Recaps

Teen Mom 2 recap

Last night’s episode of Teen Mom 2 was relatively low-key. Aside from a standard shouting match between Jenelle Evans and Barbara Evans, there was no major conflict.

Leah Messer and Miranda Simms discuss Ali’s accusations that Miranda doesn’t help her and only pays attention to Remi, but they manage to keep it civilized. We don’t see Kailyn Lowry talk to Javi Marroquin at all, but she tells her friends and Jo Rivera that things are tough and it looks like she’s headed toward a divorce. Chelsea Houska and Cole DeBoer celebrate Pete the Pig’s first birthday while Aubree cheers Adam Lind on in a weight-lifting competition. Jenelle continues searching for answers to her medical problems and has a blow-up with Babs when she chooses spring break over an important event for Jace.

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RHOD-stephanie-hollman-cake

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas Travis got to have his cake and eat it too. Meanwhile Brandi Redmond and Stephanie Hollman officially fell for the newly sweetened version of LeeAnne Locken. Was it aspartame, or real sugar?

Travis‘ birthday is the most important day of the year next to Jesus’ birthday. In fact, Travis is like the second son born in the miracle manger. At least according to Stephanie. (And Travis.) Therefore this warrants a lavish, over-the-top affair in which Stephanie proves that importance that is Travis’ ego, so she decides to throw a a Gatsby-themed party to celebrate the living incarnate of holiness on earth. With Stephanie in charge, Travis is practically pooping his pants that he may end up with a party at Bounce It Out! where Brandi and Stephanie slurp Jesus Juice through booze googles while dry humping the slide. 

Southern Charm recap

Last night’s Southern Charm proved that regardless of their jealousy, petty social media battles, and all-around dysfunctional behavior, Kathryn Dennis and Thomas Ravenel create some absolutely beautiful children together. Of course before we’re introduced to the new baby, we have to get through an episode’s worth of wealthy man-children (and Craig Conover) treating the world as their playground. After Shepard “Shep” Rose’s mountain weekend, it’s time for a big time for the boys on the west coast. In Los Angeles, Whitney Sudler-Smith is cooking breakfast for Larissa and they joke about Craig’s promise ring for Naomie.

Back in Mount Pleasant, Kathryn and Cooper Ray (welcome back!) are spa-la-la-ing at the Woodhouse Day Spa. God, I love a man in a custom bow-tie and a fluffy robe! Kathryn’s getting her first facial as she anticipates the birth of her son. T-Rav has been so attentive lately, and she’s hoping he’s coming around to the idea of being a family man. Cooper swoops in to deliver some much needed tough love. He reminds Kathryn that she’s fallen for this before, and she has to realize that Thomas is a fifty-year-old playboy. Sure, one day he may come to his senses, but she needs to focus on living her life and raising her precious babies regardless of Thomas’ behavior–good or bad. Preach! Kathryn recognizes that T-Rav went fifty years without having children, so she knows it has to be a tough adjustment. 

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sister wives adoption maddie

How much footage does TLC have of Meri tearfully talking about her catfishing? Clearly a ton, as we’re back to supersized Sister Wives episodes. At least Mariah gets her waterworks honestly! The two hours begin with Maddie shopping for her wedding dress. Kody Brown is upset to learn that his daughter doesn’t want him tagging along. She wants her dad to see the dress for the first time before he walks her down the aisle. Kody is doubly concerned when Caleb mentions he’ll be wearing khakis. Jake from State Farm? She sounds hideous! 

The nearest bridal salon doesn’t know what hit it when Madison arrives with her mother Janelle, Meri, Christine, Robyn, and Robyn’s full-time nanny niece. Also in tow are her sisters Aspyn, Mykelti, and Mariah, who will serve as bridesmaids, as well  as her best friend and maid-of-honor, Desi. Maddie is a smart girl, so she’s not allowing everyone in her entourage to pull dresses. They need to have a seat while she works with Desi and a salesperson. Meri is upset that she doesn’t get to help pick out a dress for the big day. She also demands to know if Maddie wants all of her mother’s sister wives to serve as mothers of the bride. Given that Mariah wants a plural marriage, I’m sure Meri will have the opportunity to shop with her daughter and all Mariah’s future sister wives. 

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Real Housewives of New York recap

Well that was some kinda bah-humbug holiday spirit on Real Housewives Of New York, but at least we finally met Luann de Lesseps‘ new man. Despite the free love, sexual adventuress vibe Luann has been rocking as of late, she and Tom D’Agostino Jr. seem genuinely happy in a way that radiated through the TV. I’m into it. Has love finally tamed The Countess?

I so wish the same would happen for Bethenny Frankel, because for all her loud (TOO LOUD) protestations that she “gives no f–ks” we see right through her. She is giving so many f–ks, (none of to men) that her emotional bankruptcy is exploding in a visceral and frankly unhinged way, giving her Bitch Tourrettes. I hope Luann gets a trademark on her hair then sues Bethenny for copyright violation. Just for fun! 

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Little Women: NY recap

After watching a whole episode of the Little Women: NY hold multiple interventions in one action-packed hour, I’m ready for my own intervention! But tonight is a double header and we are treated to another drama-filled episode, so no rest in recaps here.

Katie Snyder and boyfriend, PJ, decide to have a maternity photo shoot to create memories of her pregnancy. Jessica Capri stops by to talk about planning Katie’s baby shower. Katie is OK with everyone coming EXCEPT Lila Call. Jess agrees and is ready to get planning.

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Little Women: NY recap

Last week’s episode of Little Women: NY ended with a distraught Jazmin Lang revealing that a very pregnant Katie Snyder has been smoking. We pick up in the same spot this week, with Jazmin showing video evidence of the event and the group deciding to join Dawn Lang on the judgment train to condemn Katie for her reckless behavior.

Never one to let an opportunity pass to make the topic about her, Lila Call starts crying because she is an addict too and Katie’s addiction reminds her of her own. The group decides as a whole to speak with Katie and she can then make the choice on her own as to whether or not she will continue smoking. Jason Perez thinks it’s better to do something rather than nothing in this case.

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below deck mediterranean recap

On last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean, a smitten Danny Zureikat tries his hand at writing poetry for the woman of his dreams – Tilted Kilt waitress and charter guest, Morgan. But Captain Mark Howard sees to it that his love drunk deck hand remembers he’s on this boat to play Gilligan, not Shakespeare. After making out in plain sight with Morgan at the beach, Danny is on even thinner ice with his crew, not to mention with First Mate Bryan Kattenburg. And Danny’s already got one strike against him from Captain Mark for bringing random girls aboard with co-conspirator (and slightly more mature) Bobby Giancola last week. 

So, now what’s a horny deckhand to do? Well, for now, he’s got to steer clear of Jen Riservato, who’s stank attitude has put her at the top of Bryan’s sh*t list. But since Danny’s decided to break all rules of charter boundaries, Jen sees an opportunity to shine. She is the MVP in her own mind, lest we forget!

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