Last night on the finale of Celebrity Apprentice, the blustering balloon of buffoonery that is Geraldo Rivera was deflated. And for that, we are eternally thankful. Meanwhile, a new winner was crowned – one deserving, classy, and hard-working – without shenanigans or drama. Sorry I-an ZierLING, it wasn’t you, it was Leeza Gibbons! Congrats lady.
I, personally, think Leeza should been awarded with a rhinestoned crown, bedecked with dollars, and coins, and a sash that read THE Celebrity Apprentice. It would perfectly tie-in with Donald Trump‘s Miss Universe Pageant – that opportunity for cross-marketing was woefully overlooked! If nothing else than for Kenya Moore‘s eyes to turn into lasers at someone else’s pageantry, and for her arguably, possibly, silicone butt to melt into a puddle of wasted dreams and toxic antics. I’m sure we’d also find the charred remains of Vivica A. Fox‘s cellphone in that mess!
It was a live season finale, which meant plenty of opportunity for Donald to slaughter the contestants names ( Ke$HIA Knight Pull-HIM – which sounds like a porn star alter-ego) and for Geraldo to refer to Leeza as “high functioning” – apparently likening her with one of the lovely developmentally disabled individuals his charity supports. He meant it to be complimentary.
Last night Donald Trump started off Celebrity Apprentice by demanding one of the remaining three celebrities plead their case to remain in the game. It was down to Vivica A. Fox, Geraldo Rivera and Leeza Gibbons. Naturally, human drama cannon Geraldo was not going anywhere.
Leeza attempts to blow sunshine up Geraldo’s patootie about what an amazing player he is. Smart move: she knows she can beat the pants off him and wants Vivica out of the game. I am sure Geraldo would gladly remove his pants, however, to pose for another naked selfie, just to reiterate how he started the selfie craze.
However, Vivica, after surviving “Toxic Trick”, decided the fight was not left in her. It must be the menopause making her act crazy, because she eliminates herself and promotes Leeza. So Vivica is fired and Geraldo espouses about how he is impossible to take down unless you are a KKK member on his 1987 talk show where he broke his nose.
In the first challenge the teams create a photobomb campaign of King’s Hawaiian bread in NYC. Geraldo Rivera is momentarily silent, still trapped in the hyper-alert mindset of Vivica and Kenya Moore‘s war. He compares working with those two to being in Afghanistan. I’ve never been to Afghanistan but after the many-years reign of terror Krayonce has inflicted upon me, I can attest to needing therapy. Naturally Kenya announces herself project manager.
On the other team Johnny Damon rises to the occasion. Which, thanks to Brandi Glanville‘s dirty mind, also becomes their slogan. Hey – someone had to stop Ian Ziering from composing a 45-minute sermon of 1984’s best marketing catchphrases. He has watched a few episodes of Mad Men, which makes him an expert.
If ever there was a reason for Sig Hansen to finally speak on Celebrity Apprentice, it was while captaining a booze cruise around New York City. Unfortunately someone had to walk the plank! I say I’m fabulous, but The Donald says you’re fired! Now Twirl. Twirl. Twirl. Twirl. Dizzy yet?
CA is moving full-speed ahead through a series of rapid eliminations as they prepare for their LIVE two-hour finale (when editing and producers cannot control the full-scale unleashed crazy of Kenya “Krayonce” Moore and Brandi “Boozdi” Glanville!).
So let’s talk Krayonce, shall we. Oooooh boy! Everybody knows I do not particularly care for the wheels off the underground railroad train that is Kenya’s runaway antics. As someone said on twitter (bless you) “TooFar” is Kenya’s middle name. While I have to appreciate her, shall we say, passionate nature, Kenya always goes OVERBOARD. Last night was the ultimate converging of “Real Housewives Of Atlanta Kenya” and “attempting to revamp my image sophisticated CA Kenya.” Somewhere, Donald Trump and Andy Cohen are in a PTSD clinic, known as WWHL, guzzling a much-needed drink. We’ll cover all the Kenyanigans later.
Celebrity Apprentice continues to weed-out the calm players to make room for the drama to really roll out. And like a switch being flipped last night Kenya Moore set the wheels in motion. Finally – because we’ve been hearing about how so-called vicious this season was and I haven’t seen much evidence of that lately!
Of course, most exciting was Joan Rivers appearing posthumously as an angel from fashion critique past. Awww… Joan, how we’ve missed you and your acerbic wit. I hope Heaven hasn’t made you any less caustic.
It’s not that I’m disappointed by the rollicking hubris of Geraldo Rivera, but at this point it’s as wholly predictable as Kate Gosselin being self-absorbed and bitchy. #BeenThereDoneThat! I’m starting to believe Geraldo is losing his touch because he’s been on the losing team two challenges in a row! Geraldo… don’t rest on your laurels!
On last night’s episodes of Celebrity Apprentice there was Housewives drama! Brandi Glanville started her whining victim act, and Kenya Moore temporarily was able to be the cream that rises to the top. However – we know that’s all short-lived and I fully stand by my opinion that Kenya and Brandi are birds of a feather who hate together.
As always, this recap will contain spoilers, so do not read on if you don’t want to know who got fired.
Last night reinforced an important lesson on Celebrity Apprentice, if you’re classy – reality TV is no place for you. Just a reminder: this recap, of course, contains spoilers so don’t read if you’ve been avoiding the internet like the plague for the last 24-hours.
The women’s team contains: Brandi (reality mega-villain and best selling tweeter about what she does with her twatter), Kenya Moore (Former Miss WHO-S-A, who had a Scepter App hidden her purse so not to violate the anti-props contract stipulations), Leeza Gibbons (talk show host), failed reality star Kate Gosselin (minus her 8 and the tumorous bunion known as Jon), Jamie Anderson (a former Olympic snowboarder with a long history of legal imbroglios who has the same plastic surgeon as Brandi – face. does. not. move.), Vivica A. Fox (hoping to resurrect her acting career by playing evil), Shawn Johnson (a former Olympic gold medalist who thinks social media usage qualifies as a legitimate career. Was she on DWTS?), and Keisha Knight Pulliam (formerly Rudy of The Cosby Show). The women’s team is infinitely more diabolical and interesting than the men’s team, but I suppose they came out and tried to play, so we have to talk about them.