RHONY Recap

I’m guessing the newcomers on Real Housewives of New York didn’t realize they would be jumping back into last season!  With Jill Zarin, Kelly Bensimon, and Alex McCord out of the picture, it seems like the Count(l)ess LuAnn and Pinot Singer are vying to see who will be the biggest, baddest housewife in all the Upper East Side land.  The claws are out, which isn’t surprising given this pair.

On the season premiere, Countless told her new co-stars of Ramoana’s threat regarding her children.  The maven of manners also demanded an apology for last season’s drama during a party.  I find her public admonishment of ol’ Crazy Eyes a tad hypocritical, given there is, according to LuAnn, a time and a place for everything.  For example, you don’t talk about losing a parent over drinks with friends.  It’s poor form.  However, making others uncomfortable at a party is completely acceptable behavior.  In her Bravo blog, she explains it all…and with words we serfs can understand.

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Well, girls and boys… it finally happened. After months of build-up, Bravo unleashed the New New York and we finally caught a glimpse of Real Housewives of New York without Jill Zaaaaaaaaarin. For those of you who never thought you’d live to see the day – rejoice – but sadly it seems Pinot Singer has hopped right on up into the bitter, negative, biddy role that Jill so recently vacated. Dangit, Pinot!

Last night we were treated to some delightful new blood, and while Sonja Morgan was in good spirits and ready to move on and make new friends but keep the old, LuAnn de Lesseps, Countess no more and Pinot were still circling each other like round the UES rosie with the same old axe to grind. Sonja said the only thing worse than stale brioche at a party is stale guests… well meet your stale guests. Are people still eating brioche?

Things open with LuAnn and newbie Aviva Drescher pretending they’re long lost friends and doing lunch. Let’s just call it what it is – they’ve met each other a total of two times and Bravo is forcing them to interact as buddies to stack the odds. The only interesting thing that came out of this to-do was the revelation that Aviva’s ex-husband Harry has quite the active social life  – so active that he’s dated and most likely boinked LuAnn and Sonja.

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On the latest episode of the Real Housewives of New York City, LuAnn has the one-liners, Kelly has the facial expressions, and Ramona has the bug-eyes. Sonja and Alex have a pretty hairy luncheon to resolve their issues, and Cindy helps the ladies go from hairy to hairless during a private spa day. And G’day, Jill…she is absent this episode while traveling Down Under.

We start with Kelly Killoren Bensimon running late for a pedicure with LuAnn de Lesseps, and in typical Countess fashion, LuAnn has to let her friend know that tardiness is not okay. “I didn’t know where to wait for you…should I wait on the corner like a hooker?” Oh LuAnn. You and your one-liners. While the ladies’ feet are pampered, they discuss LuAnn’s new boyfriend, Ross Gellar, um, Jacques and how Kelly is ready to find love, but trust issues make it harder for her. I would think her facial expressions would take a backseat to trust issues when interfering with finding Mr. Right, but what do I know. LuAnn invites Kelly to a wine-filled speed dating event hosted by Jacques, who is “in the wine distribution business”–aka what commoners consider “sales.”

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The fourth season of the Real Housewives of New York City premiered last night without the show’s break out star Bethenny Frankel, bringing us to the question – Was Bethenny missed? Well, an answer to that below but one thing was clear from watching the premiere, which is that some of the ladies clearly had an agenda set for this season.

Judging from the premiere, it appears that Jill Zarin will spend the entire season trying to convince us she is a changed woman except she is still the same and nastier than ever, while Kelly Bensimon badly wants us to believe she is sane – a hard task to prove when you’re bat sh*t insane. With that said, let’s get right to the recap!

The show begins with most of the housewives having new taglines in their opening credits. “Good or bad, I know who I am and I own it,” declares Jill. Um no you don’t. “I’ve always had opinions. Now people know it,” states Alex having discovered last season that voicing said opinions gets you more face time on TV. “I’m living the American dream one mistake at a time,” says Kelly. I don’t speak crazy so I won’t even attempt to decode what that means.

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