On last night's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills I was a little tad bit disappointed in Lisa Vanderpump. I want her to be unimpeachable. I want her to be pristine. I must accept – as we must all – that Lisa is only human. Lisa made a passive aggressive Splits Richards-esque comment to Kim Richards (whom I will henceforth refer to as Rambles) because she was late to a cooking party. 

Lisa joked this would be a repeat of Hawaii when everyone spent the whole trip waiting on Rambles. Then she asked if Kim took a sleeping pill. It was no bueno. Lisa said it, of course, in a teasing tone but Rambles got defensive and petulent. I know Lisa meant no harm and she is direct, but Kim is vulnerable (and a walking emotional volcano). 

Lisa spent the entire evening discussing the Kim situation with Kyle and Mauricio instead of coming up to Kim and saying 'Look, I'm sorry. It was an inappropriate joke.' No instead she told everyone she had hurt Kim's feelings and didn't really know why or what to do. And Rambles complained that Lisa was "fake" and was trying to make her look bad. 


Clearly Lisa was unsure of how to handle the situation with Rambles, as they aren't close and Kim was very irrationally upset. Maybe she didn't want to make it worse. But Yolanda Foster was absolutely right to call Lisa out for beating a dead horse and in general "Pulling a Splits."

She rightfully said to Lisa, Let it go. Seriously – everyone just leave Kim be. She's in no condition to be on this show and it's sort of just too depressing to even deal with it at this point. She's like The Real HouseINFANT of Beverly Hills who needs to be constantly babied and watched.

Lisa shares in her Bravo blog that she didn't realize sleeping pills aren't allowed to those in recovery. It was an innocent mistake made because Kim's behavior was quite "lethargic" and "sleepy" for much of the trip. Everyone, not just Lisa, was concerned and she was trying to address the situation compassionately.

It seems only Brandi Glanville understands how to handle Kim effectively, and she does so with empathy, compassion, and true respect. 

So let's back up to the other things that happened. Lisa and Rambles took a shopping trip where Lisa and Ken nodded and smiled while Rambles switched tangents faster than Kyle changes allegiances. Finally they stumble on a topic they can both discuss: Splits! Aaahhh… mutual dislike!

Apparently Splits doesn't get why her relationships with Lisa and Kim have changed. #Delusional See, Kyle, when you throw friends and family members under the bus for reality TV fame and attention, they stop trusting you. They stop liking you. And they stop seeing you as a friend and confidante. Golden Girls 101! No cheesecake on the lanai for you! 

Kim says she feels like she doesn't know where she stands with Kyle and it's confusing to her because she wants to have a real relationship with her sister, but Kyle is so busy worrying about other people's drama she can't be honest with herself. (OK – maybe I added that last sentiment). Lisa says Kyle is quite simply disloyal. Then Kim goes singing in the rain – she loves rain! Rain and bikes! And oooohhh… croissants! – off to someplace and Lisa and Ken exchange glances that say, What the hell?

Yolanda appears from somewhere and the elephant in the room that is what is Kim doing is discussed. Yolanda and Lisa worry that perhaps prescriptions Kim is taking for sobriety may just be tweaking with her a bit. Oh well onto other matters – like the cooking lesson/dinner party Lisa has planned for the girls. True Fact: Nothing bores me more than a Housewife cooking party.


Of course Kim is late for the bus to the cooking school. Yolanda and Kyle go knock on her door and she was asleep with her hair sticking up everywhere. At least there were no overturned booze bottles and vibrators and suitcases overflowing. I mean seriously infant woman – set the alarm clock on your iPhone!

Kim says she'll be right down and since the dress code was apparently white pants she puts those on. I always like to cook in white, don't you?! Really, it's best not try and wear the same thing Yolanda and Brandi are wearing because who is going to look better in white pants than two former models?

Then the whole incident with Lisa on the bus happens after they've been waiting for Kim for like an hour and she shows up in her Splits Richards approved unflattering white pants ensemble (so Studio 54!). Lisa is testy and annoyed with waiting. Who wouldn't be?! Always waiting for Kim and hearing her Kimscuses, for which nothing is ever her fault. Is that in the Richards gene code? This time she was asleep after spending all afternoon with Lisa. Lisa is like, 'No. We walked around for two hours and you bailed off at lunch! I haven't seen you since.' 
Kim starts mentally breaking down over Lisa's comments and when they get to the cooking school she starts to cry. She tells Kyle that Lisa really hurt her feelings. Inside, Lisa, Yolanda and Brandi are again waiting for Kim. 
Lisa wonders if she should go and check on them, Brandi advises against it; to give Kim space and not make it worse. But if Lisa is anything like me when she knows she's done something wrong she just can't leave it be in a desperate quest to fix it. Am I projecting much?
So Lisa boards the bus after Kim tells her not to and she asks if everything is Ok and if Kim wants to cancel the lesson. Kim doesn't. She just wants a moment to compose herself like Brandi said and Lisa isn't letting it go. So then Lisa becomes obsessed with how much she messed things up royally and she spends the remainder of the evening inappropriately talking about it to everyone BUT Kim until Yolanda is like 'Lisa, please don't behave as if you are on a reality show even though you ARE on a reality show. Choose a time to apologize. Go to Starbucks and have a coffee, but in the meantime just eat this duck and shut it.' 
Oh, yeah –  they all made duck. When they first met said duck the head was still attached and only Rambles and Yolanda could stomach the poor little duck face. So the chef whacks the quack and gets to butchering. That wasn't the only butchering taking place. Lisa was butchering her relationship with Kim slowly and surely, letting it reduce and simmer until it over reduced and turned to glop.  
Brandi and the chef were flrt-ting. And it was cute. And Kyle was afraid to get near the food and sort of hovered awkwardly around the stove waiting for someone to gossip with her. She only lets Glenn and Fat Burger feed her. Luckily Lisa was on hand to gossip about Kim
Over dinner, Brandi sat near Kim and gently suggested that Kyle doesn't need to always wipe Kim's mouth. That Kyle can just tell her she has food on her face like a decent human being would instead of handling her like she does Portia and licking her napkin to rub it across her face. Kim has an epiphany. Yes, she controls her own napkins. 
The next day Yolanda, Kim and Kyle go shopping at some beautiful upscale Parisian boutique. Kyle says she is scoping out options for her own store, opening soon! Shameless plug. She is distraught to realize that nothing in the entire store contains batwing sleeves or an undefined waist. 'Hmmmm…' , she thinks, poking at some sparkly items that cost $14,000 'None of these are going to work for Caftans R Us.' And indeed they won't because nothing Kyle wears ever looks good. I mean she on the regular wears pants that eat her shoes on national television. Can she not spend 15 minutes with the Nordstrom tailor and get those suckers hemmed? C'mon!
Yolanda buys some elegant apparel and Kyle and Mauricio sweetly buy Kim a congratulations on your hard work purse and Kim glows. And then they sit around and discuss Lisa's behavior at cooking school.
Yolanda expresses her disappointment and truly believes Lisa and Kim need to talk. Kyle agrees and then takes the opportunity to talk about how she never stirs the pot she's just like trying to be neutral and not get involved. Kim stares at her, lovingly stroking her purse, and thinks ' Can we just please talk about me for once?' So what were Lisa and KIM's issues again? 
Later the ladies visit the Eiffel Tower and Kyle takes that moment to abscond Lisa and whine about how their friendship has fallen apart and she did nothing wrong.
Lisa just wants Kyle to admit she said and did some hurtful things meaning that their relationship HAS changed and there is nothing wrong with just accepting that fact. But Kyle instead starts whining about how Lisa is mean to her and chose Brandi over her and that's just so not fair. Kyle all but stomped her feet, toddler-tantrum style and whined that Brandi is replacing her. And Lisa is like well, that's life. You screw people over for tinsel-headed skidmarked leaving rubber faced catified surgery victims and you get what you deserve. 
On the other side of the balcony, in what was surely the Eiffel Tower's most shameful moment (meaning the moment they closed it down for this show), Brandi and Kim are connecting about single girls dating. And Kim feels she has a connection with Brandi, who accepts her and knows she can wipe food off her own face. Brandi doesn't dump unwieldy expectations on Kim and try to make her feel guilty for all the years she spent drunk. Brandi just, well she's nice. 
I'm pretty sure if Brandi and Kim become friends, Kyle and her caftans will jump off the Eiffel Tower and fly away. Go Caftans go! 
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