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Braunwyn Windham-Burke Real Housewives Of Orange County

It’s mommy issues galore on Real Housewives Of Orange County! Can’t nobody raise a child right?!

Let’s start with Gina Kirschenheiter, who must Uber to the birthday party Emily Simpson is throwing for Annabelle. Then Gina gets there so late the Happy Birthday has already been sung. I thought Gina was actually bringing a used car seat as a gift until she revealed that she’s officially unable to drive until her DUI is resolved, and is actually Ubering everywhere.

As the party wraps up, after Gina treats herself to tiger face paint, she and Emily get to talking about… Gina. Which is all they ever talk about! This time Gina is panicked over how close she came to being arrested in her home in front of her children, and how scaring that would be. Emily likens it to the time she had to be taken away in an ambulance. Which pisses Gina off.

Below Deck Mediterranean Travis Michalzik

In the last dregs of the summer season, the Sirocco continues to slowly circle France and Below Deck Mediterranean chugs on.

I couldn’t even be bothered to remember the names of the charter guests. I’ll just call them “Alcohol Now,” which is the t-shirt the primary was wearing when he boarded the boat. The primaries own some sort of luxury puppy palace. So, explain to me, again, how that makes you rich? Even if your only clients are Lisa Vanderpump and Kameron Westcott things aren’t adding up. But here they are and here we are, watching it all unfold; boringly. I assume the one woman who is allergic to everything under the sun (except alcohol and silicone – clearly) is going to have some sort of attack after accidentally consuming something Ben Robinson accidentally served her.

Either because the specialty plate went to the wrong person when one of the stews (you know it will be Anastasia Surmava) was distracted, or because Ben was so anxious about the burners and the size of the galley that he misread the preference sheet again and prepared something she cannot eat. Anyway the episode ends with this woman literally crawling out of her cabin and collapsing on the floor. Exciting to say the least (to be fair they were sailing through a squall).

Below Deck Mediterranean Captain Sandy Yawn

As the countdown to the conclusion of this charter season approaches things are becoming more stressful and dramatic by the day on Below Deck Mediterranean. All this chaos also coincides with the end of the summer summer, meaning increasingly volatile weather in the Mediterranean.

Tonight Ben Robinson struggles to regain his yachtie skills while battling a too small galley and dysfunctional components which is impacting his ability to get the food out in a timely manner. Meanwhile, Hannah Ferrier is struggling to connect with Ben and deal with his temperamental moods that demand too much of Anastasia Surmava‘s time. 

Real Housewives Of Dallas Season 4 Premiere D'Andra Simmons

It’s a new, lighter season of Real Housewives Of Dallas – at least hair follicle-wise! Oh, haha – who am I kidding these ladies still hate each other! Well, LeeAnne Locken and D’Andra Simmons do anyway.

Get ready for another season of LeeAnne and D’Andra battling for title of Queen Bee. LeeAnne even references her pageant past in her tagline, and of course she’s wearing a crown for her wedding. Marrying Rich Emberlin is her crowning achievement after all – right after being the self-proclaimed Philanthropy Hub of Dallas. Did I mention that I love this show?

LeeAnne blames D’Andra for their reconciliation stalling. After all, D’Andra never reached out after the reunion, despite promising that she would after apologizing for saying Rich cheated. Thankfully we did not have to hear a long tearful spiel about LeeAnne’s abandonment issues and her amygdala being hyper-sensitive to false promises, which further degrade her fragile carnie heart, which is all LeeAnne’s mother’s fault for letting the tilt-a-whirl operator babysit her – or some crazy shit that causes one to poop in a bag after ripping your belt off in the name of Jesus. LeeAnne’s trust issues make her see relationships like cotton candy: they look so beautiful and full, but evaporate as soon as she gets too close with her hot air.

Real Housewives Of Dallas D'Andra Simmons

Is anyone else as happy as I am to see Real Housewives Of Dallas return for a 4th season?

RHOD may not pull in the most ratings, but it’s a sleeper success. It’s chock-full of a dynamic and dramatic cast predicated on true friendships. This season Cary Deuber was demoted to the friend zone while newbie Kary Brittingham joined the cast as a full-time Housewife.

Real Housewives Of Orange County Shannon Beador

Truth and consequences have come to Real Housewives Of Orange County. Everything unfolded when Shannon Beador decided to take Gina Kirschenheiter to LA for a little fun in the California sun, but nothing can keep the storm clouds away. Not even a designer makeover and many glasses of champagne!

You can take the Rail (zing!) Housewives Of Orange County to LA, but you can’t take the tacky Orange County out of them. Leave it Kelly Dodd to throw a big ol’ fit in a fancy restaurant. But to be fair: Kelly was getting it from all ends, just like she says, except it’s not from 8 guys. But, 6 Housewives pulling a train of gossip about her sex life. 

Real Housewives Of Orange County Gina Kirschenheiter

Tonight Real Housewives Of Orange County makes another stop on the Kelly Dodd express – this time though the tunnel of Bruanwyn Windham-Burke‘s lies.

Gina Kirschenheiter‘s Beverly Hills experience continues with a surprise double-decker bus trip through Hollywood as part of the NEW and FRIENDLY and FUN Shannon Beador. You know, the Shannon Beador who doesn’t sob constantly and have rage-fueled meltdowns!

Below Deck Mediterranean Colin Macy-O'Toole Captain Sandy Yawn

Last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean was a mess! Messier than Travis Michalzik after making out with his girlfriend, vodka!

First, there are the guests who are so distracted by bragging about who has the biggest menopausal sex drive they forget to eat their dinner until it gets cold, then the primary tattles to Captain Sandy Yawn. Instead of assessing the situation (‘ass’ being the operative prefix!) Captain Sandy hightails it down to the galley to complain to Ben Robinson, who promptly shoves his finger into the pan of risotto and proclaims it hot. PIPING. As hot as Ben’s rage and regret that he once again sold his soul to Bravo: the pirates of dignity.