Katie Maloney

Brittany and Adam

Here’s what I was doing instead of writing a Vanderpump Rules recap: researching Captain Picard cookie cutters on the internet. But honestly, that might not be so far off-base. Any Star Trek TNG fans out there? Well, you should be – it would be super great if Captain Picard could beam down and save this mess from itself, because NO ONE interesting this season. Except James Kennedy, but that’s beside the point.

I’m supposed to be all bent out of shape and emotionally invested because Jax Taylor finally manned up enough to dump Brittany Cartwright. She reacted by storming out of their apartment amid a stream of twang-laced obscenities (which sounds like what happens when you mix Tang with beer from an aluminum can) and Jax reacted by stress-eating himself a piece of greasy leftover pizza then strolling down the hall to Tom and Katie’s.

Tom Schwartz drunk

After a tumultuous Season 5 (and that one alleged drunken make out at the beginning of Season 6), Tom Schwartz’s relationship with Katie Maloney is no longer the relationship in the spotlight on Vanderpump Rules. Thanks to the cheating scandal, all roads lead back to Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright this season.

So who does Tom think will be the next to get married out of all the cast members?  What does Tom think about Stassi Schroeder’s relationship with her new man Beau Clark?

Instagram Roundup

A picture is worth a thousand words, rights? So what does it say when Cameran Eubanks, Whitney Sudler-Smith, Shep Rose, Kathryn Dennis, and Patricia Altschul all post the same photo of Cameran, Whitney, Shep, and Kathryn with Cameran’s daughter Palmer? I’m sure that they were all excited to meet the new baby, but are they also sending a message about the “teams” for the rest of Southern Charm Season 5? Or maybe I’m just being presumptuous… Then again, take a look at Thomas Ravenel’s Twitter account and it’s very clear that he and Patricia are feuding these days. We shall see what happens as the season continues….

Jeremy Madix

As Ariana Madix’s brother, her roomate, and the man who saved SUR from burning down, Jeremy Madix has been on Vanderpump Rules for a while. For the most part he was just there, working hard at SUR or turning up at a party, and then all of a sudden he became a story line- and not for a “good” reason.

Billie Lee told Stassi Schroeder and Kristen Doute that Jeremy asked her out on a date and they warned her that Jeremy is “creepy.” Then we were blessed with some unseen footage from Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney’s wedding reception with Jeremy attempting to make a move on Stassi. Ariana’s man Tom Sandoval confronted Kristen, Stassi, and Katie about the accusations, and then we didn’t really hear from Jeremy after that. Sure, we saw the date with Billie, but they just left that story line behind. It’s understandable since there are 959548484847 people on this show, but it still feels unfinished.

Tom Sandoval 'proposes' to Tom Schwartz

While Tom Sandoval was giving Tom Schwartz an ‘I promise you an eternity of booze’ ring, Jax Taylor finally yanked the bandaid off and dumped Brittany Cartwright on last night’s Vanderpump Rules.

All it took for Jax to reach this inevitable conclusion was cheating with a friend, several screaming fights, a threatened moved to Florida for a fake job, a meltdown that nearly got him fired, meddling friends, a fake first date with a fake crush, the return to an abandoned identity, and one reiki instructor who fled to Africa! I mean would you stick around for the fall-out of that mess? 

Jax freaks out on Pump Rules

During the last episode of Vanderpump Rules, Jax Taylor had a complete meltdown at SUR in front of Lisa Vanderpump and the rest of the cast. In all honesty, I see why he would go ballistic: Scheana Marie decided to set up his girlfriend Brittany Cartwright with Adam Spott. Any normal person would be upset about that.

Here’s the thing though: everyone in this cast loves Brittany– who Jax cheated on with Faith Stowers– so it’s tough for the rest of the cast members to have sympathy for him given the bigger scandals in their relationship.

Dorinda Medley & 31 Surprise Guests On Watch What Happens Live; NeNe Leakes Has Beef With Reza Farahan

Last night’s episode of Watch What Happens Live was packed with (reality) star power. Andy Cohen had Dorinda Medley on as his featured guest and 31 other Bravolebrities rang the doorbell before making surprise appearances.

Since the episode was taped in Los Angeles, it was mostly cast members from the Bravo shows that take place in California: Vanderpump Rules, Shahs of Sunset, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and Real Housewives of Orange County, but plenty of other notable Bravo personalities showed up. It was a really fun episode to watch, but the 31 extra guests definitely took away from Dorinda’s time in the spotlight- at least in my opinion.

Jax Taylor Flips Off SUR

I’m beginning to worry that Tom Sandoval and Jax Taylor have been on Vanderpump Rules for so long they now need hearing aids in addition to emotional crutches, because overnight Jax has turned into a crotchety old man with a hearing problem waving his finger around and complaining about bad kids with a turn up problem.

Everyone is still in Mexico (apparently a purgatory of all reality TV eternity) where Kristen Doute is flinging drinks at James Kennedy and Lala Kent, you know because they need a cold shower and to cool off. Or possibly for Raquel Leviss‘s sake. Or perhaps Kristen thought James’s bronzer was too intense? Actually that’s just James’s naturally perfect skin (I am obsessed and so jealous. It is PORELESS like a Noxema ad from 1992).

Whatever Kristen’s reasons for tossing a perfectly good cocktail has absolutely nothing to do with Kristen believing that James started a rumor that they hooked up. A rumor that Jax, not James, actually started and which James denied several times. James adds the only way he would’ve said anything of the sort is if he was drunk and joking.