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Last night was the season finale of Real Housewives of New York and as you well know by now Season Finale is a euphemism for fights, meltdowns, and histrionic antics. 

Yep, surreptitious nonsense was the mantra last night as the ladies desperately tried to out-rude each other and deny any infractions once caught. Ok, so not everyone was an outright embarrassment to humanity, but at least three people were! Lets here if for LuAnn de Lesseps – our countess of redemption. She actually behaved semi-classy and um, like, normal-ish last night. 

So Carole Radziwill, the le chillest Housewife ever is having some sort of charity ping pong party. Seriously – last night was just events cubed. It was events, events, events – and trips – that's all this whole season was. Which I guess is fine if that's how these women live their lives. It's certainly better than labor and delivery room footage, I suppose. 

Carole invited everyone and she's hoping her culottes, borrowed from Lee Radziwill's 1956 summer camp closet, will scare everyone into behaving. It sort of worked – either that or everyone collectively and separately likes Carole enough to keep it in check – at least temporarily. Aviva Drescher arrives with an agenda. And that agenda was to talk about herself at length and dominate all conversations with a litany of complaints about Pinot Singer

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Another Monday night, another episode where people have nothing better to do than meet for a) cocktails; b) lunch; c) breakfast; d) dinner; or e) all of the above.  Are the VH1 producers actually asleep when they plan these episodes?  Have they just totally given up completely?  Oh well.  Last night's Basketball Wives LA was more of the same, beginning with Wacky Jackie Christie's attempt at a make-up party.

Draya Michele and Malaysia Pargo are the first ladies to arrive for the soiree.  Draya is a tad weirded out by the fact Jackie has framed pictures of the women all over the food table.  It looks like a very fancy deli section at your local Harris Teeter.  Take the stuff out of the plastic!  It doesn't have to be served on a silver platter, but no one wants to see how much you spend on that egg salad!  Laura Govan warily arrives second.  Draya accuses Jackie of not trusting her to speak with Gloria Govan and calling Gloria herself.  Gloria arrives with Brooke Bailey.  Jackie shares that Draya is upset with her for calling Gloria, to which Gloria responds, if it weren't for Draya explaining the situation, she would have never come to Jackie's. 

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'Andy! Andy! Andy! Your mom's a liar, your dad's a coward, and I slept with them both – and Juicy, bitch! bleeep, bleeepetey, bleeep, bl-bleeep, bleep, c-word.' Oh was this Jerry Springer we watched last night or Real Housewives of New Jersey? I really couldn't tell because it was so embarrassing, disgusting, and low-brow. 

Whatever happened last night, I am fed up. And I am incredibly horrified by the behavior I witnessed. There was once a time – long before many of you wee youngins were around – when grown women who were also possessors of the title "Housewives" behaved like grown women on TV.

And then this stuff started happening and the bottom dropped out. But to draw it out until people stoop to the lowest and expose their families as truly dysfunctional is not what Housewives was ever about. If I was interested in watching Intervention, I would! I'm not.

Frankly, I am bored with the over-blown drama, the orchestrated plots. The storylines that never reveal the true story but always read between the lines. And the lies. So tired of the lies.

And I'm really saddened this is what it's all become. So sit there, smug and manipulative in your $2000 suit, Andy Cohen, and continue acting like you're none the wiser and it's all a little game. Just keep sitting there like the king of fools. 

So with a heavy-heart I begin this recap. 

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Last night on the Real Housewives of Miami somebody threw a big ol' temper tantrum and acted like a drunk sorority girl on too many jello shots. I'm looking at you, Joanna Krupa

Things got crazy last night, yes they did. Somebody likes her drinky a little too much – and doesn't like her fiancé enough. So – before all that blown out of proportion melt-down that I thought was going to be like uber crazy, but wasn't really, happened – everyone talked about how much the like their maids, how much they don't like each other, and about how Lea Black's friend is blaming Marysol Patton for ruining her life. 

Things begin with Joanna and fiancé Romain 'just waking up' and Joanna is sporting a full face of make-up, plus false eyelashes and some revealing lingerie. Yeah, I totally look like that when I wake up too. Sadly, Romain is more interested in his blackberry than sexytimes in front of the cameras. What no sex tape aspirations?

Feeling defeated, Joanna heads into the bathroom to yell at her sister Marta who reveals she's moving in with Fembot Fakenstein for a while because Romain hates her and she hates him too. I just can't get that worked up about anything before coffee, but clearly I don't have the Krupa temper – or penchant for over-reacting! 

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Last night was the hour-long season finale of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, which means it was 60 whole long minits (57 if you do math like Mama does) of kuntry-kussin and hollerin! Anna finally had Kaitlyn, Honey brought the sass in a last-minute pageant, and freaking gnats drove everyone waving, slapping, shushing, cussing, flapping crazy. 

So it all started out innocently enough. Mama had the grand idear of doing a famlee photo shoot in 100 degree heat down by the boat water. So they all trundle down these big rocks – even super prego Anna – to pose as the four sisters while Mama stands under the bridge directin' things. Everybody has dressed up – which means even Mama put on some make-up and I must say she looks sweet. Family star Alana is dressed to the nines, but she left her A-game pageant attitude back at the convenience store down the road cause she was crotchety all day. And she got mud alover her clothes within five minites of gettin' thayre. 

Alana says she doesn't do well with heat. After much bickering and Sugar Bear showing up in a t-shirt, claiming he only dresses up for funerals – the family gets  some cute photos. The photographer has already changed her number just in case they ever call her again. She just doesn't have the stamina for Boo Boo bickering. Apparently holding hands and walking together was the most challenging part of the day for them – getting along, unlike couponing, is not their strong suit. I think they should make those free family coupon books – like, 'This coupon is good for one free hug.' Remember those?

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Andrew Coleman's web of lies unraveled last night on Flipping Out, and I must say it was much more dramatic than I anticipated.  You know, I thought Andrew was funny the first couple episodes, but his attitude is horrendous.  I do think, however, that it was the best show of the season so far!

Andrew seems a little sullen after his tongue lashing from Jeff Lewis, but he is willing to do Jeff's grunt work.  Jeff insists he isn't trying to punish Andrew….he just want him to prove that he really wants to the job by being willing to do anything…even if it's cleaning the outside range. 

Jenni Pulos and Jeff are going to meet with Lisa.  At Lisa's office the pair trade off wearing Kangoo boots and racing down the hall, crashing face first into walls.  They get scolded by en EXTRA! employee like two children.  It's hilarious.  Jeff has countertop samples for Lisa, but all she sees are rising dollar signs.  He had better keep this budget in check!

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I am still baffled why Dance Moms needed a two-part reunion, but apparently Kaya had a lot to say, and there is never enough time for Candy Apple Cathy and Abby Lee Miller to bicker.  The reunion did have to reach back to past seasons to get enough material though. 

Poor Jeff Collins looks like he had a couple Red Bulls after the first hour.  We are treated to the moms dancing at Abby's dance recital from a past season.  Cathy choreographed the act, and she took off mid-number to perform a crazy-eyed jazz solo.  It's hilarious, and Abby shockingly is appalled that Cathy tried to purposely embarrass the ladies.

Cathy and Abby discuss the competition between their two studios.  Cathy thinks her studio is just as good as Abby's, but she does credit Abby's dancers for having more star power.  Jill and Cathy go at each other over Kendall.  Cathy isn't keen on Jill's studio hopping, and Jill doesn't like that Kendall didn't fit in with the other Candy Apple dancers.  Cathy is questioned about whether she has cheated in the past by trying to sneak older dancers into younger age categories.  Lots of choreographers average ages of those dancing in group numbers according to Cathy.  She proudly admits to copying Chloe's solo music for one of her dancers to psyche out poor Chloe before she performed.  After a viewer question, Cathy addresses bringing in outside choreographers.  Abby admits to have done the same, saying that she likes working with them.

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Basketball Wives LA is really disappointing this season.  While I don't want the violent drama of the original ladies, but geez, this is boring!  The most interesting part of last night's episode was a gay pride tattoo!

Malaysia Pargo, Draya Michele, and Laura Govan head out shopping, and Malaysia really wants the girls to be okay with Jackie Christie.  Laura says she doesn't mind if Jackie comes around, she just doesn't want her to expect friendship.  Um, wait, didn't Laura just have a nice and civil lunch with Jackie?  Is VH1 having an editing snafu?  I feel like that scene was filmed before the lunch, or maybe Laura is just that two-faced.

Gloria Govan is preparing for her action web series.  Ahh, the internet…it offers so many options.  Do people really watch stuff like this online?  She meets with the producers who tell her she has two weeks to transform herself into a ballet dancing cold-blooded killer.  Gloria is nervous, but she's up to the task.

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