Katie Maloney's Pucker And Pout Launch Party

One person who has a lot of opinions on last night’s premiere of Vanderpump Rules is the HBIC, Lisa Vanderpump herself.  In her new Bravo blog video (which is a little bit like a talking head, really) she’s throwing out jabs at nearly every cast member and we love her for it. 

On Jax Taylor’s latest nose job:  “I thought Jax got a new nose last year. How many snouts has he got? Mind you, he probably does need a new one. He probably wore the last one out sticking it into everybody else’s business.” 

On Kristen Doute showing up at SUR now that she’s fired, “What the hell is Kristen doing here? She doesn’t work here anymore. So she’s only here on one mission and that’s to cause trouble.”

When Jax’s mom shows up, Lisa wonders if it’s possible that she’s an actress and not really his mom. Hah, Lisa knows him so well!  “I have so little faith in anything Jax Taylor says, I’m not even sure I believe this is his mother. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jax called an agency and said, “Could you send me over a motherly type, please.”  She adds, “Jax, or Jason as he’s called, is not a puppy that pees on the carpet, he’s a dirty, old dog that pees everywhere.”

On Scheana and Katie Maloney’s budding friendship, “I love to see in this episode how close Scheana and Katie are. I was kind of instrumental in bringing them together. So, yeah, I think it feels really good to see that.” 

And when Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix share a ‘tender’ moment while dropping an F bomb, Lisa wonders where the romance is?!  “Why do they always have to throw the f word in there? It’s a romantic moment. You don’t need to say that. Why can’t he just say, “You look awesome tonight,” why does he have to say, “You look f***ing awesome tonight”? Why do they always have to say the f word?” 

What did you think of the first episode of the season?

Photo Credit: Chelsea Lauren/Getty Images

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