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Real Housewives Of Dallas Recap

D'Andra Simmons Real Housewives Of Dallas

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas was memorable for a couple of things. Like that Rodney Atkins can be rented for $75k and that Stephanie Hollman is so stinkin’ rich it’s totally affordable it to hire a country superstar to play while your friends get wasted in over-the-hill sorostitute Halloween costumes.

However, the most memorable thing that happened was learning that Mama Dee Simmons wears a wig. And not just one wig, but she has over 100 platinum blonde bullet shaped prosthetic hair caps. Are they mating? Does that make Dee’s wig room the biggest wig room on Bravo? Are some of them long-haired? Why is Dee not selling a wig collection on Christian television? 

Stephanie Hollman Real Housewives Of Dallas

On tonight’s Real Housewives Of Dallas Travis Hollman celebrates his milestone entrance into middle age with two epic 50th birthday parties.

First Stephanie Hollman invites all their close friends and family to Medieval Times to watch Travis be crowned King of … The Over The Hill?

LeeAnne Locken Rich Emberlin Wedding Real Housewives Of Dallas

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas LeeAnne Locken tied the knot to Rich Emberlin and treated her wedding ceremony like the sideshow act at a carnival. She then treated her wedding guests like they needed to pay for their own corndogs.

LeeAnne also insulted her own mother from the altar, because what better opportunity to say your piece to your mother when she can’t interrupt than during your own wedding vows?!

LeeAnne’s mother, Margaret, did in fact make it to the wedding. Right on time, in fact, and wearing a gold sequined dress. LeeAnne then proceeded to spend the entire ceremony and reception ignoring her. Margaret even had to beg for a photograph with her own daughter!

LeeAnne Locken Rich Emberlin Real Housewives Of Dallas

Last week’s Real Housewives Of Dallas ended on a cliffhanger with LeeAnne Locken crying in her wedding gown over her mother. I mean what’s a LeeAnne Locken event without drama about how her mother abaaaaaaandoned her?!

At least it wasn’t Rich Emberlin who left LeeAnne stranded at the altar although wouldn’t that have been the most exciting drama to ever grace a Real Housewives episode anywhere?! More exciting even than incarceration and secret weddings

Brandi Redmond Real Housewives Of Dallas

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas was all about family dramas. Isn’t it always? I mean, about the only thing that happens on this show anymore is LeeAnne Locken complaining about her mother. D’Andra Simmons complaining about her mother. And Brandi Redmond complaining about being a mother. Oh, ha – something different did happen last night: LeeAnne almost got married.

It’s one week before LeeAnne’s big day and she finally unveils the free wedding dress she conned out of a couture designer. Kameron Westcott and Stephanie Hollman attend the final fitting, becuase why NOT have another momentous event/part to celebrate LeeAnne’s slow crawl to Mrs?

LeeAnne Locken Wedding Real Housewives Of Dallas

After 300,43,000 pre-wedding events on Real Housewives Of Dallas the day LeeAnne Locken marries Rich Emberlin has finally arrived. And now the Dallas social scene can breath easy without fear that LeeAnne will be chasing them down, coming to collect on favors she did in 1987 to extort free wedding goods and services.

Needless to say, this wedding did not get here fast enough. Despite her issues with LeeAnne, Kary Brittingham decides to put things behind them and attend the big day. Which is more than can be said for LeeAnne’s own family members who don’t seem to be making an appearance.

Real Housewives Of Dallas Girls Night

Real Housewives Of Dallas continues to argue about etiquette that clearly doesn’t exist. Mainly because the person appointed judge and jury of how to behave and why has an obvious blind-eye towards one of the main perpetrators. I’m looking at YOU, Kameron Westcott.

Why are dinosaurs so closely linked to Real Housewives Of Dallas this season? Is this foreshadowing an extinction of friendships, social hierarchies, and trust funds?!

Maybe the first bad omen was the death of one, inappropriately named, bunny. Leave it to Brandi Redmond to throw a funeral for a deceased bunny she has been storing (wrapped in towels and tucked into a [hopefully clean] litter box), in her chest freezer. FOR SIX MONTHS. I think this beat Sonja Morgan, hoarder queeneth extraordinaire’s record. Brandi’s been trying to decide if she wants to bury Bun-Bun or taxidermy him. (You know LeeAnne Locken plans to have a taxidermied bust made of her 30-year-old face with changing weave capabilities once she passes).

Kameron Westcott Real Housewives Of Dallas

Tonight is the night where everyone on Real Housewives Of Dallas officially recaches the apex of exhaustion with all the demands related to LeeAnne Locken‘s wedding.

It’s finally Kameron Westcott‘s turn to host an event for LeeAnne, and after her years of nodding and smiling to all of LeeAnne’s cray, Kam is rewarded by getting to throw the exalted couples shower! Squeeeeeeeee!!! Unfortunately, a scheduling conflict sends some of the ladies backing out last minute – no call; no show!