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Last week on Teen Mom, we saw Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra welcome home Butch, Maci Bookout crash Bentley’s vacation with his dad, Farrah Abraham try dating, and Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley get therapy.

Catelynn’s Unfortunate Fashion Choices

If you blinked, grabbed a snack, or called Iowa to warn them Farrah was on the way, you probably missed Catelynn‘s contribution to this episode.

Butch announces he’s off to find a job.  That’s the end of the Butch scenes, which is a darn shame.  Next week’s previews show Butch flabbergasted that somebody ran a background check on him, so he’s either having issues finding employment or he’s heading back to the slammer.

Catelynn’s grandmother comes for a visit.  While she’s there, Catelynn and Tyler‘s adoption counselor Dawn calls to invite them to attend an adoption support group meeting.  I was really hoping Catelynn’s grandmother and Dawn were setting Catelynn up, and instead of  support group, they were whisking her away to What Not To Wear.

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Last night’s Dance Moms was the showdown between Abby Lee’s Dance Company and Cathy’s Candy Apples.

Abby Lee Miller isn’t thrilled (to say the least) that her girls lost their last competition by one-tenth of a point.  It’s time to cowboy up!  These girls are the ones to beat, not the ones to be beat.  This week the troupe will be traveling to Ohio to compete…against former dance mom Cathy’s group of Candy Apples.  Abby, the girls, and their mothers are all rolling the their eyes at the thought of seeing Cathy again.  At least they finally seem united! Abby wants to make apple pie out of Cathy’s group with her dancers as the a la mode.

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Last night on Real Housewives of New York some of the ladies – re: the cool ones and LuAnn de Lesseps – traveled to London. And some of the ladies, well weren’t invited. How’d you like that, pinot!

Things begin with Carole Radziwill (in her nephew’s borrowed Halloween costume), Sonja Morgan (in Indiana Jones’ borrowed hat), and LuAnn (in Princess Diana’s borrowed accent) arriving in London. Heather Thomson and her Yummie Tummie holla-ing team are already there.

Carole is grouchy. And she’ll remind you of it over and over on this trip. Personally, a grouchy and snarky Carole is much more what Bravo was hoping for when they cast her – and she’s a good kind of witty grouchy, not just an out of control bitch.

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Oh gracious.  Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta was just as crazy as usual with the fighting, and the name-calling, and the fake, scripted situations.

K. Michelle heads over to Ariane’s apartment to have drinks with Ariane and Mimi Faust.  Mimi reveals that she’s met with Joseline who confessed she was pregnant with Stevie J‘s baby.  She is crying and angry, especially at the fact that when Stevie met up with the pair he had Joseline’s pregnancy test in his pocket.  She wants to move forward with her life.  Mimi is sick of Stevie saying one thing to her and then doing another.  K. Michelle, and of course Ariane, think she’s finally gaining some sense when it comes to her deadbeat boyfriend.

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Cue the crusade music, Emily Maynard and her final three are off to Curacao for the final leg of this Bachelorette journey. It feels like Ricki should be heading off to college by now, doesn’t it? Emily lists her favorite things about her final three: Jef HolmArie Luyendyk, Jr., and Sean Lowe.

Sean is strong, funny, and sensitive.  Emily thinks he’d be a great father figure to Ricki.  Jef has style.  Jef is kind and thoughtful, with a great sense of humor.  Emily feels as if Jef gets her like no one else ever has.

Emily’s favorite things about Arie are his upper lip, his bottom lip, and his tongue.  Emily cries when she thinks about Arie.  Is it because she knows he’s the one or because she knows he’s not the one and she’s already mourning those kisses?

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Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey everyone mostly got along and for a second there I thought I was watching the wrong show until Caroline Manzo popped up to insult her children on national TV. Oh Caroline, cut the cord. And Manzo Spawn – run.

It’s the day of Antonia Gorga‘s sixth birthday party and what’s a mama to do but get her make-up and hair professionally done for a backyard party filled with kindergartners. Do stilettos go with a bouncy castle? Didn’t think so!

While Melissa Gorga is in the make-up chair, Antonia is hard at work assembling gift bags. Who’s the birthday girl again? Melissa is gushing about Antonia’s lavish party – Joey Gorga tells her she’s too expensive. Don’t try to compete with Taylor Armstrong, Melissa. The lip injections are already taking it too far.

Melissa asks Poison about the visit to the therapist. Joey proceeds to tell us that Teresa Giudice must have lied to the doctor about how they had Sunday dinners together and then Teresa tells us the doctor didn’t like them. Then they both blame each other for all the problems in the relationship while claiming they are all about peace, love, and forgiveness. Why do they both do this? It’s ridiculous!

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Big Ang already has my heart so I’m going to love her show, right?  I mean, her intro is graphitti in her likeness.  Fabulous.

After touting her love of bartending at the Drunken Monkey, Big Ang introduces us to her cast of characters: Crazy Linda, Patty Slaps, and Lil Jen.  Patty Slaps is already my favorite on name alone.  Lil Jen almost died of pancreatic cancer, but now she’s healthier than ever.  She’s fifty-three and still lives with her parents.  Maybe she’s my favorite.  Gah!  The choices.

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I don’t mean to be a broken record, but could VH1 be any more obvious?  Hair-pulling bar fights are now tempered with a “non-violent” episode.  How stupid do you think I am, VH1?  Well, last night’s Mob Wives Chicago had no violence, but just wait till next week!   The women b*tched and moaned about one another, but there was thankfully no slapping or hair tugging.  I am at a loss for words.

Nora Schweihs welcomes Pia Rizza in for a glass or three of wine.  Nora is reliving Renee Fecarotta Russo‘s attack.  Pia is upset that Nora still wants a friendship with Renee.  Nora’s account of the pair’s fight is much different from what I watched, but apparently Nora thinks she was the instigator and the stronger fighter of the two.  Nora makes the mistake of telling Pia that she’d rather strip than worry about Renee.  Pia laughs at the comparison, but she doesn’t call out Nora on her verbal ridiculousness.  I mean, after all, Pia is dancing.  All the time.  On a pole.

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