Yea! It's OVER! How I've missed you, Jeff Collins. Lookatcha! He's got a fresh new hairstyle (not to mention new color) and a sleeker, hipper suit than in Dance Moms reunions past. He's also cracking jokes as he introduces Hurricane Abby Lee Miller. He begins the evening by showing the Christi/Leslie smack down on Burboun Street, and Abby admonishes them for the trash they are. It is no way to represent the Abby Lee Dance Company.
Original Extra CrispyChristi and Leslie come out to share their side of the brawl. Christi has a prepared speech where she takes responsibility for her actions while reminding everyone that Leslie has a history of violence. Leslie talks only about her loyalty to her daughters and Abby and how she wants to make a name for her girls in the entertainment industry. She doesn't understand why Christi is so threatened by her. Oh, she's making a name for her poor girls alright (and so is Christi!).
Let's jump right in and get the absolute worst of it out of the way. Andy insisted on rehashing the stripper drama. Of course. We saw it all play out on TV – a penis (not Eddie's) in Tamra's ear and a boob (not Tamra's) in Eddie's mouth – and my eyeballs will never be the same.
Andy begged for all the tacky(Tamra's specialty) details.
Eddie said he was "blown away" over the penis to his wife-to-be's ear. Tamra shrugged it off, saying she certainly didn't enjoy it, unlike Eddie in Vegas. I refuse to talk about Eddie's boner again. Let's just say that Tamra's opinion of the incident definitely has not changed.
Melissa tries to convince us that bumping into Penny at dinner was a total shock, "The talk with Penny. Joe and I thought we were going out to a nice dinner. I had no idea she’d be there. We were just as surprised as you were to see her sitting at the bar." Biting.My.Tongue.
Katie's nervous about walking the runway in a wedding dress and – gasp! – lingerie. She feels self-conscious about her post-baby body and wonders if Joey Maes still finds her attractive. A friend tries to boost Katie's self-esteem, adding, "You're the mother of his child, I'm sure that's a thousand times sexier than just being his girlfriend."
Sticking to the same formula as last season, Vanderpump Rules will premiere on the same night immediately following RHOBH. "Yes pump rules is back….run for cover," Lisatweeted. It appears from the brief VPR preview that the same cast of characters are returning. All hail yummy Peter.
Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Miami was all about mama drama. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team and go to an evil haunted mansion filled with the ghosts of friendship's (kitchen's) past. Or a Russian grocery store with the living embodiment of Julia Child's voice.
Things began last night with Lisa Hochstein's everlasting nightmare; an unpleasant reminder of the things we do for money… errrrr… I mean love. And boobs! Lisa's inlaws are in town and her mother-in-law, Marina, lives to torture her.
Marina doesn't appreciate Fembot's fully constructed fabulosity. If only she had read that instruction manual Lenny faxed over, but Marina doesn't do new-fangled. She also doesn't understand what exactly Fembot does. I mean she doesn't work and she just swans around advertising her son's reconstruction prowess. Was anyone else aware that Lenny was the best plastic surgeon in the world?!
Anyway, Lisa's other major drawback is that she doesn't cook and she's not Russian. Score 0 for the daughter-in-law from Canada! Among the many ways Marina tries to destroy Fembot is by force feeding her fried fish. The horror had Lisa needing Xanax and colonics for weeks. Fembot wonders if Marina will ever like her, but you can tell she really doesn't care! Nor does Marina for that matter, who still believes she runs the show. All shows. Maybe she should take over Bravo.
Teresa starts out explaining that Joe Gorga and Melissa need to learn the right approach to dealing with rumors when you're on TV. "Unfortunately when you're on TV, people want what you have. They want to be on TV too and they'll do anything to make it happen or they just want to take you down because they're sick of watching you. I get it. I've seen it happen now on every season of every Housewives show in every city. It's not fun to be the target, but it comes with the territory. The problem is when newer cast members join and get attacked, they can freak out like Melissa and Joey were. You have to stay united and refuse to let any strangers break you down. But I get that it's hard. It shouldn't be hard for family to believe family over strangers, but…"