brand with toaster ovens first. So my business plan is based on that, and I’m starting with my designer collection that is pure luxury and yet accessible.” (Did you get all that?)
Turning her attention to Heather’s Kmart question, Sonja claims, “Heather’s comment about Kmart’s was a pure dig, because she knows that Kmart does not sell $800-$1200 gowns made from Italian crepe silk and silk charmeuse linings. Kmart is a very important retail outlet offering quality at a different price. She knew very well what the gown was made of and made in NYC and that it would not retail at Kmart, but at a better bridge level.” In an attempt not to piss Kmart off, Sonja adds, “Hopefully someday I will have another collection selling at Kmart’s to reach everyone out there who wishes to own a little Sonja style, but this is my top of the line. This is where I decided to express myself first. I’m very proud of it.” But, for now, Sonja is International Luxury! And International Luxury is Sonja!! And she’s got the “jetsetters” to prove it! She chirps, “I’m so excited to have received so many compliments from professional buyers, stylists, socialites, jetsetters, and also the television viewers on my social media saying that they love my designs. They are classic with a sexy twist, timeless, ageless, and seasonless. This is a collection one can just throw in a suitcase and travel the world!”
Sonja closes her blog by singing the praises of the indentured servitude, her intern pyramid scheme, that’s gotten her this far – armed with only sharpies, plungers, and Xanax. “It makes me so proud to see my interns and volunteers on my team who now style, work with my patternmakers and designers, learn how to do storyboards, and produce a Sonja In The City fashion show or magazine cover launch, how to work with a caterer…shadowing me as I build a business from the bottom up.” She adds, “Yes, indeed. They are the stars. They are the ones who will learn from my mistakes and go even further and faster. It is a very fulfilling experience for me to be able to create and work with such a talented team of people.”
“Yes! I like to promote people,” Sonja concludes. After all, “I’ve been in PR my whole life. As Bethenny said, I am the repeater, the repeater of positive things.”
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Photo Credit: Ivan Nikolov/WENN.com