Recaps

Southern Charm Recap: Where For (Clip) Art Thou?

Disclaimer: I had a grand epiphany during last night’s Southern Charm, and it is shared throughout the recap. I knew the hyped disappearance of Kathryn Dennis had nothing to do with falling off the wagon, so I was hellbent on figuring out Bravo’s angle. I was horribly wrong in my assumption. What’s that saying about when you assume? I become an *asshat. I’ll own it. Regardless, this show keeps getting better and better! Let’s dive right in, shall we?

As the Charmers get ready for their day, Cameran Eubanks revels in her boobaliciousness to Chelsea Meissner, Thomas Ravenel tries to drown himself in his bathroom sink, and Danni Baird and Naomie Olindo are worried about Kathryn’s whereabouts. She skipped out on a boxing class with Naomie, and she isn’t answering any calls. Danni realizes it has been four days since her last communication with Kathryn. Concerned, Naomie dials Shep Rose, but he’s not worried. Have you seen Kathryn’s phone? It’s probably on the fritz.

Real Housewives Of New York Recap: Every Mayflower Has Its Thorn

Luann de Lesseps is fresh out of rehab, so of course, it’s time to whisk her away for a wine-fueled weekend and cruel reminders of her failed marriage. Naturally! The Real Housewives of New York head to the Mayflower Spa in CT, where Luann learns that Ramona Singer tried to score an invite to Tom D’Agostino’s New Year’s Eve party – yup, the very one Luann had heard about in dreaded NOT-WEST-PALM-BEACH! Dorinda Medley continues to peck at Sonja Morgan about her penchant for hanging on to the past, while Bethenny Frankel comes to Sonja’s rescue. Even weakened allies are still allies, I guess?

Before they leave, Luann greets Dorinda at her new apartment – you know, the one she barely moved into before getting cuffed and booked? The PENTHOUSE, dahling! Now, she’s baking cookies and brewing coffee in an effort to keep the rehab/yoga/therapy pink cloud going. Dorinda is glad Lu’s doing so well and hopes a trip to the spa will help her stay in a safe cocoon. Um, except that cocoon contains a Ramona, so…maybe not so safe. Luann’s already heard that Ramona was trying to score an invitation to Tom’s NYE party, which is mind-blowing considering what went down last year.

Kasey Cohen

Uh-oh somebody’s lying! On last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean, Hannah Ferrier discovered that Kasey Cohen lied on her CV and is completely unqualified to work on a super yacht! Meanwhile Joao Franco sucks up to Captain Sandy Yawn in an effort to undermine Conrad Empson while he’s crazy in love. The good news is we finally got some good guests! Not only were they not horrible, they were truly delightful.

The episode opens with the crew out on the town. Brooke Laughton is sulking on a dirty street corner like the naughty school girl she swears she’s not and gives Adam Glick some word salad about how much she likes him. When Adam doesn’t reciprocate she bursts into tears. I would’ve sworn Adam was the type who couldn’t resist a damsel in distress – turns out I was wrong! He gently explains to Brooke that she’s just drunk, lonely, and emotional. (Does anyone else suspect producers put her up to this to try and tempt Adam back into Sandy’s trap?!)

The Real Housewives of Potomac Recap – Petty Is As Petty Does

Have there ever been more frivolous fights on The Real Housewives of Potomac than the ones we witnessed tonight? Okay, season 1 had its moments, but the ladies were new to reality TV and could be forgiven for rookie mistakes. But several scenes tonight top my list of stupid stuff to fight about.

Gizelle Bryant and Robyn Dixon are on a mission to deliver a message to Karen Huger. I’m not sure exactly what their message is other than Robyn wants to say “Liar, liar, pants on fire”, and Gizelle wants to see Karen embarrassed. I’m getting Déjà vu from last year when the Green-Eyed Bandits crashed in to OZ while Ashley Darby was working and Robyn came at her, finger in face, screaming that Ashley needed to stop talking about Juan.

90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After Recap: The Blame Game

Last night we saw the dimmest minuscule smidgeon of a brain cell fire in Nicole’s head. Why? Because she finally got a half-clue about Azan not being the stand up guy she thought he was for the past 3 years. You know – the guy who’s all too happy to sit on his unemployed buttocks all day, renewing his gym membership and going out to midnight coffee bars on Nicole’s Starbucks paycheck? Well, maybe not just on Nicole’s paycheck…because it seems Azan has other fish on his hook. And they might not demand as many french fries or shoulder sniffs as Nicole?

At the beginning of the show, Nicole gets a call mid-interview that alerts her about voicemails leaked online that sound very much like Azan telling someone he wants to kiss them, that “the kiss was good” and “I know you want it.” <dry heave> It’s unmistakably him, except he sounds breathy and gross in some sort of attempt at sexytimes talk. Much like Annie’s “boom boom” sex speech, we can never un-hear this. KILL ME.

Southern Charm Recap:

A lot happened last night on Southern Charm. Beers were brewed, confrontations were had, splints were worn, and T-Rav is still looking at Kathryn Dennis in a way he’ll never look at what’s-her-name. However, none of that matters. The only thing I picked up from last night’s episode was that Kathryn and Shep Rose have had a pattern of hooking up since Kensie’s birth. WHAT?? I thought this was a manufactured storyline, but hearing their admission, I’m here for it. Sure, there is no potential for anything long-term, but girl, you do you.

As always, the episode begins as the charmers are prepping for their day. Austen Kroll is picked up by Craig Conover who has a bionic hand thanks to his butter knife situation from a few weeks ago. The duo heads to Greenville (my hometown, sorry, but I love this stuff!) to get ready for the tasting of Austen’s new beer. Austen shares with Craig that Victoria isn’t ready to party with Chelsea Meissner after Naomie Olindo’s Hilton Head Island Instagram story. Yes, we’re still talking about it, and yes, I’m confused as to why so much breath has been wasted on it. Victoria still feels threatened…by her friend…who introduced her to Austen….when said friend was dating him first. Weird how that works, right?

Real Housewives Of New York Recap: Faux Weddings And A Funeral

It was a night of joy and pain on the Real Housewives of New York, with the ladies visiting a prison boot camp, Luann de Lesseps returning from rehab, and Bethenny Frankel reuniting with long time enemy, Jill Zarin, after the tragic passing of her husband, Bobby. The laughs and tears were intense, and I’ll openly admit that I shared both as a viewer. In fact, I might have cried so hard my left contact popped out (theoretically…) because the tenderness in last night’s opening 12 minutes was truly a thing of beauty.

We begin on the day of Bobby’s funeral. Ramona Singer and Dorinda Medley are on the way there, with Ramona explaining that she visited Bobby as soon as she found out he was sick again. Dorinda feels like losing Bobby is a loss for the world; she loved him. When Bethenny heard from Sonja Morgan that Bobby had passed away, she chartered a private plane from Aspen to come be by Jill’s side. Nothing – not even a long-standing reality TV feud – could stand in the way of this moment.

Hannah Ferrier & Horrible Charter Guests

Last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean was a Las Vegas all you can eat buffet from guests who treated Adam Glick like a short-order cook instead of a professionally trained chef! (Have I ever felt bad for Adam before? Did he deserve it after last season’s blatant disregard of guests’ wants?)

Anyway, the whole thing made me glad my puny microwave is the only automatic chef in my house!

I get it. These people, led by “Honey (the name of a stripper whose act is ‘baby spice’), are hungry and they are hungry in a very specific way, like for TOASTED buns and French fries with their steak dinner (that’s pomme frittes to you, mister!), and I understand they become hangry if their food isn’t perfecto, but they needed to drop anchor on their overly-entitled gullets.