Recaps

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For fans and viewers of Little Women: LA, the marriage drama between self-proclaimed Bonnie and Clyde Briana Renee and Matt Ericson is s staple since he came on the scene, ripped jeans and tacky t-shirts a blazin’. But this season has given us a welcome reprieve from hearing about the “did he/didn’t” he cheating rumors that dog them and they have even hung around the other cast quite a bit. Well, that’s about to be shot to hell, thanks to a huge fight between them, which resulted in Briana (sort of) growing a pair of balls and threatening divorce. Don’t go getting all excited though….you know how these troubled relationships never quite end as quickly as they are supposed to.

Jasmine Sorge is finally coming home from the hospital with her new baby, Benjamin and as much as I like Jasmine, maybe now we can stop hearing about how hard her pregnancy was. It’s not that I don’t feel for her, but if I had to hear one more time about her hormones making her turn into a she-devil, I was going to lose it. Oh, and her delivery was also terrible and traumatic because she got sick to her stomach and had to have someone hold her eyelashes baby, while he had to barf into a bag. But now she’s home and her husband is still alive (for now).

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Lisa Rinna knows many, many things: she knows Harry Hamlin is a pie-making, grey-haired demigod, she knows that her dog Lola has magical powers of mind control, she knows that shopping saves lives, she knows that if she stands before giant murals of rainbow-colored angel wings she can a least look like she’s good, and she knows that gold is her color. But what Lisa Rinna doesn’t know, and wants to find out, is if Dorit Kemlsey was doing coke in the bathroom. So these are the days of our Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills.

And just think – this is not even the plot of the real-life soap opera Eileen Davidson stars in!

As far as dinner parties from hell, or vacations from hell go, the ladies of RHOBH reign supreme. As they do in so many instances. Hong Kong is no exception. Right after Erika Girardi finishes preaching at Eileen with her Tammy Faye Baker eyes, and just as everyone is finally – finally – tucking into their soup course, Lipsa ever-so-brightly inquires if Dorit was serving cocaine at her dinner party months ago. See Lisa saw things. She saw things that bothered her, but she never got the chance to bring up. As mentioned above, Lisa knows things, like that a good hostess would never leave HER, of all people, at the table while the rest of party disappeared to freshen up. Lisa Vanderpump would never do that!

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jenelle-dr-drew

If you happened to catch last week’s part one of the Teen Mom 2 reunion, along with the backstage footage, you would know there was major drama with who else? Jenelle Evans and anyone associated with her. Because of mom Barbara Evans and their never ending custody dispute of Jace, Jenelle stormed off set and threatened to book the next flight home. But here we are, on set with Jenelle and her whole crew of drama seekers and hangers on, to hear more about what it’s like to live a life of complete chaos.

Dr. Drew gives Jenelle the shadiest intro possible, talking her up as “sober, in a stable relationship and pregnant with her third child” as if those are all major achievements in life.

Tom and Katie wedding

Last night on the season finale of Vanderpuimp Rules two people were joined in partnership for an LA eternity. Tom 1 and Tom 2, you have now become: TOM-TOM. Long live our officiant Lisa Vanderpump!

It was a big night of commitment for our Schwartzy, the little commitment-phobe that couldn’t. In front of some of his family, and all of his friends, he said “I Do” to Katie Maloney, thus establishing himself Mr. Three-Headed-She Beast. Stassi Schroeder cried tears of pure vodka-poisoned joy that her two best friends were officially, legally soulmates, and then she made Katie swear on her eyeshadow collection that Stassi would always be a part of them. Like a stye?

It was actually a sweet ceremony. Courtesy of Tom, who drank the tequila-aid and suddenly found himself overjoyed to be standing at an altar next to Katie’s drapes of a wedding gown. Oof – that dress: a pair of nude pantyhose someone bedazzled; full body spanks that got Pinterested and sold on Etsy. It isn’t easy being country-cutsey-woodsy-glammy-chic on a budget!

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Kenya & Matt

Well last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta certainly contained some baggage! And not all of it was Cargo By Cynthia Bailey. At least no one lost their bags in Maui (only their marbles).

After conquering LA with her Cargo collection, Cynthia is ready to take on Atlanta – America’s fashion mecca. Let’s be honest though, the real person Cynthia needs to impress is Sheree Whitfield. THE elegant and sophisticated fashion pioneer behind the infamous and influential She By Sheree. Big leagues!

Kairo has modeling dreams so as a favor to build his portfolio Cynthia asked him to walk in her show. Kairo dead-eye shuffles like he’s auditioning for The Walking Dead and is carrying his former human life in that mock-croc backpack. Sheree is the only one impressed, and she’s the only one unimpressed that Kairo’s only compensation is a measly bag. Even though most of the models aren’t even getting that.

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The Tables Have Turned

For those who might have thought that Survivor: Game Changers was off to a slow start, well, all of your prayers have been answered. Last night’s unexpected thrill-ride of an episode was just as entertaining as it was shocking. It leaves me completely flabbergasted (always wanted to use that word) that 34 Seasons and over 500 episodes later, the game can still create “Survivor Firsts,” but that is exactly what happened. A seemingly cool “twist” led to more than the Survivor producers could have hoped for.

There is LOTS to get to, so here is your last spoiler warning, as we will be discussing the events of Episode 3 of Survivor. So grab your coffee (#coffeeisforclosers, after all) and get ready for a recap that will hopefully be a little less chaotic than that epic Tribal Council was.

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Well last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills was really something! Erika Jayne went from having no feelings she lets out, to melting into a puddle of icky goo. Don’t even get me started on Lisa Rinna. She needs to play Freeze Tag with her own lips. But we learned a very important thing: if you do not abide by the Buddha’s preach for peace and goodwill, you’re going to get served a severed friendship, surrounded by unfounded accusations.

When I say last night was not a good look for Erika, I mean that literally. She has a pretty cry face, but good lord, her sobbing and swearing at Eileen Davidson with 10 feet of pancake makeup and and Tammy Faye Baker eyes was frightening, Wicked Witch Of The West style. Honey those glams you pay need to tone down the fabulous.

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Katie wedding gown
The countdown is finally over! We Vanderpump Rules watchers have finally arrived at the inevitable nuptials of two people so solely unhappy together it’s almost not funny. So, yes, last night was the debut of Katie Maloney‘s wedding gown and it was even worse than Scheana Marie‘s. But the biggest shock was that Tom 2 actually seemed happy to be getting married. That’s a change!

Tom and Katie spent $51,000 on a wedding in someone’s backyard next to the train tracks, yet Tom couldn’t afford to fly his family out to attend. Only his mom, Kim, the object of Jax Taylor‘s wanton obsession, has made it. Thus far anyway. I guess Jax imagines that Kim is a woman who knows how to make a turkey sandwich?

Anyway, call me confused but wouldn’t you factor ‘flying family to wedding’ into your budget above $10,000 worth of flowers, or a $4,000 Tacky Tuesday rehearsal dinner? Was Tom 2 too afraid of Katie’s wrath or something… Likely he actually fears Katie’s combined forces with Stassi Schroeder, the official plus one of his wedding and entire life. Yes, after all her maneuvering Stassi has finally secured the spot of Maid Of Honor. Unofficially so as not to hurt Kristen Doute‘s feelings, but honestly where else would one place their Celestial Wife in the order of things?

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