Don’t Be Tardy Recap: Know When to Fold ‘Em

Don't Be Tardy recap - Kim Zolciak

On tonight’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy, the Biermanns are home from vacationing in the Starbucks-less land of Montana and Kim Zolciak Biermann is back to being well caffeinated.

But alas, vacationing is really hard on Kim so she needs a break and tells husband Kroy Biermann he needs to take her to the new casino in their area so she can blow off some steam. I’m guessing this is all part of the bargain she made for agreeing to go to Montana in the first place.


Brielle needs anything but a break and is ready to start dating again since she’s been single for almost 6 months now. Cut to an inappropriate conversation to be having between mother, step-father, and daughter (I don’t care if she’s grown). In light of the fact that Brielle’s friend blows through 14 pregnancy tests a month, (side note: I think this girl would really benefit from some basic education on the female reproductive system to understand why testing this often makes zero sense), Brielle and Kim tease Kroy for thinking that no one should have sex before marriage.

Don't Be Tardy recap

Kroy says that isn’t how he thinks but he does think Brielle should get a career first. Because having a career means you’re capable of having sex? I’m not sure where he is going with this but he takes it a step further with a random cheesecake analogy that not even the hungriest (or horniest) of fans could follow the logic on. Kim believes in trying before you buy, to avoid being stuck with two inch penis after getting married.

Brielle and her best friend, Zach, are playing pool, talking about penises and her ex-boyfriend. Tracey thinks they should end up together, which Brielle vows will never happen. He’s “too nice” according to Brielle. I agree and think Zach should be thankful Brielle hasn’t set her sights on him.

Don't Be Tardy recap

Off to the casino, where the woman who writes checks for brand new Escalades and orders Louis Vuitton luggage for her toddlers goes to enjoy herself. Kroy, Kim, and Tracey head into the brand new casino by their house and promptly take out twenty-five thousand. That’s right – thousand. To gamble. Pay attention, viewers – this episode will likely be used in their bankruptcy case later. Kim is busy playing $100 slots, trying to avoid another stroke from all the flashing lights while Tracey watches in amusement.

Brielle is back at home, piling on layer after layer of makeup to get ready for her date as Ariana watches and passes silent judgment. Brielle’s date calls to see what he should wear and Brielle puts down the makeup brush long enough to instruct him. Sounds like a great match already.

Don't Be Tardy recap

Back at the casino, Tracey uses her psychic abilities on the slot machine, which does nothing because they are really just guesses. Kim is getting angrier as she loses hundred after hundred. Kroy turns into an ATM and when he finally tries to cut her off, Kim sharpens her talons in fury at being told “no.”

But we all know who wears the overpriced pants in this relationship and before we can say “insufficient funds,” Kim has dragged Kroy and his last wad of cash to the blackjack table. Kroy sweats uncomfortably as Kim and Tracey play hand after hand, his hard earned NFL dollars going right down the drain.

Don't Be Tardy recap

Brielle is out on her date with Bennett, who takes the girl with pancake makeup and extensions to a bowling alley. They make a bet – if Brielle wins, Bennett will give her food. Brielle mentions that bowling isn’t something she’s good at, like eating and spending money. Run, Bennett, there is still time! Brielle admits she had a good time but isn’t looking for anything serious. The Bennetts of the world can sleep a little easier tonight.

It’s 9:45 AM and Kim, Kroy, and Tracey all return from being at the casino all night. They lost big. I’m amazed that Brielle is up at 9:45 AM with a full face of makeup to even discuss last night’s date with Kim and Kroy but it turns out she never really went to bed to begin with. Kim is still annoyed she lost all of their money. Kroy seems unfazed that his wife clearly has a gambling addiction but hey, at least she wasn’t pushing him for another kid, right? Looks like Kroy got off easy tonight.


Photo Credit: Bravo