Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta, a certain former beauty queen showed emotions other than shade and venom! Kenya Moore, tired of being blamed for an offense she did not commit, tired of being yanked into bitter marital drama, lost it. And dang if she didn’t give me just the teeniest twinge of sympathy pangs. Don’t worry – they’ll be short-lived!
I just want to get this out of the way first since we’re apparently gonna have to talk about this Kenya/Apollo Nida mess endlessly, my opinion is this: Apollo is a liar. End of story. Phaedra Parks and Kenya need to sit down, one-on-one, woman-to-woman and without shade.
Moving on, Kandi Burruss‘ business is a mess – she’s paying employees who are letting her down by not completing projects. This is what happens when you employ friends! Despite Mama Joyce calling Todd an “opportunist” – it seems like he’s the only person wanting Kandi’s business to grow and produce! He tells Kandi she needs to get her team – led by Don Juan – motivated to produce results. Kandi’s all like ohhhhnooooo… conflict. Ummm… errrrrr… lemme put on my most professional figure skating costume with the gold sparkly leotard and get these people in line because I sign their paychecks and Mama Joyce needs another new house!
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All of Kandi’s employees blame Todd for being an interloper and trying to insert his teeny-little nose in business affairs that aren’t his business. Don Juan, who has been Kandi’s ride or die, is not happy about being called out and thinks Todd is trying to take over. Lord – this ‘We hate Todd’ storyline has been done to death!
Kandi isn’t the only person with conflict at work, Claudia Jordan is forced to work with Porsha Williams at Dish Nation. Claudia is on the radio, while Porsha does a TV spot. Porsha brags that her paycheck is better than Claudia’s paycheck. When Claudia comes over to say hello, Porsha ignores her completely and talks to herself in the mirror. “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall… whose the densest on the wall? Is it Dumb or Dumber or Kenya Moore? Who in my mind always was and always will remain a whore.”
Claudia thinks Porsha’s sudden dislike of her is a result of finding out she’s friends with Kenya. Sigh… Porsha, just be happy that both you and Claudia can find people willing to write you paychecks (besides Bravo)! Hatred is unbecoming.
Claudia meets up with Kenya and Cynthia Bailey for a little shoe shopping, which quickly turns into a meeting of the ‘We Hate Porsha‘ club. I assume there is a waiting list to join? Claudia never wears sandals because she has “circus toes” – apparently they’re so bad she can’t shoe shop and once had a job in a freak show as the atrocious flipper foot monster. Oh the pitfalls of the beautiful! Cynthia says circus toes aside, Claudia is tall, pretty and hates Porsha – which is enough for them to become friends.
Across town there is a meeting of the ‘We Hate Krayonce‘ club. No twirling allowed – everyone must stand ramrod straight, keep their hands off wands or anyone else’s huzzzzband, and bow tirelessly to their leader NeNe Leakes – who is on BROOOOOOOADWAAAAY! Actually, Kandi arranged a spa day for Phaedra because she’s been going through so much. Phaedra is on the “prison stress diet” and looks great! She should market this in conjunction with Donkey Booty. NeNe says a woman will do whatever it takes to lose 10 pounds, even if means losing your man to the slammer. Gregg – look out!
Over mimosas Porsha describes her “lunch” with Cynthia. Cynthia showed up with a plastic face that did not move – apparently she prepared with botox to hide any emotion. Her face is looking Elsa and Anna Frozen, lately! Hopefully Cynthia didn’t get botox done from the same doc who did Kenya’s butt!
Porsha describes Cynthia’s “robotic read” from a checklist she downloaded from Krayonce’s Guide To Shade, Second Edition, edited by Peter. Essentially Porsha called Cynthia out on having no original ideas, only what Peter and NuNeNe told her to say. Is anyone already over Kenya and Kenya 2.0?
NeNe says she’ll never be friends with Cynthia – or Kenya! – again. No one knows what exactly Kenya did – NeNe just cannot repeat allllllllll the atrocities – it’s too stressful for her to relive those harrowing moments, but know this: Kenya deserves to be exiled. NeNe also doesn’t believe that Kenya is innocent in the Apollo situation. She thinks Apollo’s so-called confession was made just to hurt Phaedra, so now Apollo and Kenya are lyin’ about lying. Oh the tangled webs of Krayonce’s weaves…
Kandi is shocked – she definitely believes Apollo was lying about Kenya. Phaedra isn’t sure what to think, but for now making amends with Kenya remains at the bottom of her priority list. I’m not sure why Phaerdra would believe NeNe. Although not sure why she would believe Apollo either… Conspiracy Theories By Bravo!
Apollo goes to Bar None for a heart-to-heart with Peter, who is pretending to work by doodling on a piece of paper. At least he remembered to use pen, instead of crayons this time! Apollo has an agenda to decimate Phaedra in the most callous way possible. Another great example to set for your sons! He tells Peter when he got out prison the first time, Phaedra stalked him and begged him for sex. She was apparently so desperate she would trek down the ghetto at 2 am where he was sleeping on an air mattress in a half-way house.
Apollo doesn’t understand why Phaedra doesn’t support him, because she’s supposed to be by his side through all his lies. Maybe Kandi can write a song about this: No matter how bad I lie, no matter how many laws I break, stand by my side, be my ride or die, or I’ll what… tell even more lies? Apollo never comes home because Phaedra is mean. Even Peter is like… uh, your kids, dude.
Apollo then blames Kenya because he exaggerated their relationship based on her revealing he texted her. He thinks she deserved it for making him look bad to his wife. Apollo wonders if Kenya will come visit him in the slammer – or send him “flicks”. Maybe flicks of a slander lawsuit. Ass.
Ugh – Apollo, no one has to try and make you look bad. Despite your fine-ness, you are an ugly person! Maybe Apollo should just start writing Porsha, because they both have the maturity of 12-year-olds.
Claudia invites Porsha to lunch so they can start over and get to know each other. I think Porsha was on-time? Since they have to work together Claudia wants to get along – nor does she want Kenya to come between them.
Porsha is like ummmm… clearly you’ve been hanging out with Krayonce too long and are imagining things, cause, like, I’m professional! I’m being paid for my “intellectual mind frame.” Porsha says she’s focused on work, not personal issues. Furthermore, Claudia’s relationship with Kenya has nothing to do with her them. Porsha, Porsha, Porsha – ain’t nobody paying your for your intellectual mind frame, if you even have such a thing.
Claudia suggests Porsha sit-down with Kenya so they can be civil. Porsha responds by is stonewalling Claudia – which makes sense given that she’s dumb as a rock! She all but suggests that if Claudia is so thirsty for a RHOA storyline, she should just drink her ice water with two lemons and choke bitch!
Back to business that is resolved, Todd and Don Juan discuss the future of Kandi’s business. At first Don Juan is defensive, like Todd is trying to fire him. He infers Todd has no qualifications to make suggestions about Kandi’s business, as if Todd has never had a job. It’s not like Todd is Peter! His resume includes among other things, Oprah, RHOA! Eventually they accept they have a common goal – building Kandi to a national level, so they must work as a team to accomplish this, with Don Juan – not Todd – as the leader of that team. Awwww… yay for resolutions!
Meanwhile Kandi and Kenya go kickboxing. Or kick you when you’re down, boxing! Kandi reveals that NeNe and Porsha believe that Apollo is lying about lying. Kenya bursts into tears and runs to the bathroom where she sobs about how horrible they are.
I do feel bad for Kenya – being used by Apollo to get at Phaedra at least deserves the courtesy of a sit-down from Phaedra. However, Kenya’s antics have brought a lot of the criticisms, dislike, and mistrust on herself. And now she is suffering consequences of people not believing her. It’s like the boy who cried wolf – or in this case the former beauty queen who cried all the men want me!
TELL US – IS APOLLO LYING ABOUT LYING? SHOULD CLAUDIA STAY OUT OF PORSHA AND KENYA’S SITUATION? DOES TODD HAVE A RIGHT TO BE INVOLVED IN KANDI’S BUSINESS?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
Editor’s note: for being demoted, Porsha is certainly getting the same screen time as the ‘full time’ Housewives. Yet NeNe is barely a blip at this point and is still holding her peach just fine…