Last night we were treated to two marriage themed episodes of Teen Mom. So as to not cause our readers to overdose on all things Jenelle Evans, Kailyn Lowry, Chelsea Houska, and Leah Messer Sims Calvert, we're splitting up the recaps. It's just our way of letting our wonderful readers recoup from one hour of the train wreck to the next. All in all, it was a night of proposals, weddings, and tears made in MTV heaven.
Jenelle and Gary are back in full romance mode, and her roommate questions whether Jenelle truly loves Gary or if she just hates being alone. Jenelle assures her that she isn't with Gary just because he's in the military and will make good money. He's good with Jace, and she just doesn't have the energy to look for another relationship. Jenelle admits that they both pick fights on purpose because they love the drama. All of those are wonderful reasons to stay with someone, right? Her roommate begs Jenelle not to accept any marriage proposals from Gary because the two clearly aren't ready to get married. Jenelle can't make any promises.
Speaking of marriage, Leah and Gary really want to get a loan on their dream house, and they are considering getting married at the courthouse before their actual planned wedding ceremony. She informs her mom of their plan, and her mom is fine with their plan. Her mom wants her to tell Corey beforehand, but she's excited when Leah asks her to be a witness. After chatting with her mom, Leah shares her early wedding plans with her sister.
So Vicki Gunvalson has a new mantra – she's renovating, renovating, renovating! Renovating herself, her house, her attitude, her entire face! After seven long seasons she's grown weary of being called Miss Piggy and she's grown weary of being the butt of a zillion jokes. She tossed Brooks Ayers to the curb with a sack full of Hallmark cards and hightailed it Dr. Niccole's office where she got a nose job, some fat injections, and a chin implant. Chinplat 2.0! It's pretty hard to tell what she's going to look like as she's in the settling in phases, which means she looks a little shiny and wonky and lopsided, but um… I'll withhold judgment for now.
I will not withhold judgment over Vicki's eyelashes. What were those things? Pipe cleaners? Spider legs? They were the worse false lashes I've ever seen. They must be from the Gretchen Christine Bootay Collection.
Vicki shares that Briana and her husband Ryan have moved in and any day now Vicki will become a grandmother. To prepare for all the changes she has her assistant over to play some kind of drinking game that involves moving furniture while chugging wine. Every time you bang the sofa into the wall you drink or something. ahahahahah! New nose, new living room, same old wino!
I wish I could reach through your computer screen and pass you a tissue, because I know y'all are super upset that this season of Love & Hip Hop has drawn to a close. Not surprisingly, the finale was all about two couples, with everyone else just showing up for a few quick minutes. Perhaps VH1 should remember that less is more when it comes to casting…we can't get involved with eighteen different story lines!
Of course, last night starts off with everyone's favorite (hahaha!) plot. Joe Budden has returned to New York, and he feels that his relationship with Tahiry Jose is unresolved. Once home, Kaylin reveals that she's been nervous to hear about her boyfriend's vacay with his ex. Joe shares that his feelings for Tahiry are beyond his control, and Kaylin wants to call it quits on her relationship with Joe…except that she doesn't have anywhere else to go. When she asks their status as a couple, I think (I had to rewind three times) Joe said "Let us pray," but I can't be sure.
Also back in NYC is Tahiry, and she's meeting up with Rashidah Ali to rehash her stories from the Dominican Republic. Forget about Tahiry's charity work or reconciliation with her father, Tahiry only wants to chat about Joe. Rashidah is floored to learn that her friend may still be in love with Joe, and she's concerned that the two are moving in the wrong direction. During the next commercial break Subway treats us to Tahiry waxing poetic about her charity work in the DR. So, her conversation didn't make the actual show, but I guess this is better than nothing!
Last week, Kari, Toya, and Quad's drama ruined Mariah's birthday party. Now, Mariah hosts a Doctors on the Dock party, and she hopes that the other ladies are able to act like proper doctor's wives in the presence of their doctor husbands. The party starts well. Then, Quad shows up, and she proves that she doesn't have a refined bone in her body. Mariah's little pet is out of control.
Quad arrives late, which the other wives find to be tacky, and then she greets everyone but Toya. Quad says Toya can "catch fire and go to hell" and turns her attention to Kari. Acting innocent, Quad asks Kari if she or her husband were ever married to other people, and Kari admits that she met Duncan while he was still married to his first wife. DUN-DUN-DUUUUN!!!
Last night was the season finale of Real Housewives of Atlanta. I would say it was a little sweet and a little classy, but it wasn't. It was mostly a lotta ratchet.
See Kenya Moore threw the big end of the season party. And at Kenya's party she wants things her way – or the highway. Well, parking lot at least. Kenya decided her Atlanta "coming out" event would be an Iconic Black Women In Film gala. She assigned all the ladies of RHOA a character because there was to be some sort of performance associated with the role. The only performing I saw was a low-budget runway show in which they all waltzed up on stage did a couple hip pops and sat back down on a folding chair in the audience. Apparently that's how Krayonce defines a play though cause she was two shades of bent out of bootyshape about Porsha Stewart coming in the wrong costume.
Love is meeting Karen for breakfast, and Karen shares that she's thinking of hosting a pre-nup party. I'm sure Ramona is super touched by her friend's gesture given her upcoming bail-out bridal situation. Karen hopes that Ramona doesn't think her party is about her because it's a party that Karen has wanted to have forever. Of course, Karen is going to have a hard time convincing Ramona that this get together isn't a dig considering that the ladies spend they rest of their breakfast talking smack about their friend's upcoming wedding.
Drita is interviewing potential employees for her make-up salon. Lee is proud of her new endeavor, and she's thrilled that she's making such good progress. We're treated to comic relief when one guy's nudie shot makes it's way into his online portfolio. Another make-up artist hopeful tries to remain calm when Drita explains that trust is important to her because she's married to a criminal.
On this episode of The Rachel Zoe Project we saw Rachel bicker with her husband over just about anything. The family partied at the Polo and also with the Hilfiger’s. Rachel got high off Krakoff clutches and declared war against the color pink, and of course baby Skyler was adorable.
Au revoir Paris and Bonjour La-La land! After a fun filled trip to Paris which consisted of fashion extravaganzas, merry-go-round madness, air kissing the fashion gods of France and absolutely no romance at least with her husband, the Zoe family are back in Los Angeles. A place where Rachel’s neurotic behavior and stress levels are relatively proportioned to the other L.A crazies citizens.
Back in La La land we are immediately given the treat of witnessing diva Rodger having a fashion dilemma. Rachel admits she can only blame herself because she made him that way. Rachel declares she is too busy dressing Skyler to dress her husband. However it seems Miss Zoe was just too busy to dress Rodgey poo because she happily dresses Joey.
I guess we've been spoiled by Duck Dynasty and the Robertson family, and I'm certainly alright with that. However, imagine my sadness when I realized that last night we were just treated to one new episode instead of the two to which we've grown accustomed. Granted, it was hilarious, but I can always use a full hour of the Roberston boys. Phil, Si, Willie, and Jase bring a balance to my week, and I'm forever grateful to them for it!
I have to say that Missy stole my heart when she decided that "Jason" (who's that? haha!) needed a wedding band. We all know he'd never stray, she just wanted an outward symbol of their marital bond. Can you blame her? Of course not! And when hilarity ensues (like it always does with the boys from Duck Commander), you've gained my attention!
Missy takes Jase to Grassi's Fine Jewelry determined to put a ring on it. Beyonce wishes she were there too, without a doubt. Jase likens ring shopping to fishing when you don't have a good lure. He admits that he lost his initial wedding band over twenty years ago, but that's okay because when women see him, they run. Unfortunately, that statement isn't a compliment to sweet Missy. The pair look at bands, and Jase is hoping to find something that won't make him the laughing stock of the warehouse.