Oh, Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, how you make Mondays worthwhile. While last night's episode was a bit boring in comparison to what we've been watching so far this season, at least their acting skills are improving…or maybe I had one too many glasses of wine. Yeah, that was probably it.
It's date night for Joseline Hernandez and Stevie J. He's trying to wine and dine her so she won't blow up at him when he tells her that their big wedding will have to wait until he's got more money in the bank. Beforehand, they discuss their big plans for a lavish wedding ceremony, and she doesn't seem to upset to postpone the party until they have more cash flow. She is, however, not happy that Stevie can't remember their actual anniversary. Funny, didn't she stumble over the date at her birthday party. Because Mona Scott Young won't grant me subtitles, I can't elaborate on what Joseline is whining about, but it has something to do with getting rid of her booking agent Dawn for not getting her any gigs. Stevie is worried she won't be able to separate out business and friendship when it comes to dealing with Dawn.
Unfortunately Peter's portions of The Husbands Revealed paled in comparison to Apollo "Loose Lips" Nida's marital revelations! The sit-down with the hubbies echoed that unfortunate scene in Mexico where they all sit around smoking cigars and taking shots – except this timeKenya Moore didn't crash. However, she was a hot topic of conversation!
Apollo arrives at the Bar One gathering in sunglasses. "I wear my sunglasses at night…" and the reason – his wife Phaedra Parks SLAPPED HIM. Then she embalmed his face and stuck in a stake in the front yard American Horror Story style! Oh wait, whoops – this is only Bravo. So boring!
Last night the fallout in the Berkshires continued! One might think if you, you know accidentally had a "knee jerk" reaction and threw a glass object at someone's face thus cutting them in the process, one might feel compelled to apologize. You know, sincerely.
One might assume since you just injured someone over the fact that they got your hair wet – hair that didn't look good to begin with and looked no worse after the horrific splashing that caused you to lash out and so aggressively you flung not only a glass object, but a boat oar at their face – you would feel some modicum of remorse. But alas, I presume none of us are Ramona Singer. So, yeah – logic does not apply. So that's what happened on last night's Real Housewives of New York.
After Ramona caused all this damage she faked a panic attack, lied, and got the hell out of dodge. You know what the most hysterical part in all of this is – Ramona is still trying to convince people she's classy. Oh girl… I think there's a whole chapter in Class With The Countess dedicated to you and explaining what it is you do that's not classy.
I don't know where MTV is finding the girls on this season's 16 And Pregnant, because each one has a more messed up situation than the next! I can only hope this is proof that the show is definitely lowering the teen pregnancy rate and fewer girls are in fact getting pregnant.
Last night 17-year-old Summer Rewis and her boyfriend DJ gave birth to son Peyton as they dealt with Summer's moms drug addiction and Peyton's health problems. Summer and DJ are from Collins, GA and need subtitles. Often. Summer is super cute and despite her rough childhood seems level-headed and sweet. She and DJ have a pretty stable relationship and I like them.
While Summer's mom is a hot mess, DJ's parents are very supportive and let the couple live with them while Summer completes high school and DJ goes to school to become a welder. Summer also has 3 younger half-sisters whom she's close with. One happens to be called Pookie, which I'm just gonna hope is a nickname. Another says she has feet that smell like Fritos.
Last night the ladies of Real Housewives of Orange County all swore they weren't menopausal. In an effort to prove this they all reverted to acting like 10th graders who had ditched their chaperone on the high school field trip! Woo Hoo! Let's be bitches.
Vicki Gunvalson and Shannon Beador have connected over their mutual crazy and empty love tanks. Shannon knows just how to temporarily fill hers and she's letting Vicki in on her little secret: Dr. Moon! They pay a visit to his office where Vicki gets acupuncture and demands to check her email because "work! work! work!" and relax-schmelax! She asks Dr. Moon when he's gonna fill up her love tank and he stuck his finger up her butt. I kid you not! Shannon said Dr. Moon "de-jammed it". I think I'd rather have an empty love tank…
Shannon and new bestie Vicki go get their nails done with Tamra Barney. "You need good nails," Vicki instructs. But apparently you don't need good plastic surgery or frizz free hair. Or good boyfriends. Tamra is still harping about this ugly sweater Christmas party and it was like so horrible having to wear a funky polyester themed sweater. My, my has she become snobby! Who does Tamra think she is – Heather Dubrow? Speaking of which, Tamra and Vicki complain about Heather's pretensions and arrogance. Shannon – so happy to have friends and so happy to feel loved and included (finally someone likes her besides vodka!) – decides she too has a problem with how condescending Heather is. I mean there was that one time Heather snickered about Shannon putting diamonds in her teeth.
I'm curious…do you think VH1 and Mona Scott Young really, truly believe that viewers think Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta is a reality show? The acting is fantastically tragic and there is nothing real about it…except for that sex tape, clearly.
Nikko didn't tell Mimi Faust about his confrontation with Stevie J. immediately after it happened, but he spills the beans when they are driving the next day. When she learns that Nikko has told her ex about the deal Vivid, she has to pull over to read Nikko the riot act. She is cruising in her new vehicle (thanks, Steven Hirsch!), and Mimi doesn't want to wreck it when she wrecks him. As she cusses up a storm, Nikko just laughs that Stevie shouldn't get her riled up like this. Mimi tries to kick him out of her ride, but when he refuses, she's the one who storms off on foot.
Lil' Scrappy is eating eggs with Erica P…or at least he hopes to be scrambling some things with her. He arrives at her house to find out that she's lit candles and served wine, and he wonders whether he's there to pray or have sex. Scrappy is a bit nervous, but he wants to be a better person. He is feeling guilty about Bambi and he wants to think with this head and not his hiz-ead. Scrappy shuts down Erica's advances, complimenting her that he'd definitely be with her if he didn't already have Bambi. And they say romance is dead!
Please accept my sincerest apology. I dropped the ball in a major way! How did I not know that my favorite new scripted show Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta was on twice this week? Since the recap is already a day late, let's just dive right in to the insanity, shall we?
Joseline Hernandez goes to Stevie J.'s man cave to continue to nag him about Mimi Faust's friends being all up in their business. Does she just wander around in lingerie all the time? Seriously, the sets, the lighting, the costumes, the horrible acting–this is NOT reality television! Stevie ignores his bride while surfing the Internet, and lo and behold! He's just happens across the blog story that shares Mimi's "leaked" sex tape with Nikko. Talk about coincidence!
Next, I was literally about to give up on all things Mona Scott Young when I saw just how bad Karlie Redd's acting is until I learned that she is supposed to be acting because she's in a "movie" now called 30 Days in Atlanta. Someone call Sundance! Karlie is so thrilled to be in a relationship with Yung Joc. Not only is he younger and more successful than Benzino, he has a neck! Yung also doesn't like drama. She tap dances between making out with him and accusing him of cheating since he's wearing the same clothes she saw him in yesterday. Karlie thinks the best way to keep tabs on him is to for them to move in together. That is a GREAT idea!
Last night on theReal Housewives of New York things got rowdy in The Berkshires. Or should I say Ramona Singer went bonkers in The Berkshires. Oh, The Berkshires – who goes there? They're just so gauche! They're so ugh – has anyone even heard of them? What are they, like a truck stop? Do they even have pinot? I mean, we know they don't have air conditioner! Who vacations without a beach? The good people all go to The Hamptons. Just ask Ramona – she's the expert on all things classy and high society. All the best society girls appear on trashy reality shows and behave like, well, trash!
Really, if LuAnn de Lesseps is any kinda friend, she'll stop taking Ramona to aerial yoga and start making her endure regular reading lessons from Class With The Countess! So Ramona happened, in The Berkshires, with the wine glass.
Before all that Sonja Morgan, takes her sexy j downtown for some business lessons from Kristen Taekman's husband Josh. Right off the bat we know this isn't going to go well because Kristen lives in a rental. A rental she can afford, but a rental nonetheless, which makes her a peasant in the eyes of Miss The Toaster Oven That Never Could!