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It’s part two of The Real Housewives of Dallas Season 2 Reunion, and it’s time to say farewell to the group of dildo wielding, vagina doctor attending, dog food eating housewives. At the time of writing this article, there is no confirmation of a season 3, but like LeeAnne Locken, we’ll pitch our tent in the land of hope. It was a blast writing this recap and hearing from so many of you. I hope you’ll keep up with me on my reality TV podcast, the link is at the bottom of this recap. On with the show!

Back at the studio, LeeAnne is furious that Rich can’t be there to defend her, the way Mark Deuber can defend his wife, Cary Deuber. The sit down resumes and everyone is in place, including the good Doctor. We are shown a video package to transition to a “Deuber Family Life” discussion. Andy Cohen tells Mark that he was perceived as a control freak. True. Squeezed in next to Cary, the Doc admits that he is. Cary clarifies that Mark doesn’t control her; instead, she makes more excuses for his [bad] behavior, chalking it up to “finding a balance”. Ok. In other news, Mark lets it be known, that he does like his young daughter, Zuri. His defense for the [bad] behavior is that we didn’t see it last season and he wouldn’t make a 180 in his behavior overnight. Even LeeAnne admits she called D’Andra Simmons concerned for their marriage. Cary says they’re both assholes and Andy drives home that they are perfect for one another.

The ladies of The Real Housewives of Dallas have assembled for a well-deserved two-part reunion. The set is Texafied with a fireplace, cow skin run and lots of random horns all over the place. Cary Deuber prepares herself to “mind dump” everything in her head. The two camps gather before the face off on the couches. Brandi Redmond claims that’s she ready to beat a bitch up. She went from mean girl to downright vicious. Host, Andy Cohen greets the ladies. We learn that Mama Dee Simmons has prepped daughter, D’Andra Simmons with recorded questions (??). Stephanie Hollman plans to move into her new house around January. Brandi takes the first jab, explaining that she’s not pregnant, but instead pre-menopausal, possibly even going through the change before ex-pal LeeAnne Locken.

The fun begins. First up, a reunion staple, the “look at how much fun we’re having” package, full of pool swans, worm shots, hot dog costumes and tickling dildos. Andy takes this time to ask Kameron Westcott about her dog food line – it’s doing well. Onto the second package, covering the split of Steph-andi and LeeAnne parading around as Stephanie 2 Face. Brandi once again admits that she was pissed at her on again, off again, now on again friend. Stephanie clarifies that her Bravo blog said it was about Brandi’s husband arriving at a party drunk that was the “slow-moving car crash”, not her marriage. (Haven’t these two had this conversation before this moment?) Again, Brandi says she felt jealous and unimportant and chose not to communicate. Stephanie takes ownership for taking on Brandi so heavily in her life and pulling away. As far as LeeAnne’s costume goes, Steph felt bullied and attacked in her own home. Confused, LeeAnne says that when the trailer dropped she called her costume “amazing”, but she’s “pretty sure” that was just the hot dog one. LeeAnne is quick to call her out about the condescending confessionals, calling Stephanie “mean”, “ugly” and “rude”. Kameron is happy to ask her if she thinks a flesh-eating bacteria is funny – which Stephanie is also quick to regret.