Geez Louise! Just the preview for the upcoming season of Don’t Be Tardy gave me the spins–I’d almost forgotten how quickly that theme song infiltrates your brain and refuses to leave! Good thing I still have some of Kim Zoliciak Biermann’s mango sparkling moscato to get me through the premiere. Kidding…if a bottle of wine goes a week (much less a year) in my house without being opened, there’s a reason.
The episode begins with Kim and Kroy wrangling their youngest children as KJ helps their full time chef Tracey. Should I be bothered that Tracey just said “ass” in front of a four-year-old? Brielle enters dressed in her mother’s hand-me-downs from the first season of Real Housewives of Atlanta, and in tow is her boyfriend Slade. Yep, there are at least two of them in Bravoland now! He changed his college plans just so he could stay in Atlanta and be close to his love. The family is celebrating Ariana’s constant string of straight As as Brielle brags about being on the top ten list of most absences. With Kroy as a free agent, everyone is frazzled about the possibility of moving, and the older girls are hellbent on staying in Atlanta.
Albie lives at home again and has now gotten involved in the cannabis business. Which basically means he’s the jerk you crushed on in high school who was popular and hot, but turned into a burnout loser. Vengeance for all of us. Caroline describes Albie as a Type-A perfectionist … so he’s perfecting the art of mooching? She’s delusional.
This weekend Joe’s Jersey Shore neighbor called the police on him after the Real Housewives Of New Jersey star was reportedly heard screaming at his eldest daughter Gia. Of course other sources claim that although Joe was screaming at a family member it certainly wasn’t his 14-year-old daughter!
I think we all can agree that it’s not a party in Santa Barbara until Jackie Christie has bandaged her tongue and Shaunie O’Neal arrives. We learn something each week on Basketball Wives: LA, don’t we? She arrives right after the fight between Mehgan James and Brandi Maxiell. At least Brandi, Mehgan, and Malaysia Pargo are able to sit civilly in the kitchen as they rehash the brawl. Shaunie questions Jackie’s drinking, and Jackie goes off on Draya Michele for being mean to Mehgan.
Shaunie, Malaysia, and Brandi retire to a bedroom to further discuss the fight as Meghan and Draya bond over the realization of Jackie’s craziness. Jackie resurfaces to scream about what a great friend she is to Mehgan. With a manicured nail in Mehgan’s face, Jackie swears she had her back before totally losing it. Mehgan grabs a water bottle to launch at Jackie, and Jackie returns the favor by spitting on her. Nostrils is appalled. It’s one thing to punch somebody, but it’s quite another to be trashy and spit. Jackie packs her bags and calls Doug. He needs to take out bail money if anyone else comes after her. Mehgan feels badly for Doug, citing that he’s probably been with someone else because he couldn’t be faithful to the crazy.
The couple was constantly defending their relationship–which caused a rift between family and friends–to anyone who would listen. Coming up on this season, Brooks will be accused of faking cancer (not to be confused with the time he was accused of hiring a hit man), although it’s a claim he and Vicki vehemently deny….of course, they also denied engagement rumors. The pair has issued a joint statement on their break-up through their PR representative.
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Brielle Biermann didn’t just inherit her mom’s looks, she also inherited her sense of humor. Kim Zolciak’s eldest daughter is taking a moment out of her family’s hectic Don’t Be Tardy promotional schedule to give her mom a little crap.
Everyone on Twitter has been posting the “Straight Outta” pics in promotion of the release of the movie “Straight Outta Compton.” Brielle took it one further and instead of posting their city of origin – she poked fun at her reproducing mom! Brielle stamped a family photo from her graduation carnival with a hilarious “Straight Outta Condoms.” Kim responded to the Tweet, “Soooo my daughter @briellebiermann thinks she is funny #IDidLaugh #AllInGoodFun #SenseOfHumor #KashWasSleeping.”