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Captain Sandy Yawn Below Deck Mediterranean

Something sure is fishy about what’s going on in the kitchen on Below Deck Mediterranean. As is often the case with Below Deck, almost all the heated happenings occur with the chef (and the chief stew), and Mila Kolomeitseva is at least not disappointing in the drama department. Or is she?

Is it too much when a person goes on an internationally screened reality TV show and makes openly homophobic remarks, then only apologizes once she gets tired of people shaming her? I think it is. I’m not saying anyone on reality TV should be living as an example of morality (clearly not), or be considered a role model (or even a good person), but should we be allowing them to be maligning entire groups of people? Maybe I have no business judging or questioning the gods of Reality TV (aka Bravo producers). After all we’ve already had people fake cancer, go to prison, sexually harass, make racist comments, get in belligerent fights, cheat on their spouses… 

Below Deck Mediterranean chef Mila Kolomeitseva

In the French Riviera the waters are sapphire blue and the skies are cloudless — until you come aboard the super yacht Sirocco where Chef Mila Kolomeitseva is terrorizing everyone with her homophobia and hideous food. With that warning, welcome to episode 3 of Below Deck Mediterranean!

First Mila managed to ruined the first crew night out by revealing to Travis Michalzik that she finds homosexuality gross.   The crew is horrified and are all wondering if they can even speak to Mila ever again. Unfortunately they all still have to work together and share a crew mess the size of a playpen. 

Sonja Moran Real Housewives Of New York

*sigh* So many thoughts about last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of New York. SO. MANY. THOUGHTS. And even more questions!

Does Luann de Lesseps deserve the wrath of hungover Housewives? Does air conditioner make Sonja Morgan poof or poop? Does Bethenny Frankel see Luann as her human sounding board – the one person resilient enough to take all the tantrums Bethenny’s mother ignored as she headed out to the clubs or on a date; giving Bethenny free-reign to project all of her childhood emotions.

Also, it occurs to me, that Bethenny probably married her mother and her father in Jason Hoppy, who seems diabolical, but also really disinterested in her melodrama, and Bethenny needs someone to give validity to her hysteria or else she thinks they don’t ‘hear’ her.

Bethenny Frankel Real Housewives Of New York

The Real Housewives Of New York don’t even have to leave their luxury beach house to have insane, intense, authentic drama. The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills can travel halfway around the world, be in insanely luxe settings, and still can’t make anything interesting occur.

Tonight the Real Housewives Of New York are still terrorizing Miami and if you can believe it they’ve only been there two days real time! After Sonja Morgan got so drunk she needed paramedics, Bethenny Frankel, Ramona Singer, and Luann de Lesseps sit her down to warn her about the perils of alcoholism. Not all alkies wind up being a cabaret star, you know!

Real Housewives Of Beverly In France

Last night the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills traveled to France to visit glorious Provence. Of course these women couldn’t just enjoy the sites and each other’s company, and a new Lisa was thrown under the Peugeot wheels!

Here we are at the Chateau Ventoux, which according to Lisa Rinna is “like Downton France Abbey” except in France an Abbey is a nunnery, so LOL. (If I’m wrong here don’t bother correcting me because I like my joke). The rooms are all beautiful. The surroundings are lush. And unlike when PK smothers her with potato chip crumbs and calls it a blanket, Dorit Kemsley feels like a princess. A real live European princess, who any moment will be woken from this nightmare by a prince who doesn’t have financial problems and will carpet their castle in athleisure wear made by Givenchy and Beverly Reach. Life, really will have purpose for this girl from London, Connecticut. 

Lisa Rinna in France - Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

Tonight you can take the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills out of dog crap drama, but you can’t take the drama out of the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills – especially when they’re in France!

What starts out as a lovely vacation in an exclusive French villa, prompting Dorit Kemsley to exclaim that it feels like they’re all in Europe, quickly erupts into mayhem when Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave believes all the world’s – and all the Housewives’ – problems are her bones to pick. Lady get a life and let things go.

Below Deck Mediterranean - Chef Mila Kolomeitseva

On last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean Chef Mila Kolomeitseva continued to be like a nuke in the ocean. And no one likes nukes for dinner — or anywhere else for that matter!

Here in the beautiful, balmy waters of the French Rivera it’s just your typical family dinner: throw a few TV dinners in the microwave and chow down while watching the sunset on the main deck. At least according to Mila. After first making barf nachos that look like they came from a gas station, Mila mistimed the cooking of the main course steak and figures why not nuke them for a minute or two.

Being a Russian Mila is immune to radiation poisoning, so she puts her face right up to the doors to watch them cook second by second, before dumping them on a plate and ordering Anastasia Surmava to “Go” deliver them. Hannah Ferrier is appalled, alarmed, in a right strop – a full spectrum of emotions over what she just witnessed. Actually of that is an understatement. Hannah was actually shocked into silence carrying these plates of radiation ribeye.

Sonja Morgan RHONY Real Housewives Of New York

This show I tell you. The Real Housewives Of New York ladies know how to do it right. Every episode is like going to an all you can eat buffet.

Only on Real Housewives Of New York can you have a drunken collapse over an argument about cabaret turn into political commentary on the last time Sonja Morgan probably felt relevant. Which flows into competing artists giving out free art and Ramona Singer inviting her ex-husband and new boyfriend to a party, then being forced to admit to making out with her former friend’s ex-husband in front of another friend who also hooked up with this same guy.