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Real Housewives Of New York Sonja Morgan Tinsley Mortimer

According to Ramona Singer all the ladies on Real Housewives Of New York are going through a transition, and have found themselves single. Which is true. Before Dorinda Medley dumped John Mahdessian, she was the only woman on this show in a relationship. Unless you count Tinsley Mortimer dating “Bruce.”

Who does Tinsley think she’s fooling? Bruce was a made-up man to shut Dale Mercer up and hopefully make Scott Kluth jealous.

Anyway, it’s fall in New York and the weather is wonderful so all the ladies are meeting outside in various parks to take walks and gossip. If this were a RomCom they’d keep bumping into each other on random benches and eventually fall in love. But this is Real Housewives, so if they ran into each other on random benches they’d actually just find the other person talking shit about them to their other friends, then they’d fall into hate.

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Denise Richards

Whew, you guys so much to discuss from last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills but unequivocally my favorite thing ever in this whole world is Denise Richards “I’d like to talk to the manager…” face. Denise may be laid back and getting laid on the daily, but we saw what happens when you try to come for her.

If Kyle Richards believes bringing on Brandi Glanville to destroy Denise’s life (which is just SO GROSS on premise) will work, she’s wrong. I’m totally Team Fucking Denise Richards, and I think most viewers are too.

Also Kyle’s hair this season is just straight up karma! She looks like a matronly old bat from the 80’s attempting sex appeal. Whomever talked her into these messy topknots with teased bangs might be my hero. Reveal yourself – you deserve our praise!

Vanderpump Rules Jax Taylor

Well, hell hath surely frozen over and the next thing we’ll be celebrating on Vanderpump Rules is an ice skating party because I actually liked Katie Maloney this episode. Hold me – I am fainting from the vapors!

At least I’m reassured that the constant is my complete and utter disgust of Jax Taylor! Accidentally taking a bite of that moldy lasagna found in the back of your fridge during a dunk binge eat is more desirable!

After Jax went on a rage-text tirade and uninvited everyone from his pool party (like anyone wanted to go to begin with) Tom Sandoval decided to host his own party for the rejects. Unfortunately the list of rejects grew and grew until it was revenge of the rejects with Tom and Ariana Madix winding up with an amazing party while Jax and Brittany Cartwright had one of the sad little get-togethers you see at the end of an HGTV House Hunters episode when the couple claims they “LOVE” to entertain.

Below Deck Sailing Yacht Jenna MacGillivray Adam Glick

Well the day has finally arrived when Jenna MacGillivray and Adam Glick pushed things too far on Below Deck Sailing Yacht. Karma, my friends, is blowing in the winds!

I just cannot even with the sheer ridiculousness of Jenna and Adam. Here is Jenna abandoning her job to the underlings – literally leaving a third stew with little serving experience to manage a table full of guests – while she goes and has a conversation with Adam about the wall he has built around himself to keep out love. IT HAS BEEN SIX WEEKS.

I get it — being on yacht time is like being in a time warp where the normal rules don’t exist. I mean, we’ve had people demanding tickets to Prague and all sorts of hootenanny over yachtmances, but Jenna takes the case!

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Virtual Reunion Part 1

Well, as we learned on last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta, a virtual reunions is no substitute for a live performance! Shutting the computer screen is far more anti-climatic than gathering up one’s ball gown and trouncing off to stage left in a fit if pique, but leave it to NeNe Leakes to find away to ‘close the door’ on anything she doesn’t want to hear! She tried, I’ll give her that!

The ladies were ostensibly responsible for all their own glam, although some like Eva Marcille admitted to having someone in to do their makeup. Andy Cohen was quick to call them out by mentioning that he saw people with masks and gloves in the background.

Eva should’ve saved that money for a dress that fit. Whatever she was wearing was making her cleavage look, as Porsha Williams put it, like her boobs were “social distancing.”

Real Housewives Of New York Luann de Lesseps

Oh, Real Housewives Of New York, you never fail to disappoint. Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile? Well it’s you girl[s], and you should know it!

Love may not be all around, though, but the opposite of love and just as passionate, is hate which is aplenty! Especially when it comes to Dorinda Medley‘s passionate animosity towards Tinsley Mortimer. Seriously – whaaaaat? Hating Tinsley is like hating the lone sock floating around the laundry forever without a mate. Hating Tinsley is like resenting an earring back that doesn’t quite fit snugly to any of your earrings. Hating Tinsley is like going to Costco and getting stuck bad samples.

What I mean is that none of these things should generate strong enough feelings to reach the intensity of anger Dorinda has towards Tinsley.  Because what Dorinda truly hates is that her life has gone on without Richard andis no longer the fairy tale it was.

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Kyle Richards

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Teddi Mellencamp hosted an All In retreat which no one wanted to go to at all, so they went all in on Kyle Richards instead.

Despite being invited, told it didn’t matter if she attended, and then ultimately being uninvited there is Sutton Stracke, riding in a car with Kyle and Erika Jayne to Teddi’s retreat.

Sutton, displaying her good southern manners, listens to Kyle prattle on about how busy she is. Being Kyle is an exhausting, nonstop, all-consuming, ever-involved endeavor of Kyle-ness. Like Kaftans Through the kloset karosel, these are the days of Kyle’s life. Sutton is actually only half-paying attention because she’s consumed with her own worries about dealing with Teddi. Even though Sutton apologized and received a reluctant OK to attend the retreat she’s still nervous about what to expect. 

Vanderpump Rules Jax Taylor

This season seems to be a reckoning on Vanderpump Rules. A washing the slate clean to prepare for the new and fresh, and the people getting hit the hardest are Jax Taylor and Scheana Marie. I welcome this.

For some bizarro reason Max Boyens hosts a beach clean-up at a public beach that gets regularly cleaned by the city. Then, because this makes total logical sense, everyone who shows up is swilling wine out of plastic solo cups. Erm. Look – I get it, they need to give Max something to DO besides women, but how about we get a little more filler about his backstory? Like who is this guy other than the person who’s presumably replacing Jax as the Number 3 guy in the TomSquared concoction.

Speaking of Jax, he does not attend because he it’s ridiculous to have to drive “4 hours,” polluting the environment to clean up a beach. He’s not wrong, but of course Brittany Cartwright is there. They could’ve taken the car pool lane, y’all!