So last night’s episode of Southern Charm began right where last week’s ended…with Kathryn Dennis embroiled in a confrontational conversation with friends Danni Baird, Naomie Olindo, Cameran Eubanks, and Chelsea Meissner at a tree house dinner party in which the only alcohol available to numb the awkwardness is a one not often willingly consumed by folks who didn’t buy it with a fake ID. Good times! Cameran is choking it down though because it’s that kind of tension.
Danni requests a one-on-one with Kathryn by the bonfire. The rest of the group goes a-rootin’ tootin’ back to their respective tree houses, grateful for the reprieve. Danni is a really stellar friend, by the way. She delicately shares that the way Kathryn responds to things that she doesn’t want to hear hurts her feelings. She is unable to have a normal disagreement commonly shared among good friends, and instead, she shuts down completely. Just like she’s doing now when she doesn’t like what Danni has to say. No one knows the extent of Kathryn’s struggles, and no one can have an opinion on how she handles them. She feels embarrassed and betrayed by Danni.
Um, I get that Kathryn has trust issues larger than the loan on her Rolls-Royce, but she wouldn’t recognize someone legitimately caring about her if it smacked her in the face. Her issue with Danni seems less about trust and more about entitlement.
Back in Charleston, Craig Conover’s
lackey Operations Manager is hard at work on a new batch of pillows while trying to wake Sleeping Beauty from his slumber. Craig has pinpointed his problem. He’s not a good waker-upper. You don’t say, buddy! Don’t be so hard on yourself, Craig. It’s only 12:47 in the afternoon! The saint with the sewing machine tries to engage young Mr. Conover with the day’s duties, but the man must eat! And he must embroider a baby pillow he’s been procrastinating. That kid is probably in middle school by now. Craig blames his sleep pattern, but his Operations Manager suspects it’s more his hangover’s fault. This girl. Clone her. Let those clones work their magic on the likes of Shep Rose and Austen Kroll.
Speaking of Austen, he’s hard at work golfing with Daddy out at Wild Dunes. You’ll all be shocked to learn that Austen used to try to trick his dad in an effort to shorten his childhood golf lessons. It’s not laziness, it’s ingenuity, right? Just like with his beer. He’s devastated that his hoppy dreams have yet to come to fruition. He shopped around for a cheap brewer, and lo and behold, a part on one of the tanks broke, halting his beer’s production. His dad questions the next steps. Austen doesn’t know…he’s too busy waiting to hear if the brewer guys got a new part from the beer parts store.
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I’m just happy to see that he took the time to learn his craft
beer. Papa Kroll laughs at his son’s excuses. Austen feels like his parents put too much pressure on the little things, like being self-sufficient and somewhat successful. He reveals to his dad that things with Madison LeCroy are currently non-existent, meaning Austen is failing at relationships too.
Patricia Altschul welcomes Madison into her home so she can mentor her hairdresser of ten years over Michael’s famous whiskey sours. Madison laments about her breakup with Austen, admitting that she got back at Austen for that ill-filmed threesome with good old fashioned revenge sex…and now everyone thinks her cheating is worse! Pat is impressed by the young grasshopper. However, Madison has much to learn. A revenge marriage would have had a much stronger impact on Austen’s psyche. Back on the golf course, Austen tries to convince his dad that Madison wasn’t as sweet and innocent as she appeared. Austen’s parents have seen the video. Papa Kroll isn’t buying what he’s selling. He accuses his son of self-sabotage and hopes that Austen will seek to figure out the root of his issues. It breaks Austen’s heart that his parents are so disappointed in his recent behavior (read: budget threesome).
Shep and Craig are day drinking at The Shelter before Craig’s strenuous day of fabric shopping with the poor girl tasked with keeping his life organized. Craig complains that he’s never going to be able to fill all his orders…um, not with these pit stops, I’m afraid. His idea of hosting a pillow party and teaching his pals to sew is shot down by Shep. Shep, hater of Madison, dishes to Craig that Austen’s ex has been texting his other ex Chelsea, sharing screenshots of Austen talking mad shiz about Chelsea. Shep can’t believe Madison’s nerve. Craig likens Austen to a middle school girl. Would the phrase “takes one to know one” apply here? Together, Craig and Shep come up with the grand and mature decision to talk some sense into Austen…while RVing to Nashville. What could go wrong?
The rain has thwarted a golf cart cruise for Chelsea and Naomie, so the girls retire to Naomie’s back porch for some gossip. Naomie was invited to Craig’s pillow party, but she doesn’t feel that they are in a place where they need to be hanging out on a regular basis. Wait, the pillow party is an actual thing? Chelsea is confused by the party’s concept, and she’s not keen at seeing her ex Austen. Naomie urges her to confront Austen about Madison’s screenshots while Chelsea curses out Naomie’s twelve-year-old neighbor.
Danni is meeting her mother for lunch. She is a talented artist, and her mom is excited to hear she’s just sold a painting. The conversation turns to Danni’s love life. Her mom was banking on being a grandmother at this point, but she’s happy to hear that Danni has taken a “like” interest in a normal guy after calling off her engagement last year. That said, her mother advises her to freeze her eggs. Danni has always maintained that she would hold off the egg freezing until she turned thirty-five…although that milestone is approaching in a few weeks!
Craig has enlisted Kathryn to help him pick out pillow fabrics, but she breaks down sobbing between the bolts. Thomas Ravenel just had a pre-trial hearing, and Kathryn is overwhelmed by the thought of being a full-time single mom with her children’s father potentially in jail for sexual assault charges. Craig puts on his lawyer hat and explains that a pre-trial hearing won’t affect anything, and he reminds Kathryn that her kids are too young for Google. They won’t know why their dad is absent. Craig couldn’t be more detached from this discussion, and Kathryn apologizes for her watershed moment. She’s looking forward to Craig’s party. Is it some sort of launch for a new pillow line? Oh, sweet Kathryn. That is what most people would assume. You thought you’d signed up for Southern Charm, not Project Runway!
It’s 5 ‘o clock
somewhere on the day of Craig’s party, and his Operations Manager is tending to the booze and nugget trays while Craig gets his beauty sleep. Instead of helping, he painstakingly applies some subtle eyeliner. The girls dig it! It’s not everyday a straight man delves into the world of home goods, at least according to Craig. Craig whines about how behind he is in pillow production. Perhaps he should look into opening a sweatshop in his garage…or, I don’t know, working? How much is he paying this poor girl? Do we think she’s secretly in love with him? If she’s not making bank, that is the only plausible explanation for putting up with Craig’s B.S.
Cameran calls out Craig for having her sew his merchandise, but he’s saved by Whitney Sudler-Smith’s arrival. Whitney is wearing glasses. Like the ones he didn’t take when he was knocking boots with Kathryn. I’ll leave you with that mental picture. It’s at least a palette cleanse from Austen’s cellphone footage.
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As the Charmers arrive, each of Craig’s friends is distracted by his clean house and his eyeliner. Whitney is appalled by the lack of cocktail napkins, but Craig trumps Whitney’s complaints, tossing him a roll of paper towels (see what I did there?). Don’t fault Craig–he doesn’t have a butler like Whitney’s mom. No, but he has an Operations Manager. The party quickly disperses from the den when they learn Craig has enticed them to his house with light beer and nuggets to do the manual labor he’s been putting off for months. Shep and Craig fill in the crew about their plans to kidnap Austen with a guys’ trip.
Shep is hoping their Madison intervention will be successful. Ms. Pat surprises the group…she rarely attends their pitiful events, but she has a soft spot for Craig which is really just code for “I want to judge his meager living quarters.” I love it.
Austen and Chelsea find themselves alone on the porch, and she seizes the opportunity to confront Austen for crap talking her to Madison. He plays the drunk card, but Chelsea refuses to accept that excuse. Madison provided her with months of receipts of his bad mouthing. Austen poses the question–why would his girlfriend be so mean as to share things with Chelsea knowing it could hurt her feelings? Chelsea doesn’t buy into Austen’s deflection either, and the group inside is thankful to have a distraction from the awkwardness seeping from the limited interaction between Kathryn and Danni.
Austen finally concedes that he was angry at Chelsea for insinuating he was a freeloader at last season’s reunion. As the gang hypothesizes about the patio chat, Pat wonders if the Charmers think Austen truly said these things, leading Shep into a lengthy explanation of screenshots. Chelsea knows that when she talks poorly about her friends, it’s because she feels badly about herself. Austen admits that he’s in a low place, and he shouldn’t have involved Chelsea. She forgives him. He is grateful and says he doesn’t deserve it. He is right.
Chelsea recounts Austen’s apology to Danni before asking if Danni has had a chance to clear the air with Kathryn after the girls’ trip. Kathryn walks up and inquires as to the topic of their chat, and Chelsea honestly replies they were talking about the trip. Kathryn storms off, pretending to take an elevated interest in Shep’s socks while completely ignoring her friends as they try to explain they weren’t saying anything negative. Danni explodes at her friend’s immaturity. She storms out of the house after being cussed and dismissed by Kathryn. Chelsea confronts Kathryn after finding Danni sobbing, and Kathryn refuses to engage. Now it’s Kathryn’s turn to storm out after Shep points out that she can’t get mad at people for showing concern over her. Oh yeah? Just watch her!
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? IS KATHRYN BEING COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE? DOES CRAIG’S LAZINESS DESERVE SUCH AN AMAZING OPERATIONS MANAGER?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]