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Beautiful wilderness and a 5-star ski resort, a private plane, endless champagne, a group of tight-knit friends ready to put their problems behind them… Oh wait, WHOOPS – not that! What can go wrong when you take the Real Housewives Of Dallas to Beaver Creek? Also, this episode was sponsored by the Letter B, the color Blush, and the number 4 – for all the naughty things Kameron Westcott doesn’t do because she’s a square.

All the beaver action began at Brandi Redmond‘s top-secret baby shower for Bruin. After Stephanie Hollman misled Kameron by making her believe they were celebrating Stephanie’s surrogate, here appeared America’s favorite ginger family presenting a mystery baby. Kameron is stupefied. Like where’s the surrogate? Did she give birth upstairs during the party? Is Brandi a stork? Like why wasn’t she told? Like, why isn’t SHE the center of the BS (Brandi/Stephanie) universe?

Real Housewives Of Dallas was all over the place last night. There was new life, death, and rebirth of beaten to death dramas (and actual enormous ponytails to add to beat a dead horse analogy courtesy of LeeAnne Locken). There was also Kameron Westcott to scorn us all while wearing a ruffled pinafore reminiscent of a Victorian matron.

D’Andra Simmons is still celebrating the fact that someone not only wanted to marry her but to drag her into bed and ravage her. I suppose that other than money there’s nothing else a girl could want out of marriage, so girl – good on you! Since D’Andra is oh-so-happy, and after 4 years of marriage is an expert, she just wants LeeAnne to experience this same bliss — that is if LeeAnne can coerce Rich down the aisle without him sharting. Something he’d apparently do if it meant getting out of a wedding… Oy.