Aaaaahhhh Kristen Doute, one-part hoochie mama, one-part crazy, one-part atrociously bad employee, one-part drama queen, and one-part REALLY, REALLY, REALLY bad decision maker! She's one helluva a potent Molotov cocktail!
Of course Kristen denied it. A lot. Even when all evidence pointed to the contrary. But somebody called Sherlock and Law & Order style Kristen got cornered and confessed. Yep, the kitty is out of the bag: Kristen banged Jax – and liked it!
Before we dive into that heavy stuff, we have to see Reza talk Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi through putting a suppository up her butt to curb motion sickness. Because 1) the Shahs of Susnet are going yachting. 2) Sea-Bands or Ginger Root wouldn't make for good TV.
Reza offers to help, because they're totally BFFs again, "Loch-nesa and I are so close now that actually putting something in her butt doesn't seem as alarming to me as it should." Oh Reza, you slay me. Only, not. Go away. GG carries on, screaming about her backdoor being exit only, but she figures it out.
In case you haven't heard Teresa Giudice and Joe Giudice are in big time trouble and face a mounting 41-count federal indictment for several different types of fraud.
In light of her legal woes, the Real Housewives of New Jersey star, whose troubles will be featured on the upcoming season, insists she's staying strong and trying to make the best of a bad situation for the time being. “I can’t just be upset and crawl up in a ball and just go in a room and — and lock the door. I can’t. I’m a mom. I have four daughters,” Teresa tells ABC News.
Teresa does admit that it's hard to get through the day, however, and in private she is falling apart. "I would be lying to say I didn’t, you know, that’s not happening,” she shares. The hardest part, she says, is "my kids going through this." Should have thought of that BEFORE, you know, lying and defrauding! "I'm a role model for them," Teresa explains. A role model of what NOT to do!
Here's to the Shahs of Sunset star nabbing Bravo's first gay wedding spinoff. I so hope Asa is the wedding planner!
So yes, Reza proposed "on my birthday in August," he dishes to Life & Style but the two kept their engagement a secret. Hmmm… wonder why – OH! Because the engagement is going to featured on the season finale Reza reveals. Of course… silly me, I thought engagements were for love, not storylines.
Last night's episode of Teen Mom 2 temporarily humanized our snarkiness as Leah Calvert learned the realities of Ali's muscular dystrophy.
Kail Lowry heads to an ultrasound appointment sans Javi Marroquin because Jo Rivera won't let her move out of state with Isaac and now she's all allllloneee! Apparently she's been emotionally eating to drown her sorrows because the doctor warns her that gaining a pound and a half per week isn't a good idea. "Lay off the fettuccine alfredo," he instructs.
Everything looks healthy but Kail is waiting until Javi can be there to find out the sex. Kail calls Javi from the car and complains that she's soooo stressed planning a wedding while pregnant. Maybe postpone the wedding until after you've had the baby then? Just a thought – especially since they're already legally married for the benefits and stuff.
Then Kail and Jo have a major custody blowup. Kail is now refusing to bring Isaac to Jo's parents' if he's not home. On their custody exchange day, Kail learns from Jo that he's running late so she calls Javi – in front of Isaac – to whine about what a terrible, negligent parent Jo is. Nice Kail.
It's been an emotional few days for Brandi Glanville in regard to her missing dog Chica. She's been understandably upset for what has to be months (I'm going by what we're watching each Monday on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and what we see in real time as Brandi's life literally plays out on Twitter).
I certainly don't blame Brandi for being emotional about her pooch. After all, pets are totally part of the family as the most gentle and loyal companions. However, just this week Brandi had a glimmer of hope as far as Chica is concerned.
Abby Lee Miller never ceases to amaze me with her hatefulness as she pits Chloe against…Chloe? This show is totally fake, right? On last night's Dance Moms, the troupe convenes for the pyramid, but instead of praising the girls for their great victories in the last competition, she goes through a laundry list of Kelly and Christi's bad behavior. Next she introduces the team to "the new Chloe" who she found at the open call in Orlando. She makes the Chloes stand side-by-side, and poor vintage Chloe looks totally crestfallen. I wonder if Chloe 2.0's mom knows what she's gotten her daughter into with Abby!
MacKenzie is on the bottom for not winning her division followed by Brooke who is a slave to her smart phone. Paige places one step higher than her sister for technical issues. Kendall rounds out the bottom. Chloe is the last on the second rung for not being perfect in the trio. Third from the top is the new Chloe. Why not? That's totally fair. Maddie takes the second spot, and girlfriend does not like it when she's not on top. She should never play poker. I am so proud of Nia for making it to the top of the pyramid. Well deserved, for sure! Kendall and Nia will be performing a jazz routine. Old Chloe and new Chloe will dancing head to head in solos. Melissa starts to shake…why can't Maddie compete against the new Chloe?
Joyce Giraud is fed up with Carlton Gebbia and her shenanigans. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star slams Carlton, calling her a hypocrite, accusing her of trying to stay relevant and more! Joyce shares in her Bravo blog this week that she's not sorry one bit for missing another dinner party from hell and she gives more insight on her lunch with Carlton.
Joyce starts off explaining that we didn't see the whole lunch date conversation between her and Carlton. "I wish you could have seen a little more of my hour-long luncheon with Carlton. Let me fill you in on a VERY IMPORTANT part of our conversation: The first thing I told Carlton and made very clear is that I personally DO NOT believe her negative energy can get to me because my God protects me from all of it. As you saw, I told her I respect every religion. I believe we can all respect each other's beliefs and we don't need to force our faith on anyone. I'm not asking Carlton to leave her witchcraft and to believe in Jesus Christ — so she should give me the same respect and not expect me to believe in her negative spells."