Below Deck Mediterranean Recap: Ice, Ice Baby.

Wow. Lara Flumani has set a new record for the worst stews in the history of Below Deck Mediterranean. And that is a show that has no shortage of emotionally challenging stewardesses! It’s almost like the editors wanted to give Hannah Ferrier a redemption send-off so they hired a person who would definitely make Hannah look good, no matter what.

Lara and Hannah just can’t seem to find any common ground. I blame Lara who views the entire world as being made of extra sharp knives she has to walk over. I refuse to believe she was some sort of super stew, as she claimed on her CV.

Lara has decided that Hannah is not her boss because she doesn’t like to be bossed, whereas Hannah has decided that Lara definitely needs to be bossed. And sassed. Honey. While the guests are playing an after-dinner drinking game, Lara and Hannah are arguing while clearing the table. This all came about because Lara feels condescended to by Hannah requesting she do 3rd stew responsibilities because she has a bad attitude. So hat does Lara do but fight bad attitude with a bad attitude.

Hannah just wants some respect for the seniority of her position. Lara isn’t going to give that so Hannah decides she can be second stew in name only, oh, and she’s switched from lates to early last-minute.


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Below deck Mediterranean Jessica More

The next morning Lara gets the opportunity to stretch her legs and prove her resume isn’t full of lies! Hannah is in bed and it’s only Lara and Jessica More on breakfast service. Unfortunately, the only thing Lara can accomplish is setting the table. Which she does. Well. What she does not do well is manage the flow of breakfast. Doesn’t this girl have a million years of experience? She forgets to even ask if the guests want eggs, until Jess reminds her and Lara makes up some of excuse that she has to micromanage Jess making juice.

When Lara finally does take the breakfast order she has no idea what soft boiled eggs are and neither does Chef Kiko Lorran. It turns out Kiko doesn’t either, so maybe this is an American concept for how to treat an egg, so they wind up googling it. The difference is Kiko is sweet-natured and happy, where as Lara snarls that she’s not a chef.

Lara also snaps at Jessica to basically go do the work of a third stew, as if Jessica isn’t allowed any opinions. Ugh.

When Hannah finally wakes up, she finds Lara calmly doing cabins. She asks her to check the water supply. Lara doesn’t know where it’s kept and when she learns she has to climb into a tiny closet, with a little round door, like the witch’s oven in Hansel & Gretel, Lara refuses. She literally starts waking away and tells Hannah to do it herself. Finally one of the deckhands has to go retrieve the water. Psss… hint – the witch didn’t eat him. That’s because the witch is Hannah and she only has an appetite for Lara.

Breakfast went so badly that Kiko and Jessica actually request that Lara permanently stay behind closed doors like the freaky relative from the Victorian era that would bring shame upon the family.

Below deck Mediterranean Captain Sandy Yawn

Then of course its time for water toys. If I have to hear Captain Sandy Yawn say one more time that she wants all the toys out my head might explode.  Sandy — no one thinks your boat is enticing and fun when it looks like a Memorial Day sale at Walmart. Anyway, Sandy wants all the toys out. Malia White is fine with handling Captain Sandy, but she’s getting a bit tired of The Unit’s unit-ism.

He’s interrupting her, he’s dismissive, and he clearly doesn’t respect her authority. At least Pete Hunziker stopped calling her “sweetheart.” Does he think it’s 1955? Honestly, Malia should just call him sweetheart right back. That or “honey.”

After initially bonding with his fellow-American ‘bro’ Alex Radcliffe is starting to realize that Pete’s ways are gonna get him slapped with a #MeToo hashtag after his name. Also, the dude has his dog’s ashes on a dog tag around his neck or something…

Well, at least these guests appreciated the toy bonanza. And it should’ve given Kiko plenty of time to prepare lunch, but instead he made paella and left the starving guests sitting there for an hour waiting. While this was happening Hannah went looking for Lara. She finds her cleaning the crew mess and acting as if Hanna’s head deserved a does of SHOUT!

Hannah wants Lara to get on laundry and leave cleaning the crew mess, which was on the stew schedule accidentally. Lara digs her heels in, clicks them together, and smirks at Hannah as she says “Almost Home… to you.”

Below deck Mediterranean Hannah Ferrier Laura Flumani

Lara refuses to do laundry until the crew mess is cleaned, per the task sheet, and Hannah is adamant that her personal instruction takes precedent over a piece of paper. Especially when she’s the one who made the schedule, and is now admitting that it was wrong.

Lara fake-calmly (but patronizingly) tells Hannah to calm down. Then when she has to reach around her to access the dishwasher, Lara and Hannah’s tenseness spills over. Hannah accuses Lara of posturing and orders her not to touch her. Lara is unbothered and tells us all a story about how she fought with her kindergarten teacher too. Basically, Lara’s been a bitch since birth.


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While he’s taking his break Pete overhears from his bunk. It gave him a wet dream.

After threats from Hannah, Lara finally retreats to the laundry where Hannah approaches her about starting over. Instead, Lara just wants to tell Hannah that she’s rude and she will not take it. Hannah stomps away mid-discussion. Lara is bitter because she is doing 3rd stew duties and wants Hannah to suffer for it.

Dinner would’ve been great if Captain Sandy hadn’t meddled. She’s joining the guests for their last supper and decides this is the time to publicly issue gripes and complaints.

First, there is an issue with the taco salad. 7 are run instead of 8. One poor sweet girls is left sitting there as everyone else eats instead of waiting for her — including Captain Sandy! Hannah manages to salvage the plating nightmare by pretending this was intentional because the guest requested a lighter portion.

Then come the steaks. Absolutely beautiful with these pretty little French new carrots on top. But alas there are no steak knives! Whomever set the table didn’t lay any. Hannah is non-plussed as she sends Jess to get some. Sandy meanwhile barges into the kitchen like some sort of high fallutin hostess with the mostess to prove to yell at Kiko for the steaks being tough. What a nightmare. She sees to focus more on what’s going on with the interior crew and less on micromanaging every breath Kiko takes!

The steaks turn out to be perfect with the correct utensil. Sandy radios Kiko from the table to snarkily apologize. Afterwards, Hannah and the crew bring out the cake. It’s an absolutely beautiful cake with the tip looking like a collage of flowers. The recipient of said cake would rather be shotgunning a beer.

Lara and Hannah manage to get through the night without and skirmishes or uprisings. The next morning is a different story…


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The next morning Lara takes it upon herself to open 30 minutes late for work.  Apparently, she’s only able to follow Hannah’s schedule when it’s not important. It also seems like maybe the guests didn’t get breakfast? As Hannah is preparing for their departure, Lara sidles up and declares that she has 2 things to say. Hannah asks her to wait until the guests have left, and Lara seems fine with that. Or does she…  Malia also manages to survive her first docking with minimal issues.

Despite waiting half the day for food, the guests still have a generous tip. After the tip meeting, Hannah goes to find Captain Sandy for advice on how to handle Lara. Sandy advises Hannah to find a way to connect with her and reset the situation, even though Sandy agrees her energy is super negative.

Below deck Mediterranean Hannah Ferrier Laura Flumani

So Hannah, to her credit, tries. She calls Lara up to the main salon for a chat, and plans to suggest they begin anew. Instead, Lara condescendingly tells Hannah that if she’s going to be rude to her, she can expect Lara to be double rude back – and even worse she’ll be late for her shift out of revenge punishment. I have never seen anyone be so utterly and flagrantly dismissive of their superior. Lara’s tone is straight-up cold as she lectures Hannah on how their relationship is gonna go — or else.


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Hannah calls Lara “disgusting,” and then realizes she needs help from a higher power. So she goes to get the Captain. This is big-time problems!

The most interesting thing about last night’s episode, however, was hearing how modeling saved Rob Westergaard from the life of crime he was headed towards as a way to save his mother from alcoholism. He was literally selling drugs to pay for his mom’s treatment, but she wound up dying from liver failure anyway. Rob’s soft-spoken, deep voiced delivery was like listening to a book on tape. That should be his next career move.


[Photo Credits: Bravo]