Recaps

Real Housewives of New Jersey recap Vermont

To Vermont we go! To Vermont we go… You can take the girls out of Jersey but you can’t take the Real Housewives Of New Jersey out of the girls! Even if you put them in big giant snow boots and plain old terry cloth bathrobes. Last night also signified the return of Kim D (for Desperate!), which in my book is always a good thing! Run on with the big boys, Kim, run on!

Melissa Gorga has lofty ideas to turn the trip to Vermont into one last relaxing weekend for Teresa Giudice before Joe goes to prison and Teresa becomes a single mom. Melissa even invited Teresa’s close friends Robyn and Christina. Unfortunately, Teresa’s girls weekend is beset by problems from the get-go. Two of those problems are named Kathy Wakile and Rosie Pieri.

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90 Day Fiance recap

On last night’s 90 Day Fiance, people tried to act normal in front of their fiances’ families. Alas, they did not accomplish this goal. Whether it was Anfisa halfheartedly trying to persuade Jorge‘s sister that she is truly in this relationship for “love” (HA!) or the hapless Nicole hanging all over Azan while she broke bread with his family, these TLC fiances are officially A MESS.

It’s interesting that the families of the engaged couples seem to understand this point in under a minute flat, yet the fiances themselves march onward in their happy delusions like zombies march toward the smell of fresh brains. Speaking of brains, Nicole needs to snatch one up right quick before Azan calls the Moroccan police on her himself – which he looked a millisecond away from doing after she brought up some “mistakes from her past.” And nobody would blame him for doing so.

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IF

Unlike contestant and television writer David Wright, I’m ready for Survivor!  The 90-minute Premiere Episode of Millennials vs. Gen-X blew in like a tropical storm just upgraded to a cyclone, and in its wake it scattered a number of likable castaways all over the island, representing two of the most annoying generations of America (I belong to one of them, so I can say this).  The “Survivor culture war” was on and within the first day, battle lines were drawn.

So let’s not take any short-cuts, even if Jeff Probst offers us any.  We’re about to dig right into Episode 1 of Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen-X…and because this is a “recap,” that means that I’m either assuming you saw the episode, or you are wanting to know what happened.  I’ll always try to keep headlines and the first few paragraphs “spoiler free,” but spoilers are definitely coming if you haven’t yet seen the episode.  We’ll assume this pertinent information moving forward through the seasons.  So with that…

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Little Women: Atlanta recap

Little Women: Atlanta focuses on motherhood this week – the good, the bad, and the pukey.

With baby Aubrey still in the NICU, Amanda and Andrea Salinas head to the gym with Minnie Ross to work off some of those bad vibes from the psychic dinner gone wrong. Minnie feels like the psychic was a fake but right on cue, the lights in the gym go out. Minnie is spooked but the real issue here is that The Other Twins stirred up drama yet again and Minnie is pissed Ms. Juicy jumped on the opportunity to question her miscarriage. I would like to think, along with Minnie, that issue has been put to bed, but Ms. Juicy isn’t about to give up that bone.

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Little Women: LA recap

After Christy McGinity brought her new trusty sidekick, Plastic Martyr, to Tonya Banksphoto shoot last week, the ladies of Little Women: LA are pretty much done with her. Christy was attempting one last Hail Mary to get these women to understand how much of a dirt bag Briana Renee’s hubby, Matt Ericson [Grundhoffer], was and continues to be. (Although I truly don’t think anyone needs further convincing. WE GET IT.)

Despite her motives – which were decent – Christy’s delivery left a whole lot to be desired. She’s desperate. And, like grandma says, desperation is the worst perfume! The whole scene pretty much stinks, stank, stunk. Now it’s time to rehash that mess as the ladies gather this week for Elena Gant’s surprise birthday party. Because, what’s a LWLA event really worth if it doesn’t sport a few murder threats and potential lawsuits? Happy birthday, Elena!    

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Don't Be Tardy recap

OK, Don’t Be Tardy fans, last night was all about getting a crash course in what it means to be a free agent in the NFL. In layman’s terms (if you’re Brielle, please Google what layman’s terms means before going any further) a free agent is a player who is not signed to one particular team. In short, a player who is on the market, playing the field, trying to get that next gig, like Tracey on Tinder.

Guiding us on this little lesson will be the ever-optimistic Kroy Biermann (our free agent) and his still-not-totally-on-board-but-says-she-is wife, Kim Zolciak Biermann, as they go to meet with Kroy’s agent, Buddy. Normally, Kroy not being signed to a team would be stressful but since Kim’s stroke, she looks at the unknown of free agency as one big adventure. Unless that adventure involves living in Green Bay. Or Buffalo (haha!). Or having to live in someone else’s house with their furniture and toilet (paging Teresa Guidice for some much needed foreshadowing).

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Below Deck Recap

Last night’s Below Deck proved that old habits die hard. Case in point number one: Ben Robinson and Kate Chastain face off yet again amidst pressure to cook not one but TWO dinners for some difficult charter guests. Ben‘s irritability was no doubt triggered by other cooking matters though, as he spent a good deal of the charter making food for a dog. Yes, apparently Fido needs haute cuisine!

Case in point number two: Trevor Walker is a sloppy drunk who insults everyone and makes an a$$ of himself while Kelley Johnson practically tears his hair out trying to manage him. So, all is ship-shape up in here, Cap’n!

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Dance Moms minis

With the Dance Moms finally (FINALLY!) getting along and forming an alliance in the wake of Abby Lee Miller’s indifference for the elite team, Lifetime had to do something to stir up some additional drama. Enter the mini team with mothers who may be even battier and more hungry for fame than the veteran ladies. Last night, the little rump shakers came back with a vengeance, and their daughters were right there with them! 😉 I guess this means I have to make an effort to learn the mini moms’ names. Bear with me.

As the episode begins, Jill passive aggressively greets her her mini mother counterparts. “Oh, isn’t she the cutest?” while staring darts at a six-year-old…you know the drill! The veteran moms explain the recent antics surrounding Abby’s behavior, and Holly is hopeful that this week Abby will be able to balance giving the proper attention and direction to both teams. That wish is quickly dashed as Abby hobbles into a studio using a walker. She has recently had knee surgery, and while she’s in a lot of pain, she’s excited about the painkillers she’s been prescribed. This should be fun! At pyramid, Nia is present but sick with strep throat. How miserable! Before she reveals the order of the pyramid, Abby introduces Lilly and her mother Stacey. Stacey is a psychologist whose daughter has wanted to be an ALDC member since she was a newborn. Hmmmm. Does someone need a bit of self-reflection? Holly demands an apology for flipping the bird, and she takes it as a good sign when Abby concedes. 

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