Recaps

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So far, this season of Little Women: NY has been bringing us a lot of bickering, but not much substance. But on this week’s finale episode, things get a bit more real (well, for “reality” TV, that is!). We begin at the ice skating rink with Kristin Zettlemoyer, Jason Perez, Jordanna James, and Dawn Lang, who have all just returned from their Puerto Rico trip. Dawn’s not skating because of her brittle bone disease, which puts her at risk for broken bones easily. Kristin and Dawn have mended fences, as have Jason and Jordanna. But Misty Irwin is the new target of everyone’s anger because of her wishy-washy behavior, disloyalty, and general inability to tell the truth (as Kristin sees it). Everyone’s drinking the haterade at the rink, though, and jumps on board bashing Misty for basically being a bad friend. Because Kristin lives with Misty, she’s stressing the most over the situation.

But stress be damned! Because it’s Kristin’s 38th birthday soon and the group wants to throw her a party at which everyone will argue and back-stab. At Jordanna’s apartment later, her boyfriend Anthony tells her he got a job as an air traffic controller (yay!) that means he has to leave her for three months (boo!). She’s thrilled for him, but doesn’t want him to go. Later, Lila Call, Jordanna, and Jason go shopping for Kristin’s birthday bash. They don’t have a venue, cake, or food, but why not shop for costumes first? Good plan. Jordanna knows that Kristin’s biological clock is ticking, so she may not be thrilled about turning another year older. But Kristin’s much younger boyfriend, Josh, will be at the party to cheer her up. Again, good plan (?). They decide on a 1920s theme party, but nix Jason’s fantasy of Josh popping out of a cake wearing nothing but his birthday suit. 

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dance moms nia jojo

Well, apparently the hemisphere doesn’t make a difference when it comes to Abby Lee Miller’s hateful ways, but the mothers on last night’s Dance Moms may have annoyed me even more than the tyrannical teacher. At least we got to see some precious animals and some great performances. The girls are spending their down time feeding kangaroos and koalas, and even though Holly, Nia, Jessalyn, and JoJo are in attendance, the girls won’t be performing in the upcoming expo with their ALDC teammates. Kira and Kalani are touring Sydney on their own, and Holly finds it odd that Nia attends everything and isn’t included, but the opposite is true for Kira and Kalani.

The group number is a Mad Max theme, and Holly interrupts to share that Nia will be giving a concert in Melbourne the same day the group will perform. She’d love to have all of her friends and Nia’s teammates to come show their support. Jill doesn’t see how they’ll be able to do both their performance and Nia’s show in one day–sorry! Abby doesn’t even pretend to hide her disgust, rolling her eyes and making faces. Jessalyn then scolds the team for making fun of JoJo after a video was leaked online. The girls offer up their apologies, and JoJo handles herself more maturely than any of the mothers. Holly and Jessalyn complain that their daughters are being excluded, but Jill believes this is Holly’s punishment for not allowing Abby to manage Nia’s music career. Jessalyn confronts Abby about why some dancers are constantly criticized, yet others can make big mistakes that are never addressed. To whom could she be referring? Abby shares that she tends to humiliate those who repeat mistakes in hopes of making them realize their issues. Jill breaks it down in simpler terms…Maddie is protected from criticism.

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Ramona Singer on RHONY

So last night on Real Housewives Of New York the unexpected happened: Sonja Morgan had a product that actually appeared and Ramona Singer was up to something fishy with Mario (and a date and a sports bar), but then the predictable happened: Bethenny Frankel cried and Luann de Lesseps and Ramona outed themselves as bad friends. Oh, I also now fully believe Carole Radziwill is cosplaying alllllllll the Sex And The City characters just to f–k with us. 

Things begin with another birthday – this time the birthday belongs to Dorinda Medley, who is turning 50. She wants to celebrate by returning Ramona to a place of torment and doom: The BERKSHIRES. Ramona gets the sniffles and can’t breathe. She fans herself. Her thumbs twitch as she texts her friend with the private plane to be on retainer. Just kidding – Ramona actually has a cold, but that’s not gonna stop her from going on a date. Ramona’s tissues bring all the boys to the yard! And they’re like her germs are better than mine!

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So, it took me the entire second season of Southern Charm to realize that every episode begins with the Charmers waking up at their respective residences across the Lowcountry. Nice touch, Bravo! Last night’s finale begins the same way, but this time Craig Conover is bright-eyed and bushy tailed as he calls Cameran Eubanks and Shepard “Shep” Rose to tease them about their drunken antics the night before at Thomas Ravenel’s post-campaign party. Shep can’t remember his jovial speech (it’s hilarious), but he does recall Kathryn Dennis’ crazy behavior. Craig concedes that maybe he should just work on himself instead of trying to help new friends on the path to normalcy. It may be Craig’s most intelligent statement all season!

Across the peninsula, at Patricia Altshul’s mansion, she’s enlisted famed designer Mario Buatta to help her rejuvenate her parlor. Together, their projects have donned the pages of multiple Architectural Digests, and she trusts him to marry her decor visions of antiques, classic fabrics and textures, and mini collections of expensive limoges. Whitney Sudler-Smith arrives, and Mario teases him about his tight fitting pants (is that scotch tape or a zipper?), citing they look like a cheap hotel. A cheap hotel typically doesn’t have a ballroom. I am dying. Mrs. Pat defends her son, saying his trousers are undoubtedly expensive, but Mario’s humor isn’t lost on me. Whitney’s jeans don’t have room for his balls. Score one for Mario! An unfazed Whitney, relays Kathryn’s meltdown from the party as Mrs. Pat explains the backstory to Mario. For this former teacher, P. E. no longer stands for physical education.

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Love & Hip Hop: The Wedding

As you all know Memorial Day is a time of remembrance and gratitude for those who lost their lives serving our country. It is also the day that VH1 upped the stakes by hosting not just a reality wedding, but a live one at that! That’s right, folks! Yandy Smith and Mendeecees Harris of Love & Hip Hop fame tied the know last night in a live two-hour special.

Nina Parker and Stevie J. are hosting the festivities for the live wedding extravaganza. The guest list runs the gamut from legitimate reality star powerhouses and music moguls (Kandi Burruss being both) to the cast of Mob Wives. Karen Gravano is mildly flirting with Big Tigger who is emceeing the cocktail hour before the ceremony. The venue is complete with a red carpet for Joseline Hernandez and Rasheeda Frost, a coiffed and made-up Yandy joins Nina in an oversize robe to share the exasperating dress debacle and wrong shoe size shenanigans that have been plaguing the bridesmaids for the past twenty-four hours. So much for Yandy getting some R&R the night before her big day!

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On last night’s Little Women: NY we begin with the entire group, sans Jordanna James, meeting to hear Jazmin Lang’s trip idea: Puerto Rico! Jazmin’s mother is Puerto Rican and she wants to take everyone to her “home” so they can relax and bond again. Jordanna is invited even though she and Jason Perez are at odds. The group is assembled the next day with rolling bags as big as they are, but they’re troopers and hustle their way into cabs and to the airport. Lila Call says traveling abroad can be tough for a little person, but she just plans to bat her eyelashes to get a little help.

The group arrives safe & sounds at their hotel in PR. Jazmin climbs up on her suitcase to reach the check-in desk and, again, props to all of them for getting themselves into their rooms with all the schlepping and struggling of travel! Dawn Lang is still burning up about Misty Irwin and Kristin Zettlemoyer dissing her “big event” last weekend (i.e.: her brokedown charity auction), so she plans to confront them at dinner. In another room, Jordanna is complaining to Kristin about Jason’s ridiculous behavior at Dawn’s event in throwing Jordanna publicly under the bus. For her part, Kristin is not feeling Dawn lately and tells Jordanna that she’s ready to snap if Dawn rubs her the wrong way on this trip. So, bring on the dinner confrontation!

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dance moms abby

G’day readers!  It looks like we’re all still gluttons for punishment when it comes to Abby Lee Miller and the drama of Dance Moms, but this time we’re cringing while the girls explore an entirely different hemisphere. Koala bears make even the nastiest of people much easier to tolerate, right? Plus, those accents! Abby arrives at the airport, and of course, things are stressful right from the start. Abby has misplaced her passport (and license and credit cards) and there are tears, y’all! The ALDC has already arrived in Australia to perform at the Astra Awards which Jill touts as Down Under’s Emmys. Note to Jill…save the duck face for the tweens!

Melissa, who has clearly opted for the international data plan, calls Abby to find out why she’s missing in action. When Abby laments that she’s lost her passport, Melissa starts listing places where Abby could have left it. Geez, Melissa! If she knew where she left it, it wouldn’t be lost. Glad to see some things don’t change with the time zones! Abby won’t be arriving until the day of the event, and she suggests that only Maddie perform since she won’t be there to micromanage. Hold up! Jill and Holly interject that all of the girls were invited to participate, to which Abby retorts, “Show me your invitation.” When Jill counters that Maddie didn’t receive a personal invitation, Abby snarks that she can pull up the e-mail that specifically requests Maddie’s presence. Abby warns Holly that she won’t put up with any of her crap. After all, Holly, Nia. Jessalyn, and JoJo weren’t included in Abby’s plans…they are just tagging along for the trip.

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Bethenny confronts her past in Miami

Last night on Real Housewives Of New York some Housewives celebrated moving forward while other Housewives trudged back through the treacherous waters of their murky pasts. Tru-Renewal vs. Tru-Regression, y’all!

It’s Ramona Singer‘s birthday – you may think that this is just a day where Ramona gets a cake and an extra glass of wine. But oh no – it’s a sacred celebration – a week-long festivus of Turtle Timing which culminates with a fatuous lunch of wine spritzers, steamed veggies, and timid licks of icing from the tip of a knife. The ladies of the UES trek to their mecca, bestowing gifts of wine and Gucci (or hoochie – which is what Sonja Morgan brought), to place at the feet of their goddess Turtlephenia: Ramona of The Pinot, who is bedecked in gold like a shimmering bottle of pinot. 

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