Southern Charm Recap: Forest Grump

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I have to say, I am enjoying this season of Southern Charm for no other reason than the lacking drama. It’s kind of nice when everyone gets along…for the most part, at least! Of course, with this crew, there are always whispers of underlying messiness. After Patricia Altschul and Whitney Sudler-Smith tried to set up Landon Clements and Thomas Ravenel at a small dinner party last week, I received an e-mail from a friend who saw the duo grabbing coffee at Starbucks this past Sunday (or as the rest of the world called it, Mother’s Day) with Kensie. Who knows if this intel is true, but if so, it’s a doozy! Maybe their budding romance isn’t just a story line? (or maybe it is?) That said, friends can have coffee together whenever they damn well please, but what a not-so-subtle burn to Kathryn Dennis if it’s accurate. Or perhaps she knows and everyone is getting along now?? Sure.

The most recent episode begins with everyone getting ready for another beautiful day in the Holy City. Kathryn heads to JD and Elizabeth’s house to catch up, and the trio discusses Jennifer Snowden’s sip-and-see. Kathryn can’t believe that Thomas was invited and she wasn’t, especially given that, according to Kathryn, Jennifer slept with T-Rav while Kathryn was pregnant. She definitely should have been included in the afternoon. Um, does she remember her lunch with Jennifer? Elizabeth skirts the issue, focusing on adorable Kensie, but JD rationalizes that it’s difficult to accommodate both at a party given their tumultuous past. As godparents, JD and Elizabeth want to see the couple co-parenting, and JD gives the same advice to Kathryn as he’s given to T-Rav. Just be civil for the children. Kathryn reveals that she has received a text message from Thomas, which is the first communication she’s had from him in over nine months. However, she’s not sure she’s ready to respond.

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On day five of his sobriety, Shep Rose jogs over to Ms. Pat’s compound, and Whitney tries to spike his friend’s water with some morning vodka. He’s so supportive. Shep wants to get the gang together for a hunting trip outside of Savannah, and they giggle about Craig Conover and Naomie Olindo’s imploding relationship. Shep jokes that he rarely talks to Craig and only keeps up with Naomie these days. However, he recognizes that Naomie has a fiduciary duty not to talk too much smack about her boyfriend…fiduciary with an emphasis on douche, obviously. Speaking of, things are still tense at Craig and Naomie’s house as she attempts to rehash their weekend argument. An increasingly stubborn Craig refuses to admit that Naomie left him because he was running late. He also won’t apologize for speaking so horribly to her. Craig may need to focus less on embroidery and more on communication skills. Naomie suggests couple’s counseling, and Craig is mildly receptive. She tells him she hopes to get out of class early on Friday so she can accompany him on the hunting trip. Shooting things is very therapeutic. Craig hopes that they can present a united front to their friends. He’s embarrassed that Naomie aired their dirty laundry to their friends. Craig needs to stop acting like someone peed in his Cheerios. Put on your big boy panties, Craig! You are out punting your coverage with this girl, and she’s definitely a keeper.

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Because no hunting expedition is complete without a fashion show, Shep, Whitney, and Austen Kroll head to an upscale men’s clothier to outfit themselves for the weekend. Shep scoffs when he receives a call from Craig who is buying his gear at Dick’s Sporting Goods. The shame! Over conversations about snake boots, Shep ribs Austen about the status of his relationship with Chelsea. Austen is less than forthcoming with information due to Shep’s obvious jealousy, and Shep jokes that the couple must be getting cold feet. He then decides to push a hook-up between Austen and Landon. Whitney jumps on the bandwagon, purely because he enjoys pot stirring. He’s just not keen on eating their kills. Whitney prefers the Whole Foods hot bar.

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Across town, Landon and Patricia enjoy bourbon slushies as Pat delves into Landon’s feelings for T-Rav. She giggles like a middle schooler as Pat ticks off Thomas’ credentials. “It takes money, honey,” she reminds Landon. Landon nods enthusiastically…lots of money! Landon is disappointed that Thomas can’t join the group on the weekend getaway. He’s not allowed to be around guns because, you know, he’s a felon. That’s a tiny red flag, right? Patricia reminds Landon that all grown-ups have baggage. She encourages her protege to be a risk taker. She needs an equal in education, class, and status–baby mama drama be damned!

The charmers are exercising their second amendment rights as they head to Georgia in two separate cars. Cameran Eubanks is chauffeuring Whitney and Shep, and Shep is really trying to sell an Austen/Landon romance. Austen and Chelsea are so over in his mind. Whitney and Cameran cry jealousy, and in Chelsea’s car, she’s flirting with Austen like it’s her job. At the cabin, Shep is channeling his inner huntsman as Cameran looks forward to fishing. It’s less dangerous for her given a recent shooting accident. Whitney is dressed in Paddington Bear’s finest hunting gear as Landon teases Craig for buying snake boots at Wal-Mart on the way. As much as I hate to agree with his friends, Craig does look like he should be picking up trash on the side of the highway with the rest of the inmates. Everyone but Cameran and Elizabeth heads out with their guides. It’s Austen’s first hunt, and while he’s far from a jacked up truck and a cheek full of dip, Chelsea is proud of his inner redneck. He’s putting quail on the table. On the other hand, Craig is definitely more sewing machine and less rifle.

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When Naomie arrives, she dishes on her attempt to smooth things over with Craig. Likewise, Craig is giving his skewed version of events to the gun slingers. The majority of the crew convenes for appetizers, but Austen and Chelsea are suspiciously missing in action. As Landon teases about the pair’s budding romance, Shep decides now is the perfect time to break his sober streak. He is a little weary of the budding couple sharing a cabin to themselves. The crew heads to the main lodge to dine on their afternoon’s loot, and the lovebirds trickle in soon after. Thomas rides JD and Elizabeth coattails into dinner, and Landon decides she needs to play hard to get with Thomas in light of Pat’s matchmaking scheme. Landon flirts with Austen like her life depends on it in hopes of making T-Rav jealous, and it fuels Shep’s notion that Austen will change his tune as far as Chelsea is concerned. Both Chelsea and Thomas definitely take note.

As Thomas regales the table with stories of his children, Landon quickly changes her focus. Elizabeth and JD share their conversation with Catherine and urged the group to give her another chance. She’s not going to become a different person overnight, but they sincerely think she’s trying. If Landon could roll her eyes any harder they would fall out of her head. Likewise, Cameran is beyond skeptical.

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The dinner quickly escalates to wasted debauchery, so Austin and Chelsea retire early…but not before Whitney makes a crude joke at Austen’s expense.

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The following morning, everyone rises and shines before making the trek back to Charleston. However Austen and Chelsea are nowhere to be found, and a torrid bra shot (how scandalous!) hints that the duo may have gotten even closer. Basking in the morning after, Austen admits to a strong dose of puppy love. Chelsea finds his admission adorable, but she reminds him that while she likes him, she also likes her independence. Maybe she’s more Shep than I thought!

TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? WILL AUSTEN AND CHELSEA’S ROMANCE STAND THE TEST OF TIME…OR AT LEAST THE SEASON? 

Photo Credit: Bravo TV

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