Last night marked a lot of positives for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. One those being that there was absolutely no Taylor Armstrong drunken drama to report. And the ladies went to Las Vegas and GOT. ALONG! *gasp* Of course, being that this is Bravo and they like to traumatize and put us through undue emotional strain, there were also some drawbacks. Namely she whose face melts like a crayon left in the sun. Versions 1 & 2!
Things begin with Yolanda Foster, her fridge, her lemonpalooza, and her Hermes belt hosting an anti-aging conference. Yolanda explains that scary plastic surgery zombies who pump their faces full of toxins need to accept that aging is natural and that moving one's face is too. I think we just discovered why Yolanda doesn't like Adrienne Maloof or Faye Resnick - she doesn't agree with their "grooming" habits or the fact that even while crying, screaming, and attempting to smile their faces look like blobs of dough with eye and nose holes.
Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I do not believe Mrs. Foster4.0 is immune to the needle of 'tox. That forehead is awfully smooth for a woman of her age. I don't believe lemons are solely responsible for her refined pores. Do you?
Ah, there he is! Bachelor Sean Lowe goes into this week's dates with "trust" in mind, which totally comes in handy during his first one-on-one date. The date card goes to Selma and reads "let's turn up the heat." Sean's plan is to take the "glamorous girl" out of her element to see how she reacts. Good times.
Less than impressed by their final destination, Selma says, "I got the limo. I got the jet. And then he took the Iraqi to a desert. I do not do well in the heat. At all. I'm so disappointed." The desert location is Joshua Tree National Park and the activity is rock climbing. The glamor girl complains about this not-so-fabulous date. Despite her fear of heights and heat-induced puffiness, Selma climbs the rock like a champ! She's proud of herself and Sean's impressed.
Is it just me, or do these girls get dumber the longer this season of Teen Mom 2 continues? It's like, they do something stupid, and I'm convinced that they can't top their own stupidity, and then BAM! The next episode happens, and they've proven me wrong. Case in point…on last night's episode, Leah Messer Calvert took out her IUD because she wants her kids to be close in age. Pay no attention to the fact that at this point she's only known Jeremy for two months. Jenelle Evans admits she slept with her best friend's boyfriend around the time she got pregnant, so she doesn't know for certain who Jace's father is. Chelsea Houska was more concerned about Adam's twenty-first birthday than studying for her GED, and Kailyn Lowry brought yet another dude into Isaac's life. I can't wait to see what they have in store for us next week!
After the twins' birthday party, Leah drops off the twins with Corey. He's lamenting (well, not really…he's be lamenting if he knew what it meant) about what to get the girls for their birthday since they already have every toy under the sun. Leah tells him she got them a Barbie jeep before riding off into the sunset for a romantic getaway with Jeremy. They head up to a cabin in the mountains, and Leah is blown away by the coziness of it all. Plus, there's a hot tub! Jeremy sneakily hides what I'm assuming is an engagement ring in a vase in the den. I'm just glad these crazy kids are taking it slow.
Jo has Isaac for the weekend, and Kailyn has a date with Javi. I'm getting that Kailyn's favorite restaurant is a diner. Javi is studying criminal justice in school, and he wants to be a cop. They flirt, eat, and cut to the chase as far as dating, Isaac, and Jo are concerned. Seriously, what is up with these girls throwing themselves into relationships? It's a breakfast date, not an interview for a spouse.
I honestly don't know what to think about Love & Hip Hop. First I loved it, then I was "eh," and now I keep switching up which cast members I like and which ones annoy the poo out of me. Can you guess who was getting on my nerves during the recent hip hop shenanigans?
Last night's episode begins with Olivia Longott meetingErica Menaso Erica can apologize (is that what she's attempting?) for her behavior at Yandy's party the following evening. She hadn't planned on being so confrontational. Of course, then Erica starts going off on Liv for not doing a favor for Rich Dollaz and making the record with her. Erica is sick of watching Rich do everything for Olivia when she gives him nothing in return…nothing but a paycheck! Does Erica understand what it means to be a manager? She then starts warning Liv that her friendship with Rich is faltering, but Olivia assures Erica that they've been best friends for years, and that isn't going to change. Huffy that she can't change Olivia's mind about the song by just trying to talk over her, Erica storms away. So much for that apology, right?
Jen Bayer heads into the studio to visit with her friend Raqi Thunda. Raqi is Muslim, and she would like to get a woman's perspective on Consequence's religion. Jen has considered converting, but she wants their son to be able to experience Christmas and Easter. Raqi is flabbergasted that the pair didn't discuss their religious differences before having a child together, and Jen is in tears over the thought that she'll never bake Christmas cookies with Caden.
Asa is headlining the Persh-a-Pelooza (Bravo's spelling) because she fancies herself the Persian Pop Priestess. Reza gives Asa a citrine stone for good luck, and Asa likes its energy. Lovely. She'll be making citrine milkshakes next season. #staytuned
Reza ruins Asa's warm and fuzzy rock feelings by insisting she have dinner with GG. Asa says she's far too busy playing pop star and spreading her love energy to worry about GG, adding, "GG's malicious. She doesn't value anything. There's nothing human about her. I don't want people like that in my life." Reza is like, Asa, I gave you a rock! Asa is like, You play dirty. Fine. One second of anything slightly wack, I'm out. Deuces!
Oh good lord! So last night we visited the asylum on Real Housewives of Atlanta. Sometimes I just don't even know what to think with the level of delusion of these Housewives. It's like they live in an alternate universe – one I certainly never want to be abducted to – where sanity and decorum is reversed. Heaven help us, but at least we now know the secret of Kenya Moore's "highly coveted" booty: falsies!
So last night things begin with Kenya showing off how she gets her award winning body: the gym. Hmmm… Kenya may have had an award winning body in 1945 when she was Miss USA but um… now she has Photoshop, lipo scars, and Kim K knock-off prosthetic booty and if she thinks that's not obvious, than well… errrrr… yeah.
Kenya and her trainer workout and slam Phaedra Parks for looking less than workout video ready and then Kenya complains that Phaedra is slamming her all over town. Look, ladies – you're both guilty of same thing.
Phaedra is going the glamour route. All work and and no play makes a booty dull. She's doing a donkey booty photo shoot with a celebrity photographer. Thankfully she left her pickles at home and is instead wearing an outfit reminiscent of a pickle. Oh Phaedra – for all your so-called highbrow connections you can't find a stylist?
It was a big night for Drita D'avanzo as she finally took her kids to see Lee in prison. Karen Gravano wanted to wring Dave's neck Ramona Rizzo's insistence, and Renee Graziano checked into rehab for her addiction to prescription meds. As for Carla Facciolo and Big Ang, they were more background players…and while I love some Ang, it was nice not to see all of Carla's manufactured drama.
Last night's episode of Mob Wives started with Big Ang and Carla going to get manicures. Ang looks like a poodle with her crimped hair. Drita joins them and quickly questions as to whether Ang got a perm. Thankfully, it's a wig. Carla shares that Renee has moved in down the street from one of her best friends, and Ang reveals to the ladies that Renee is checking herself into rehab. Ang hopes that the women will all be supportive of Renee, but Carla can't help making fun of her. I am not enjoying this "trying to remain relevant" Carla.
Carla's husband Joe is meeting with an attorney to get some things finalized so that he can move in with his girlfriend Raquel. Joe tells him about his time in jail, and he explains that he and Carla can get along fine…that is, until she finds out he's meeting with this lawyer to start the divorce proceedings. I don't see this going well for poor Joe at all!
Virginia Kolb, Harvin Eadon, and Meyer Eadon introduce us to Big Rich Atlanta. Harvin is the older sister, Meyer is the younger sister, and Virginia, aka Grey Goose, is their vodka-loving mama. Virginia recently moved to Buckhead to help Harvin and Meyer launch a jewelry line. While the sisters get pretty (and tipsy) for a luncheon at the country club, they tell Virginia everything she needs to know about the ladies she's about to meet.
Sharlinda Parker and Kahdijiha Rowe are "tough nuts to crack" and "they're soft around their edges but hard around their interior." Believe it or not – that second description was a team effort. Marcia Marchman and Meagan McBrayer both bring blonde to a whole 'nother level. Harvin and Meyer agree that Marcia and Meagan are a litlte loopy and a lot hilarious.
Katie Davidson and Diana Davidson are nice, Southern ladies and dreadfully normal. No! Not normal! Sabrina McKenzie is a dancing preacher and extremely protective of her daughter, Anandi McKenzie, who is "super hot." Ashlee Wilson-Hawn fancies herself the "boss bitch, queen bee, pageant queen" of Atlanta. Harvin is closer to Ashlee than Meyer is.
All of a sudden, getting pretty and tipsy time turns into a mad rush to get to the club. Meyer still needs an eyelash, Harvin cannot find matching shoes, and Mama Goose probably regrets her decision to bring herself (and her money) to Atlanta.