It’s not an actual Bravo reunion unless someone storm off stage, right? After last week’s Southern Charm reunion installment, I had high (as in elevated, not on something) hopes for the final hour. In response to Landon Clements giddily calling out Kathryn Dennis for failing a court ordered drug test, Kathryn high tails it to the saloon, kicking up tumbleweeds in her wake. Okay, so she really just barricades herself in her dressing room. She is finally cajoled out of hiding by a producer, worried that this type of chatter from her cast mates could affect her custody battle with Thomas Ravenel, as Cameran Eubanks, Landon, and Whitney Sudler-Smith complain to Andy that this is how it is to have to film with her for the show.
Kathryn returns to the stage as quickly as she fled, giving Andy Cohena big “no comment” to any questions about said drug test. When T-Rav interjects to educate us on how far back the hair follicle test can check for illegal substances, Kathryn counters that he didn’t take the same test she took. His test wasn’t as far-reaching as to how many months back it could indicate drug use, and he shaved his entire body to make sure he couldn’t give a body hair sample (which apparently can detect use up to six months prior, as opposed to hair from one’s scalp). Science!
It may have originally been said by Alice Roosevelt Longworth, but last night, Andy Cohen was certainly channeling his inner Clairee Belcher who, in the best movie ever known to man (tied with Goonies, of course) cooed, “Well, you know what they say: if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!” That’s pretty much how it went down on the first hour of the Southern Charm reunion. Can I just say how thrilled I am that the crew finally got a proper reunion and wasn’t crammed into the WWHL clubhouse? Finally, right??
Before I get into the meat of the show, I’d like to make a few observations. I try not to share too much of my personal feelings (some of y’all may disagree with that statement, but I do try), but we all know a reunion is 30% footage and maybe 70% reaction, so I need a bit of filler. Y’all ready? People have commented before that I am too easy on the cast because I’m starstruck by people I could run into at Harris Teeter. You would be ninety percent correct.
Um, hello! Just like that, some chick who has had maybe twenty-three seconds of screen time all season made every Southern Charm fan ring their bells for Michael to fetch another shot of what the hell?? Cheers to you, Robyn! You so casually dropped that bombshell about your friend that it seemed almost inadvertent. All that was missing was a “bless her heart” to let us know just how calculated that one innocent statement was. What a doozie! But, like Tennessee Williams (who, according to Kathryn Dennis, writes stuff), I digress…
The best things end far too soon…whether it’s the weekend, my paycheck, or this season’s guiltiest pleasure! The finale begins where last week’s episode ends – with Cooper Ray attempting to corral Thomas Ravenel back into his house as Landon Clements narrowly escapes colliding with a mid-sized SUV with her golf cart. At her place down the street, Landon, Craig Conover, Naomie, and Cameran Eubanks rehash the crazy while Shepard “Shep” Rose laments a dinner uneaten. Landon gets upset when Shep defends Kathryn. Did he not just witness her go all “Moncks Corner” on her ass? Shep counters that Landon refuses to take the high road and presented Kathryn with the ammunition. He believes that Landon, Kathryn, and Thomas are far more alike than Landon would ever admit. Now where’s that damn pizza?
Southern? Without a doubt. Charming? Eh, sometimes more than others with these guys! On last night’sSouthern Charm, the drama continued to focus on Thomas Ravenel and Kathryn Dennis with a little bit of Maury Povich mixed in for good measure. After we witnessed the birth of the couple’s son St. Julien Rembert Ravenellast week, T-Rav’s friends, including JD Madison and Whitney Sudler-Smith, encouraged the playboy to make sure he was, in fact, the father, and Craig Conover, Kathryn’s biggest cheerleader, jumped on the bandwagon. Of course, we had to wait until the witching hour to see it, but wowsers…and next week? Don’t get me started!
The episode begins with Cameran Eubanks calling Shepard “Shep” Rose about their partnerShep listing, but he’s busy taste-testing gin drinks at his bar, the Palace Hotel. Also getting an early start on the day is Craig who drops in on his former boss, Extreme Akim Anastapoulo. Akim finds it laughable to learn that Craig is in the hotel business. Not only did he spend three years in law school, but Craig graduated three years ago and still hasn’t taken the bar. The lawyer/Eye for an Eye star wants to hit Craig over the head with his Bat of Justice. He wonders how Craig will explain such a gap in his legal resume to future employers. Craig swears he doesn’t want to waste his education, and Akim begrudgingly agrees to help him get on the right path after he passes the bar. Something tells me this will Akim’s final cameo. Next time Craig seeks advice, Akim will send Kato Kaelin…or Big Sugar Ray.
Back in Mount Pleasant, Kathryn and Cooper Ray (welcome back!) are spa-la-la-ing at the Woodhouse Day Spa. God, I love a man in a custom bow-tie and a fluffy robe! Kathryn’s getting her first facial as she anticipates the birth of her son. T-Rav has been so attentive lately, and she’s hoping he’s coming around to the idea of being a family man. Cooper swoops in to deliver some much needed tough love. He reminds Kathryn that she’s fallen for this before, and she has to realize that Thomas is a fifty-year-old playboy. Sure, one day he may come to his senses, but she needs to focus on living her life and raising her precious babies regardless of Thomas’ behavior–good or bad. Preach! Kathryn recognizes that T-Rav went fifty years without having children, so she knows it has to be a tough adjustment.
Cameran Eubanks hasn’t heard this theory before, and she warns Craig that he may want to retract his statement. Whitney is gobsmacked (who doesn’t love that word?), reminding Craig that he slept with Kathryn long before T-Rav. Shepard “Shep” Rose giggles “sloppy seconds” before Craig prattles off that Kathryn stayed with Whitney for five days, not to mention, Whitney escorted her to the party where she left with Thomas. Whitney can’t get his chin off the floor. “Are you kidding me? You’re believing Kathryn over me?” Cameran is mortified that her new bestie is being raked over the coals by a hapless Hashtag. Craig is so concerned with channeling his inner Harriet the Spy, he doesn’t notice how awkward things have become for the rest of the crew. Cameran recalls the time Craig called out Kathryn to her face about sleeping with three guys in their circle. Sure, Craig did that, but the past is the past…he is friends with Kathryn now.
Holy first season unseen footage, Batman! After last night’s episode of Southern Charm, I’m sure some residents of the Holy City are thinking, “Holy crap!” Whitney Sudler-Smith is either brilliantly weaving some amazing drama or doesn’t have the final say when it comes to what makes it on (or stays off) the show. Either way, yowsers! After the great bourbon debacle of this decade, Craig Conover has changed direction. His new mission isn’t Gentry, it’s getting to the bottom of Whitney’s intense distaste for Kathryn Dennis. What better backdrop for the ensuing bombshell than Shepard “Shep” Rose’s Blue Ridge Mountain home? Throw in some Thomas Ravenel drunk dancing (to quote a friend, “Seems like a dream…it can’t be real!”), and we’ve got ourselves a stellar installment!
As the Charmers rise and shine in the Lowcountry, Cameran Eubanks is channeling her inner domestic goddess with a crock pot meal while Craig and Shep opt for beers and bar food a fruit plate at Fuel. Craig admits he had a rough night with Naomie after falling from whiskey’s grace. Shep invites Craig to join the crew in Linville and ticks off the guest list. He’s decided not to include Kathryn (even though he’s Mr. Inclusive) after lunching with Whitney and Cameran–they won’t come if she attends. Craig informs Shep that Kathryn is on bed rest, so she won’t be able to come regardless…so an invitation can’t hurt and will only make her feel good. Shep dials up Kathryn who is excited to be invited even though she has to decline. Shep sends up a thank you to the bed rest gods for saving the day. In I’On, Thomas stops in to see Kathryn’s place, and she shares her conversation with Shep. T-Rav responds that he was planning on going, but maybe he won’t since she can’t. Or maybe he’ll just go for one night, nothing major…he’ll play it by ear. He feels the need to be vague when it comes to the details of Shep’s excursion because T-Rav is worried Kathryn will turn into T-Rex if he seems too excited about the trip.
I love my Southern Charm like I love my bourbon: a hearty serving at least once a week and cosigned by Craig Conover. Neat, of course. After last week’s roller-(d)rama at the rink, the sixth episode of the season had the cast sipping, JD quipping, and Craig dipping…his head in shame after claiming to run his friend’s whiskey brand. Oops! It wasn’t a purposeful lie, but rather wishful thinking, right?