Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Recap: Empty Nesters

kyle richards daughter leaves for college

Last night we learned that when children of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills stars go to college, it’s not like when the rest of us do!

First of all, Kyle Richards‘ feelings of sadness when her children leave home are greater than the rest of ours because as Kyle told us 456,000 she never went to college – and she could have been a lawyer, you know, if she wasn’t a child star! Kyle should just go now – it’s not like she’d have to get student loans. Which she wouldn’t get anyway because Chanel doesn’t sell them.


Of course, Alexia leaving for college is all about Kyle and how Kyle feels and how Kyle cannot kope and how Kyle wishes she could move into Alexia’s dorm-partmernt and go to kollege too because Kyle was going to be a lawyer – hair flip! Does Kyle know being a lawyer is not at all like Elle Woods in Legally Blonde?

So yes, Kyle was one of three ladies crying and doing their best to counteract the effects of botox because their child left home. I think Andy Cohen said it best: “It’s not like they’re dropping them off at prison.” Tell that to Kyle, who never misses an opportunity for an attention-seeking meltdown! And God help us if one of her kids ever ends up in the slammer, right Yolanda Foster?!

Speaking of which, Bella made a terrible awful no good very bad mistake and for that she must pay by eternally sucking up to Yolanda; enduring her over-bearing smothering in the form of renovating her totally hideous NYC starter-apartment. For Kyle and Yolanda’s daughters the dorms are not good enough. They must have apartments. Bella, out of severe punishment for driving drunk, gets the added bonus of having her apartment professionally decorated, supervised by YoFrigidaire who probably had a custom-made miniature version of her crystal fridge installed. Imagine how cold that will keep the wine! Yo and Kyle do realize giving an 18-year-old her own apartment and an unlimited budget is basically like saying hey – have ALL the parties you want! Put the keg on daddy’s AmEx, right?!

Although I must say, Kyle – so amateur! Yo hired a decorator, but Kyle just went to Target. BH MOMFAIL! Right now, Kyle is crying into a Chanel tissue wondering why the Grammy-shaped nannycam she installed in Yo’s house isn’t giving her enough information. 

That wasn’t Kyle’s only BH MomFail – she also flew COMMERCIAL when moving Alexia from LA to U of A. I am most positive when Bella moved to NYC, ostensibly to attend Parsons, YoDa fired up the Private Stratocaster Orbital Floating Duplex powered by elevator music, arrogance, Starbucks words of wisdom (I heard Yo is writing inspirational quotes on their teabags now – kidding), and master cleanse gas. Yolanda also made sure Bella had a wall of the lovingly hand-painted blocks, the predecessor of which so caused strife between Yo and Lisa Vanderpump. 

yolanda foster receives a heart-felt letter from bella

Yolanda walks Bella to class, reminding us often of how Bella has messed up, and that is a reflection of Yolanda, who will stop at nothing to apply a high-gloss sheen to the situation, buffing out all the kinks, and pretending it never happened by pimpmomager-ing Bella’s modeling career and micromanaging her wardrobe. Naturally YoMo are also footing the bill for this piddling little apartment. Bella gives Yolanda an letter and thanks her for the support. It was very sweet, and I do think Yo is handling this the best she knows how by encouraging Bella to make lemons into lemonade and learn from her DUI. As Yolanda departs, I imagine Bella threw her hat in the air ala Mary Tyler Moore, yelled “Freedom!!!!,” then bounded off down the street to Brooklyn for an artisanal coffee, humming, “She’s Gonna Make It After All.” 

All in all it was a much classier scene than the sobbing mess of hair being used as tissues that Kyle had happening, worrying obsessively that Alexia wouldn’t be able to survive without KYLE! I mean what if Alexia forgets to brush her hair 100 strokes per night, or what if she starts using Suave Shampoo?! Kyle and Mauricio ensured that will never happen when they decided a feasible budget for Alexia would be $1800 per month in SPENDING MONEY. She needs to get her nails done! Kyle spent 3 weeks going over laundry and not even 5 minutes going over budgeting? Priorities! The look how rich we are schtick Kyle is working is getting older faster than the splits and hair flips did.

Eileen Davidson is balancing being a “Bonus Mom” (now Brandi has another reason to despise her!). Eileen’s step-sons lived with her from the time they were boys and although she feels like a mother to them she recognizes she’s not. Being a step-parent comes with a whole set of challenges, like the kids have to decide to love and respect you. Eileen is the opposite of Kyle and Yolanda in her approach – her house is sort of cluttered and eclectic, she’s low-key and casual, she grew up with 6 siblings and is used to chaos. The boys’ friends hang-out at her house and she throws together whatever dinners, plops a bottle of iced tea down on the table, and doesn’t worry about the details. For that I love her. 

Over dinner, it emerges that Duke, Eileen’s eldest step-son took GiGi to prom and was just doing hot yoga near her house. So what I’m hearing is that Eileen’s step-son is obsessed with GiGi and stalking her. <Evil Laugh> This is could soap opera-y right quick! YESSSS. Duke is leaving for his final year in college. Vince loads his stuff into the truck and they drive to Texas. Eileen watches from the front door and dabs the tears pricking her eyes. She’ll miss him, but she’s not gonna need three weeks of rejuvenating facials and intensive psych treatments to recover (*KYLE*). 

eileen davidson's eldest step-son is graduating from college

Lisa Vanderpump has issues with her son Max. Max, although a hard-worker, doesn’t share the Vanderpump-Todd motivation to excel. He wants to take-over the family business but so-far hasn’t shown the determination. Of course he is only 22. Additionally Max has made some questionable choices: he dropped out of music college, he’s dating a 36-year-old, he’s not paying his bills (apparently he’s been without electricity for 3 months for non-paymentl) and hasn’t registered or insured his car. Ken and Lisa are frustrated, but decide not to bail him out. They’ve given him a job, clearly have a loving, open, and supportive relationship with him, they pay for his house, but they’re not going to let him continue with shenanigans by fixing it for him. Max doesn’t seem resentful or bitter, probably because he knows they love him. 

Finally we get to Brandi Glanville. Eddie wants Brandi to reimburse him for $100,00 in over-paid child support. Her attorney advises her to just settle, but Brandi wants the drawn-out drama of a court case! Brandi insists she wants Eddie to be successful and get a job so that SHE can reap the benefits. Like, currently Eddie is only shelling out a $1,000. Which Brandi complains is basically groceries. “For a week.” Exactly WHAT is she buying that $1000 is only a week’s worth of groceries?! How many bottles of wine does that include in the cart… And don’t tell me LA is so much more expensive – I’ve lived there. 

Because Brandi wants Eddie to pay more, she is supporting his new reality show by watching it; drinking & tweeting & hate-stalk-watching style. Kim Richards comes over, along with other friends, and they shriek about how Eddie and LeAnn obsess about Brandi throughout the show. 

brandi glanville hate-watches eddie's new reality show

Brandi complains she is a character who is not a character – maybe Eddie should pay her – and is pissed they are using her and her kids to promote the show. Which holy hypocritical irony, Batman – Brandi wrote TWO books bashing Eddie and LeAnn! And used her kids to promote them. And sold stories to the tabloids. Kim, who looks uncomfortable, clutches her mini-caftan closer and admits it’s not the worst thing she’s watched. I mean, hell she’s watched Kyle act! And Paris Hilton… 

Finally, Lisa Rinna is playing herself in a new movie by Penn Gilette, who is a close friend whom she do just about anything for – except porn. Lisa worries that cosplaying Lisa Rinna married to Harry Hamlin might be harder than actually BEING Lisa Rinna married to Harry Hamlin. To prepare, she exercises her lips so they’ll cooperate and speak normally. “Red Leather, Yellow Leather,” she recites – or basically items Yolanda would never allow to touch Bella’s apartment. 


 [Photo Credits: Bravo]