Last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas was memorable for a couple of things. Like that Rodney Atkins can be rented for $75k and that Stephanie Hollman is so stinkin’ rich it’s totally affordable it to hire a country superstar to play while your friends get wasted in over-the-hill sorostitute Halloween costumes.
However, the most memorable thing that happened was learning that Mama Dee Simmons wears a wig. And not just one wig, but she has over 100 platinum blonde bullet shaped prosthetic hair caps. Are they mating? Does that make Dee’s wig room the biggest wig room on Bravo? Are some of them long-haired? Why is Dee not selling a wig collection on Christian television?
On last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas LeeAnne Locken tied the knot to Rich Emberlin and treated her wedding ceremony like the sideshow act at a carnival. She then treated her wedding guests like they needed to pay for their own corndogs.
LeeAnne also insulted her own mother from the altar, because what better opportunity to say your piece to your mother when she can’t interrupt than during your own wedding vows?!
LeeAnne’s mother, Margaret, did in fact make it to the wedding. Right on time, in fact, and wearing a gold sequined dress. LeeAnne then proceeded to spend the entire ceremony and reception ignoring her. Margaret even had to beg for a photograph with her own daughter!
Last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas was all about family dramas. Isn’t it always? I mean, about the only thing that happens on this show anymore is LeeAnne Locken complaining about her mother. D’Andra Simmons complaining about her mother. And Brandi Redmond complaining about being a mother. Oh, ha – something different did happen last night: LeeAnne almost got married.
It’s one week before LeeAnne’s big day and she finally unveils the free wedding dress she conned out of a couture designer. Kameron Westcott and Stephanie Hollman attend the final fitting, becuase why NOT have another momentous event/part to celebrate LeeAnne’s slow crawl to Mrs?
Real Housewives Of Dallas continues to argue about etiquette that clearly doesn’t exist. Mainly because the person appointed judge and jury of how to behave and why has an obvious blind-eye towards one of the main perpetrators. I’m looking at YOU, Kameron Westcott.
Why are dinosaurs so closely linked to Real Housewives Of Dallas this season? Is this foreshadowing an extinction of friendships, social hierarchies, and trust funds?!
Maybe the first bad omen was the death of one, inappropriately named, bunny. Leave it to Brandi Redmond to throw a funeral for a deceased bunny she has been storing (wrapped in towels and tucked into a [hopefully clean] litter box), in her chest freezer. FOR SIX MONTHS. I think this beat Sonja Morgan, hoarder queeneth extraordinaire’s record. Brandi’s been trying to decide if she wants to bury Bun-Bun or taxidermy him. (You know LeeAnne Locken plans to have a taxidermied bust made of her 30-year-old face with changing weave capabilities once she passes).
I don’t know what is going on with Real Housewives Of Dallas, but the prevailing theme this year seems to be how LeeAnne Locken deals with her ghosts, vs. how everyone else deals with their ghosts. Last night LeeAnne, once again, tangled with Kary Brittingham over the past, who had it worse and who handles it better – and that past includes what to do with the problem of D’Andra Simmons.
LeeAnne’s nonstop wedding festivities are taking a toll on everyone, that’s for sure!
In between partying and being a Real Housewife, Brandi Redmond finds time to be an actual housewife by taking her girls to cheerleading practice. Brooklyn and Brinkley have a try-out coming up. They get gymnastics lessons and one-on-one coaching. In contrast, Brandi recalls how she taught herself back walkovers by throwing herself over the hill near her trailer park.
Kary Brittingham is certainly making a splash this season on The Real Housewives of Dallas. In just a few episodes, the Season 4 rookie has clashed with queen bee LeeAnne Locken, hosted a girls trip to her stunning vacation home in Carayes, Mexico and even attempted to play mediator between Brandi Redmond, Kameron Westcott and Stephanie Hollman over the trip’s “trashy” Napkingate feud.
In a recent interview, the new RHOD star opened up about replacing pal (and OG Housewife) Cary Deuber and which of her cast mates she’s closest to now. Spoiler alert: the answer probably isn’t who you’re thinking.
On last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas, we celebrated LeeAnne Locken‘s wedding with the first of many nonsensical parties. This particularly onerous event was a mid-afternoon circus-themed lingerie shower that was thrown by Stephanie Hollman and former Housewife Cary Deuber. Basically, LeeAnne needed them to pay for it.
Clearly, LeeAnne believes she’s owed a free party because she’s done SO much to promote Mark Deuber‘s career! In fact, all of these numerous pre-wedding festivities are basically an opportunity for LeeAnne to exploit parties and presents from people. Stephanie even says as much when she and Cary list out all the gifts they’ll have to buy and reveal that LeeAnne actually planned her entire lingerie shower herself, but had the bills sent to them.
Aaaaahhhh… Viva la Mexico with the Real Housewives Of Dallas. Friends, or foes, who’s to know but napkins went flying, mediation mallets weren’t calming, and peeing in public took place! Oh, and this is only Kameron Westcott‘s behavior we’re talking about!
It’s hard night, good morning — or not! After said hard night of dealing with LeeAnne Locken‘s drama the good is mighty forced. Especially from LeeAnne herself. Stephanie Hollman was so agitated out she puked at 2am, to exorcise all the bad juju. But at least she was quiet so Kameron didn’t have to hear anything icky-o, right girl?