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Southern Charm Recap:

Last night we were treated to the first half of a tw0-part Southern Charm which answered A LOT of questions I never wanted nor needed to know. At all.

The charmers are getting ready for their day, and Patricia Altschul is concerned that her hairstylist is somewhat distracted. It seems Madison LeCroy has given Ms. Pat an unfortunate Kathryn Dennis-esque type poof. Whatever could be her issue? Only Austen Kroll knows for sure! Chelsea Meissner is the only one working, and some dude drops off a surfboard for Shep Rose prior to the aging frat boy’s haircut appointment.

Craig Conover’s penchant for laziness and lounging hungover in hoodies must be contagious because Austen has been afflicted. Over burritos and beer, Austen laments about the downfall of his relationship with Madison. He’s embarrassed to admit to his friends that he still in love with a girl who tried to slide into his friend’s boyfriend’s DMs. She seems so sweet and innocent given the fact that she’s only had three boyfriends in her lifetime. Craig teases that she probably had so few relationships because the rest of the guys never responded to her on Instagram. Craig has jokes!

While cutting Shep’s hair, the pair dish on the downfall of Austen and Madison. They argue over the cheating scandals, and our eyes are once again assaulted by the footage from the threesome.

Shep is not a fan of Madison, but Chelsea has had it with Austen. Madison showed her the screenshots of Austen talking smack about her and her Instagram account. How ironic! On James Island, Cameran Eubanks is playing with adorable Palmer, but she is still struggling with the isolation she feels from staying home all day with her baby. Cameran really wants needs a nanny, but her control issues are keeping her from taking the plunge.

RELATED:Naomie Olindo Defends Cameran Eubanks Calling Her Boyfriend “Exotic” On A Recent Southern Charm Episode

Southern Charm Recap:

Naomie Olindo and Danni Baird are on the phone prepping for their girls trip, but they discuss Kathryn’s unresponsiveness to their calls and texts. Neither has talked to her since she left to see her new Senator beau in Miami. Likewise, Chelsea and Cameran are chatting about Kathryn’s full voicemail box and her MIA status. Are they still going on the trip she’s planned? On cue, Kathryn arrives back in town after jet setting to New York and Miami. She finally answers Danni’s call, and she is pissed to learn that people think she was purposely being shady. No one tried to call her except for Danni, and if someone needs to know what to wear to a tree house they should look on Pinterest.

Southern Charm Recap:

I know I’m not the only one who is wondering where the hell Kathryn got a Rolls-Royce, but she’s filling out the loan paperwork. Don’t worry guys, it’s used! A 2011 Rolls-Royce will only set you back about $127,000. One by one, her friends arrive at her giant, expensive house. They recognize Kathryn is offering no apologies or explanations for not being readily available. However, they don’t want to push any buttons by lecturing her about it before the trip. She is happy to answer questions about her new boyfriend. They may or may not already be talking marriage, and he wants to open up an office of his law firm and Charleston. There’s also a lot of butt chugging conversation but I’ll spare the details.

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Recent College Grad Eliza Limehouse is fishing with her father. They have a strained relationship after he shamed the family name by a scandalous affair, but after cheating death she feels she needs to make every relationship count. We learn that her boyfriend‘s forgotten passport saved her life after they were forced to miss a flight on a private jet to the Bahamas with friends. That plane ultimately crashed. Her new lease on life makes her want to live it to the fullest with no regrets.

Southern Charm Recap:

The girls arrive in the woods to a tree house paradise that looks like Pinterest puked on it, and they choose rooms with no drama. The cast of RHONY would be incredibly disappointed. They are taking a wine tour, but Chelsea is sheepish about drinking in front of Kathryn. Cameran reminds her that Kathryn is the one who planned the vineyard tour. Danni is happy that Kathryn is back to acting normal, but Naomie is over their friend’s flakiness. At the vineyard, the girls are treated to a tasting of muscadine wine and Kathryn opts for some juice.

I promise you that none of the girls are going to be getting drunk off of this wine. Danni’s face says it all as she spits into the tasting bucket. The tasting is interrupted by a text from Whitney Sudler-Smith throwing out a booty call. The girls pepper Kathryn with questions about the art of Whitney’s seduction. In case you were wondering, he kept his glasses on for the deed.

RELATED: Southern Charm Cast Member Kathryn Dennis Claims Thomas Ravenel Forced Her To Hide First Pregnancy & Shipped Her Out Of State Until She Gave Birth

Southern Charm Recap:

After the wine tasting, the ladies are relaxing before dinner. They have no cell service, and Cameran has to talk herself down from worrying about her family not able to get in touch with her. In the other tree house, Naomie and Danni plot the conversation they plan to have with Kathryn over dinner. They head to the dining room and politely accept another glass of muscadine wine they won’t be drinking. Kathryn and Cameran give some girl power toasts before talking about the men in their lives. Kathryn is excited to be in a self-proclaimed happy relationship, and she wants her friends to meet him.

RELATED: Southern Charm Star Craig Conover Said He Had Depression After Breakup With Naomie Olindo

As Danni probes more about her new boyfriend, she transitions to asking why her friend was MIA while with him. Kathryn ticks off her agenda, and Danni accuses her of self-sabotaging. She’s very protective of her friend, and she believes the chaos in Kathryn’s life has led to a lack of accountability. Kathryn is slightly defensive, but she agrees that a lack of structure causes issues as she’s learning to live a healthier life. Naomie interrupts her excuses to ask about Kathryn’s recent purchases. Her excessive spending could be misconceived by outsiders. This dinner going well. I’d be CHUGGING that muscadine wine to avoid this awkwardness!

TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? IS HOW KATHRYN SPENDS HER MONEY ANYONE’S BUSINESS? IS SHE SELF-SABOTAGING?

[Photo Credit: Bravo]

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