If disappointment in Erika Girardi and/or Kathryn Edwards has you longing for Brandi Glanville to return to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills… I present to you a few random quotes from the new episode of Brandi Glanville Unfiltered to snap you out of it.
Brandi‘s guest is comedian Theo Von, but that’s irrelevant, as Brandi’s podcast is forever about Brandi. Also, in case you were wondering if she has changed since last season, Brandi brags about being “super drunk” last Thursday night.
Brandi reveals that she got rejected by Raya, a dating app for famous people. “They said no to me. I didn’t get accepted. All my friends got on it. They were like, ‘Not at this time.’ I went on my friend’s Raya because I wanted to see what I was missing,” admits Brandi. “I pretty much dated all the guys on there anyway.”
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Theo mentions that Matthew Perry is on Raya. Brandi says she hasn’t dated him, but she says she has dated all of his friends, including Matt LeBlanc. “We went on one date,” she shares. “He let his dog eat from his ice cream and then he wanted to kiss. I was like nope.”
During a conversation about sex, Brandi reveals, “If you’re pulling my tampon out with your teeth, we’re good.”
Brandi admits to her obsession with her Twitter haters, “Drinking and tweeting is still an epidemic today. I argue with a lot of people. I HATE haters. Why are you doing this just to be an a–hole? Really? Go get a life! If you’re taking the time out to say these horrible things about me and you do not even know me, it makes me crazy… er… than I normally am.”
Talking about politics, Theo and Brandi agree that Bill Clinton doesn’t wear the pants in his relationship. “He’s standing outside naked hoping Hillary puts some clothes on him,” jokes Theo.
Brandi claims Bill Clinton grabbed her boob once, “I was taking a picture with him and my ex-husband and he under-cupped it. He really had the boob. I was very excited. My ex-husband was like, ‘You didn’t say anything?’ I’m like, ‘I’m not going to tell the president not to touch my boob.’ He’s sexy. He’s really sexy.”
About Donald Trump, Brandi shares, “I really like Trump as a person. I think he’s cool, he’s smart, he’s witty, and he’s definitely entertaining. I just am very nervous to have that guy near a button that could blow up our world. He’s very combative. You can’t take that back; once you push that button, we’re all dead.”
During a conversation about Theo‘s upcoming tour dates, he says he’s headed to Tacoma, Washington. Where the conversation goes is… just… unbelievable.
Brandi: “And we have Washington, D.C., which is also a state. So we have two Washingtons.” Theo: “Okay, it’s not a state, so that’s interesting.” Brandi: “It’s not?” Theo: “Wow. Jesus Christ.”
Brandi: “Washington D.C. is a city in where??” Theo: “No maps, huh?” Brandi: “Washington D.C. is not a state?” Theo: “We cannot express enough how much Washington D.C. is not a state. Women everywhere right now are shocked.”
Brandi: “I’m actually fairly bright, but Washington D.C. is a state? It’s a city and a state? <someone clues her in that it’s a district> No, it’s not. Obama lives in a district? The oval office is in a district?”
Later in the podcast, Brandi boasts, “I’m so smart.” <blank stare>
“I have the memory of an elephant,” adds Brandi. “I remember everything even when I try to forget. I wish I could have black-out sex, but I remember it all.”
Brandi announces that she still wipes Jake‘s behind after he goes to the bathroom. Jake is 8. She calls him a pervert, because he likes to smack her on the butt, then she goes on to talk about the shape of her son’s penis. I. Cannot. With. This. Person.
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