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Kenya

Well, Real Housewives Of Atlanta started out nicely, didn’t it? Of course, after Jesus fixed things up nice, it went straight down to hell in a hand basket over dinner! Get your prayer cloths and holy water to the fires, y’all!

I, for one, loved seeing Phaedra Parks and Kenya Moore get their glamour and their good intentions on to drive to Detroit in a vintage convertible, letting the shade fly out the window like one of Kenya’s alleged weaves. Phaedra and Kenya are about to spend a week roughing it with children affected by the Flint water crisis at summer camp.

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Phaedra at camp

I don’t care what anyone thinks of Phaedra, this camp was great! Phaedra and Kenya were professionals and class-acts for these kids – even if Kenya was going about the business in see-thru leggings and trying to sell her pop song by teaching these girls to be backup dancers for Krayonce Karaoke. Still, seeing the impact these two women made on these kids’ lives was fabulous.

On the last night of camp, after the closing ceremony, Kenya and Phaedra cheer to their success in getting along by touching fire torches together and vow that this is officially them starting over. Well I believed it. I really did. I should know better. I really should.

Kenya at summer camp

Proving that no good deed goes unpunished, 15 minutes after they returned to Atlanta, Kenya started the nonsense with Porsha Williams and Phaedra finds herself caught in both the crossfire and in a lie. Ladies, PUH-LEASE get your hats on straight!

But first, Porsha goes out to dinner wit Todd 2, who gleefully reveals that when his conservative employer saw Porsha’s Go Naked Instagram featuring Nearly Naked Todd, he asked him to make a choice: either act like a grown up or go. Todd chose to get a little Bravo money by choosing Porsha.

The surprising thing is that Porsha is livid. She wants Todd to behave like a grown up, to make up for all her shortcomings, I suppose? And she is scandalized and furious that he quit his job without discussing it with her first, especially when they’re supposed to be seriously considering their future and starting a family. Did Porsha just read Adulting For Dummies, or something? Cause when did she get information about how grown ups act and get all concerned with being one? It was apparently temporary because later she announced that she wore a costume to confront her haters.

Todd has shocking news for Porsha

I agree – Todd should not have just up and quit and his job, revealing it over halibut while staring at Porsha’s plunging cleavage, but if they want to make this relationship work, doesn’t Todd need to relocate to Atlanta? Todd doesn’t seem too concerned about the future as he laughs that everything will be fine, keeping his eyes on the prize (Porsha’s boobs) while taking another sip of his drink. Porsha is getting a taste of her own medicine here. Porsha, this is how Kordell felt married to you.

The mess with Todd is so stressful, Porsha starts passing out all over Atlanta. After she keels over in a nail salon, she’s on bed rest. Porsha has hired Shamea Morton, wearing a micro-mini, to play nursemaid – I do hope she’s getting paid otherwise she too will have to visit Phaedra Parks, Esq to file a worker’s comp suit. However, for the time being, Shamea is mixing drinks and doling out ice cream as a friend. How ironic that Porsha’s medicine is the same medicine you give a six year old. Stay in bed, watch cartoons, and drink juice.

RELATED – Porsha & Shamea No Longer Friends?

Todd shows up to bring Porsha flowers and they start immediately fighting about what a loser he’s become. Isn’t stress what caused her vapors? It appears that Todd 2 aspires to the same gig Todd 1 has, which is loaf around while his sugar mama handles the bills and the business. The latest fight happened because Todd attempted to wake Porsha up in the middle of the night for some sex, but she’s got a really important job and finds his phantom poking disrespectful (it is). Now Porsha just wants some space to drown her sorrows in ice cream, while she contemplates the future of this relationship.

After all this, Kenya certainly picked the wrong time to poke at Porsha (in a different way).

Porsha would realize Todd isn’t so bad if she saw how Bob was trying to woo Sheree Whitfield back. It consisted of Bob attempting a strip tease, then sweating into his “pom frites” while Sheree recalls the time they got kicked out of Spain because he threw wine in her face when she called him out for flirting with another woman. All class, no trash at the Chateau SheBroke!

Bob attempts to win Sheree back

At least Bob finally thanked Sheree for raising their kids so he could be left to flirt with said ladies.

Cynthia Bailey is forced to move into Kandi Burruss‘ house while she awaits the fate of Lake Bailey. Cynthia arrives bearing Febreeze and cereal – was that a hostess gift or a hint? Despite Kandi inviting Cynthia, she’s annoyed that she and her cereal are actaully here. A grown girl and her Fruit Loops will not be parted!

As Kandi shows Cynthia the guest room (which is the size of my entire house), she mumbles about how she didn’t really want Cynthia there. Um, then WHY INVITE HER?! Luckily, the very next morning, as Cynthia is crunching on her cereal, she gets a call from her real estate agent announcing that Lake Bailey will be hers.

Well that ends the good news on this episode. Sadly.

After the success of the Pop-Up Shop and her summer camp experience with Kenya, Phaedra is hopeful all the ladies can start fresh so she invites them for a ‘thank you’ dinner. Everyone is in good spirits until Phaedra proposes a little “glamping” trip in honor of what she and Kenya endured spending the week retiring their bad backs on cots. Phaedra is well aware that these so-called ladies have slept many places that weren’t the Ritz, and she too has endured her share of air mattresses (If you blow up your air mattress, she will come!), but the way they act when she proposes glamping, you’d think they were real queens instead of aging pageant ones.

rhoa-porsha-anger

And not six seconds after the words “glamping” spill from Phaedra’s lips, does Kenya turn to Porsha with a viper’s smile to comment that she’s not sure she can trust Porsha without knowing how that anger management is working. Well, as evident by Porsha’s reaction, so-called Anger Management is not working out. At. All.

The worst is that Kenya reveals that she heard about it through Phaedra, who assured her that Porsha is very excited to share all the progress she’s made. I don’t think Phaedra meant it in a shady or deceitful way, but Porsha apparently wanted no one (except the entire viewing public of Real Housewives Of Atlanta) to know she’s seeking “help.”

We all know Kenya wasn’t trying to be helpful with her ‘concerned’ questions. Nor was Kandi. Kenya knew what she was doing – testing the waters by using a bullhorn to ask if there were sharks, while using her scepter as an oar.

Despite the “peace” Kenya claims to have made with Phaedra, she started with Porsha on purpose to see whose side Phaedra would lean towards. She certainly wants Frick and Frack to crack, and Porsha is right to call Frack out for being whack (and smoking Krayonce Krack – she can’t carry a convincing tune, Phae!). Phaedra was absolutely wrong for lying about what she said to Kenya. Maybe she couldn’t remember, but we all know Phaedra’s memory is like 2 tons of fun in a sandwich bag – her zipped lips will forever runneth over. It would’ve been best if right then and there Phaedra admitted, “I did say that but I would like to explain the situation to you privately Porsha because you are my friend. And I would appreciated, Kenya, if you would have approached this situation a little more kindly given that you understand how sensitive working through issues can be…”  Unfortunately Phaedra did not do any of that.

Kandi and Porsha argue

Predictably, Porsha erupts. She starts arguing with Kenya about her motives. Kandi makes it worse by snarkily asking about the anger management, as well, and then MAJORLY over-reacts when Porsha – rightfully – calls her out for “piggybacking” on Kenya‘s nonsense. “I feel ambushed,” Porsha announces. Kandi is annoying the F out of me this season. She gets so defensive about everything, then claims she’s the one who’s being attacked and starts yelling and cursing. She needs to get herself in some counseling. Maybe Kenya knows somebody.

After Porsha yells and makes a fool of herself and completely lets them get the best of her, she does the right thing by leaving and asking to be left alone. Phaedra rushes after her, and then KENYA! comes trailing after insisting they ALL need to confront Porsha about her behavior.

Phaedra warns Kenya

In what was literally the longest walk to a parking lot in recorded Real Housewives history, Kenya was literally chasing Porsha down the street even after Phaedra warns her that it’s a bad idea, even after Porsha calmly asks not once, but TWICE, for Kenya to leave her alone. Typical Kenya. Twirling her mess all over everything then like that piñata who hangs itself in front of a stick and brags that she has candy you can’t have cries when it gets hit. Learn some boundaries, Kenya. Keep that twirl in a tighter radius.

RELATED – Kenya Admits To Trying To Get Porsha Fired?

Even more ridiculous, Kenya complains that Porsha is twisting the situation to be about how she doesn’t like Kenya. That argument doesn’t hold water when you are following the woman down the street like some bad gossip! KENYA was making it about herself by inserting herself in a situation she was asked numerous times to step away from!

Porsha wants Kenya to leave her alone

Eventually Porsha gets in her car and speeds away, but the drama is not done. Phaedra gathers the remaining women to discuss what went wrong and Sheree quickly calls out Kenya for provoking Porsha. Sheree is just as bad as Kenya though when she blames Kenya for provoking Matt into his behavior. No, Sheree.

Of course, Kenya can’t just let it go. She has to one-up Sheree by announcing, maliciously, that she knows Sheree was once in an abusive relationship. That was low. Kenya demonstrates how low she’s willing to go by squatting down on the ground and waddling around the parking lot. If she tries to make this the new twirl…

Eventually, Porsha returns, but at that point the other ladies are tired of standing around listening to Kenya quack, so they all bail except for Sheree and Phaedra. Porsha parked in a loading zone, which I found hilarious, and decides to go back up stairs to finish her ice cold food.

Dessert is served

But the real just desserts was when Porsha called Phaedra out on canoodling with the enemy and warned her not to trust Kenya with anything personal. Phaedra, who has been burned not once or twice or even thrice by Kenya, should know better. Phaedra declares that when it comes to Frick or Krick – she’s Team Frick forever.

However, I think it’s time for a little Frick, Frack, and Krick-Krack intervention where everyone leaves the twirls in the trash where they belong. Phaedra needs to come clean that she lied to Porsha and set Kenya straight about where to dispose of her garbage correctly, then clean up this mess before it becomes a dumpster full of drama! Turn that poison in the water into wine again, Phae!

TELL US – WAS KENYA PROVOKING PORSHA AGAIN? OR IS PORSHA OUT OF CONTROL? WILL PHAEDRA AND KENYA BE ABLE TO MAINTAIN THEIR TRUCE?

[Photo Credits: Bravo]