On last night’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy, the Biermanns are packing up and heading west. It’s time for a vacation from the day to day stresses of… ummmm… let me see… what are the stresses these people face on the daily? Caring for a new puppy and managing a busy Snapchat account? I can’t think of anything else so let’s just roll with that.
Since the trip to Montana is technically a trip home for Kroy Biermann, it will give him the opportunity to show his kids where he is from and also ask one of his close friends to be the executor of their estate and guardian of their kids if something should happen to them. Kim Zolciak Biermann’s stroke hasn’t just given her a new perspective on day to day life, it’s also made her realize their will is out of date and they can’t rely on either of their families when it comes to taking care of their brood.
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In case you aren’t up to date on all things Kim, she is estranged from her parents after her mom sold stories to the tabloids and Kroy’s family doesn’t like her because she “already had two kids.” I’m sure that’s the only reason, right?
As the family prepares for their trip, Brielle, who refers to Kim by first name as opposed to “Mom,” has concerns. One of them being that her mom, sorry, Kim, has ordered some clothes for the trip and Brielle doesn’t appreciate that she’s almost forty years old and dresses like a teenager at a music festival. I swear, Kim is the Benjamin Button of Bravolebrities and ages backwards. Every time I hear about her age, it’s going down.
Brielle’s next concern is that there is no Chick-fil-A in Montana and how will she feed herself? Ah to have the metabolism of a twenty year old again. Kim is too busy to worry about Brielle’s petty problems once she realizes that the only big store in the Billings mall is JC Penney and there are no easily accessible Starbucks. It’s no wonder Kim and Brielle are so out of touch with geography and English vocabulary – their brains have basically turned into lumps of fried chicken marinated in skinny vanilla lattes.
The Biermann’s arrive in Montana for their five day stay at a lodge (a word that Kim is unfamiliar with) and Brielle marvels at how everyone is still driving on the same side of the road. In her chicken fried brain, everyone else in the world drives on the other side of the road (not even close, as Tracey points out) but I think the bigger issue here is that Brielle seems to think that Montana qualifies as another country.
After lunch, where Kim properly refuels with wine, they get to the lodge and settle in. The poor owner takes one look at this crew coming in and probably wishes she would have just stuck to a career in taxidermy. The next morning at breakfast, Kroy fits in a math lesson with KJ and Kash (save it for Brielle, please) when his friend Bruce shows up to take everyone sledding. Bruce is the Chosen One, as in, the person Kim and Kroy think would be best equipped to take over their brood if something should happen to them. They still need to ask for his permission, but in the meantime, let’s see if Bruce has what it takes when wrangling six kids on sleds and snow mobiles.
Everyone piles into the car and Kash screams a profanity multiple times. When Brielle brings it to Kim’s attention, Kim blandly notes that no one says that in their house, insinuating she isn’t sure where he would have picked that up. For someone who is so high maintenance, Kim really is the most chill mom ever. Except for when Ariana goes on a snow mobile with an adult for five mins. Or when Kash’s sled takes off down the hill, going approximately two miles per hour, while Kim tearless cries about how he could have been seriously injured if Bruce hadn’t chased him down.
Luckily, Bruce passed the heroics test with flying colors, Kash was saved and Kim did not lose an eyelash crying over any serious injuries. Now would be the perfect time to ask Bruce if he would be the executor of their estate and guardian of their kids if something should happen to them. Bruce valiantly steps up and agrees then makes a joke about putting on one of Kim’s wigs. Montana may not have Starbucks but they do have Bruce and that’s pretty darn good.
Photo Credit: Bravo