“Take a picture, trick, I’m on a boat, b*tch; we drinking Santana champ, ’cause it’s so crisp. I got my swim trunks, and my flippie-floppies; I’m flippin’ burgers, you at Kinko’s straight flippin’ copies.” This Lonely Island song is perfection. No seriously, take a picture. Take one million pictures…and post them all on Instagram! And those copies of which you sing, are they perhaps copies of friendship contracts? Last night’s Below Deck epitomized Bravo’s love of a crossover. Forget the Bailey Agency and wild rice, Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Cynthia Bailey was all about the Eros!
After the fire that ended Eyebrows McEgo’s reign in the Eros kitchen, chef Leon Walker is out, and Ben Robinson is back in the galley…and in the opening credits! As the crew gets ready for their latest charter, Ben gets all judgy about Leon’s science experiment he called a refrigerator. Connie Arias is all googly-eyed over Ben, but he’s too busy throwing away rotting vegetable to notice. On deck, Eddie Lucas is thrilled to see Dave from season one, and he’s just as adorable as I remember. He’s saving up for his wedding to his equally precious boyfriend, and Captain Lee Rosbach can’t hide his glee at the new addition. Dave is introduced to Kate Chastain, Amy Johnson, Emile, Koutze, and Rocky “Raquel” Dakota Bartlow. Someone quick tell her he’s gay before she tries to make him her next victim!
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Rocky is lonely given her only friend bailed and Eddie is giving her the cold shoulder. Despite their flirtation, and what Ben calls a “very good friendship” with Kate, he’s here to do a job. This isn’t the Love Boat. Rocky attempts to enlist Eddie for some help in the galley, but he icily reminds her he’s a bosun, not a stew. Meeting on the bridge, Kate is excited to be back with her guys, and Lee reveals that Cynthia and her entourage (including Claudia Jordan) will be joining them…and their first night is Cynthia’s birthday. Ben may not watch the franchise, but he knows housewife equals high maintenance. Everyone is working overtime to prep the Eros in the breezy weather when the divas arrive. Dave is smitten with the divas. I am smitten with Dave.
Lee breaks the bad news that the Eros won’t be able to leave the dock for twenty-four hours until the wind subsides. Claudia is not amused, but safety first! Kate announces that she has planned a spa day for the women, and Cynthia interrupts to remind everyone it’s her birthday. She wouldn’t turn down cake. After the yacht tour, Cynthia is surprised with a balloon filled parlor. Amy is working overtime to churn out cocktails, and Ben hopes that Rocky will be a good fit with him in the kitchen due her culinary skills. Unfortunately, Rocky doesn’t take direction well (duh!), and “clean up the muffins spills” leads to her beheading all the muffins. Hey, I understand. We know housewives try to avoid muffin top at all costs. Ben passive aggressively chastises her, and Kate is over the moon that finally someone else finds Rocky to be completely incompetent.
Because she can, Claudia is ordering around the crew left and right. She’d like a South African prince clad only in a tank top and tight jeans to come feed them chocolate covered strawberries. Cue Emile and the screeches reserved only for the first night screening of a Magic Mike movie. The ladies are lounging, getting spa treatments, and checking their Instagrams, so Kate declares them the easiest guests ever. Cynthia’s daughter Noelle has the hot tub to herself, coyly making eyes at Emile and ordering a virgin pina colada. Ahh, young love. When Cynthia joins her, Noelle shoots dagger eyes at her mother as Emile lays on the charm. For dinner, Ben is preparing some beautiful sushi, and he’s a bit peeved that Kate is plying the guests with massive cheese trays. The women request a tour of the crew’s quarters, and they are floored by the accommodations. However, they are great sports, and the crew cites them as incredibly down to earth. Plus, it’s good for a few selfies! After all the boat drinks and apps, Cynthia wants to postpone her birthday dinner until the following evening. Ben unleashes on Kate for her dairy error (derriere?), but she’d rather be yelled at by Ben than share space with Leon. Meanwhile, an eavesdropping Rocky gets her feelings hurt when she hears Eddie rehashing her loony tunes Louganis move after Leon’s departure.
The following morning, everyone is relieved that they are able to head out to sea. Once the guests awaken, they will find themselves far from the dock. Emile is like that goofy puppy that no matter how many times you yell at keeps coming back with his tail wagging. Now that everyone has turned against her, Rocky decides that the guy she once played like a fiddle and then tried to humiliate with a middle school note is her only ally. He’s happy to oblige. Eddie happens upon the pair whispering, and he’s quick to separate them for fear that she’s going to spill the dirt on their laundry room affair. Speaking of affairs, Kate is dishing to Amy about her relationship with Ben while he does the same in a conversation with Rocky. Both claim to be too similar for anything to work long term, but both clearly like one another more than they admit. Cynthia and her friends are excited to wake up to the open sea. They are looking forward to jet skiing, shopping and fishing, while Claudia just wants some “gram worthy” photos. Emile takes Noelle for a spin on the jet ski while Cynthia hopes to avoid the ol’ “hook in the weave” fishing debacle. Shockingly, fishing doesn’t hold their attention so they have South Africa (Emile’s new nickname) escort them shopping. Arriving back on the yacht, Cynthia and Claudia converge upon Ben, stating they’d like dinner an hour earlier than previously requested. As the ladies wait on their meal, they bide their time by snapping pictures sitting in Lee’s lap on the bridge. The Captain realizes it’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it…and that somebody is Alpha to a tee.
In the mini-scene, the women don their comfy clothes and opine about how they wish they had a kitten on board, because, you know, they are housewives and nothing they say or do makes any sort of logical sense. But if they want a feline, Kate will deliver. Connie paints whiskers on her cheeks and throws the weave of a charter guest past on her ass before lapping up milk from a bowl…all for the women’s entertainment. It’s absolutely purrrfect! After spending more time Instagramming their first course than actually eating it, Ben and Kate are sniping about service. She wants the guests to finish one course before bringing the next, but he screams it’s a bloody buffet. Amy cites the tension could be cut with a knife…the sexual tension, that is. The crew then serenades Cynthia with a birthday cake with South Africa front and center as a prop for pictures. During clean up, Amy chides Ben about needing to hash things out with Kate, and Eddie tries to repair the broken relationship he has with his Amy. It was a short charter, and Cynthia and her ladies are leaving as the sun peeks through the clouds. Kate and Dave snark about how dad (Ben) is being a pill and needs to buy a gift for mother (Kate). The RHOA contingency is full of compliments as they bid farewell–they really weren’t as divalicious as I’d expected–and Noelle tears up over her best vacation ever. It’s really sweet, and Cynthia jokes with Emile that she gained major mom points chartering a yacht that included a crush worthy deckhand for her daughter. Her tip isn’t shabby either, and the crew is extremely appreciative.
To thank them for their hard work, Lee lets his group loose on land to spend their tip money. Eddie explains his situation with his Amy to Dave, citing that the distance causes jealousy, but she has to know he’d never hook up with a co-worker. Um, Eddie? About those cameras? They follow you everywhere. Rookie mistake, my friend, and you’re not a rookie. Rocky is shooting venomous looks in Eddie’s direction every chance she can until Ben whisks her away to apologize for muffin-gate and remind her that he forms his own opinions separate from the others. The entire crew gathers for dinner, and Dave describes them to their server as a fabulous dysfunctional family. Kate and Ben are the parents, Connie and Emile are the evil siblings, Uncle Eddie is a creeper–Rocky interjects with a maniacal laugh to announce to her old buddy the ceiling that Amy is the quintessential middle child. It’s the most sane thing she’s said all season! Eddie jokes that Rocky is Emile’s crazy girlfriend he brought home to meet the family. She stops in her tracks. Too soon? Yes, Eddie, you dumbass. Don’t provoke the bunny boiler. Rocky storms off to the bar with Emile hot on her heels. She promptly rejects him. Back at the table, Connie is over Rocky’s annoying pleas for attention as Emile glares in her direction, and Amy goes to make sure that Rocky keeps her bad decisions to a minimum. “How many blow jobs do you guys want?” she questions the other patrons. What? It’s a shot! Get your mind out of the gutter, Amy! 😉 Back on the Eros, Rocky tries to tempt Eddie with a midnight swim, but he coldly remarks that would be a bad idea. Ouch.
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? DID CYNTHIA AND FRIENDS ACT HOW YOU’D EXPECTED?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]