Southern Charm Recap

chelsea

Is it just me, or is this season of Southern Charm getting off to a slow start? I guess we do things at a more leisurely pace down here. Last night’s episode cut out one corner of the Chelsea/Austen Kroll/Shep Rose triangle while educating us on the importance of bro code. Additionally, Thomas Ravenel hosted the crew on Edisto Island. At T-Rav’s plantation, Landon Clements is playing house while she preps for the polo match. She is channeling her inner Goop which brings a sparkle to Thomas’ eye. His last lady didn’t know her way around a kitchen, so Landon is a welcome change. As the pretend power couple awaits its guests, both are equally impressed with the other. Thomas has a plantation and Landon is a refined hostess with the most. My dog’s water bowl has more depth. I sincerely hope these two actually end up together. They deserve each other.

Austen has Chelsea programmed in his phone as “Dream Girl” which makes him even cheesier than I’d already assumed. Bless his heart. However, Chelsea seems excited about the pair’s first date, and they are two of the least annoying of the crew. Yes, I realize they have only been in my face for three episodes, so I’ll reserve my final judgment. On their way to Edisto, Austen questions Chelsea’s relationship status with Shep. She reveals that they are both from Hilton Head and may have engaged in a recent make-out sesh with Shep. Tonsil hockey aside, she still thinks Shep is an idiot. Shep 2.0 is happy to hear this news, despite the irony.

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cameran-chelsea-southern-charm

After roaming around the peninsula on the previous episode of Southern Charm, the crew was up to new antic’s on last night’s installment, and it included a cameo by Billy Ray Cyrus. Could this show GET any better (typed in my best Chandler Bing font). After the requisite morning montage, Thomas Ravenel dons his Joker glasses to get down to business as Cameran Eubanks and her pal Chelsea Meissner are working out with a trainer after a boozy night. Cameran needs to counteract her gas station diet, and Chelsea dishes on her slumber party with Shepard “Shep” Rose. Spoiler alert, there was no nudity. Cameran is excited her pal may be on the Soulmate Express with the fratastic bachelor, and she encourages Chelsea to keep playing hard to get (ie, no pants dropping) to pique Shep’s interest. He’s used to girls to giving up the goods and is need of a challenge.

Craig Conover meets Landon Clements at Tavern and Table to sympathize over adulting difficulties when there are happy hours to be had. The two giggle over the pronunciation of charcuterie, making a profession out of philanthropy, and hobnobbing with the richest of the rich. Craig is working on an event for his girlfriend Naomie Olindo’s friend’s charity. It’s focus is disaster relief for orphans in Haiti, and Craig has been tasked with ordering the step and release, um, repeat. Landon and Craig bond over how hard they work and how sucky it is when their friends claim they aren’t working hard enough. Please! These tapas aren’t going to eat themselves. Someone has to do it! You can’t spell fundraiser without FUN after all.

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southern-charm

Are y’all clutching your pearls yet? We’re the second week into this season of Southern Charm, and it doesn’t seem like much has changed. Cameran Eubanks is still playing the role of narrator and wrangling man children in the form of Craig Conover, Shepard “Shep” Rose, and Shep’s latest protege Austen Kroll. Landon Clements continues to undercut Kathryn Dennis through her giggles while her “is-he-or-isn’t he” Thomas Ravenel surrounds himself with young twenty-something arm candy. Speaking of Kathryn, she’s back with a vengeance and ready to provide hair strands and blood samples and whatever else she needs in order to see her children. Forget the hot mess express, these folks are a convoy of crazy! Let’s dive on in, shall we?

As always, the episode starts with the group in various stages of morning mayhem, whether it’s working or snoozing. Whitney Sudler-Smith visits the Hugh Hefner of Charleston T-Rav, who has been recovering from the big pool party. He’s not ready to get back into the dating scene for fear a fiery siren will come in to rip off the head of some poor college junior. Whitney is enjoying this mellower version of his friend, and he’s ready to rejoin him on the Upper King singles’ scene after breaking off his long term, long distance relationship with that young blonde girl. Thomas is thrilled to have a wing man, and he makes Whitney promise to prowl the bars each night with one goal: close on site. Wait what? Oh, do it in the bathroom! Makes sense. I’ll be re-upping on the hand sanitizer before I head out again on a Friday night.

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Southern Charm Cameran

Yes, yes, yes! It’s been a long time coming, but last night was the first installment of the fourth season of Southern Charm. Was it as good for y’all as it was for me? Can we please talk about the opening scene? Thomas Ravenel drops by Landon Clements’ house with a flower for his flower, but she giggles that for the record, orchids are her favorite. As they sit by Colonial Lake, he implores her to give their relationship a shot. In true Southern Charm fashion, the premiere then flashes back to three months prior. Cameran Eubanks is on her way to see Craig Conover who has been dodging her phone calls after revealing he never finished law school. Shep Rose rings her while on a frantic search for his credit card. He’s trying to hit up all the bars he went to over the weekend, although he can’t quite remember where he was drinking. Upon arriving to Craig and Naomie’s house, Cameran learns that Craig has become the preppy Bob Villa in order to fill his time while Naomie pursues her MBA in finance.

T-Rav is adjusting to life as a full time father now that he has his children full time. Kensie and Saint are living in the guest house (with the nanny, I assume) because, as Thomas opines, kids are messy. He’d rather have them puke on a $200 guest house rug than a $30,000 main house rug. He reveals that Kathryn Dennis hasn’t seen the kids in a couple of months and won’t until she’s able to pass a drug test. Despite the fact his kids don’t live in the same structure as him, Thomas is hands on dad and it’s truly precious to see him playing with Kensie and Saint.

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It’s not an actual Bravo reunion unless someone storm off stage, right? After last week’s Southern Charm reunion installment, I had high (as in elevated, not on something) hopes for the final hour. In response to Landon Clements giddily calling out Kathryn Dennis for failing a court ordered drug test, Kathryn high tails it to the saloon, kicking up tumbleweeds in her wake. Okay, so she really just barricades herself in her dressing room. She is finally cajoled out of hiding by a producer, worried that this type of chatter from her cast mates could affect her custody battle with Thomas Ravenel, as Cameran Eubanks, Landon, and Whitney Sudler-Smith complain to Andy that this is how it is to have to film with her for the show. 

Kathryn returns to the stage as quickly as she fled, giving Andy Cohen a big “no comment” to any questions about said drug test. When T-Rav interjects to educate us on how far back the hair follicle test can check for illegal substances, Kathryn counters that he didn’t take the same test she took. His test wasn’t as far-reaching as to how many months back it could indicate drug use, and he shaved his entire body to make sure he couldn’t give a body hair sample (which apparently can detect use up to six months prior, as opposed to hair from one’s scalp). Science!

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Southern Charm reunion

It may have originally been said by Alice Roosevelt Longworth, but last night, Andy Cohen was certainly channeling his inner Clairee Belcher who, in the best movie ever known to man (tied with Goonies, of course) cooed, “Well, you know what they say: if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!” That’s pretty much how it went down on the first hour of the Southern Charm reunion. Can I just say how thrilled I am that the crew finally got a proper reunion and wasn’t crammed into the WWHL clubhouse? Finally, right??

Before I get into the meat of the show, I’d like to make a few observations. I try not to share too much of my personal feelings (some of y’all may disagree with that statement, but I do try), but we all know a reunion is 30% footage and maybe 70% reaction, so I need a bit of filler. Y’all ready? People have commented before that I am too easy on the cast because I’m starstruck by people I could run into at Harris Teeter. You would be ninety percent correct.

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southern charm shep robyn

Um, hello! Just like that, some chick who has had maybe twenty-three seconds of screen time all season made every Southern Charm fan ring their bells for Michael to fetch another shot of what the hell?? Cheers to you, Robyn! You so casually dropped that bombshell about your friend that it seemed almost inadvertent. All that was missing was a “bless her heart” to let us know just how calculated that one innocent statement was. What a doozie! But, like Tennessee Williams (who, according to Kathryn Dennis, writes stuff), I digress…

The best things end far too soon…whether it’s the weekend, my paycheck, or this season’s guiltiest pleasure! The finale begins where last week’s episode ends – with Cooper Ray attempting to corral Thomas Ravenel back into his house as Landon Clements narrowly escapes colliding with a mid-sized SUV with her golf cart. At her place down the street, Landon, Craig Conover, Naomie, and Cameran Eubanks rehash the crazy while Shepard “Shep” Rose laments a dinner uneaten. Landon gets upset when Shep defends Kathryn. Did he not just witness her go all “Moncks Corner” on her ass? Shep counters that Landon refuses to take the high road and presented Kathryn with the ammunition. He believes that Landon, Kathryn, and Thomas are far more alike than Landon would ever admit. Now where’s that damn pizza?

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southern charm landon shep

Southern? Without a doubt. Charming? Eh, sometimes more than others with these guys! On last night’s Southern Charmthe drama continued to focus on Thomas Ravenel and Kathryn Dennis with a little bit of Maury Povich mixed in for good measure.  After we witnessed the birth of the couple’s son St. Julien Rembert Ravenel last week, T-Rav’s friends, including JD Madison and Whitney Sudler-Smith, encouraged the playboy to make sure he was, in fact, the father, and Craig Conover, Kathryn’s biggest cheerleader, jumped on the bandwagon. Of course, we had to wait until the witching hour to see it, but wowsers…and next week? Don’t get me started! 

The episode begins with Cameran Eubanks calling Shepard “Shep” Rose about their partnerShep listing, but he’s busy taste-testing gin drinks at his bar, the Palace Hotel. Also getting an early start on the day is Craig who drops in on his former boss, Extreme Akim Anastapoulo. Akim finds it laughable to learn that Craig is in the hotel business. Not only did he spend three years in law school, but Craig graduated three years ago and still hasn’t taken the bar. The lawyer/Eye for an Eye star wants to hit Craig over the head with his Bat of Justice. He wonders how Craig will explain such a gap in his legal resume to future employers. Craig swears he doesn’t want to waste his education, and Akim begrudgingly agrees to help him get on the right path after he passes the bar. Something tells me this will Akim’s final cameo. Next time Craig seeks advice, Akim will send Kato Kaelin…or Big Sugar Ray.

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