Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Cirque du Slit Throat

The season two finale of The Real Housewives of Dallas is upon us. The ladies have appeared to come full circle, resulting three versus three, with little hope of resolution. Cary Deuber successfully played her way into the “middle” all season, and now has a tight alliance Brandi Redmond and Stephanie Hollman. Brandi turned on LeeAnne Locken real quick and the war rages on – onto the third season, we hope.  If you haven’t already, tell your friends to watch this show. They’ve earned another season. On with the show:

LeeAnne and D’Andra Simmons are engagement party planning. There is a theme and a surprise! I’m friends with LeeAnne its carnival-themed! It’s going to be more Cirque du Soleil than county fair. Keeping it classy people! Expect an eatable cotton candy wall and a “lounge pocket”, whatever that is. D’Andra is all too excited to plan a follow-up engagement brunch for the day after. Even Mama Dee Simmons approves of LeeAnne and Rich, but she’s got a date the night of the party, so don’t expect to see her. Speaking of moms, we find out that LeeAnne’s mama is coming. We’re told she and LeeAnne are estranged and LeeAnne is hoping for a resolution.

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Cirque du Slit Throat

The renovation at the future Hollman mansion is underway. (We’re still not sure if Stephanie actually plans to move in, or just flip it) It sounds like she’s moving in when they talk about updating the elevator, a garage apartment, family room, playroom and a master bedroom. Oh, and expect a lot of wine in the kitchen. The living room pool is officially drained. Travis thinks the house screams Vegas. Is that a good thing? Anyway, they plan to add another $1.5 mill into updates and add-ons. Why did they buy this house again?

Over at LeeAnne’s, she and Rich await the visit of her mother. Rich is dreading it more than LeeAnne. There’s a lot of build up – LeeAnne and her mom haven’t peacefully communicated in 20+ years. Margaret rings the bell and plans to stay over. We only see her hug Rich. We’re told she was a little rough in the past but has mellowed out. Sharing hugs and smiles, Margaret doesn’t seem so scary.

Over in Brandi’s world, her daughter Brinkley thinks little people are spying on her for Santa. Adorably, she wants the Elf on the Shelf to attend her birthday party. Confetti fills the air. Bryan enters for what seems like the first time all season. Brandi tells her husband that her pregnancy test was negative and that her fertility was on the decline. This storyline continues to follow suit in other “housewives trying for a baby” fashion – the two joke about how they need to have lots of sex. But not nearly as much as Cary and Mark do…

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Cirque du Slit Throat

LeeAnne’s running around her house with a box cutter towards her mother! (we kid, we kid). She’s unpacking some old belongings from years past. Apparently, her mom kept a lot of these belongings on display in her home. Maybe Margaret isn’t that bad? LeeAnne says she only saw her mom during the summers while working the carnival circuit. These two aren’t close. LeeAnne feels she hasn’t had an authentic conversation with her mom about her childhood abandonment. The two are peaceful, agreeing that they both want a REAL relationship that they hope to sort out in therapy. They may not be tight, but Margaret knows how her daughter can be. She tells her that she has to be prepared for different opinions to be voiced at therapy. They agree to not kill one another. Well, that’s a start.

Stephanie and Cary meet for lunch, and what/who are they going to talk about? LeeAnne, of course. Stephanie questions the health of Brandi’s relationship with the newly engaged Housewife. She says that LeeAnne’s manipulations spill over into their relationship. In her interview, Stephanie says she’s been bothered by Brandi’s nanny comments that had an “intent to hurt” and were out of character. Brandi joins Stephanie and Cary. Cary feels open to patching things up with the former Cheerleader – once again by blaming LeeAnne for twisting her thoughts. Brandi admits to being disappointed in herself for the comments she made. Without Brandi apologizing, Cary accepts her apology and takes ownership for saying that she wouldn’t be friends with ‘Stephandi’. Quick to blame LeeAnne (again), Cary says that LeeAnne said their behavior affects their charity world. Flashback: LeeAnne says it ruins “our reputation”. Cary feels tricked by LeeAnne into agreeing that she couldn’t be friends with the duo. Not missing an opportunity to blame LeeAnne for global warming, North Korea, obesity Stephanie says LeeAnne makes her feel like she has to choose between her and the people she doesn’t like – like Cary. Brandi finds her voice, saying that she had to be honest, LeeAnne really didn’t want her to be friends with Steph, even going as far as saying that Stephanie really wasn’t her friend AND that Cary couldn’t give two shi*s about her. All this results in Brandi questioning if LeeAnne was only using her.

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Cirque du Slit Throat

Over at the new Ultimate Living offices, D’Andra is getting up her nerve to meet with the big Boss, her mother. She show’s Dee her product and it’s met with approval. Dee asks about the schedule to roll out the new miracle cream and D’Andra describes the “little snafu” halting production. Dee shouts, “the name of the PRODUCT you’re missing?!?” D’Andra has to face the music on this one, telling her mom that they’ll have to wait 4 weeks but says there are no excuses, and takes full responsibility. Touched by this, Dee starts to break down and explains that she’s of a certain age, exhausted and ready to hand over the keys to the company. In classic Dee formation, she has her finger pointed at her daughter telling her, “In my heart, I believe you will be successful, much more successful than Dee Simmons ever was with this company”. Both embrace and share in a nice, long-awaited moment.

Over at Cary’s house, the young mom and her daughter Zuri bond over her being home more. Not far behind the cameras, Mark Deuber looms. Cary tells us that her daughter is a mini-Mark. That sounds exhausting. But it all must pay off. Zuri and Mark present her with a wallet and Birkin bag, totally $20k. (Perhaps another one to put in her closet next to her skeletons?)

Therapy is in session with a leather-clad LeeAnne Locken and her mom Margaret. The Therapist is quick to point out that they have 0.00 connection through their body language. Margaret claims to be afraid that she’ll get crushed and is terrified to talk to her daughter. Ouch. LeeAnne references the “bathroom moments” she had with her mom as a child. This is when she would beg her mom in her grandparents’ bathroom not to leave her behind. LeeAnne thought her mom figured she’d just get over it. It was actually quite the opposite, with Margaret admitting of crying in the car afterward. She said she was 19, unemployed and didn’t know what to do with a young child. All this resulted in LeeAnne feeling unwanted. Her mom assures her that she didn’t dump her daughter and that she loved her and apologizes. Now it’s time for this mother/daughter duo to hug it out. There seems to be a lot more work here, but hopefully, these two can reach some semblance of a relationship.

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Cirque du Slit Throat

It’s time for LeeAnne and Rich’s engagement party, complete with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills music. (Does that mean it’s supposed to EXTRA fancy?) The ladies are drinking gold flakes, and cotton candy is being dissolved in champagne (with real glass champagne flutes). Class. Stephanie enters and shares an awkward exchange with Rich. Kameron Westcott enters and is BLOWN AWAY. Sparkle Dog is officially out and it’s a dream come true in Kameron’s little bubble. Good for her! Dr. True enters and then the real plastic surgeon Mark and Cary come through. Cary makes it very clear that they are ONLY there out of respect for Rich. She questions the amount of times LeeAnne has threatened to kill her fiancé must be in the double digits. Later, D’Andra and Fashionista Heidi Dillon stand on the stage to congratulate the engaged couple. LeeAnne couldn’t be happier.

Brandi, who entered the party feeling conflicted approaches LeeAnne who gushes over her being the most forgiving friend and glad they’re moving forward. LeeAnne jokingly warns her not to F with her or she’ll slit her throat. Brandi can take a joke but does feel that part of it was a threat. LeeAnne tells Brandi that she gave her her heart and it’s not something she gives away lightly. If only she knew Brandi is ready to drop her like a bad habit in 3, 2, 1…

The following day is devoted to LeeAnne’s engagement brunch at D’Andra’s house. LeeAnne arrives first with many expectations – A pre-Bachelorette, before Bachelorette Party, going to the Bachelorette party, Bachelorette party, post-Bachelorette Party. D’Andra better sort out this L22 business because she’s about to be BOOKED. LeeAnne remarks that Cary and Mark were standoffish at the party the night before. Rightfully so, they may be JUST hands, but she had a lot to say about Mark.

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Cirque du Slit Throat

At the Hollman house, Stephanie and Brandi chat before taking off for the brunch. Brandi tells her that she and LeeAnne had a moment where LeeAnne said she loves her but if she crosses her, she’ll slit her throat. Cut to: Stephanie’s jaw on the floor. The irony is not lost on us with the giant “PEACE” sign hanging in the background. Steph, of course, is not OK with this and finds it to be controlling. Brandi concludes that she needs space from LeeAnne.

The engagement brunch begins, which only consists of the Real Housewives. Not even Heidi or Tiffany could score a seat at this one. Cary lets us know that she is taking the high road by attending. (Good for you) They all toast LeeAnne which seems disingenuous seeing that half the table wants nothing to do with her. D’Andra asks Cary if she’ll get along with LeeAnne during the wedding planning process and is met with a, “I hope so”. LeeAnne takes this opportunity to mention that she and Rich noticed Mark was uncomfortable the night before. She also includes that Rich was upset for two days over the penis size rumors. Cary apologizes but one-ups her, telling LeeAnne that she had to hear untrue rumors for 2 YEARS. LeeAnne admits to feeling dismissed by the RN, and credits all her blow-ups as a result of Cary’s hurtful comments. Stephanie supports Cary, saying that it’s not fun being ridiculed. LeeAnne and Stephanie agree that they have no trust between the two of them.

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Cirque du Slit Throat

Cary spends a lot of time talking about LeeAnne, but the Charity Queen makes it clear that she doesn’t spend time thinking about Cary when they’re not around one another. This triggers Brandi to call BS, telling LeeAnne that she lies. For example, she said LeeAnne didn’t want her to make up with Stephanie. LeeAnne denies this. Brandi also brings up the “reputation” comment LeeAnne made at the yacht in Mexico which is also denied. Flashback: LeeAnne says Brandi and Stephanie’s behavior hurts their reputation. Cary was right here. While Kameron stands up for LeeAnne, she judges Brandi behavior once again. Brandi accuses LeeAnne of stepping in during weak moments, only to use it against them later. LeeAnne again rejects the notion that she told Brandi not to be friends with Stephanie. As God as her witness, Brandi says she DID. LeeAnne claims to swear on her grandmother’s bible that she DIDN’T. Brandi has fully turned on LeeAnne, calling her a liar, saying LeeAnne has threatened to kill Cary, Marie (from last season) and now threatened to slit her throat. She tells the bride-to-be to F off, but good luck with her wedding and exits.

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Cirque du Slit Throat

Stephanie and Brandi take off and D’Andra follows. Inside, Kameron questions if Cary knows LeeAnne isn’t going to REALLY kill her. Yay for Kameron who finally gets the concept of sarcasm/figure of speech/general humor. She maintains that LeeAnne doesn’t lie. Cary walks out and joins D’Andra who’s talking with the other two. D’Andra asks them if they write things down to make sure they’re correct in their counterattack points. Cary says she wouldn’t do that with friends. This proves once again that Real Housewives is like a sport – you have to come prepared with evidence, notes, direct quotes, and receipts. The cast is divided, with the trio taking off in an SUV and LeeAnne left at the table in the tears.

As far as the end of season updates go: Dee is still at the office through the launch of L22. D’Andra must wait another day to get the keys to the kingdom.  Cary is back at work 2 days a week. Kameron’s dog food sales are in the pink (??), Stephanie and Travis are still renovating. Brandi and Bryan are trying for a baby and LeeAnne is starting behavioral therapy. Don’t forget to return for the two part reunion!


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Photo Credit: Bravo TV