Recaps

Erika Girardi gets defensive over Yolanda's Lymes

Erika Girardi-Jayne showed some colors that weren’t pink and sparkly, but rather murky and c-nty on last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. If there are two definitions of the word “c-u-next-Tuesday-y,” Erika gave us both in the form of new personality called Erika Payne. I expected a little more honesty from Erika. We’re talking about a woman who prances around with her hoohah out lecturing about confidence and self-acceptance, yet she effortlessly lied to a group of women, not caring that one of them could lose friends over it. Interesting indeed, Ms. Hoohah of the Beverly Hills. Are the Lymes of Yolanda Foster worth all that? 

I really like Erika in general, outside of her relationship with Yolanda in which she is being used (willingly? accidentally?) as a patsy for whatever game it is Yolanda is playing. The reunion should be very interesting! 

On the bright side Eileen Davidson melts my heart for being so down-to-earth, silly, and admitting that she doesn’t give a flying $4,000 designer f–k about materialism. Eileen truly has confidence and doesn’t need all the trappings of attention-seeking “c-nty” necklaces to get a reaction out of “old women,” or the inflated status that swinging around a designer bag gives you. She’s as anti-Hollywood Friend as you can get, without needing some sort of validating T-Shirt proclaiming, “Proud To Not Be A Hollywood Friend #DreamTeam” – you know, the BS Yolanda is always shoving in everyone’s face to make them question themselves. Eileen is my Spirit Housewife. 

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dance moms mothers abby

Last night marked Abby Lee Miller’s return to Dance Moms, and it was every bit as ridiculous as every other episode has been for the last few seasons. Please, Lifetime, put this show out of its misery…it’s not fun to watch any more. It’s borderline disturbing. Abby is having some sort of passive aggressive psychotic break on camera, calmly telling the veteran mothers that she was on vacation last week and doesn’t give a flip about the elite team. She’s only back in the studio because her lawyers need to get paid. As Holly leads the charge to pepper Abby with questions, Abby dismisses her with glassy eyes and flippant remarks. 

Before the pyramid, Abby criticizes the routines that she wasn’t in the attendance to watch. The minis are included in the pyramid, with the entire crew rounding out the bottom rung. Peyton is in the last place spot for her mother’s deplorable behavior. Abby clearly doesn’t like a mom’s bad behavior being worse than her own, right? JoJo, Brynn, and Kendall make up the next level for their various flawed performances, and Nia and Kalani are in third and second. Abby is shocked that Nia didn’t excel more in African dance given that she’s African-American. No, just no. Holly loses it. Just because Nia’s black doesn’t mean she’s got the lock on African dancing. Abby barely back pedals…she didn’t mean to offend anyone, she just thinks that Nia needs to step up to the plate. MacKenzie takes the top spot. The girls will be dancing a lyrical piece with Brynn in the lead role. Abby warns Brynn that if the elite team loses it will be her fault. Jill takes the opportunity to remind everyone that Ashlee never finds Brynn at fault for anything. Shut it, Jill. Seriously, she is sounding like a broken record. Some mini whose name I’m not going to bother to learn is granted a solo.

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Katie Maloney launches Pucker & Pout

Last night on Vanderpump Rules Katie Maloney launched her beauty blog Pucker & Pout. I’ll let “Katie Maloney + makeup and fashion tips” sink in a bit before moving on… But anyways, congratulations! 

Katie has been working hard to build her blog and decides to throw an industry launch party to debut it to the world, so she can begin making money. What Katie really wants, however, is an exclusive party with a tightly-controlled guest list, so she can wander around SUR pointing at people with her new Scheana Marie witch’s talon nails snapping, “Invited!” “Not Invited!” as she plucks the leaves, one by one, off Lisa Vanderpump‘s 100 year-old custom-cultivated tulips originally cuttings from Josephine Bonaparte’s garden, once watered with the blood of Napoleon (can you tell I’ve been watching War & Peace? It’s like Vanderpump Rules with more complicated names, more conniving, decent fitting clothing, more lying, and swords instead of cocktail stirrers). 

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Terra-Jole-Elena-Gant-doctor-Little-Women-LA

Another baby race? Say it ain’t so, Little Women: LA! We already know one cast member is expecting twins, but who? Christy McGinity and hubby Todd have also decided to pursue adoption in lieu of undergoing more IVF treatments. And Briana Renee has been hinting at her desire to spawn procreate with Matt since day one. Now it seems Terra Jole is pressuring Joe for more kids too. So, here we are. The race is on…again!

Elena Gant and Terra are out getting Elena’s tattoos lasered off. Elena says she wants them gone since she’s preparing to have kids (that makes sense…how?), but the process takes three years. No time like the present to start, I guess! The ladies have recovered from their bumps and bruises ala the motocross event, but have not recovered from their issues with each other: specifically Elena’s beef with Jasmine Sorge. Elena hasn’t invited Jasmine to her eye shadow palettes launch because she is DONE with that fake somebody. 

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mob wives marissa

It was a Mob Wives double whammy last night. Not only were we treated to a curse-fueled episode, but Carla Facciolo and Karen Gravano hosted us during commercials courtesy of VH1’s “Fourteen Days of Love” (not Majewski, thank goodness!). Neither of these women is skilled at reading a cue card, that’s for sure. Where we left off last weekBig Ang has arranged a sit down for the ladies so they can civilly discuss their differences. Bwahahahaha! Ang, Karen, Carla, and Renee Graziano patiently await Drita D’avanzo’s arrival so everyone can get to the bottom of all the she-said, she-said that is plaguing Staten Island. To begin, Carla wants to confirm that at one point all of the ladies had actual friendships, but she wants to know why her former bestie has such a giant problem with her.

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Miss Minnie Baby

There is baby and boyfriend drama everywhere on Little Women: Atlanta. And things are getting Juicy baby! (Pun intended). 

Last week Emily Fernandez discovered she was pregnant, but when she told her boyfriend Lontel he bailed. Didn’t Emily say they were TRYING to get pregnant?! Or maybe she was but Lontel had no idea! Because Lontel was like, pregnancy? Huh? How does this work?! Peace out! 

Emily is upset by Lontel’s reaction, but she’s been wanting a baby. Yet, her daughter Eva lives in PA with Emily’s father because Emily is too busy working. So how exactly is adding a new baby to the situation gonna work? 

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Lisa Rinna

Last night the ladies of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills mixed trashy lingerie into their usual drama cocktail.  It was um… Splits Richards in all her glory! 

Other than fishnets on ladies of a certain age, the drama centered around Yolanda Foster‘s Lyme Disease and Faye Resnick‘s polarizing existence. Two subjects I do not care about one bit! 

Kyle and Lisa Vanderpump are throwing a burlesque party, to celebrate their joint anniversaries. Kyle and Lisa are cute together. Even when they’re bickering. Lisa withholds sugar from Kyle’s tea as punishment for Kyle springing Faye on her. Kyle teases back that Lisa is holding a grudge. Later Lisa attempts to snoop through Kyle’s phone to see if she and Faye have been talking about her, but it’s all in fun. Quite simply, Lisa doesn’t want the “orangutan” that is Faye – and Faye is very orange in hue no thanks to the most curious spray tan color ever seen. Does she ask the airbrusher to tint her “highlighter orange”? Or possibly “Orange Julius”? Whatever’s happening – that ain’t sunkisst! 

The venue for the party is a speakeasy style hotel, and it’s fabulous. Even the looming presence Faye can’t tint Lisa’s excitement. 

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dance moms debbie allen class

Abby Lee Miller was notably absent on last night’s Dance Moms, but apparently her attendance isn’t required for ridiculous drama.

After Abby’s “resignation” on last week’s episode, the veterans and newbie moms are unsure of their direction, having relocated to a new studio. As the elite team and their mothers ponder their next move, Nia breaks down over haters on social media. Gia is taking over for Abby, and she’s not really the pyramid type. In lieu of solos, Gia has opted for duets. Kalani and Nia are thrilled to be paired together. Minis Peyton and Alexus are recycling a duet originally danced a few seasons ago by Chloe and Asia. Brynn and Kendall will be dancing the final duet, and Ashlee interrupts to ask if Brynn’s choreography will be more difficult than Kendall’s moves. Um no, Gia reminds Ashlee that they will be doing the same dance. As the moms bicker with Ashlee, Gia realizes that a group dance featuring the elites and the minis is going to be a lot harder than anyone anticipated. 

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