While Juicy has been guilty of some reprehensible behavior (drunken dental surgery, brawling, DUI-driving, offensive wine production, illegal activities galore, and calling Teresa Giudice a c-u-next-Tuesday on TV), there’s something inherently lovable about Juicy Joe, his splits, and his goofiness. Despite our better judgement we’ll miss seeing him hang around our TVs on Real Houseiwves Of New Jersey.
Continue reading to see the reasons we’ll miss Joe while he’s in prison!
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Juicy’s Spandex-loving Splits and Acrobatics! – You know it baby! He’s the original Splits of Bravo TV, and who doesn’t love a scene of the Juicester showing us exactly why Teresa fell in love with him: his flexibility. We hear Joe will get lots of opportunity to exercise while locked up! [Photo Credit: Bravo]
His Advice: For all his tantrums, Joe is undoubtedly the chillest person on Real Housewives Of New Jersey; he never stays angry for long, doesn’t let much bother him, and never really gets messy. Teresa always takes Joe’s advice in all the wrong areas (finances! business! legal matters! law abiding), but she ignores his pearls of wisdom where it counts – in matters of dealing with the drama! Joe is all kindsa Fohgettabout It! Something that Fabulicious Table Flips may want to consider occasionally…
His One-Liners – Joe’s one-liners are one of the most precious commodities on Real Housewives Of New Jersey – he manages to cut through the BS in one of two ways: either a punch, or a well-placed snarky comment that always makes us laugh.
His Parenting – Joe can’t handle Milania anymore than he can handle Teresa, but watching him attempt to navigate raising four headstrong daughters, while juggling boys, makeup, haircare, and dinner times has always been one of my favorite parts of Real Housewives Of New Jersey. Now Gimme Pizza You Old Troll!
He’s A Good Friend – Joe may not always be the most honest, the most integral, or the most ethical, but he stands by those he loves even when they don’t deserve his loyalty.
He Solves Problems Like A Real Man – Juicy doesn’t have time for Poison’s whiny mouth! He always puts his [illegally begotten and fraudulently borrowed money] where his mouth is! He don’t need no stinkin’ therapy!
The Delusion Is Strong With That One – Joe never loses the faith. He always perseveres believing against all odds that he will overcome. He won’t let the government seize his house! He won’t let a little thing like good advice or common sense or budgetary restrictions stop him! And he’ll never stop bulldozing through the obstacles in his past even if he winds up knee-deep in shit creek fishing out an iPhone.
Deep Down He’s Devoted To Teresa: Yeah, he may get Teresa sent to prison. Yeah, he may punch Poison Gorga‘s lights out during a therapeutic retreat (or a baptism!), but deep-down, in some weird way, Joe loves Tre and you can tell he always will. They were childhood sweethearts and now they’re the parents of 4 beautiful dawters, a legendary family feud, a hugely popular reality show, and a couple prison records under their never-tightening belts. Whattyagonna do?!
Well Joew, our Jr. Mafia Joew, we shall miss you and eagerly look forward to Bravo catching up with you in prison. And let’s hope, should you ever get deported, Bravo follows you to Italy for a very special spinoff: Joe Returns To The Motherland.
And here’s some Juicetastic Gymnastics just as a reminder of all Joe has brought to the mat on Real Housewives Of New Jersey!
TELL US – WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR JUICIEST MEMORIES? WILL YOU MISS HIM ON RHONJ?
[Main Photo Credit: WENN.com/All Other Photos: BravoTV]