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Real Housewives Of Dallas Recap

LeeAnne Locken Real Housewives Of Dallas Careyes Mexico

Last night, the Real Housewives Of Dallas traveled to Careyes, Mexico to visit Kary Brittingham‘s amazing family resort. Unfortunately, LeeAnne Locken forgot to pack her positivity panties and instead was like the human equivalent of having a yeast infection on vaycay. LeeAnne should’ve stay-away-cayed so Kameron Westcott could’ve fit another grande bago on the plane instead.

It’s just a casual morning here in Dallas, where our favorite Housewives are preparing for their day. Most people stumble to the coffee pot, but Kameron is perfectly coiffed with her eyelashes affixed, and is calmly blowing up a whoopee cushion then inviting Court to sit down. Kameron apparently didn’t know what a whoopee cushion is because she made a face like Court shoved a K-Cup up his hoo-hah during an impromptu pageant amongst friends in a private home. Class, Court, Claaaaaaays.

Meanwhile, Travis Hollman just got Housewiv’d! No, that’s not what he calls having sex with Stephanie Hollman. It’s when one receives an ultimate arrogant social slight. In this case, D’Andra Simmons stands Travis up for a business meeting, because her hair was getting did all night. D’Andra never even bothered to tell Travis directly that she needed to reschedule. Instead, she texted Stephanie at 1:30 am to cancel because she had a hair emergency. Suuuuper profesh, Daaandra!

Kary Brittingham Real Housewives Of Dallas

Tonight is the first cast trip for this season’s Real Housewives Of Dallas, and the ladies are going all out to newbie Kary Brittingham‘s fabulous Mexican resort. I mean, seriously, the luxury on this show parallels only RHOBH – and I LOVE it!

However before these ladies play hard, they must work hard. Or, hardly! D’Andra Simmons‘ company is floundering so Stephanie Hollman arranges for D’Andra to meet with Travis for some advice in how to save Green Miracle.

D'Andra Simmons Stephanie Hollman Real Housewives Of Dallas

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas D’Andra Simmons celebrated her 50th birthday by asking all her friends to make fun of her on national TV. Then she got a big box of donuts for a present. To each their own, I suppose!

Here in Dallas we don’t just do squats. We electrocute our gluteus muscles with electrodes attached to every part of our bodies while we “sim-u-late” a 1987 Curves workout. Well, this is what Stephanie Hollman and Kameron Westcott are doing instead of hitting the gym and getting CoolSculpting. It’s called “90/20.” It goes through the motions of a 90 minute exercise while you wear some biomedical lab catsuit which is supposed to deeply sculpt all your muscles in 2o minutes.

Doing this gives Stephanie more time to eat corn nuts or pickles off Travis‘ chest.  Or you know, whatever. It’s also been a great opportunity for Steph and Kam to bond away from the group and all the drama of D’Andra and LeeAnne Locken.

D'Andra Simmons Real Housewives Of Dallas

On tonight’s Real Housewives Of Dallas the drama between D’Andra Simmons and LeeAnne Locken continues to escalate when LeeAnne crashes D’Andra’s 50th birthday party roast.

This is all D’Andra’s fault of course, since she was the genius with the idea to host a roast for herself. Which is basically like spending the day with Mama Dee. So maybe this is what D’Andra is used to? She should know better, knowing her friend group!

Real Housewives Of Dallas Season 4 Premiere D'Andra Simmons

It’s a new, lighter season of Real Housewives Of Dallas – at least hair follicle-wise! Oh, haha – who am I kidding these ladies still hate each other! Well, LeeAnne Locken and D’Andra Simmons do anyway.

Get ready for another season of LeeAnne and D’Andra battling for title of Queen Bee. LeeAnne even references her pageant past in her tagline, and of course she’s wearing a crown for her wedding. Marrying Rich Emberlin is her crowning achievement after all – right after being the self-proclaimed Philanthropy Hub of Dallas. Did I mention that I love this show?

LeeAnne blames D’Andra for their reconciliation stalling. After all, D’Andra never reached out after the reunion, despite promising that she would after apologizing for saying Rich cheated. Thankfully we did not have to hear a long tearful spiel about LeeAnne’s abandonment issues and her amygdala being hyper-sensitive to false promises, which further degrade her fragile carnie heart, which is all LeeAnne’s mother’s fault for letting the tilt-a-whirl operator babysit her – or some crazy shit that causes one to poop in a bag after ripping your belt off in the name of Jesus. LeeAnne’s trust issues make her see relationships like cotton candy: they look so beautiful and full, but evaporate as soon as she gets too close with her hot air.

Real Housewives Of Dallas D'Andra Simmons

Is anyone else as happy as I am to see Real Housewives Of Dallas return for a 4th season?

RHOD may not pull in the most ratings, but it’s a sleeper success. It’s chock-full of a dynamic and dramatic cast predicated on true friendships. This season Cary Deuber was demoted to the friend zone while newbie Kary Brittingham joined the cast as a full-time Housewife.

LeeAnne Locken RHOD reunion

Last night was part two of the Real Housewives Of Dallas reunion which also marked the official end of season 3. I have to say of all the Real Housewives franchises, this one is still my favorite.

Sure, Real Housewives Of Dallas could use some tweaking – like please no more Brandi Redmond vs. LeeAnne Locken feuds dominating every season Whew! We have had enough! Having LeeAnne and Brandi become BFF would be totally insincere and producer-driven. I’d like to see them settle into an acquaintanceship where they can have fun together socially (or at least be civil) and leave it at that.

I’d also love to see D’Andra Simmons go back in time and recognize it’s a wig she’s wearing on her head, not a crown, so there is no need to start petty drama with LeeAnne! Those two are much better as friends. They balance each other and have a great dynamic. This season D’Andra got too big for her britches and LeeAnne’s britches already have L’infinity egos. 

RHOD-Reunion-Dandra-Simmons-Real-Housewives-Of-Dallas

The ladies of Real Housewives Of Dallas entered the ring with their guns blazing, their stilettos sharpened like razors, and their eyes shooting daggers through the 64 layers of wet look eyeshadow. Their dresses are designed to blind, confuse, and kill as all the sequins reflect off everyone’s egos causing insanity.

I actually think Andy Cohen was on fire last night and was a great moderator; pushing back against the nastiness and crap.

This reunion is all about D’Andra Simmons, and her feuds with literally everyone. Which is apt because the very first thing that was discussed was Beaver Creek and the fight D’Andra had with LeeAnne Locken over who is the queen of Real Housewives Of Dallas.