The Real Housewives Of Orange County reunion has left a bad taste in my mouth. Right after I wrote this I ate like 16 pieces of Halloween candy. It’s my version of cleansing.
The highlight from Part 3, if you could call it that, was Vicki Gunvalson finally admitting she doesn’t believe Brooks Ayers has cancer. She “covered” for him all season because she did believe him until very recently. The other highlight was that no one screamed in decibels so shrill Andy’s dog howled backstage. Briana describes Vicki’s uncannily calm demeanor as being “in a state of shock” over how much of her life Vicki has messed up over Brooks. Or the five half a Xanax she took.
The low points: Everything else. Including Meghan King Edmonds‘ hair – why must it look like a Kim Z Generation 1 wig? The more I look at it, the more I see bad imitation senator’s wife.
During Tamra’s sex tape release party, Tamra, while was wearing a lace, see-thru catsuit while thrusting and gyrating with a strap-on. Vicki joked to Heather Dubrow, “She pretty much lost custody of one, she doesn’t want to lose two more,” Vicki’s comment referenced Tamra’s ex-husband Simon taking Tamra to court, in part, claiming her her lewd behavior on RHOC was detrimental to their children.
Upon hearing Vicki’s comment Heather was scandalized – so scandalized she waited months to reveal this to Tamra (on television, no less, cause they’re close like that!). Heather’s reason being Tamra was keeping her custody issues private. Until Tamra needed a convincing reason for her love of being Jesus real!
What a weird Real Housewives Of Orange Countyreunion; filled with a whole lot of nothing with a few juicy bits stuffed in between, hanging out here and there, kind of like the weird smooches of flesh hanging over the cut-outs of Tamra Judge‘s very complicated dress. Seriously – Forever XXII is for 21 year olds!
Overall this has been a very weird season of Real Housewives Of Orange County. It’s almost Old Testament in its Biblical ruthlessness of judgement and excoriating righting of wrongs. It’s an eye-for-an-eye, or in this case a Jesus Barbie for a Jesus Jugs.
Let’s just break down the important doo-dads before we get to Briana Culberson. Who Brooks is also threatening to sue!
During the reunion Tamra shared that her oldest daughter Sidney no longer wants to live with her or have a relationship.Naturally, Tamra blames Satan, who loves confusion her ex-husband Simon Barney, with whom Tamra is embroiled in a nasty custody battle. Tamra accused Simon of manipulating Sidney and causing their damaged relationship. On the reunion, Tamra cried that she has done all she can to fix things.
Now, for the first time, Tamra’s daughter Sidney, 17, is possibly giving her side of the story.
In a scathing email, read aloud during the Real Housewives Of Orange County reunion, the original Jesus Barbie (or Jesus Jugs, depending on who you ask), Alexis Bellino publicly called into question Tamra Judge‘s newfound relationship with Jesus. Reacting to criticism that her treatment of Tamra’s faith was decidedly unchristian, Alexis reveals that Andy Cohen left out the crucial parts of her email which was supportive of Tamra finding the Lord – if she’s sincere!
In her email Alexis accused Tamra of making a mockery of Christianity and using faith as a storyline. Tamra’s reaction was to call Alexis a bad Christian – because Tamra is now the expert in that department. #SatanLovesConfusion
Alexis clarified her comments on Instagram. “I was not trying to judge Tamra, I just wanted to make sure this was all coming from a good place, so please do not judge me,” Alexis explained. Alexis – you can let me judge Tamra for you – I don’t mind the wrath of Tamra’s fake Jesus.
Last week, in response to the season finale, Vicki speculated about why we never heard anything else about Tamra’s bout with cervical cancer. (I still find that supremely odd, gotta say!). Responding to Vicki’s accusation, Tamra tweeted, “Shes just deflecting. I never made my health a story line. Kinda like her brain tumor she claims to have.”
Vicki immediately tweeted to explain she actually suffered from a condition called Cholesteatomas. “I never said I had a brain tumor. I had 8 surgeries for cholesteatoma’s that ate thru my scull and ended up in the base of brain.” Vicki did share her story on Real Housewives Of Orange County way back in season 4 or 5.
As far as Real Housewives Of Orange County reunions go this one was very calculated. I’m not saying it wasn’t deserved – BECAUSE IN MANY WAYS IT SO WAS – but it was abundantly clear the ladies conspired to ‘stick together’ and focus all the animosity on Vicki Gunvalson. The ladies definitely leveraged their ‘fake friendship kumbaya’ routine to take-on Vicki as a unified group.
And why do I have an inkling that all these new-found best friendships of the RHOC, centered around ‘Vile Vicki‘, are completely fake and next season will be exploding in everyone’s faces? Meanwhile Tamra Judge and Vicki will become each other’s Friendship Warriors once again.
Andy, sensing the Confusion By Satan creepy calm, quizzes Vicki about how many Xanax she took. Vicki insists, “I don’t have anything in me by water and coffee.” Which equals Vicki being full of shit! Or she’ll be pissing the sofa to mark her territory as OG of The OC. Who knows – maybe she’s scored an endorsement deal for Puppy Pads?