On part 3 of the Vanderpump Rules reunion, James Kennedy gave out “ass holes” galore. Most of them deserved. Although James calling anyone an asshole is the very definition of “irony” – look it up in the Bravo Dictionary! Far from being The White Kanye West, James is more accurately the less stupidly-haired Donald Trump.
Alas, before James opens his can of asshole with the index finger of doom, Stassi Schroeder argues with Lisa Vanderpump about her sex tape. Did we ever figure out why the hell Stassi Does Dildos is only worth $900? Honestly I would expect it to be more like $9.99 clearance, but I mean, whatever whets your whistle! Stassi accuses Lisa of asking her parents to repay the money, and is furious Lisa didn’t demand Stassi’s”ex-boyfriend” sign a contract after getting paid, nor did LVP get the footage back. Exactly what was Stassi doing while Lisa was combing the slums of Beverly Hills like an Archer episode to recon a sex tape absolutely no one butScheana Marie wanted to watch?
No one cares about Stassi and her sex tape, (except for Kristen Doute, who keeps trying to interrupt until Lisa instructs her to “shut up”).
Ariana Madix has had a weird season on Vanderpump Rules and I’m sure she’s glad to put this one behind her and hopefully move on to better one next time. She shared her thoughts on part 2 of the reunion – including her current friendship status with Scheana Marie, why she thinks Stassi Schroeder came back to the show and more.
On why Ariana feels this cast is so toxic, “The poisonous gossip that occurs regularly within this group of people will suck your soul dry if you let it. Gossip and feeding off of other people’s shortcomings is an addictive thing, but it makes me feel horrible about the life I’m living. I’ve been a witness to it, a participant in it, and a victim of it. It feels like an endless cycle of hurting and forgiving each other.”
Since we’re starting out with the worst, Andy replays footage of James Kennedy getting eaten alive by SUR hostess Lauren, then coming to work proudly showing off his battle wounds. He’s a survivor! Lisa Vanderpump was unimpressed. The best part was learning that Lauren’s boyfriend, hot bartender Anthony, dumped her over the incident. Ouch – getting dumped for James has gotta hurt!
Stassi starts off yapping about how she ditched Xanax and is now obsessed with pot instead for her relaxing and sleep related needs. She and host Jackie Schimmel then laugh together about James Kennedy getting scolded by Andy at the reunion for being on his phone during the taping. “I couldn’t imagine if I broke out my phone in the middle of the reunion”. And then they discuss their mutual obsession with his awesomely bad music video.
Stassi then spills scalding hot tea after Jackie jokes that James and his mom are “definitely f***ing.” Stassi shares, “Well, she robbed a bank! I don’t know if I’m allowed to say this. She robbed a bank and she stole money from Kristen and it was like a huge deal.” She adds, “I don’t want to know too many details because of reasons like this, I have to say them on a podcast. So just don’t tell me.” Stassi laughs, “She might be my hero.”
The THREE-part Vanderpump Rules reunion kicks off tonight. Bravo asked each cast member what was going through their minds as they took the stage.
Lisa Vanderpump admitted she’s a little worried about James Kennedy and Jax Taylor, adding, “I hope that they keep it civilized … There is one person in particular that is so volatile I just, you know, don’t want them getting out of their seats. That is a factor as well … You know it is going to kick off at some point.”
A caller asks if Lisa would hireStassi Schroeder to work at SUR again. “NO.” Lisa says her presence onVanderpump Rules is “authentic” because she’s still very much a part of that group but she will not employ her. “She’s too much a pain in the ass,” Lisa mutters under her breath. Ha.
It’s safe to say that Monday’s episode was deliciously predictable, with Stassi Schroeder and Kristen Doute crashing Villa Rosa to attend Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz’s engagement party. Jax’s girlfriend Brittany Cartwright proved once again that she has more patience than the entire cast combined (times a million), and Scheana Shay and Adriana Madix are once again biffles…even if their reconciliation was a product of Scheana’s insecurities about being ousted by Stassi. All is right with the world.