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It’s the day of James Jordan’s eviction from Celebrity Big Brother, and the recap takes us from the morning before he goes, through the eviction, and to the after-math. Tad confusing but do-able.

We start with Spencer Pratt being uber polite to Kim Woodburn and she just point blank ignores him like a buzzing gnat. I am actually liking Spencer and Heidi Pratt this season – something I never thought I’d say, but it does appear they are a lot quieter, or maybe the house in general is a lot louder. Same with Jedward, apart from the occasional featuring of them in some ‘let’s pretend’ game, the airtime they get is minimal. So perhaps we do have something to be grateful to Kim for…

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Spencer is complimenting Kim on her perfume, offering to make her a drink, just being very pleasant, but she later tells Big Brother in the diary room that he was goading her and that she was so good in not reacting. If that’s the case, I wish people would goad me more often, save me a lot of effort in the kitchen.

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Kim decides she’s cold whilst in the kitchen, despite a few housemates next to the door being warm and lying on the sofa, appreciating the sun coming through. The main doors to the garden are sliding doors. If I tell you one of the people enjoying the doors open is Spencer, can you guess what happens? It may surprise you more telling you Spencer is actually in a separate room to Heidi, and she’s in the bedroom watching the games. But yes, they end up having a tug of war with the door, Spencer pushing, Kim pulling, back and forth. Kim gives up after a good few minutes and walks away telling everyone that Speidi is (are? Are they plural or singular?) scum. The housemates all stick up for them, and it’s good to see that it’s not just me that’s coming around to them. And that they eventually realized they weren’t in kindergarten.

Chloe is given a secret task to ask housemates different questions about the world. One being, if you sneeze with your eyes open, do you eyeballs come out…the girl didn’t actually know (or at least seemed not to) the answer. Who’d have thought Big Brother could be educational. What’s even scarier, is no one actually bats an eyelid that’s she’s asking this sort of question. They don’t suspect a thing. She also asks if dinosaurs were real. Finally, she asks which came first, the chicken or the egg. And her brain explodes. Well not quite.  Worryingly, while she asks Jamie (worrying in itself), she surmises that it’s not yet been proven, but Jamie is adamant it was the egg. #wrongpersontoask

Celebrity Big Brother recap

It’s 6 PMish and John of Jedward and Chloe are in the bathroom. Chloe comes out of the shower wearing a towel. John’s a gentleman and shields his eyes, but Chloe lifts her towel up and rubs her bare bottom up and down his back. #ihavenowords Although John doesn’t complain, and seems more embarrassed than offended, it earns Chloe a Big Brother formal warning. She does explain that he fake tans it for her (WTH????) but Big Brother tells her that although he hasn’t complained, it’s still inappropriate. (Still a bit gobsmacked she has him fake tanning her butt. At least he has a backup career though, I guess.)

We move to the eviction – and James Jordan leaves. Speidi are genuinely upset. Both shed a tear at him leaving. If this is still a game with them, they’re playing a whole new range of tactics. They go outside, visibly upset, saying that the wrong ones went tonight, implying Jedward should have gone (who’d been jumping on James J’s bed as soon as he’d gone). Jedward told Spencer that they’d been on their best behavior but seeing as housemates had voted for them anyway, they were going to switch it up.

Bianca and Jamie sneak into the bathroom and have a bit of a smooch. Stacy Francis opens the door to go pee, sees them, and makes a discrete exit.

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Stacy moves on to having an argument with Jessica, which starts with whether Kim deliberately came in the house to cause trouble, and ends with them screaming at each other about who’s been through more in life between them. Jessica crying again. Jessica was sticking up for Kim, confusing in itself, but quite how it got turned around I’m not sure.

And it’s not done yet. Some time later, Chloe, Nicola, and Stacy are talking, and Kim comes over wanting to know what happened with the argument. Chloe asks her to leave it – Kim won’t and starts blaming Nicola again. Chloe tries to diffuse it again, while Stacy has her face in her hands, not wanting to deal with her. Nicola tries to protect Stacy as Kim starts approaching her and invading her personal space. Kim is swearing and Big Brother calls her to the diary room. Bianca and Coleen try to go over to calm things and herd Kim to the diary room. She goes into the diary room and again sees no problem with her behavior, and can’t see that she’s done anything wrong.

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It’s now 2:41 AM and most of the housemates are in bed. Kim goes into the bedroom and starts arguing and swearing again. Spencer is lying on his bed, enjoying the commotion. Saves him energy I guess. Kim starts on Bianca, and Nicola gets out of bed to stop her. Kim starts on her, while Big Brother calls Kim to the diary room again. Jamie then gets involved from his bed and asks why Kim thinks so badly of Nicola. It gets too much for Nicola and she rushes to the diary room asking to go home.

Kim is still screaming and shouting at them in the bedroom, and seeing as the diary room is otherwise occupied, is told to go to the snug now. We have housemates trying to escort her out, housemates in bed, housemates arguing with her, and Kim still is at it. She calls Jamie a ‘chicken-livered b*gger’ and he’s had enough. He jumps out of bed, loses it, and tells her how vile she is, and that she’s a bully that just came in the house and started picking on the girls. He is just venting and she starts on him.

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The girls are working to separate Kim and Jamie into different places and even Spencer (?!) comes up to calm things down and help Jamie recover his composure. Security enters the house and takes Kim up the stairs to sleep in a different room. She continues to scream after him as he walks away, that he is an adulterer that cheated on his wife and three kids, something that is well documented but out of order to say the least. Kim is even physicially pushing the security guard out of the way to try and carry things on. She finally gets escorted out of the way, still seemingly arguing to the guard that she’s done nothing wrong.

How did this woman pass the psychiatric evaluation??? It’s like the modern day version of Romans and Gladiators and Amphitheatres, and I can’t imagine what it would be like to live there, we are bordering on needing Kim warned/removed from a Duty of Care to Nicola. Hey ho, there ends another day in the Celebrity Big Brother house. Who knows what the next day will bring.

Photo Credit: Channel 5

AUTHOR – NICKI M.

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