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Another day in the life of the girls of Teen Mom 2's craziness.  I feel like the girls are starting to morph into one another.  Leah Messer Simms Calvert is starting to act a lot like Chelsea Houska when it comes to getting over old boyfriends, and Kailyn Lowry is getting to know the inside of courtroom almost as familiarly as Jenelle Evans.  What is going on with these girls?  Let's get on with it, shall we?

It's been nearly two weeks since Kailyn or Isaac has seen Jo.  The hearing for her Protection From Abuse Order is coming up, and Kailyn is going to see her lawyer to prevent Jo from harassing her.  However, she admits to her friend that she really just filed it to prove her point.  Once at the attorney's office, her lawyer asks that her friend remove Isaac from the meeting so they aren't talking about his dad in front of him.  Kailyn suggests that the pair take anger management classes, and her attorney recommends a co-parenting class the two could take together.  Kailyn's eyes light up at the thought of it…more time with Jo!

At her new digs, Chelsea is caking on the make-up and trying not to think about the fact that Aunt Flo still hasn't made her monthly visit.  She hasn't talked to Adam since they hooked up, but Chelsea can't worry about him as it's her first day of beauty school and Aubree's first day of daycare.  She is such a cute little girl, and I only hope that her mother's whining won't screw her up for years to come.  You can practically see the excitement in Aubree's eyes as she's passed off to the daycare administrator.  "Freedom!"

It's hard for Jenelle to focus on schoolwork now that Kieffer's out of jail.  She explains to a friend that she would probably be with Kieffer if Gary wasn't in the picture, but Kieffer isn't what is best for her.  Gary has a job and a car, so he's clearly the mature choice. 

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I'll be honest, it's still a little weird for me to see the majority of the ladies on Mob Wives actually being nice to one another.  It's almost got me wondering when the other shoe is going to drop!  Case in point?  Drita D'avanzo and Karen Gravano not only went out for drinks, but they shared a spa day instead of a smackdown!  Big Ang is typically drama-free, but Ramona Rizzo showed her softer side, and Renee Graziano is working on a more positive life.  Carla Facciolo did get a bit confrontational with her ex while meeting his new girlfriend, and Love Majewski talked a lot about stabbing people, so I guess some old habits do die hard.  

Last night's episode begins as a shocked Drita is telling Big Ang and Carla that Lee is now out of jail.  She is giddy like a school girl talking about what she fed Lee when she first saw him.  Gag.  Drita wants advice from Carla and Ang about what she should do when Lee is finished with the halfway house.

Karen, Love, and Ramona are hitting up a charity art event, and Ramona shares with Karen that Lee is free.  Karen wishes him the best and is glad that his girls will have their father back, but as far as she's concerned, she wants nothing to do with him.  She's finally at a good place with Drita, and the women wonder if Drita will take him back after his stint in the halfway house.

Renee has returned from rehab, and she's excited to talk to Drita and learn that Lee is home.  She wants to get all of the ladies together to celebrate her new lease on life.

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Ever since Big Rich Atlanta premiered, an annoying little gnat has been flying around my face, buzzing in my ear, and burning up my eye balls. Well, it gives me much joy to report that Ashlee Wilson-Hawn has left Atlanta. And my TV. While I'm sure this will be a short-lived triumph, I welcome the chance to spend more drama-free time with the other ladies of Big Rich Atlanta

To kick off this glorious Gnatlee-free episode, family friend Queen Evelyn helps Virginia KolbHarvin Eadon, and Meyer Eadon prep for the Gay Pride parade. Costumes are involved. Of course. "Costumes are everything to us," Meyer announces. "We would never go anywhere without costumes."

New addition to my bucket list: rock a costume and party with Virginia, Harvin, and Meyer at least once before I die. And, if I dare to be greedy, Bonnie Blossman and Whitney Whatley will be there as well. #diehappy

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Last night's Dance Moms was a lesson in opposites.  For once, Abby Lee Miller was in a (dare I say?) nice mood.  She kept her criticism to a minimum and was full of compliments for the girls.  However, former besties Kelly and Christi caused tension wherever they went and end up at each other's throats.  Was it a full moon?

The episode begins as the dancers and moms convene at the studio, and the women are all wondering about Christi and Chloe's status with ALDS.  Kelly still hasn't heard from her friend, although Christi has briefly spoken to Holly.  The mother-daughter duo arrive, and the girls are elated to see their friend.  Abby refuses to speak to Christi, but Christi still manages an apology and admits that she's made peace with the competition's director to smooth things over on Abby's behalf.

Abby is very disappointed in the girls' showing at the recent competition, and she rips Cathy to shreds.  Holly maintains that Abby was insensitive to Nia's health issues, but Abby doesn't want to hear it.  Nia is at the bottom of the pyramid, as is Paige for not getting to dance thanks to Holly's outburst.  Kendall joins her friends because she didn't place in her solo.  MacKenzie and Brooke are on the middle rung, and both gain Abby's praise.  Maddie is back on top again for winning with her solo.  This week, the girls will be dancing in Florida.  Everyone is permitted to dance in the group routine entitled "Money is the Root of All Evil."  The costumes will be green and made out of real money.  What?  Maddie and Brooke both receive solos. 

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vpr-recap

Oh good lord with this show. I really think the cast of Vanderpump Rules should just bottle their tears and sell them as a cocktail at SUR. I mean someone is always crying! In every scene: sob, sob, sob, sob… If Diamond Water can become a thing, Teary Vodka can. 

So last night Jax Taylor proved that he is just as self-absorbed as Stassi Schroeder (what did we expect from a male model!) when he dumped rebound girlfriend Laura-Leigh of the Minnie Mouse helium voice and meth addiction after her AA meeting. Yep, that happened – although he told her they could keep having sex.

And in the same episode Stassi showed why she has no friends and is always getting shizzed upon by boyfriends; because she treats people like CRAP! And we all know you treat people how you expect to be treated. Stassi, Princess of Low Self-Esteem. She wears transparent well, doesn't she?

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Sean Lowe visits the hometowns of his final four possible future wives – AshLee Frazier, Catherine Giudici, Lindsay Yenter, and Desiree Hartsock – this week on the Bachelor.

The hometown dates are usually either really boring, when the families are completely willing to accept the Bachelor into their lives after only two hours, or really awkward, when one or two family members remain skeptical and/or actively sabotage. Sean's hometown dates are no exception.

"Family is so big for me," Sean says. "This is a great week for me to really get a good sense of where these women come from." Based on the intro, it appears as if AshLee comes from Baggageville, Catherine's sisters are Cinderella levels of jealous, Lindsay comes from The Happy Locker, and Desiree's brother (Holla!) is a Menace II Reality TV Love.

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rhobh-recap

So where do we begin with this mess of a show that is Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? It was just a blur of white noise. Splits Richards decided there hadn't been enough drama as of late so she decided to host her annual White Party. I mean screw P Diddy and Cannes, this is THE event of the season. Bust out your white swim suit cover-ups, get ready to twirl your hair round your head like a helicopter (one of these days Kyle is going to take off!), and then go threaten to sue your friends! Open bar on the left. 

In other happenings, Kim Richards got a nose job. I mean, what else has she got to do? Kim's nose job – not big news in the real BH, I imagine, but in the RHOBH it's cause for celebration. And why not? Kim has never entertained anyone not even us on this show so perhaps it's time for her to do some party hosting. Isn't that what these broads do with their spare time when they're not hiring lawyers because their girlfriends talk shit about them?

So anyway, Kim's having a re-done nose party (I hope she got a ton of cards that said: 'Congratulations on your re-done nose!'). She has this sweet little coffee bar set up and she's rocking a Mrs. Roper mumu as she swans around the pool. It was all very seventies. I've noticed a lot of what Splits and Kim do is circa seventies (hello… THE White Party, y'all!). 

Speaking of Splits, she shows up towing along two adorable little girls and one orangey blob in a scarecrow wig. Yeah, Faye Resnick was there, but by the blessed gods of Bravo she barely spoke and stayed mainly off camera. Perhaps they wanted to keep the party focused on decent plastic surgery.

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MTV certainly didn't give us the opportunity to miss the girls of Teen Mom 2, did they?  Just last week, Dr. Drew Pinsky had his regular sit-down with Leah Messer Simms Calvert, Jenelle Evans, Chelsea Houska, and Kailyn Lowry.  While all the moms seemed to be in a better place when speaking with Drew (well, maybe not Leah's love triangle), they quickly remind us that the moments of normalcy and good decisions are fleeting with this bunch. 

Let's get started with the stupidity, shall we?  Chelsea's friend comes by to visit, and Chelsea whines that her IUD fell out the other day when she was going to the bathroom.  TMI.  Her friend inquires as to whether Chelsea saw her doctor, but Chelsea didn't have time…Adam came over to see her for the first time in ages.  Not shockingly, they pair ends up getting it on…sans condom, of course.  Don't worry, y'all.  She won't get pregnant because he pulled out before finishing.  TMITMITMITMI!!!!  I wonder how she thinks Aubree came to be…Her friend urges her to make better choices, and Chelsea whines that she doesn't have her normal "giddy for Adam" feelings.  That's definitely something to be proud of as you await your period, moron!

At least Kailyn is making better choices, right?  Oh wait…no.  She gets upset that Jo's girlfriend is over at his house when she drops off Isaac, and she and Jo get into a physical altercation that ends with her filing for a temporary order of protection from abuse.  Violence is not the answer, but I will never understand her double standard of allowing Javi around Isaac after one date while Jo's serious girlfriend is a problem.  Kailyn's friend Mark (who is totally in love with her) comes over to hear her story.  Mark tries to give her some sound advice, but she won't listen.  I can't believe the language she uses in front of her son.  Kailyn explains that she'll have temporary full custody until their hearing in two weeks.  Mark just seems totally befuddled at his friend's behavior.

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