I braced myself for intense feelings of anger and/or sadness, turned on my TV, and listened as Dr. Drew Pinksy interviewed Amber. Behind bars. Much to my surprise, I actually found Amber to be likable. Possibly for the first time ever. I also came to respect her decision to enter prison.
Dr. Drew began the interview with, "You're not loaded?!" I giggled and cringed at the same time. "Nope, not loaded, but I feel a little bit nervous," Amber said.
To recap: Amber has been in prison for four months now. And in therapeutic community, which is like rehab in prison, for two months. Amber admitted she resisted the move into rehab. But they forced her, because she's in prison and doesn't get to make decisions. Dr. Drew asked, "Why prison?"
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Last night was the first segment of the Real Housewives of New York reunion. There was a definite divide between the demeanor of the veterans and the demeanor of the newbies last night. And by that, I mean the oldies came prepared to fight, get vicious, down and dirty while the newbies obviously didn't do their research and came prepared to recap the season and discuss.
Reunions are both my favorite shows to watch and my least favorite to recap. My favorite to watch because we get an unfiltered glimpse of the ladies, but they're a real beast to recap because the accusations are flying and the screaming is coming at you from all sides. Meanwhile I'm just trying to assess what everyone is wearing and who looks the worst. In the case of RHONY that award always, without fail, goes to Pinot Singer and last night was no exception.
I'm pretty sure the Project Runway "Unconventional Materials" challenge dress Pinot wore was constructed from old plastic bags on the top and my grandmother's living room sheers on the bottom. All dyed Crayola royal blue. Madame, you are in need of an intervention. Please refrain from drinking and dressing for the duration.
Jackie Christie is beyond thrilled that Laura Govan is open to reconciling, and Jackie is telling Laura about her lunch meeting with Draya Michele. She informs Laura that Draya stormed out of their meeting, and Laura is confused as to why Jackie even cares. She feels Jackie is so desperate for friendship when she should just focus on people with whom she won't have issues. Jackie doesn't quite detail the lunch in the way I remember, and she is quick to say that she wants to give Draya another chance. Jackie isn't sure if she should invite Draya to her vow renewal since she didn't come last year. Laura just can't believe that Jackie cares whether Draya comes or not, given the day is essentially about her and Doug.
Malaysia Pargo is styling in some giant glasses in her interview. She meets with Gloria Govan to discuss the relationship with the Sisters Govan. Gloria is sporting some oversize reading glasses as well. Did these women develop vision problems in the last week? It's like LensCrafters just blew up in here! I do love that Malayasia has taken on the role of peacemaker this season. She shares that Gloria has hurt Laura's feelings with her distance. Gloria promises she'll talk to her sister, and she appreciate Malaysia being such a good friend to Laura.
Here's the conclusion I've come to regarding Real Housewives of New Jersey. Before the show, these women were nothing but actual Housewives – and they gossiped and talked about each other, themselves, their friends and family. They've known each other a long time and the past runs deep.
I'm positive they've confessed things to each other and about each other that they never thought would see the light of day on national TV. And even more so I imagine they can't even remember half of what they said to each other and so it's a constant cycle of backtracking, justifying, and irrational behavior.
This makes them all liars. Every. Single. Last. One. Of. Them. Not calculated liars, but circumstantial ones. But because none of them can behave like human beings they all look bad.
I'm positive all the anti- Teresa Giudice people are going to say I'm a biased for saying this, but who cares (to quote Juicy Giudice). I feel bad for her and this show has destroyed her life. Just as Jacqueline Laurita is not cut out for this, neither is Teresa. I recently watched some clips of S1 and S2 and she is a completely different woman. Teresa has lost her light and has become severe and harsh. This show has consumed her – and it's really unflattering.
Last night on Real Housewives of Miami, the battle lines were drawn as the women divided into three groups: The Nasty Nicies, The Above The Dramas, and The Something To Proves. I'll let you do the sorting over who goes where since it doesn't require very much brain power.
Things begin with a heart-to-heart on the beach between Romain Zago and Joanna Krupa. Could it get anymore romance movie than that? Two attractive people, strolling side-by-side, the tension is palpable, Romain is concerned: is Joanna drinking too much? She's embarrassed them both and he has no idea what's wrong with her! Joanna is mildly defensive, but mostly empathetic. Oh – and she so doesn't have a drinking problem!
Then Adriana de Moura comes on to the scene. Romain decides this is the perfect moment to tell Joanna that Adriana was throwing herself at him. Joanna is aghast. How unclassy. And she would know; she's read Class With The Countess cover to cover at least five times. Joanna sniffs that Romain can have Adriana – plenty of other men will take her. Romain is like 'Oh yeah? I mean you used to be an escort, oh, I mean allegedly! And you're out-of-control when you're drunk. And you've got Marta always around. Me on the other hand… "catch" is my middle name.'
First up we check in with the two roommates who won't be partying this season. A sober Mike is having one last giant meal with his family after returning from rehab for prescription pills. He claims to be the healthiest he's ever been, and I am happy to see Paula by his side. I think she's good for him. He says they're not quite dating, but they are close. What does that even mean? Meanwhile, a pregnant Snooki is excited to see the old gang, and wouldn't miss out on the experience just because for something as minor as expecting a baby. She's done a total 180 (is that what it's called?) and there won't be any meatball antics with her.
JWoww and Roger are now living together after her quick stint as roommates with Snooki for their spin-off. He isn't thrilled at the prospect of her heading back to the shore to party, but Jenni insists the couple is in a better place than last season. She's just waiting on that much anticipated engagement ring!
Knowing he wasn't really winning any popularity contests last season the Situation has decided he is going to prepare an elaborate Sunday dinner for when his roommates arrive. Snooki calls JWoww, and we learn that she hasn't spoken to Mike since last summer when he accused her (multiple times) of cheating on Jionni with him. She doesn't want any drama. Roger laughs…as if no drama was ever an option with this bunch!
I have been waiting on pins and needles to learn the darker side of Andrew Coleman! I don't think we even hit the tip of the iceberg with the most recent episode, but I can't wait to hear what y'all think!
Last night's Flipping Out resumes with Andrew schreeching out of the parking lot. Gage Edward enlists Nancy to help fill the gaps. He's very excited to see Andrew hit the road. Jeff Lewis is floored, and he's scrambling to figure how to take over the projects Andrew was handling. He really thought Andrew was an asset to the office, so he's confused as to what has happened. Zoila Chavez does her best impersonation of Andrew storming out which Gage finds hilarious. Too soon for Jeff though. Too soon.
Jeff questions Jenni Pulos as to whether he should have seen some signs. What else did Andrew lie to him about? Jeff seems be hurt that things ended the way they did, and Jenni tells him not to beat himself up over the situation. He declares he's going to start doing back ground checks and checking references. Too little too late for Andrew! Jeff reveals that he followed up with Andrew's resume after he quit and it was a total embellishment. Someone really wanted to be on Bravo.
Last night was the season finale of Real Housewives of New York and as you well know by now Season Finale is a euphemism for fights, meltdowns, and histrionic antics.
Yep, surreptitious nonsense was the mantra last night as the ladies desperately tried to out-rude each other and deny any infractions once caught. Ok, so not everyone was an outright embarrassment to humanity, but at least three people were! Lets here if for LuAnn de Lesseps – our countess of redemption. She actually behaved semi-classy and um, like, normal-ish last night.
So Carole Radziwill, the le chillest Housewife ever is having some sort of charity ping pong party. Seriously – last night was just events cubed. It was events, events, events – and trips – that's all this whole season was. Which I guess is fine if that's how these women live their lives. It's certainly better than labor and delivery room footage, I suppose.
Carole invited everyone and she's hoping her culottes, borrowed from Lee Radziwill's 1956 summer camp closet, will scare everyone into behaving. It sort of worked – either that or everyone collectively and separately likes Carole enough to keep it in check – at least temporarily. Aviva Drescher arrives with an agenda. And that agenda was to talk about herself at length and dominate all conversations with a litany of complaints about Pinot Singer.