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Celebrity Apprentice Recap

Kenya Moore and Brandi Glanville drink coffee for Celebrity Apprentice

Celebrity Apprentice continues to weed-out the calm players to make room for the drama to really roll out. And like a switch being flipped last night Kenya Moore set the wheels in motion. Finally – because we’ve been hearing about how so-called vicious this season was and I haven’t seen much evidence of that lately! 

Of course, most exciting was Joan Rivers appearing posthumously as an angel from fashion critique past. Awww… Joan, how we’ve missed you and your acerbic wit. I hope Heaven hasn’t made you any less caustic. 

It’s not that I’m disappointed by the rollicking hubris of Geraldo Riverabut at this point it’s as wholly predictable as Kate Gosselin being self-absorbed and bitchy. #BeenThereDoneThat! I’m starting to believe Geraldo is losing his touch because he’s been on the losing team two challenges in a row! Geraldo… don’t rest on your laurels!

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celebrity apprentice team infinity

On last night’s episodes of Celebrity Apprentice there was Housewives drama! Brandi Glanville started her whining victim act, and Kenya Moore temporarily was able to be the cream that rises to the top. However – we know that’s all short-lived and I fully stand by my opinion that Kenya and Brandi are birds of a feather who hate together. 

As always, this recap will contain spoilers, so do not read on if you don’t want to know who got fired.  

Everyone is PMSing because they’re still reeling from the previous boardroom. Meaning, Geraldo Rivera remains in the game. Also Shawn Johnson  announced that Vivica A. Fox is menopausal. Kenya squirreled that nugget away for future use

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kevin jonas and geraldo rivera at odds

Last night we got back-to-back episodes of Celebrity Apprentice, which meant double-whammy eliminations. As always, this recap contains spoilers so don’t read if you don’t want the goods!

In the first challenge the ladies are down two players – one because Keshia Knight Pulliam was fired in the previous challenge, and another because Kenya Moore was being dragged across the stage at the Real Housewives Of Atlanta reunion. Donald Trump refers to it as a “prior commitment.” Something like that! 

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kevin jonas gets off on the wrong foot with geraldo rivera

Last night reinforced an important lesson on Celebrity Apprentice, if you’re classy – reality TV is no place for you. Just a reminder: this recap, of course, contains spoilers so don’t read if you’ve been avoiding the internet like the plague for the last 24-hours. 

So we start out by meeting the most vicious cast ever, and to prove that point Brandi Glanville is rocking a leopard-print coat. Feisty, raaaawr! Donald Trump is insufferable as always. 

The women’s team contains: Brandi (reality mega-villain and best selling tweeter about what she does with her twatter), Kenya Moore (Former Miss WHO-S-A, who had a Scepter App hidden her purse so not to violate the anti-props contract stipulations), Leeza Gibbons (talk show host), failed reality star Kate Gosselin (minus her 8 and the tumorous bunion known as Jon), Jamie Anderson (a former Olympic snowboarder with a long history of legal imbroglios who has the same plastic surgeon as Brandi – face. does. not. move.), Vivica A. Fox (hoping to resurrect her acting career by playing evil),  Shawn Johnson (a former Olympic gold medalist who thinks social media usage qualifies as a legitimate career. Was she on DWTS?), and Keisha Knight Pulliam (formerly Rudy of The Cosby Show). The women’s team is infinitely more diabolical and interesting than the men’s team, but I suppose they came out and tried to play, so we have to talk about them. 

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Last night’s Celebrity Apprentice was sponsored by Crystal Light, a drink I’m pretty sure is only purchased by dieting women. In fact, the first true reaction anyone had to the announcement of this week’s sponsor, was by Aubrey O’Day ,who gushed that the low-calorie drink helped her lose weight.

Apparently, Crystal Light is attempting to cash in on Bethenny Frankel’s lady drinker gravy train and has created a line of drinks inspired by cocktails. This week’s assignment for our celebrities was to each throw a fabulous launch party for two of the drinks: Peach Bellini and Pomtini. Immediately, I thought that Teresa Giudice was a natural choice for project manager. Not only has she thrown several huge parties on Real Housewives of New Jersey, but she actually has a line of (alcoholic) Bellini’s on the market.

Instead, Aubrey took the job for Forte. No one mentioned it on the show, but I really feel disappointed that Teresa didn’t step up on this task. Is her strategy simply just to coast? Clay Aiken talking heads that Aubrey is a natural for this task, because “Aubrey popped right out of her momma’s chotch and started grabbing on to the stripper pole.” Clay Aiken: hilarious! Who knew?

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This week’s Celebrity Apprentice had the perfect name, Failure To Launch. At the end of the episode, it didn’t feel like anyone did a particularly good job, with everyone skating by and leaning on their alliances.

The task this week: create a 10 minute presentation on the new Buick Verrano and answer a 10 minute Q & A. Donald tells everyone the task, while standing at Grand Army Plaza, with all his rich friends looking down on him from their high-rises. He says some of them are great people, and others are scum. And which one would you be, Donald? That’s a question for the ages.

It’s obvious that Michael Andretti, the race car driver from a legendary racing family, should be the project manager, but for reasons beyond human understanding, Adam Carolla is chosen as project manager. On the women’s side, Debbie Gibson takes the lead since she has experience performing. I didn’t hear them say the presentation would be at a mall, but okay.

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The two hours of product placement given to Ivanka Trump by Celebrity Apprentice last night totally worked because I actually googled Ivanka’s line. It’s basically a line of cute conservative clothes for career girls, “reasonably” priced or downright cheap if you have Ivanka’s budget, but not exactly accessible to those of us who have to shop the sale rack at Forever 21.

I can’t go any further on this recap without mentioning the most memorable thing that happened during the broadcast, which, unfortunately was not even on the show itself, but was the insanely long commercial for Cartier that aired during the first commercial break. If you haven’t seen it, watch it so you’ll have something to talk about at lunch with your co-workers, because judging from Twitter’s reaction, that’s all anyone remembers.

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This week’s episode of the longest show on television, Celebrity Apprentice was not only the most anyone has ever mentioned restaurant chain, Medieval Times on television, since their ubiquitous ads in the 90s, but was also an ad for the Real Housewives franchise.

This is unsurprising considering Real Housewives of New Jersey cast-member, Teresa Giudice‘s presence on the cast and NBC’s ownership of the Bravo network. While, it made sense for the women’s team, Forte, to pick the ‘Un-Real Housewives of Camelot’ as their theme for their 15 minute Medieval Times show (this week’s assignment), it all felt a little dirty, especially when Aubrey O’Day excitedly announced the Real Housewives had “like, 5 million viewers.”

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