Don't Be Tardy Recap - Kim Zolciak

Don’t Be Tardy opens with just another day at the Beirmann house and Kim Zolciak Biermann having a topless photo shoot in her pool as her four year old son watches. Kim is FINALLY ready to launch her new skincare line and of course, who would be a better spokesperson than her? Don’t answer that – it was a rhetorical question.

Since Kim is hosting a bunch of people from her skincare team in L.A., she has Tracey pull out the best conch possible to feed and entertain them by the same pool she just floated topless in. Kim goes on and on about how hard she has been working on this skincare line and how it’s a huge accomplishment for her to launch it. Never mind that we haven’t seen one second of footage of her working on any of it. I’m sure Kim’s idea of hard work is much different than the masses. I’m having a hard time concentrating on anything else about this scene after catching the sight of Kroy Biermann dressed in cut off jean shorts, or jorts, if you will.


Don't Be Tardy Recap

Kim isn’t the only one doing big things in the form of stuff no one cares about; Brielle announces that she got a PA job at Access Hollywood. Kim isn’t excited at all because nineteen years of mothering a mini-me sure goes by fast.

Brielle immediately decides to follow up this announcement with a request for a Range Rover because she “has an appearance to maintain.” Oh, and a $3,100 a month apartment. Kroy isn’t hearing any of this. There is no such thing as a $3,100 apartment in Montana and this jort-wearing good ole boy recognizes how insane it is for Brielle to even be asking. Sorry Brielle, but you don’t need on site dry cleaning service at your new apartment and you do have to sit on a toilet someone else has used before. That’s life, kiddo.

It’s the day of Kim’s birthday/skincare launch party and Tracey took over managing the party venue right down the street (literally) while Kim gets her face contoured and yells for Kroy to hurry up with the wine. She is worried Tracey can’t handle setting up the party but Tracey has it covered in the form of half-naked pics of Kim, birthday cake, and booze. Say no more.

Don't Be Tardy recap

At the party, Kim handles press. Brielle checks her phone while KJ adorably informs her that she should be watching him since he’s a kid. Not so adorable? When she doesn’t immediately comply, he orders her to go get him a water and then tells her to eff off. Maybe he’s just getting her used to life as a PA.

Kim and Kroy sit on white leather thrones as Brielle sings happy birthday to her and Kim gets emotional thinking about her stroke and how it has forced her to live in the moment. Then she tries to announce her new “baby” (Kashmere, the skincare line) and starts crying again. The crowd seems less than impressed with news of another reality celebrity product but claps with the hope they won’t be forced to actually buy any product.

One week after the launch of Kashmere, Kim admits she has been having some weird symptoms lately but waited two weeks to mention it to anyone. She has been SO STRESSED about the launch of Kashmere (seriously) that her stress levels are up and her cardiologist has put her on a heart monitor. Kim thinks she has taken on too much and needs a break. That makes two of us!


Photo Credit: Mark Hill/Bravo