It's all a numbers game for those krazy Kardashians…the number of viewers, the number of random items they can slap their names on, the number of spin-offs we continue to watch while we complain about how many spin-offs they have, the number of random Instagram videos posted by Kim–not to mention the number of million dollar weddings one person needs to have! Yes, you can kount on the Kardashians to like their numbers (bad pun…sheesh).
Of course, if we're lucky, it could be a numbers game for us too…as in the number days we can pawn Kim and the tiny rapper off on France (sorry, Paris!). If Kim and Kanye West are not above the law–granted, that's a big "if"–they may be moving out of the country for a while. Fingers crossed! I'm sure Beyonce wouldn't be sad to see them go either as their Vogue cover is on track to outsell hers. This must be stopped! Stop buying April's issue of Vogue for goodness' sake!
Khloe Kardashian has certainly kept us guessing about her love life since she filed for divorce from Lamar Odom in December. There have been rumors of a reconciliation with Lamar — NO KHLOE, NO! — and she was spotted bowling and clubbing with rapper, The Game.
Now the latest round of rumors involves another rapper, French Montana. Keeping Up With the Kardashians star Khloe was first spotted with the handsome rapper at the 16th birthday party for Diddy's son, Christian on April 4th. Which was also attended by Khloe's little sisters Kendall and Kylie Jenner. When the party was over, the night was not for Khloe and French Montana as they headed to a nearby airport. But where were they going?
Good gracious. This whole Khroma Beauty thing isn't going to go away. The Kardashian sisters slap their names on anything and everything imaginable, and the one time they decide NOT to use their name is the one time the poo hits the fan. When Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe introduced their Khroma cosmetics line, the brand's parent company Boldface was slapped with a cease and desist by the real Kroma.
After the Florida based make-up company Kroma sued the Kardashian's Khroma for trademark infringement, the Kardashians changed the line's name to the oh, so original name Kardashian Beauty. However, Khloe wasn't happy about it…to put it mildly!
So what's the big reveal? Elementary, my dear Watson! I've determined that Kim is just being a stellar fiance to Kanye West. All of this Instagram craziness is just her way to make us all realize that the tiny rapper's Bound 2 video is an actual work of art. I mean, compared to Kim's latest postings, it is…right? Slow clap, Kimmie. Slow. Clap.
As the Kardashian family traumatizes Thailand with their famewhoring while they film for Keeping Up With The Kardashians they have been posting selfies and beach photos galore. Kim took it one step further by uploading a totally corny and embarrassing slow motion music video of herself posing on a boat. Really cringe-worthy.
Okay, so this news isn't shocking, but it's annoying. It's another Kardashianshow. They just keep coming, and nothing can stop it. It's like a bad case of the stomach virus or the slugs that flock to my backyard when the weather gets warm. Kardashians, slugs, and stomach bugs…sounds about right!
However, while this news is bad, it isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. You see, when I was first checking out Kim Kardashian's website, I was worried that we were going to be bombarded with something much worse than yet another show. I thought Kardashian dolls were coming. Can you even imagine? Thankfully, I didn't read things carefully, and Kris Jenner, if you're reading this, the dolls were my idea. TM. Don't. Please, please, don't.
The duo has already taken Miami in one of the family's bazillion spin-offs, and if it isn't broke, why fix it? Kris Jenner is determined to shove her offspring down our throats in as many ways possible, and this time the folks of East Hampton will have to sacrifice their summer for some reality vapidness. Somewhere the Countess is rolling her eyes!
Joan Rivers — the hilarious host of Fashion Police — recently filmed and released a comedy sketch with Ray J for her WE TV show Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best? — spoofing Ray J and Kim Kardashian's famous sex romp. A sex romp that happened in 2003 and was "illegally" released in 2007. A sex romp which also — I might add — made Kim Kardashian a household name and catapulted her family into superstardom. Seriously, if there had never been a sex tape, there would not have been a reality show. And it begs the question, if there had never been Keeping Up With the Kardashians — Would we even know the name Khloe Kardashian?