Once upon a time there was a woman named Pinot Singer who thought she knew a lot about everything and thought no one could see through her. Pinot believed her life was like one of those double-sided mirrors where from one side it looked like a window and from the other side it looked like a mirror. She assumed she could clearly see people and they could see only goodness through her eyes.
Pinot believed she reflected goodness, honesty, truthfulness, and pleasant goodwill. Pinot was wrong. Pinot is delusional, but delusion is a powerful drug – more powerful than pinot grigio, that’s for sure!
Last night on Real Housewives of New Yorkthe ladies assembled for a mid-day brunch, everyone but Pinot and LuAnn de Lesseps. Thank goodness. I’m not sure what time it was, but there they all were; this gaggle of desperate famewhores (and Carole Radziwill) all dressed up as if they were going to a nightclub when it was 1 in the afternoon, outside, in a dowtown restaurant.
Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New York was pretty low-key and I have to say after all the recent drama with certain other Housewives shows it was refreshing to watch a show that focused on the lives of rich, fabulous women instead of fabricated drama and petty fights. Well there was one petty fight, but it paled in comparison to other recent fights on other Housewives shows. And really I never thought there would come a day when I referred to Pinot Singer as low-key, and she’s not by any normal standards, but alas the pinot hath frozen over.
Things open with Aviva Drescher and her husband Reed meeting Heather Thomson and her husband for a getting to know you dinner. Over salads, Heather shares that though her husband is the son of a famous rabbi and they practice Judaism, she is not a full convert. No, no… she’s merely Jewish by injection only. Well, since there’s no shots the doctor can give you to make you Jewish, I’m going to assume the injection comes from her husband’s kosher sausage.
Among the other shocking revelations that came over dinner was the lurid story of Sonja Morgan and LuAnn de Lesseps‘ bedroom activities and their proximity to Aviva‘s ex-husband. Boy, this man is busy on the Housewives circuit! Is he going to make his way to other franchises? Apparently Harry attended Heather‘s birthday party (does he know everyone associated with this show?) where it was disclosed (discovered?) that he slept with both Sonja AND LuAnn. When – no one seems to know – but it was presumably after the time when Aviva was married to him. A surprised Aviva handled the news with dignity, but disgust. I don’t know about you, but that would be a little too close to comfort for me!
On the season premiere, Countless told her new co-stars of Ramoana’s threat regarding her children. The maven of manners also demanded an apology for last season’s drama during a party. I find her public admonishment of ol’ Crazy Eyes a tad hypocritical, given there is, according to LuAnn, a time and a place for everything. For example, you don’t talk about losing a parent over drinks with friends. It’s poor form. However, making others uncomfortable at a party is completely acceptable behavior. In her Bravo blog, she explains it all…and with words we serfs can understand.
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Well, girls and boys… it finally happened. After months of build-up, Bravo unleashed the New New York and we finally caught a glimpse of Real Housewives of New York without Jill Zaaaaaaaaarin. For those of you who never thought you’d live to see the day – rejoice – but sadly it seems Pinot Singer has hopped right on up into the bitter, negative, biddy role that Jill so recently vacated. Dangit, Pinot!
Last night we were treated to some delightful new blood, and while Sonja Morgan was in good spirits and ready to move on and make new friends but keep the old, LuAnn de Lesseps, Countess no more and Pinot were still circling each other like round the UES rosie with the same old axe to grind. Sonja said the only thing worse than stale brioche at a party is stale guests… well meet your stale guests. Are people still eating brioche?
Things open with LuAnn and newbieAviva Drescher pretending they’re long lost friends and doing lunch. Let’s just call it what it is – they’ve met each other a total of two times and Bravo is forcing them to interact as buddies to stack the odds. The only interesting thing that came out of this to-do was the revelation that Aviva’s ex-husband Harry has quite the active social life – so active that he’s dated and most likely boinked LuAnn and Sonja.
On the latest episode of the Real Housewives of New York City, LuAnn has the one-liners, Kelly has the facial expressions, and Ramona has the bug-eyes. Sonja and Alex have a pretty hairy luncheon to resolve their issues, and Cindy helps the ladies go from hairy to hairless during a private spa day. And G’day, Jill…she is absent this episode while traveling Down Under.
We start with Kelly Killoren Bensimon running late for a pedicure with LuAnn de Lesseps, and in typical Countess fashion, LuAnn has to let her friend know that tardiness is not okay. “I didn’t know where to wait for you…should I wait on the corner like a hooker?” Oh LuAnn. You and your one-liners. While the ladies’ feet are pampered, they discuss LuAnn’s new boyfriend, Ross Gellar, um, Jacques and how Kelly is ready to find love, but trust issues make it harder for her. I would think her facial expressions would take a backseat to trust issues when interfering with finding Mr. Right, but what do I know. LuAnn invites Kelly to a wine-filled speed dating event hosted by Jacques, who is “in the wine distribution business”–aka what commoners consider “sales.”
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The fourth season of the Real Housewives of New York City premiered last night without the show’s break out star Bethenny Frankel, bringing us to the question – Was Bethenny missed? Well, an answer to that below but one thing was clear from watching the premiere, which is that some of the ladies clearly had an agenda set for this season.
Judging from the premiere, it appears that Jill Zarin will spend the entire season trying to convince us she is a changed woman except she is still the same and nastier than ever, while Kelly Bensimon badly wants us to believe she is sane – a hard task to prove when you’re bat sh*t insane. With that said, let’s get right to the recap!
The show begins with most of the housewives having new taglines in their opening credits. “Good or bad, I know who I am and I own it,” declares Jill. Um no you don’t. “I’ve always had opinions. Now people know it,” states Alex having discovered last season that voicing said opinions gets you more face time on TV. “I’m living the American dream one mistake at a time,” says Kelly. I don’t speak crazy so I won’t even attempt to decode what that means.
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