Coming off my post-Christmas slump to deal with Real Housewives Of Atlanta makes me a bit cranky. Now I don’t know about y’all but I really don’t care if Phaedra Parks owes Todd Tucker money. I’d rather talk about Kandi Burruss rocking the h-e-double-hockeysticks out of over-the-knee sequined boots at 6 months pregnant. And I’d also like to discuss Kenya Moore‘s latest fake-a-date.
Kenya and Marlo Hampton hit the gym because this is totally 2000 and that’s where you meet men. Or cows. But not poopers. They’re playing with balls when James walks over to flirt with Kenya. James checks some of Kenya’s boxes: Tall, handsome, fit – but he’s too young and is but a mere personal trainer. They have a totally awkward, phony flirtation that results in a date. I was distracted by James smiling with his lip over his teeth and was waiting for them to expose scary teeth. But they weren’t scary at all.
Later Kenya and James meet to play basketball. Kenya wears a baby blue outfit to send subliminal hints that say, “Sperm donor.” Kenya isn’t sure if she wants a second date with James because he’s too young (and seriously this date was more awkward than one of those stupid male model photoshoots they always force uponAmerica’s Next Top Model contestants), but she’d totally turkey baste him in an alley, y’all!
I hope our Reality Tea family is enjoying a wonderful holiday week, with full bellies, fuller hearts, and a snarky outlook for what reality shows have in store for us in 2016! Real Housewives of Atlanta has had a crazy season thus far, and it can only get more insane after the most recent installment. Proving that no housewives can take a vacation without horrific drama, the RHOA ladies getaway to Miami was anything but fun, restful, or relaxing. In fact, it was downright hard to watch thanks to Tammy McCall Browning’s nephew Glen losing his shiz and slamming his aunt to the ground while trying to get to Kenya Moore after she told him to leave. Tugging on a wig is one thing, but battery is anything but entertaining. Take note, Bravo!
In her Bravo blog, Kenya espouses on the week’s episode with her own headlines, just in case you didn’t catch her theme. She begins, “MESSY–Many people accuse me of being messy. If you say something on a reality TV show with cameras recording you that you don’t want people to know about or ever repeat, don’t go on a reality TV show talking about people… Now that’s messy! You can call me messy, and at times I am. I own that. However, what I won’t do is look the other way when I see a potentially dangerous situation for myself, my friends, and cast mates.”
There’s nothing a reality star loves more than an instagram feed to get a little attention outside of their regularly scheduled TV show.
Below is Reality Tea’s list of the most outrageous, interesting, exciting, scandalous, fun, or just plain bizarre selfies and instagram photos of 2015. From Farrah Abraham‘s plastic surgery mishap, to the wildest moments, and of course about 2 million bikini pics!
Above, bizarro world’s collide when Luann de Lesseps partied with former President Bill Clinton. “What a thrill and honor to meet the wonderful #presidentbillclinton last night at Birthday Party for @hillaryclinton,” the Real Housewives Of New York star shared. I guess we know who’s getting the Countess’ vote!
Below, are some of our favorite selfies and instagram moments from 2015. Enjoy!
Honestly I don’t know what to say about last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta. Sorry this is late by the way – I was re-playing the ‘Glen Gets Slammed Into The Wall’ scene on repeat until dawn.
Somewhere Glen Rice Jr. turned to the very dark side. Either he’s a drunk, rude, out of control jerk; or he’s a rude, out of control jerk, but alcohol (+ Kenya Moore?) made things worse!
I think we can ALL agree we’re not getting the whole story from Bravo. Based on the women’s reactions, Glen’s 0-60 psychosis, plus the 3 mobile refrigerator units that appeared out of nowhere to practice their sumo skills on Glen and living room wall, I’d say some serious SERIOUS information got lost on the editing floor. Right next to Porsha Williams‘ couth, dignity, and trophy wife status! (Did she REALLY admit to a golden shower on television last night? Really?!)
About the trip to Miami, Cynthia shared, “I was very excited about the girls’ trip do over. Especially in Miami! I was looking forward to putting all the Lake Lanier drama behind me. It was really thoughtful of Kenya to go out of her way to plan the Lake Lanier outing, on my behalf, to lift my spirits. A “do over” with Kenya and Porsha planning it together (after everything they have been through) was confirmation for me that Porsha and I could move our relationship forward in a positive direction. I welcomed the opportunity.”
Dealing with Real Housewives Of Atlanta‘s shady ladies, has taught Phaedra a thing or two. Imparting the wisdom of her Housewives ages Phaedra tries to live by the Golden Rule. Which is, “Do unto others as I would have them do unto me. And so, when you think like that, you try to sow the right seeds, so that’s what I try to do, even with these mean heifers.”
In a bizarre twist of well, everything Real Housewives Of Atlanta has stood for these long seasons,Kenya Moore and Porsha Williams planned the trip together. As co-conspirators.
The fight on the boat was a reality check for these two, so despite their constant animosity, Kenya and Porsha decided to come together to plan a re-do of Cynthia Bailey‘s redone bachelorette party. Or whatever because Cynthia and Peachter are just great now. So uh… congrats!