Sometimes when I write these recaps I wish I had more time to ponder the happenings. I get myopic vision and tunnel in on certain ideas, then I read or see something else and it’s like: aha! How did I miss that? But alas, the world of blogging moves swiftly and there is no time for deep consideration about reality TV.
The cast of Vanderpump Rules managed to come together to celebrate Scheana Marie‘s bachelorette party in Miami. And so far, no one has died – yet!
Katie Maloney reveals that she was happy to be invited – even if it meant damaging her friendship to Stassi Schroeder. “I really wasn’t looking forward to a trip with both Jax and Kristen but I had come so far with my process of letting go and not letting petty grudges get the best of me,” Katie shares. “Besides there are plenty of people I love going on this trip. I’m not going to let two people ruin it.”
“Of course, I had some concerns and fears of the worst,” Katie admits. “There was still plenty of lingering drama between several people going, myself included. However, this trip was about Scheana and shay and celebrating them!”
Last night the over-grown adolescents of Vanderpump Rules made the trek to Miami for Scheana Marie‘s bachelorette party. Naturally the thing to do is to also invite your Maid of Honor’s mortal enemy, who also happens to be on the FBI watch-list for stalking – just to make sure everyone has an unforgettable time! If Kristen Doute were a superhero her power would be stealing fun. Except Kristen is not a superhero – she’s a super villain.
Packing for the trip Shay, the lumbering manhulk of sullen drudgery, finally speaks. Holding up a pair of flamboyant swim trunks, he looks down at his open suitcase, then at Scheana and mumbles, “This is really setting in right now.” Yep – one step closer to being Mr. Scheana Marie Almost Famous. Score!
The other problematic goings-on is Jax Taylor. Just that very morning Jax apparently ran head-first into a glass door, busting open his forehead. Now he looks even more like a scientific experiment where the world’s most attractive man is turned into a Frankenstein monster of evil. Peter recognizes this is not gonna be good.
Ariana Madix usually doesn’t let the nonsense of Vanderpump Rules phase her too much. As the general port of calm in the storm, she refrains from mixing herself up in the drama of insane asylum inmates populating Lisa Vanderpump‘s restaurant.
But last week’s episode? That was the episode that made Ariana snap. Apparently it had to do with birthdays, Jax Taylor‘s lies, and Stassi Schroederacting like they’re all nobodies to her elevated status of fully actualized adult human being.
Our favorite reality TV stars cannot get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to social media to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite photos from this week. Enjoy!
Is anyone confused about what is going on with Stassi Schroeder? She was always a delusional, self-righteous, self-important mess, but this season of Vanderpump Rules she is missing a link. Also, not getting it: Jax Taylor who continues to have terrible troubles with the truth!
Since Stassi doesn’t rank as important this season she doesn’t get a fancy trip to celebrate her birthday – instead it’s a wine tasting with all of her “friends” from SUR. Stassi believes this means she’s “growing up.” because she’s celebrating her birthday without tantrums and whiny hissyfits. OK, then.
Does denial grow on trees in sunny California? What about psychosis? I mean, it must, right if Vanderpump Rules is any indication of life in LA. Last night Katie Maloney had an awakening and Tom Sandoval had a’shakening when he realized that Kristen Doute really is stalking him and he is going to end up the subject of a cautionary tale seen on Lifetime. Hey – I’d watch, but only if they cast an actor with better hair.
Lisa Vanderpump is swanning around Villa Blanca, pruning roses, whistling while she works, conversing with birds when one of her 7 gnomes – Sleazy – arrives. Jax Taylor is just hoping for some free food – and some permission to start “banging” the new hostess Vail. Lisa immediately attempts to put the breaks on that notion by snipping the pruning sheers near Jax’s poker.
Before Lisa even has the opportunity to take off her transparent unicorn leather gardening gloves (special edition Gucci), gnome 2 – Sniffly – arrives to burst in to tears. Katie blames being allergic to decent human beings and scents other than stale booze for her watery eyes. She tells Lisa that Tom 2 would rather have Jax in his life than Katie, but she doesn’t want to be alone. What if she turns into Kristen?!