Sometimes Real Housewives of New Jersey is the gift that keeps on giving. And sometimes it's the white elephant present that gets passed round and round at the party cause nobody wants to take it home. After last night's episode I have come to deduce two things: 1) That Kim D and the producers are crazy, maniacal, and will do anything for drama – hence setting up both Teresa GiudiceANDMelissa Gorga OR 2) Teresa is the world's best actress, has truly missed her calling, and needs to get on Broadway ASAP.
I'll do my best to remain neutral in this recap because I have my own opinion on what's going on – regardless of what the other members of the RHONJ are attempting to spin. So it's just check my sanity at the door here and suspend my rational thoughts – you know like any good Jersey Housewife!
And I'll also do my best to remain positive, because when it's all said and done this wasn't a bad episode. For the most part everyone was nice to each other, respectful, and got along. Well, except for Richie Wakile who is doing his damnedest to stay relevant and carve himself a niche in the show. More on him in a minute.
Tonight begins the two-part season finale of Real Housewives of New Jersey. And so it goes – we are finally nearing the end of the line with this series. Just it seems RHONJ will never come to an end! At this point I think Bravo needs to start a totally separate network dedicated entirely to Jersey. It'll really make things easier.
Following the explosive Posche Fashion Show: Round 3 (aka the cesspool of all things drama where Jersey is concerned) the ladies of Jersey entered into a tidal wave of denial and furtive tweeting; each one accusing the other of being culprit. I guess tonight we leave it up to the Gods of Editing to determine who truly is to blame. My money is on Kim D.
After last year's reunion most of the ladies have not spoken to each other – and no one has spoken to Teresa Giudice. Until this season's reunion, that is! Following filming nearly all the Housewives spoke out about their experiences on twitter, yet Teresa remained quiet saving her thoughts for an episode of Watch What Happens Live.
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Last night on the season premiere ofReal Housewives of Miami, Bravo tried to make lemons out of lemonade by teasing us with a fancypants literary reference and dangling feuds and jealousy in our faces. Aaaah, a Tale Of Two Miamis it is not – at least not yet. No, it was more like a tale of bored Housewives doing what they do best: show off, bicker, drink, and surgically alter themselves. Keep on being you, senoritas!
Alas, things begin with a kicky opening montage of the new girls describing how Old Miami is a thing of the past (you think?) and new Miami is all them. Thus far, Old Miami looks a lot like New Miami and New Miami seems like they want to be Old Miami – if that makes sense. We jump into things by meeting the new girls and checking in with the old ones. And up first is Marysol Patton and and oldest of th Miami bunch, Mama Elsa.
Marysol had a tumultuous year. Unfortunately she separated from her husband Philippe (whom we saw her getting married to on a mountain in Aspen) and he has since moved out. So… storyline wedding? Or storyline divorce? Anyway, Mama Elsa thinks it's for the best. In other Marysol updates, she has been seeing a new psychic behind Mama's back and that psychic saw her RHOM contract and informed her she would be meeting a whole bunch of new girls that would cause drama. Gee.. I think I would ask for a REFUND.
Just after Kris got her boobs redone on TV and tried to show ALL her kids (and their respective spouses) the newly refurbished goods, she attended a charity event with Lance Bass where she donned a LEATHER MINI DRESS (caps necessary for dramatic effect) and got drunk enough to table dance!
Oh Kris J – don't you ever stop being you. And thank you Jesus you are not my mother! Although I wouldn't mind being rich for doing nothing…
Give us your best caption of Kris' new career, cause I got nothing but shock on this one!
Chad Johnson has apparently had a change of heart (or a return to sanity). The NFL free agent who was all about trying to save his marriage to Evelyn Lozada last week has realized the marriage is dead. Perhaps it had something to do with Evelyn standing by her decision to press charges against him for battery.
Yesterday, after being officially charged with misdemeanor battery, Chad pled "Not Guilty." TMZ reports that his attorney entered the plea in Broward County Court yesterday morning and Chad was not present in court. If convicted Chad faces up to a year in prison.
Chad followed that up by officially filing divorce papers of his own. In the papers he admits that his marriage to theBasketball Wives star is "irretrievably broken" following the domestic violence incident. This comes days after Chad got a tattoo of Evelyn's face on his calf in a last-ditch attempt to save his marriage.
Real Housewives of Miami is kicking things off tonight! Following a supremely lackluster response to the first season, a complete cast overhaul happened to spice things up.
Well, apparently it worked! The ladies are making the rounds to promote the show and they promise it is very, very dramatic and fans will not be disappointed. I'm slightly afraid by that proclamation. I sometimes like boring. I know, I know…
Anyway, season one survivor Lea Black vows this season is a totally new ball game. "I think a lot's different," she told the Today Show. "I think the mix of the new girls has made it hot, spicy, wild, crazy, fun and … a few other things have gone on."
And just what "other things" have gone on? Oh, you know the usual Housewives antics. "More drama than ever," Lea revealed, playing coy. "And it heats up as the season progresses."
Bethenny Frankel's marriage to Jason Hoppy has been under scrutiny since day one because, well, her entire marriage and relationship has played out for TV on her various reality shows.
Most recently Bethenny and Jason were seen battling constantly on the third season of Bethenny Ever After, with Bethenny admitting the second year of marriage has been very rocky and full of tribulations. Things seemed to be going well for the couple by the end of the season as they partnered together to renovate a fantastic new apartment and made plans to temporarily locate to LA for Bethenny's talk show 'bethenny'.
bethenny did fantastic in its test run and now news is that the reality mogul is set to make it her full-time gig and bail on her reality show. Thank you Jesus.
A month after the headbutt that ended his marriage happened, Chad Johnson has been officially charged with misdemeanor battery against Evelyn Lozada!
The State Attorney for Broward County, Florida tells TMZ that If convicted, Chad faces up to a year in jail. Chad was arrested and Evelyn pressed charges against him following the incident. This is not his first offense; he was previous charged with domestic battery against a former girlfriend.