The Vanderpump Rules Spin-Off The Valley Looks Terrible

Jax Taylor
(Photo by Gabe Ginsberg/Getty Images)

With the success of the long-running Vanderpump Rules series, it made sense for Bravo to want to pursue a spinoff revolving around some of the OGs. The WeHo troublemakers hold a special place in viewers’ hearts since VPR is a beloved staple of the network. Between multiple birthday meltdowns, cheating scandals, and tequila crazies, the original cast sure left its mark. There was hope that the Vanderpump Rules spin-off The Valley would remind fans of those memorable early seasons.

Vanderpump Rules has given viewers moments like “Pump-tini!” and Scandoval. The series looked to be ending with Season 10, but thanks to the cheating scandal, it was given one more shot. So why introduce a spin-off? It could be perfect timing for some who still care about the older cast members. But when it comes to Jax Taylor and Kristen Doute in particular, they were fired for good reason and really shouldn’t be given a second shot. 

The Valley Cast

Jax Taylor/Instagram

The entire cast isn’t filled up with former SUR servers but will include Vanderpump Rules’ Jax, Brittany Cartwright, and Kristen. The three friends will show what it is like to be an adult, which seems odd, but I would bet dollars to donuts that Jax still hasn’t mastered it yet. There will also be a few new additions, including Luke Broderick, Danny Booko, Nia Booko, Jesse Lally, Michelle Lally, Jason Caperna, and Janet Caperna.

The cast will be bonding over parenthood, playdates, and diapers. To be honest, it all feels a bit too maternal for Bravo. I feel like I would be more interested if the network took the actual OGs like Stassi Schroeder, Katie Maloney, and Tom Schwartz and added them with Jax and Kristen. What I liked about early Vanderpump Rules was that the group were actually friends with one another. They are shitty friends, but friends nonetheless. The Valley concept seems forced and is making me want to talk in that Valley girl accent. 

What Can We Expect From The Valley

Kristen Doute/Instagram

The Valley will premiere in the spring, but already, the show has a lot of hype. Just like its predecessor, The Valley will follow another group of Los Angeles friends who, according to Bravo, will “trade bottle service in West Hollywood for baby bottles in the Valley, all while they navigate bustling businesses, rocky relationships, and feisty friendships.” Not surprisingly, Lisa Vanderpump is also an executive producer behind the new show. 

Adulting Isn’t Hard

Brittany Cartwright/Instagram

When it comes to adulting, no one wants to do it, but you just put your big boy/girl pants on one leg at a time and get on with it. The idea that Bravo is trying to present an all-new series about taking a shot at adulting is preposterous. Jax is 44, and Kristen is 40. At this point, both have been adults for over two decades, and if they haven’t mastered it now, why are we rewarding them with an entire show dedicated to their failures? It’s actually sad and not a great look for TV. The Valley is simply giving off low-rent VPR vibes. 

I Might Pass On the Valley

Brittany Cartwright/Instagram

Okay, I am going to be really honest here—the trailer did nothing to wow me. It showed Jax how he has always been, playing around and not taking life seriously. But after the worldwide pandemic and mini-recession, I am kind of over watching complete fools earn a paycheck by refusing to grow up. The teaser didn’t make me want to tune at all, like get out of the toy car and work, man. There is no way Jax is going to convince me he is a better person than when he left. 

But I can’t wait to hear about how quickly he goes from the changed family man he portrays himself as, back to the problematic troublemaker we all know he really is. The premise may be one of the most boring ones I have ever had the privilege of viewing, and that is saying a lot because I love TV.

My expectations were pretty low, to begin with, but The Valley looks even worse than I imagined. Between the newbies, who I don’t care about, and Brittany’s Kentucky twang that makes me want to pour beer cheese in my ears, I am going to have to give the show a hard pass.