Recaps

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It’s only week two of The Real Housewives of Dallas and it seems like everyone has something going on. The new girls, Kameron Westcott and D’Andra Simmons fit in seamlessly. Old friends are sorting out the past, while others are showing up dressed in full costume to light a fire. Things have already reached a boiling point and it’s only episode two!

Before it all kicks off, Mark Deuber complains about how his maid doesn’t fold the socks properly [insert eye roll emoji]. The CEO of the Westcott House, Kameron Westcott brags about having the most sought after Spanish teacher in Dallas, Romina, to prep her kids for their upcoming Cabo trip.

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If you’re a Teen Mom 2 fan (or not), you likely saw the unintended reveal of Kailyn Lowry’s pregnancy news as it happened on Twitter, courtesy of fellow cast mate, Jenelle Evans. Tonight you get to see what happened behind the scenes. Well, whatever Kail is willing to show, that is.

Kail maintains that she didn’t announce her pregnancy on social media because she wanted control of her own story and more importantly, she hadn’t passed the 20 week scan to make sure everything is ok. I can respect that –while she did sign up for a reality show, I do think some things are a given when it comes to privacy and pregnancy is one of them. Too bad Jenelle did not get the memo on that one and tweeted Kail congrats on her third pregnancy, blowing her whole cover. Naturally, Kail was pissed and wanted to get to the bottom of it. Jenelle said the MTV crew told her but when Kail confronted them, she decided that was unlikely she’s right but more on that in a second.

Shannon at Lydia's Magazine Launch

I made sure to wear my eclipse safety glasses while staring at the California sun, so I wouldn’t damage my eyes and miss seeing the drama on last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County. It’s a good thing too, because Kelly Dodd was wearing scrunchies on her wrists!

Last night was certainly a Me! Me! Me! episode – aren’t they all? – but this one was especially bad! It started with Vicki Gunvlason announcing that Briana’s uterus and Mike’s sperm belong to her! Cause Coto Insurance needs more worker bees to take over the family hive.

Aka, Vicki needs more grandchildren. NOW! NOW! NOW! Her sage advice to Mike is “date to mate,” as in he should only be sleeping with women he plans to reproduce with. Not before they sign a baby-nup, right?! I have a feeling Mike has listened to “Gold Digger” many-a-times and ain’t gonna get stuck with no 18 years. Either that or no woman wants to get stuck with Vicki for the next 18 years!

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As the Shahs of Sunset continue their politically incorrect spiritual tour of Israel, tonight’s episode is all about opening up and being honest within their friendships and lives. That’s a pretty tall order, especially for Asa “Did You Know I’m Having a Baby” Soltan Rahmati, who has been dodging questions about her personal life faster than you can say miracle baby. None of this is sitting well with Mercedes “MJ” Javid, who desperately wants to make a baby of her own and thinks the more she tells people, the more likely it is to happen. Everyone click yourselves into your overpriced strollers and hang on, because tonight is going to be a bumpy ride.

We rejoin the Shahs at the Western Wall, where they are all praying for what they want, except Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi, who sits there fuming about being out of her element. Dressed in camo pants and an angry look on her face, she minds her own business but claims that an Israeli man harassed her by saying “jihad” to her. I guess the multiple camera pointed at her didn’t catch that part but of course, GG wouldn’t make something up now would she? *Pausing as I list in my head all the things GG has made up over the course of the show*

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It’s been a slow march to the courthouse for Danielle and Mohamed getting to last night’s 90 Day Fiance finale, but they finally face off this week. In another humiliating confrontation, Jorge and Anfisa have a little business to attend to – such as, does he plan on paying her for services rendered, or will she also be heading to a courthouse to start divorce proceedings? Paola continues to act like she just met “conservative Oklahoma boy” Russ yesterday, and Russ continues to feign shock that his thirsty bride is a two-bit hustler sexy model. And Pedro and Chantel – well, just ugh. As they march delusionally toward the altar for round two, their equally dysfunctional families gather to celebrate the doomed couple.

We begin in the Dominican Republic, where the sad-sack music TLC used to reserve for the likes of Danielle/Jorge types is now being used on every single Chantel/Pedro scene. And rightly so. This family bonding trip has gone from “No thanks on the chicken feet!” to “Slut a$$ b*tch a$$ whore!!!!” in just under a week. As she gets her makeup and hair done for the ceremony, Chantel admits all of this to her friend and sister, but doesn’t get into details. Suffice to say, everyone hates everyone. But young, naive Chantel thinks that it doesn’t matter. Love will conquer all!!! Or they will get divorced in under a year.

Flipping Out Recap: What Will Jeff Do?

Is it possible to be personally invested in the lives of reality TV folks one has never, nor will ever meet? Because, for good or for bad, that’s me when it comes to Jeff Lewis and the gang of Flipping Out. And this season, things feel more personal than ever. Season nine left off with Jeff and Gage Edward expecting their first child via surrogate, Zoila Chavez, Jeff’s housekeeper of eighteen years, moving out on her own, and renovations of Jeff’s current home, Valley Vista, only halfway completed. Since then, Jeff has (finally) agreed to agree to Zoila’s long overdue retirement this past year, which means he’ll have to find someone else to get his three brown salsas and alphabetize his refrigerator items, going forward. (Oh, the humanity!)

For season ten, we pick up just four weeks before the birth of baby girl Monroe, whose arrival will change everything. And Jenni Pulos doesn’t know it yet (at time of filming), but she’ll be expecting baby number two – her second daughter – who was born this past June after a long and arduous IVF journey. Whew. There’s a lot of life changes on the horizon for this crew. So, let’s jump right in and see how it all shakes out!

Real Housewives of New York reunion

It’s time for the Real Housewives Of New York ladies to sit down and throw down for three straight weeks, and part one of the reunion started off with a bang – and a spooky disclaimer. As expected, Bethenny Frankel and Ramona Singer faced off, and Luann de Lesseps was forced to answer question after brutal question regarding her marriage to Tom D’Agostino, which was likely on its last leg at time of filming. The setting was very Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil, and the fashions – well, they ranged from Tinsley Mortimer’s Shirley Temple ruffles to Dorinda Medley’s chic, bejeweled butterflies. Sonja Morgan decided to unleash her girls for battle, and Ramona – well. I’m not sure how to put this. Let’s just say, Mariah Carey’s stylist must be moonlighting for RHONY.

Andy Cohen opens the reunion after we are warned by Bravo that “what you are about to watch was recorded three weeks before Luann filed for divorce from her husband of seven months, Tom.” And now I feel like the Blair Witch is beginning. That was INTENSE. (Should we be scared? I’m gonna go with: Yes.) To add to the Gothic effect, Luann is wearing her wedding (reception) dress. This makes me shudder-cringe for poor Lu.

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After an entertaining and tumultuous season sailing around Croatia, the cast of Below Deck Mediterranean is on dry land and ready to face the emotional pirates of their past voyage. Heading up this charter is a take no prisoners when it comes to love, Andy Cohen, who wants nothing more than to get to the bottom of Chef Adam Glicks heart. Over and over, we have to relive Adam’s take on Malia White, the one that got away, although she’s really less of “the one that got away” and more of “the one who played two guys like a pro and ended up with the other, who she may or may not be dating still (but we all know she is)”. You’re not fooling anyone, Malia! Just because you come to the reunion dressed like you’re on the Real Housewives of the Croatian Seas, doesn’t mean you get to play the same coy games they do.

Before Andy dives in, he starts with a few ice breakers like, who is still working together? Wesley Wiz Walton and Christine “Bugsy” Drake, who is finally the Chief Stew of something besides her own fantasy world. Who would be Hannah Ferrier’s perfect interior crew? Julia and Tiffany from last season and Lauren Cohen from this season, despite the fact that she talked crap on Hannah the whole time. How did Captain Sandy Yawn feel about Adam mistaking her for the Chief Stew? It doesn’t bother her, she is used to it and she thinks it’s fun to surprise sexist chefs who are too proud to follow a preference sheet people.