Last night on Real Housewives of Miami, drama was as plentiful as the uneaten food. Joanna Krupa may or may not have caught her fiancé in the throes of a passionate affair. And Adriana de Moura may or may not have accused Karent Sierra of being a desperate delusional famewhore to her face. Oh – and best of all Mama Elsa my or may not have threatened to beat a drag queen's ass. Yep, never a dull moment in the Sunshine State!
Things begin at Alexia Echevarria's party. Karent has come guns blazing after Joanna slipped and told her Adriana was planning to confront her about famewhoring. Karent is like I'll worry about that after photos! CHEESE. That girl was in her Mecca all over the step n repeat!
Inside the party the awkwardness is palpable right away and Adriana is following Karent with narrowed eyes just waiting to strike. Karent is also acting like nothing weird has ever happened with Ana Quincoces and Rodolfo as she keeps trying to yank her in for more photos. Girl – how many photos do you need?
Sweet relief! A certain network realized this week that two hour long episodes of the Jersey Shore weren't holding our attention. Thank you, MTV! Do you know what I realized? It's fun to watch the intro that features the gang circa season one given the amount of plastic surgery the girls have had. I almost don't recognize Jenni "J-Woww" Farley when she talks about ripping guys' heads off after sex! Of course, DJ Pauly Delvecchio looks exactly the same.
Last night begins at the tail-end of the Bamboo brawl. Andre 3000's twin is dressed as "Where's Waldo" and his entire purpose seems to be holding back an overly aggressive Vinny Guadagnino. Roger is scrapping with bouncers and pushes Jenni aside. She quickly throws a drink in his face in an effort to get him to chill. Ronnie Magro-Ortiz is the voice of reason. We all know that's never a good sign! The gang vacates Bamboo, with Roger storming ahead, not listening to anyone who tries to reason with him.
Jenni is wearing some God awful hot pink platform heels, and she seems to be limping. Roger yells at her about getting involved in the fight while his friend tries to calm him. Jenni tries to placate Roger, telling him she knows he didn't recognize her, and she's not mad at him for throwing her down because he clearly didn't mean to do it. His reply? "I knew it was you, and you deserved it." Oh alcohol, bringing couples together for centuries! Jenni and Deana Cortese head back to the house, and Deena is devastated by Roger's behavior. Back at the house, Jenni is worried that she has a broken ankle. Ronnie calls Roger to make sure he's okay and not sitting in jail, and Roger starts yelling about Jenni controlling him and playing the victim.
Last night's Flipping Out showed a break down in the relationship between Jeff Lewis and Zoila Chavez, and they head to therapy after some tense fighting. Jenni Pulos and Gage Edward are very secondary on the episode, with Andrew barely making an appearance. He's certainly toned it down, hasn't he?
Jeff sees Lupe as a long term employee, and he wants her to come on full time to help Zoila. He has Zoila translating for Lupe since Lupe speaks very little English and Jeff knows zero Spanish. He admits that he probably should have found another translator because as far as he knows, Zoila could be telling Lupe to hand over half of her salary. Zoila will be Lupe's manager, a title she clearly loves, but Jeff still needs to stir the pot and encourage some friendly competition between the two maids. Gage unveils a portrait of Lupe (seriously? I have got to work for this man.), and you can see how threatened Zoila is.
We learn that Jenni lives across the street from Jeff's brother Todd and his wife. Todd has become such good friends with Jenni's fiance that he will be planning the bachelor party. He and Jeff tease Jenni about strip clubs and hookers. Jenni is a tad worried about the party where Todd is concerned, but she really doesn't listen to Jeff…it's not like he knows what goes on at bachelor parties! Jeff, Jenni, and Vanina are meeting with Extra producer Lisa to pick out tile and back splashes for her home. They are not having much luck finding something that Lisa likes. When they finally do, Jenni raps to celebrate. On the way home, Jeff chides Jenni about her pre-marital counseling. Jenni reveals that the priest thinks she interrupts too much, and Jeff is thrilled that someone else has finally noticed.
Last night was the second part of the Real Housewives of New York reunion. While we weren't treated to family feuds of epic proportions (thank the good lord) we were treated to pirate scandals, bootylicious lovin, toaster ovens, and daddy drama. Oh and a few alcoholic accusations. All in all it was a good show and the ladies played their parts well.
First off LuAnn de Lesseps is in the hotseat over her affairs of the piratekind. Toe-mah or Thomas depending on when the put-on airs slip, was merely a ride home and a late-night cocktail partner. Here's her story: LuAnn alleges that she did stay late at the club partying with her "Italian friends" but then Tomas offered her a ride home under the pretenses of seeing the villa. Was he drinking? I'm confused that she would go home with someone who had been drinking.
She DID go into Heather Thomson's room around 3am and wake her up, inviting her to have a drink with she and Tomas. Heather was like bitch I need my beauty rest. LuAnn insists nothing happened, it all looked bad, and she lied to spare the wrath and prying accusations of Pinot Singer. THAT is about the only part of the story I fully believe.
We resumed last night's Basketball Wives: LA with the altercation at Gloria Govan's going away party. It's every bit as ridiculous and as anticlimactic as it was when it left off last week.
Malaysia Pargo is holding back Draya Michele with the help of Brooke Bailey. After Jackie Christie calls her a "ho" for the fiftieth time, Draya swings. Even Malaysia can't believe how Jackie's acting. Security pulls Jackie away while Laura Govan laughs about Draya trying to hit "auntie." All of the girls find the scene hilarious except for Draya. She's not proud that she let Jackie rile her up like she did. Gloria urges her sister to go check on Jackie since they're "BFFs." Laura does not like working this hard on a friendship!
Jackie asks for Laura's honest opinion, but she won't really listen. According to Jackie, Draya was ugly to her while she was trying to extend the olive branch. Were we watching the same altercation? Jackie claims her soul is hurt. Laura can't help but feel sorry for her. Thankfully, Jackie has found solace in her new biffle Bambi. Poor Bambi doesn't know these women well enough to know she needs to be running as fast as she can in the opposite direction. Bambi feeds Jackie's ego, and Jackie needs a giant groveling apology from Draya to even consider letting her back in her good graces. Jackie threatens to take down Draya if that doesn't happen. This dynamic between Bambi and Jackie seems so phony…at least on Jackie's part.
So we've made it. It's the end of Real Liars Housewives of New Jersey. I don't know about you, but I am so relieved to be done with this show. I don't know where I stand on things other than to say that I can see everyone's points as valid, but I'm tired of hearing about them.
So let's get started. We begin with Juicy Giudice still under interrogation. He's familiar with it by now, I suppose, given all his legal infractions. Caroline Manzo's comments about how Teresa Giudice will leave her husband and write a book about it if he goes to prison are revisited.
Caroline seems to be saying without saying it that editing minced her comment or took it out of context. Or perhaps she just doesn't want to admit that she said and meant it. There's so much backpedaling with these people I never know what to think. Anyway, Caroline dismisses it as a "hypothetical" and Juicy snaps that Caroline is a "know it all" She is – a very unwarranted 'know it all.'
Caroline says since Teresa is discussing her marriage with magazines, it's fair game. Andy Cohen asks about Joe admitting in Napa they got paid by the magazines, but all of the sudden it's denies, denies, denies. 'Huh? I said that? I was drunk? Whaddai say?' Joe and Teresa are masters of obfuscation. That should be their next book!
However, this show seems to have run its course. I am not saying I want it to end, and I still love how much these crazy orange kids care for one another, but seriously? Two hours? Something's got to give, MTV. Something has GOT to give.
Last night's episode begins as Snooki is moving into her own apartment right next door. Jenni and Pauly help her pack up her stuff and head over to her cute "granny shack." Jenni is still floored that the girl who hooked up with everyone (and peed on almost everyone), will be responsible for another human life. Rawn comes over as well to check out Snook's new digs.
Mike chats with his sister on the duck phone and reveals he's going to a check-up and may get a shot to block opiates and alcohol. His sister urges him to get the shot, but he doesn't want to be reminded of such a bad place in his life. The Situation feels like his family and friends don't trust him. His sister corrects him…they are just concerned and want the best for him. Mike decides to get the shot.
Last night on Real Housewives of Miami, a very careful distinction was made. And that distinction was the differences between a regular, old, run of the mill famewhore, and an uber, professional celeb-stalking, paparazzi courting, namedropping famewhore. And guess who announced themselves a member of the latter category?Karent Sierra, dentist to the stars by day, photobombing pseudo-celeb by night!
Only Bravo could find these people and give them a platform for which to promote their ridiculous endeavors? As Adriana de Moura pointed out – "Doesn't she have teeth to drill?"
But before all that drama, Romain Zago is putting his foot down with Marta Krupa. It would appear that Marta, who has no reliable job to speak of, is seeming like a freeloader to Romain, who wonders just why she doesn't help out around the house? Romain spells it out – you're taking advantage of Joanna Krupa.
Marta's all like, 'Yeah, but I like mopped the floor that one time! I help! I put a new toilet paper roll on the holder. And ummm… I, like, put the clothes away that I borrow from Joanna!' Romain chastises her for not even grocery shopping – which makes sense considering she doesn't have a job so how exactly would she buy food? Anyway, Marta, who's a serious actress, announces she's moving in with Fembot Fakenstein. Romain is like don't let the door hit you – and take out the trash on your way out!