Tom Schwartz Kyle Cooke Summer House

Summer House Recap: LA Comes To Montauk

Tom Schwartz Kyle Cooke Summer House

As a Bravo super-fan, the annual Summer House and Vanderpump Rules crossover episode is like my Super Bowl and it’s finally here! Before we see Kyle Cooke tell Stassi Schroeder she looks like Steve Jobs again (one can only hope), Kyle and Amanda Batula are tearfully discussing their future as a couple. They cry, they comfort each other and they go to sleep. I feel like we’ve seen this pattern a lot wit them. Meanwhile, the rest of the house comes back drunk except for Lindsay Hubbard who sleeps out again. Good for her. At the moment, relationships in the Summer House are all over the place!

Lindsay stubbles home, Jordan Verroi likes that girl (Erica) from the bar last week and Paige DeSorbo is talking to someone named Justin. Since Carl Radke brought a random as his date to a wedding, Paige feels free to move ahead with other guys. You go girl. Also, Paige has a full on pre-date routine, including a face mask. I continue to relate to Paige on a spiritual level. Jordan confines in Kyle about his erectile disfunction and Kyle is questioning his story. He thinks Jordan is either gay or a virgin. I never want to label someone but Jordan’s E.D is definitely stemming from a different issue.

The house is hosting a dinner where they all bring dates. Jordan invites Erica and she brings her roommate as backup incase he’s weird. Newsflash: he is. Hannah Berner invites British Dave and be brings her a present. It’s a wall clock of a photo of Hannah with her cat. Hannah with the best line of the season says Dave knows the way to her heart is through her pussy. I ship these two and pray they’re still together. Paige‘s date is late and I swear to god, if this guy stands her up, I’m rioting.

Summer House Paige DeSorbo

Justin is here and if he’s not a hottie, I don’t approve for Princess Paige. We don’t even get to meet Justin?! Ugh, disappointed. We find out in the morning that Paige, Justin, Hannah and Dave spent the night on Justin’s yacht (need more details on this) and Paige insuiates she didn’t get much sleep. To catch some zzz’s, she crawls into Carl’s bed (he’s out of town) when she arrives back at the house. If that’s not savage, I don’t know what is. When Kyle gets wind of this, he tries to create a narrative that Paige has been dicking Carl around. As if Kyle, as if.

Hannah Berner Paige DeSorbo Summer House

We’re back in the city and we haven’t seen the Vanderpump Rules kids yet. Lame. I really don’t need to see Danielle Olivera on an axe throwing date with Max in Williamsburg. I want to see Tom Schwartz getting blackout Hamptons style. Elsewhere in the city, Jordan and Erica are on a date where he asks her where she was conceived. Run, Erica, Run. Jordan claims he hasn’t been on a date in awhile. Has he been on a date ever? Unclear.

Summer House Recap: All Words Start With Capital Letter

On the way out to the Hamptons, Carl finds out from Hannah and Lindsay about Paige‘s yacht sleepover. He got lucky with his wedding date but he’s pissed Paige got lucky too? Come on. They get to the house and Carl finds Paige’s earrings in his room. I’m honestly laughing out loud by how much Carl is getting a taste of his own medicine. She’s just not that into you bro!

Before Stassi and the crew arrive, Kyle has turtlenecks for some of them to wear (after his infamous comment 2 years ago) and honestly, it’s a genius idea. Okay, so I know I’m super uncool but I’m assuming Paige and Hannah are 25ish Bravo fanatics like me so wouldn’t meeting Stassi, Beau Clark, Tom and Katie Maloney be like if a dude met Tom Brady!? I’d freak out like when I met Shep Rose and almost cried. That’s probably why no one’s asked me to be on a reality show.

Katie Maloney Summer House

The entire crew sit down to a lobster dinner & they cheers to relationships. How ironic. The conversation turns quickly to be about Carl and Paige. As they fill in the Vanderpump Rules foursome, we see the house is very divided on when it comes to this topic. Honestly, I’m on no one’s side. That may surprise most of you because if you’ve been reading my recaps, you know I’m a Paige Stan. They have both done things for and against their relationship and it’s best to just call a truce. Neither of them believe they are in the wrong and things escalate quickly. Somehow in the middle of the all the screaming, a roll of paper towel catches on fire and Beau throws it into the pool. Marry him now Stassi. Next week, the Paige/Carl fight continues and Stassi tells Kyle it may not be the best time to propose!

P.S. These commercials with Kyle, Amanda, Beau and Stassi (which were filmed in LA literally 2 weeks ago) are painful to watch.


[Photo Credit: Bravo]