If ever there was a reason for Sig Hansen to finally speak on Celebrity Apprentice, it was while captaining a booze cruise around New York City. Unfortunately someone had to walk the plank! I say I’m fabulous, but The Donald says you’re fired! Now Twirl. Twirl. Twirl. Twirl. Dizzy yet?
CA is moving full-speed ahead through a series of rapid eliminations as they prepare for their LIVE two-hour finale (when editing and producers cannot control the full-scale unleashed crazy of Kenya “Krayonce” Moore and Brandi “Boozdi” Glanville!).
So let’s talk Krayonce, shall we. Oooooh boy! Everybody knows I do not particularly care for the wheels off the underground railroad train that is Kenya’s runaway antics. As someone said on twitter (bless you) “TooFar” is Kenya’s middle name. While I have to appreciate her, shall we say, passionate nature, Kenya always goes OVERBOARD. Last night was the ultimate converging of “Real Housewives Of Atlanta Kenya” and “attempting to revamp my image sophisticated CA Kenya.” Somewhere, Donald Trump and Andy Cohen are in a PTSD clinic, known as WWHL, guzzling a much-needed drink. We’ll cover all the Kenyanigans later.
Tom was loitering, casually constructed behind the bar at SUR, when a trainwreck of botched lip implants and an immobile face appeared before him! He jumped; he recoiled in horror. No, not because he saw who it was – Annemarie from Miami – but because she ordered a Cosmo (is this Sex And the City circa 2002?!) – then he bolted. From her vantage point across the restaurant, perfectly positioned so she could witness the showdown while guzzling wine, Kristen leapt from her seat and went running after him. This wasn’t supposed to happen – Tom was supposed to run TOWARDS Kristen, not away from SUR.
So now that we’ve set the scene, let’s rewind – Lord knows I did a lot of that last night to catch every wimple of drama.
Before we begin, may I congratulate Yandy Smith and Mendeecees Harris on the birth of their daughter? Mona, did you have your Love & Hip Hop cameras in the delivery room? Speaking of babies, the episode begins with Amina Buddafly and Peter Gunz returning home from the hospital after the birth of daughter Corie. Peter has decided to focus on his new family now that ex Tara Wallace has given him the boot. He chooses to come clean with Amina now that everyone is home safe and sound, and he admits that he wasn’t on a business in Trinidad, but instead he was on a family vacation in Barbados with Tara and their kids. She is livid to learn that she’s his second choice. Amina swears she’ll never be able to forgive him…at least not for a few hours at least. Peter doesn’t understand her frustration. Shouldn’t she be happy he’s finally telling the truth?
Despite Erica Mena’s protests, Rich Dollaz and Cyn have totally changed their tune when it comes to their relationship. They are finally in a place where they don’t want to kill the other out of jealousy. In fact, Rich can’t wait to introduce Cyn to his new artist Precious Paris to see if a collaboration could be in their future. Before the pair meets, he also wants Cyn to taste test his new liquor to see if she is still willing to be the face of his brand. Precious Paris arrives, and she and Cyn hit it off immediately. Cyn shares her desire to create a tribute song for her brother who recently committed suicide. Cyn feels like she failed her brother, but Precious reminds her that she couldn’t have done anything he didn’t want her to do. Cyn hopes she can reach others who are suffering through her music. Precious and Cyn toast their new collaboration with Rich’s liquor.
Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta no one wanted to grow up as they took good old fashioned road trips, flirted with the football players, and relived their glory days at Ridgemont High on the last day of senior year. Also, Cynthia Bailey wore a stupid hat in every scene. Are her edges thinning too?!
NeNe Leakes gets picked up at the airport by Greggum, her basement troll clamoring into the sunshine for the first time in weeks, sadly it’s an overcast day and he’s forced to linger in the parking garage until he catches sight of the shiny ring. Still – it is human contact! NeNe reflects on Puerto Rico and acknowledges that maaaaaaybe her comments to Claudia Jordan were crass and terrible, so she apologized. An apology Claudia did not want to take.
Then NeNe tells us her life used to be a Lifetime Movie and she worked her way through college stripping – basically living Kyle Richards’ dream as played by Tori Spelling circa 1992. Let’s just say, NeNe skipped English 101 in favor of studying Human Sexuality, which is how she knows about the amazing transitive powers of Clawdia’s clit.
I was strangely anticipating Christine’s mother’s addition to Sister Wives last night? The thought of another woman adding to Kody Brown’s misery makes me a bit giddy. It has the potential to be pretty amazing, although given how boring this season has been thus far, I won’t hold my breath. How many road trips can one family take? Oh wait? Another road trip on last night’s episode? The Browns should buy stock in U-Haul.
Mykelti and Aspyn are moving into their apartment, and Christine is devastated that she’s losing her free help and baby-sitters. She has a genius plan…she’ll invite her mother to come live with her to fill in the gap. How about actually taking care of your kids yourself? Nah, too easy. Her two eldest daughters are excited to be moving in together. The sisters have come a long way in their relationship from the fighting preteens they once were. Mykelti jokes that they can practice being sister wives. Aspyn wisely believes that actual sisters as sister wives is a terrible idea. Both girls agree that their half-sister Mariah would be a hard person to be sister wives with if they had to choose. You think?
On last night’s Little Women LA, Briana Mason reignites her love life with a little online dating that turns serious fast, Terra Jole calls Christy McGinty out for stirring the pregnancy news pot, Traci Harrison and Erik experience a sad loss, and Todd goes HAM on a bunch of people out of nowhere, finally showing us why he is the perfect mate for Christy.
We start with Christy and Todd working out at the gym to get in “baby making shape.” Exercise is hard on little peoples’ bodies, says Christy, because they have the same muscle mass and bone density as average sized people, but everything is condensed. Little people also have the same stomach size, so it’s a challenge to keep their weight low on a regular diet.
Last night’s show starts where last week’s left off, with Ang preparing to snap Renee’s neck. New Natalie DiDonato can’t believe she’s hanging out with a new and crazy group of women, but she’s kind of intrigued so she’s not going anywhere. Karen Gravano tries to wrangle Renee as she screams at a retreating Ang. Keep in mind that Ang isn’t fleeing because she’s fearful of Renee, but because she’s worried what she’ll do if she stays. It’s always a litmus test for insanity when Karen is the voice of reason. Poor Drita D’avanzo just wanted to have a nice party to promote her store.
Other than habitual mind games, I’m just gonna go ahead and declare that Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills should swear off game nights. The first one ended with a woman on crutches losing her crutches and being called a “slut pig” (holy foreshadowing metaphors at work there), and this latest one involved one woman almost needing crutches after being shoved down the stairs with a piece of pizza. Andy Cohen is redefining class for the modern age!
It all starts out innocently enough, Kyle Richards plans a spa day and the girls put on an odd assortment of outfits ranging from soccer mom at Target to ladies who lunch at Bergdorffs. (Lisa Vanderpump has been suffering from an over-dressing problem lately. Brandi Glanville has been suffering from a combo of under-dress/not wearing enough clothes problem).
Yolanda Foster is skipping this wonderful event, because despite being not being able to read, nor write, nor watch TV, she is in NYC micromanaging Gigi and Bella’s modeling careers and zipping around the globe hot on My Love‘s tail. YoFridgidaire is also seriously trying to make the stupid ‘Tile of Love’ walls happen because she sends Kyle a photo of her posed in front of the magnificent one the housekeepers made for Bella’s new apartment. I shade, but those Hadid girls are beyond beautiful and seem to have a really sweet relationship.