Aaahhh… the holidays. So much to be thankful for, so many blessings to count. I don't know about y'all but I'm thankful for reality TV. I mean, what's not to love? I get to appreciate drama without personally getting involved, it makes me feel better about my own life, and I get paid to complain about said drama starters – while drinking wine.

So thanks Andy Cohen, et al for giving me a reason to be thankful. Because without the embarrassing antics of our favorite reality stars I'd be forced to actually focus on my own life. Ew. 

Below are our favorite reasons we're thankful for reality TV this Thanksgiving. 


10. Bad Hair. Reality TV is filled with some serious flops in the coiffeture department. And for all the hairdressers made famous by proxy populating these shows it's quite the quandary why some of these girls are so follicle challenged! I'm looking at you, Kim Zolciak and Teresa Giudice!

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9. Dinner Parties From Hell. Reality TV has coined many phrases, but my favorite is "Dinner Party From Hell." It's a special ability to turn any dinner party – any at all – into a place of insult flinging, table flipping, drink chucking, terrible antics and sometimes even psychics gone rogue. Doesn't it make you feel a little better about your own Thanksgiving table that at least (with luck) nobody's going to stage an intervention about how insufferably fake you are whilst renting helicopters to travel from the OC to LA? Right, Heather Dubrow?

And I mean who doesn't want to find out when they're gonna die over the salad course?

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8. Pimpmomagers. My mom can drive me bonkers. But at least she doesn't drive me to make a sex tape, whore out my entire family in a cesspool of PR stunts, write a book about her salacious affair, and then emasculate my dad on national TV. Yeah, so thanks Kris Jenner for making me appreciate my mom more and more everyday. 

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7. Satin Abuse. You know, I wish I had Lisa Vanderpump's closet, but I really don't wish I had what's inside! The ladies of reality TV are notoriously sartorially challenged – and unfortunately that doesn't stop them from shilling fashion lines of epic tackiness. She By Sheree may be one of the greatest moments in Reality TV history, but girl – a fashion designer you are not! Pinot Singer may fancy herself a youthful thing, but she dresses like a 1992 Dynasty reject. 

With all their collective debt you think the girls (and guys) would have something better to show for it than some satin, sausage casing cocktail dresses that don't flatter them a bit! And then they try to sell them to us. Nobody wants your Alexis Hoe-ture. And don't even get me started on the shoes… Maloof Hoof! Shudder…  I'm just so thankful there will never come a day when I'm required to wear David Meister (thug in a cocktail dress, anyone?). 


Evelyn and Chad on their wedding day. [Credit]

6. Marital Bliss. Nothing like reality TV to break up a union! Vicki Gunvalson ended her marriage with Donn only to hook-up with creepster extraordinaire Brooks "The Hallmark Thieving" Ayers. And LuAnn de Lesseps lost a title which defined her whole life. Poor Evelyn Lozada and Kim Kardashian couldn't even last six months with their betrothed. This is after the massive TV weddings, of course. At least Kim's made it on the air! 

And sadly, the divorce dramas of reality TV can be relived forever. Gotta love those camera crews. 

5. Financial Unprosperity. I may not have much, but I don't have public bankruptcy or evictions! Woot, Woot! Reality TV loves nothing more than a tale of over-spending gone terribly wrong. I mean $11 on tacky as furniture? Cars repo'd left and right (sometimes even in the Home Depot parking lot). Foreclosures. Perhaps it's time to stop spending $100,000 on kids birthday parties and start paying the electric bill. I mean how will the cameras operate without electricity?

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4. Vacations All I Never Wanted. I dream of a vacation. Until I turn on any reality TV show, ever. I mean reality TV has been held hostage by many a psycho on a beach where drunken antics, meltdowns, arguments, breaks from reality, and hideous swimwear have made us all appreciate the comfort of our own home. I mean, dang some of these girls can't even hold onto their purse when a crazy Tami Roman snatches it. And Kelly Bensimon might just force feed you jelly beans while screaming that you look like Al Sharpton. Nightmares… 

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3. Big Pimpin: Product pimping and reality TV are now mutually exclusive terms. And the stars never get a day or a night off from tweeting about their personal lives to make a storyline or promoting a wine, a cookbook, a hair line, a spinoff, a vodka, a gym, a jewelry line, a shapewear fiasco, a toaster oven (plus crumb tray and torso!) – you name it. All work and no play makes reality TV stars extra crazy – which is just how the networks like it. At least when I get a day off, I get a day off. 


2. Reunions: Nothing is more beloved in the kingdom of reality TV than a post-season wrap-up reunion. Here all wounds are ripped a fresh, former friends are forced to rehash every slight and argument, and the prying eyes of the public get to infiltrate. It's an all-out death match. I'm just thankful that when I go through a friendship divorce, I can just delete the person on Facebook and stop returning their calls – and nobody is going to shove me into a cocktail dress and 10 foot heels, dope me up on tequila, and force me to sit on a sofa glaring at my ex-bestie for 8 hours. 


1. Backstabbing Stays Behind The Back: Talking about your friends is only natural. We all do it. Gossip makes the world go round. Sadly with reality TV your contract stipulates you have to talk about your friends behind their back – and whatever happens in confessionals becomes public. It's ruined all the great reality TV friendships. And it causes famewhoring maximus. I so thankful that when I bitch about a friend, she will likely never even know. I may not always love my friends, but when I hate them it's usually only temporary! 


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