The Real Housewives Of Orange County reunion has left a bad taste in my mouth. Right after I wrote this I ate like 16 pieces of Halloween candy. It’s my version of cleansing.
The highlight from Part 3, if you could call it that, was Vicki Gunvalson finally admitting she doesn’t believe Brooks Ayers has cancer. She “covered” for him all season because she did believe him until very recently. The other highlight was that no one screamed in decibels so shrill Andy’s dog howled backstage. Briana describes Vicki’s uncannily calm demeanor as being “in a state of shock” over how much of her life Vicki has messed up over Brooks. Or the
five half a Xanax she took.
The low points: Everything else. Including Meghan King Edmonds‘ hair – why must it look like a Kim Z Generation 1 wig? The more I look at it, the more I see bad imitation senator’s wife.
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR MORE!
This was the segment of the reunion promised to be “EPIC” and Vicki was effectively skewered, then held over an orange-scented Yankee Candle. Did she deserve it? Yes. It was still odd how personally the women took every comment – as if Brooks lying about cancer impacts their lives; as if any of them actually care about Vicki. Do they deserve to be outraged over the perpetuation of a lie? Yes. But their outrage seemed hollow.
I mostly fail to understand why Meghan is the most invested in the outrage. (Don’t give me Leeann died and a part of Meghan died with her only to be resurrected as the world’s #coolestStepMom). It was disturbing watching Meghan attempt to squeeze fake tears out of her eyes when she, yet again, bemoaned how no one understands how horrible it was for Me-Me-Meghan to deal with Leeann dying of cancer. The ladies of the Real Housewives Of Orange County need to realize that TEARS contain liquid.
Then I realized Meghan assumes everyone’s tragedies as her own if she wants them. Meaning Vicki admitting she was in an abusive relationship was an inconvenient truth and a tragedy Meghan doesn’t want – yet – so it’s worthless and denigrated.
Vicki was (and is) a tragic mess. Way more of a mess than I thought possible. SEEK THERAPY.
There were some pretty scandalous revelations made, however. The biggest being that Brooks has tried this cancer grift numerous times, and Vicki was aware of previous attempts, yet she still ‘believed’ that this time he was really sick! Mmmmmm…. yeah…. *side eye*. Vicki’s belief suspended from seeing Brooks be “sick, sick, sick” (or as she said, “six, six, six!” – satan is confusing), and it’s hard to fake that. Maybe it was ipecac. Or tequila. (Or Vicki’s determination to make Brooks into the honest and loving man he is not.)
Tamra Judge spilled – as Tamra is wont to do because Jesus turns water into wine, then Tamra sloshes it all over everyone’s Louboutin’s with a witch’s cackle – that Vicki actually LEFT Donn to take care of Brooks, who claimed he was dying of pancreatic cancer. Naturally that turned out to be UNTRUE – he just had pancreatitis.
We say pancreatitis, Brooks says pancreatic cancer. You say SayTON, we say satan. Vicki says fabricated, everyone else says lied. Potato/Potaaato.
Vicki never actually saw Brooks get chemo – she sat in the waiting room for one 4-hour treatment.
Then, another time, while Heather Dubrow was filming one of her split-second guest appearances on a now-canceled sitcom as the world’s most successful nonworking actress, Vicki confided to Tamra that Brooks had just been diagnosed with cancer and was going for a test. When a hysterical Vicki tried repeatedly to call him, Brooks didn’t answer, then refused to speak to Vicki in front of Tamra. Vicki confided to Tamra that Brooks was probably lying about having cancer. Those are some pretty damn big red flags. LIKE – WTF Vicki?! No wonder Tamra despised him.
There’s more! Heather investigated one of Brooks‘ so-called doctors – because investigating Brooks’ doctors is like the only extracurricular activity in Orange County – and the doctor revealed Brooks isn’t his patient. Maybe Heather got him confused with a person who plays a doctor on TV…
Then Shannon Beador whipped out a real PET-CT scan that
Meghan typed up for her based on GoogleImages from Newport Imaging to confirm that the one Brooks splashed all over Bravo was faker than the undying love he has for Vicki. It’s hard to argue with the facts that Brooks’ scan actually looked like something Ferris Bueller would produce to get an excused absence from school.
Brooks even revealed a new tale about the time he had nose cancer! Which is why his baby mama dumped him. Nose cancer!? At this point Brooks has had cancer on every part of his body… except his dick. Go figure! He needs that Love Tank filler.
But seriously, dude, it’s probably time to come up with a new illness. Maybe Alzheimer’s? agoraphobia? Meghanaphobia – Jim has it! JesusDelusiona – that’s when you actually believe people will believe you have found the Lord while gyrating with a strap on and habitually lying (VICKI AND TAMRA).
Oh, speaking of, according to Meghan Vicki is going to hell. Meghan is the authority on Jesus now – watch out Tamra! Don’t worry, according to Vicki she’s going to heaven. She’s redeemed. And born again, and re-baptized for the 14th time. Hallelujah! Jesus is NOT A LOOFAH PEOPLE. You can’t just go hopping in the Holiday Inn pool wearing a cheap caftan every time you do a horrible thing and expect that poof! It disappears. In Vicki’s case she did a horrible thing for several years and then her love tank got so filled with lies she started to believe said lies were reality. Maybe Vicki can just mount herself on the cross and be Jesus in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade?
Or get baptized next season once Tamra has found satan again.
To combat all of Brooks’ sketchy points Vicki doesn’t have much to say for herself except to shrug, and utter, “I was duped.” As unpopular an opinion as it may be I don’t think Vicki was an active participant in Brooks’ scheme. I think she wanted to believe it so badly she convinced herself it was true. I think she was so desperate to feel love and to believe she hadn’t sacrificed everything – Donn, reputation, friendships, family, respect, money, fame, love – for nothing.
As Briana suggested, Vicki refused to allow herself to consider that Brooks was lying. Briana also says Vicki is afraid of him. Tamra thinks Brooks “has something” on Vicki and presses her to admit what.
Eventually Vicki admits she “fabricated” stories about Brooks‘ health because she wanted some compassion; she wanted her friends and family to rally around her and support her relationship. And she wanted Tater Tot Pie delivered as a by-product of that compassion. Which hey, I mean, Tater Tot Pie is super good! Instead the only thing Vicki got was a bunch of grief and some soggy affirmations reminiscent of undercooked high school cafeteria tater tots. Nobody gives you Tater Tot Pie for dating a loser!
Finally Vicki acknowledges that she doesn’t know if Brooks has cancer or not, but her gut tells her he doesn’t. This is a new revelation. Perhaps she did an at-home colonic and just like all the other shit, the truth finally came out? Or perhaps she really did discover that Brooks was a lying sack of shit who decided to relabel his IBS as pancreatic cancer. One thing I’ll agree with Brooks over is when he told Meghan to f–k off. I’m sure that statement also hurt Hayley, so SO much.
Vicki also uttered that she “covered a lot” for Brooks. Is she admitting she KNEW he was lying? Or was that part of being duped? What does it all mean?! STOP SYING WORDS THAT EFFECTIVELY SAY NOTHING!
Vicki started to question Brooks when he became more and more evasive. With all the ladies coming down on her, she kept begging him to show his records, yet he refused. Vicki apparently DID make him that book of all his medical information, which she asked him to produce and he got defensive becoming more and more distant and accusing her of not supporting him. He resorted to threats. In response Vicki begged the women repeatedly to stop asking. Yes, it was deflection. Eventually Vicki just stopped pestering Brooks for information.
Vicki should have been confronted, but it was handled all wrong by her so-called friends. Instead they decided Brooks was the only thing worth discussing in Orange County. Remind me never to move there!
Shannon flips out because it wasn’t OK for them to ask about seeing Brooks‘ records, but it was OK for Vicki to ask him for them. OK Shannon – seriously? VICKI was Brooks’ live-in girlfriend, whereas Shannon and the rest of the ladies barely know him. There’s a difference between your longtime girlfriend asking to be privy to your personal information and health records, vs. your girlfriend’s reality television co-stars. That’s a really stupid argument.
Of course, 2 seconds later Shannon started ranting over Vicki telling Ronda, her brother’s girlfriend, wh0 BARELY KNOWS SHANNON about David’s affair. Which was SO WRONG and a violation of Shannon’s privacy! So Shannon is allowed to see Brooks‘ medical records, but Ronda isn’t allowed to know about the affair Shannon
and Heather and Tamra were broadcasting all over Orange County? Shannon’s information is private, but no one else’s is.
Shannon yells that she supported Vicki tirelessly, standing by while she “made an ass of herself” (tis true and also likewise), but now their friendship is dead. Shannon doesn’t believe she did anything to further speculation about Brooks‘ cancer and didn’t have time to bring casseroles in between stalking David’s mistress and conducting due-diligence about the safe places to dine in Orange County. (Hooters is on the non-mistressed list).
In the midst of all this Briana reveals that Brooks was abusive to Vicki, definitely emotionally and verbally, and in all likelihood physically too. He isolated Vicki from friends and family, manipulated her, threatened her, and made her afraid. I believe Briana. Instead of showing compassion for Vicki’s situation or empathizing Meghan shrieks, “But you still lied!” Duh – that’s the issue: WHY would Vicki lie? Oh Me-Me-Meghan. Only Meghan is allowed to use cancer to further her own gains, no one else can. She can sell Hayley up shit creek for a storyline but then no one else is allowed to mention Hayley’s name without genuflecting at her feet.
Briana once witnessed Brooks shake Vicki so hard her head was flopping back in forth (Maybe her insanity can be chalked up to Shaken Vicki Syndrome?). “So imagine what’s happening when no one’s around,” Briana states. Very true. Regardless of what anyone thinks about Vicki, I think it’s extremely clear this relationship was supremely unhealthy, probably abusive, and disturbingly toxic. That none of Vicki’s so-called friends believed compassion was more important than making accusations and seeking the truth speaks volumes.
The women on this show purport themselves to be such great and supportive friends to each other when they’re all – every single last one of them – TERRIBLE friends!
After all this damage, Vicki swears she’s done with Brooks and will never go back. So maybe all the pestering paid off – literally – in eradicating Brooks from Vicki’s life. Vicki is sorry for the people she hurt and hopes to make amends for hurting everyone. Briana is happy to have her mom back.
Shannon can’t forgive. Tamra and Vicki have a heart-to-heart about how Tamra always knew Brooks was bad for her. It seemed sincere, but now Tamra hates Vicki. The rest of the ladies still want more answers and according to Heather aren’t satisfied with the ones they received. Funny – I feel like this is the most we’ve gotten out of Vicki, like, ever!
Meghan loved this season and felt it was really positive (which speaks volumes). She begs Andy to return. He gives her a half-smile with an evil glint in his eye. Meghan looks on edge and nervous every time Heather mentions her. Very curious.
Andy turns to Tamra, who explains she purposefully mispronounces the word “pastor” because it sounds like Mexican Pork, or what Eddie serves her for dinner in the bathtub. She prefers to use “pasture” to describe the person who preaches on the YouTube videos she watches once a month when she can’t sleep. Jesus saves.
In the end there was no resolution, except Vicki admitting what we all figured – at some point she had doubts about Brooks. “I’m relieved I’m not with this man anymore,” insists Vicki. “I’ve got a lot of pieces to pick up.”
While in away cathartic Vicki’s admissions don’t absolve the guilt of all involved: Vicki for perpetuating a horrendous, despicable lie – even if she did so out of fear and love. Tamra for betraying a friend. Shannon for allowing herself to be complicit in the betrayal of a friend because of a desire to be accepted. Heather for turning a blind eye. And Meghan for stalking a woman she barely knows, invading privacy, and also using actual tragedy – Hayley and Leeann’s – for reality TV fame. What a season.
TELL US – WHAT IS YOUR REACTION TO VICKI’S REVEALS AND THE SEASON ENDING? WILL VICKI GET BACK TOGETHER WITH BROOKS?
Photo Credit: Bravo TV