Real Housewives Of Orange County Recap: Everything’s Broken

shannon and heather discuss marriage gossip

I don't even know what to say about last night's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County. It was surprising – to say the least – surprising in that it featured real emotions and a storyline that did not seem entirely crafted by producers. Sure, there were moments that seemed 'encouraged' but the reactions of the women to the circumstances seemed deliciously authentic – which makes the episode both incredibly sad, and incredibly engaging to watch. In short, this is one of the most interesting episodes of RHOC I've seen in a while, except for the revolting Vicki Gunvalson and Brooks Ayers scenes. 

Let's dive in! 

Shannon Beador is at Tamra Barney's house looking for a confidante in a former kindred spirit. See Tamra has been down that divorce road again and again (and if this season's Eddie has any indication… again!). Shannon confesses that since their children were born – pretty much the beginning of their marriage – things have been very strained and distant; that David does not look at her with love in his eyes, and after a bout with allergies David pretty much permanently switched his sleeping accommodations to a guest room (which explains why the master bedroom looked so itty-bitty last episode!) 


shannon receives a text about heather's nefarious ways

While Shannon is pouring her heart out (but never her vodka!), she receives a text. From David. Informing her that Heather Dubrow has been gossiping about their marital problems – including the email! Shannon is shocked – like mouth open, vodka spilling out, shocked. Equally shocked: Tamra. Because we all know Tamra is the one who told Heather about Shannon's email. Shannon immediately confronts Tamra about this and Tamra, no surprise, lies and completely denies gossiping. If that scene was acted, than it's Tamra and Shannon who should be pursuing the failed sit-com guest star acting career, not Heather! 

Shannon is shaken to the core and promises her number one priority is getting her marriage back on track – unnnnnnfortunately old habits die hard because she's right back to harping on David! Because he eats chips and salsa before dinner. Bad David! Bad! 

Shannon decides she's going to figure out who is spreading rumors about her – and why. It's "Clue", Housewives style. It was Heather, with the wine glass, in the restaurant.

… on a cold, dark night there comes a knock at the door… the start of many horror stories. Shannon arrives at Heather's unannounced and shaking with nerves. Terry pours her a stabilizing drink. When in doubt, choose vodka. Heather is scary. Shannon CALMLY asks Heather about discussing her marriage and the email. Immediately Heather escalates the situation by getting loud and argumentative. I'm frankly surprised at miss manners – oh wait, no I'm not. It's only other people who must obey etiquette laws!

shannon and heather argue

Heather assumed Shannon was coming over to apologize and beg forgiveness after yelling at her during the Christmas party. Yelling at her for being condescending, of all things, because look who is being a condescending biatch yet again!

Shannon does apologize and then continues trying to discuss the email/marriage gossiping with Heather. Heather point-blank lies about her contribution to the gossip and then states that Tamra shared with her that Shannon is drinking too much to deal with David wanting a divorce. Heather informs Shannon that because they are not friends, Heather owes her nothing – and demands to know why Shannon is even looking at her for answers. Apparently if you're not friends, you're totally within grounds to trash people behind their backs and discuss deeply personal information. Good to know! #FriendshipByBravo

Heather suggests, condescendingly, that Shannon speak to the person she thinks is spreading rumors about her… which is ironic because that's exactly what she is doing as Heather is the person spreading rumors! Shannon tells Heather she wanted to get to the bottom of things and hoped, as a mother, Heather would understand how devastating these stories could be to her daughters. Heather responds by telling Shannon, 'We're done. Please leave." Shannon gets in the car and cries all the way home. 

heather throws shannon out!

So, just to clarify – Heather AND Tamra are documented liars. And bitches. I guess they have more in common than we thought. Now this friendship makes total sense. Shannon is clearly misdirecting her frustration and anger (in addition to being totally in denial about Tamra), but Heather handled it horribly. And lied. And Tamra is the worst. And later Tamra turns on Heather and throws her completely under the bus – not just any bus, but the bus from Speed which can't stop no matter what. Hey look – Heather got an acting gig: speedbump! 

After all the drama, Shannon hosts an essential oils session with Lizzie Rovsek and Danielle Gregorio. She recounts her harrowing experience at Casa de Dubious. Lizzie tries to play fair and point out that Heather is not solely responsible, which Shannon admits is true. Lizzie doesn't believe Heather would throw a person out without a reason. Really? 

lizzie and danielle talk shannon-heather drama

Danielle, poor no-camera-time Danielle, makes the disastrous mistake of questioning Shannon about her drinking. It turns out Shannon isn't just in denial about her marriage and her 'friendship' with Tamra – she's also in denial about the amount of vodka she consumes – at least on TV! Shannon calls Danielle judgmental and suggests she get some 'Shut The F–k Up' oil to calm her rude streak. Tamra also needs the Shut the F–k up oil. By the gallon. In fact, she should just bathe in it. Without Eddie. 

Taking a break from dysfunction stateside, Vicki and Brokes are in Puerto Vallarta to define their relationship. Vicki is perfectly fine enjoying Brooks for what he brings to her life – affirmations, love tank fulfillment, and someone to talk to during the lonely nights. Can't she call the Psychic Friends Network?

vicki and brooks in mexico

Making this delightful vacation all the more delightful, Shannon and David will be joining them in a couple days. Double Dysfunction! Vicki and Brokes get NUDE MASSAGES (gaaaaaah!) – and Brooks admits to being aroused at the thought of a naked Vicki. Oh Lord Jesus, I do not have the stomach for this kind of talk. Look Vicki – little advice: because it's Brokes – don't try to fix it. That's what happens when you buy cheap products, when they break – they're not worth repairing. If you're just looking for a little love tank filler, I'm sure Kandi Burruss can help you out! #BedroomKandi

Vicki is empathetic to where Shannon is in her marriage to David – although she is not aware of what's been happening with email-gate. Vicki advises that Shannon and David need to start sleeping in the same bed, because once the sex is gone, everything else follows. I really appreciate this sort of strange, serene, wisdom comes with age Vicki we're seeing this season. And I look forward to similar retrospection after her relationship with Brooks ends! 

Back in Cali, Tamra called Shannon to confess to talking about her to Heather. They agree to meet for dinner, where Tamra is rocking a Tina Turner wig and some scary 80's Gem and The Holograms eye makeup. Why? 

tamra apologizes to shannon

Tamra, shockingly! admits to her bad friendship sins. And then she apologizes for lying again when Shannon confronted her. Tamra swears she had the best of intentions, meaning she wanted Heather to be aware of some of the other things happening in Shannon's life so Heather would cut her some slack. A humble Tamra… showing what appeared to be genuine human emotion. I cannot process this. And it's pretty pathetic when I think Heather could learn something about humility FROM TAMRA. Help me Jesus – help. Tamra cries that about the deep connection she shares with Shannon and how she feels as if they're sisters. Heather also texted Shannon to apologize, but Shannon wisely ignored her as it was insincere. 

Of course, then Tamra goes ahead and trashes Heather for not being empathetic when Shannon confronted her. Tamra also blames Heather for betraying her confidences and taking advantage of the situation by spreading rumors. Good points, but Tamra is no innocent! I love how easily and fluidly Tamra switches sides. To her credit, while Shannon accepts Tamra's apology, she is honest about how hurt, betrayed, and disappointed she is by both Tamra and Heather's behavior. Honesty is the best policy, right Tamreather?!

heather admits to gossiping about shannon

On the other side of town Heather and Lizzie meet for dinner with the hubbies. Of course the topic of discussion is Shannon. Heather admits to discussing Shannon's marriage with her girlfriends (she claims only for a minute) and one of her friends also happens to be a friend of David's. That person texted David to alert him that the gossip mill was all about the Beadors and their holistic, organic hatred. You can't manufacture that kind of tension in a GMO lab folks – it's all homegrown in additive-free soil!

I don't know why Heather didn't just own-up to her misdeed to Shannon, instead of acting like since they're not friends Heather has the right to be a super twat (albeit a super twat with a killer wardrobe and great hair!). Heather explains throwing Shannon out as her house is small (5,000 square-feet!!!) and her kids were awake.

Lizzie admits that Shannon was really upset. And although Lizzie doesn't totally reveal what Shannon shared, she's definitely Team Dubrow in the matter and more sympathetic to Heather's side of things. Lizzie better watch it because playing middle-fiddle will get her in super hot water with this group. She better stick to her mommy whining storyline for safekeeping. 

Also, Tamra got a robotic baby to convince Eddie they should have more kids. Goody – another being for Tamra to corrupt! 

[Photo Credits: BravoTV]