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Kelly Dodd

Asking me to pick a favorite housewife is like asking me to pick a favorite child, I just can’t do it.  Just kidding!  Of course I can!  I’m not going to tell you my favorite child, because one day they will be old enough to scour the internet for tidbits such as that to use against me in therapy.  However, I can tell you that Kelly Dodd is my favorite Real Housewife of the Orange County variety.  I’m always super-impressed by her ability to pull off a dark, matte lipstick.  Anything more than a light gloss and I look like a clown.

Kelly is just crazy enough to make great tv, but not so crazy that she terrifies me.  Cough, cough NeNe Leakes, cough cough.  Remember the time Kelly called a viewer fat?  Or when she called Emily Simpson’s husband a “little bitch” and a “dork” (which, LOL).  Or that incident at the Quiet Woman (that one was really more Shannon Beador-crazy than Kelly-crazy, admittedly).

Temptation Island Reboot Is Back For Season 2

Did you guys watch Season 1 of the Temptation Island reboot?  If you didn’t (or, if you did, and your brain just doesn’t have the room to store the details of yet another reality tv dating show), here’s how the show works:  the producers put four couples on “Temptation Island.”   The couples are separated and given lots of alcohol and very little clothes.  The producers then throw a bunch of hot, single people at the couples to see if they will stay together or “give into temptation.”  Spoiler alert:  they pretty much always give into temptation.

There is some sort of competition and/or voting component, so couples get eliminated during the season.  The rules of elimination are a little unclear… I’m pretty sure the producers just make the rules up as they go.  At the end of the season, one couple is left standing.  That couple decides whether to leave together, alone, or with one of the singles.  Last year’s “winning couple” was divided – she wanted to leave together, he left with one of the singles.

Billie Lee of Vanderpump Rules Spills About Her Hookup With Lisa Vanderpump’s Son

Billie Lee was the first trans cast member on Vanderpump Rules.  And, honestly, despite the hours I have spend watching, reading about, and writing about Vanderpump Rules, that’s about all I know about her.  The past couple of seasons, she was just kind of… there.  And she was only “there” sometimes.  She definitely wasn’t “there” for Katie Maloney-Schwartz’s Girls Night Out Party or Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright’s wedding!

And she won’t be “there” for anything anymore, because she was fired for being super boring quit to focus on her anti-bullying campaign.   Now that Billie has quit the show, she seems to be hitting all the media outlets.  I guess she’s trying to get publicity for her “new projects?”  Girl, make that 15 minutes last as long as you can!

Kathryn Dennis Violates Court Order By Letting Boyfriend Sleep Over With Kids

Southern Charm’s Kathryn Dennis has had a rough few years.  She has suffered from depression and anxiety, addiction, and a toxic relationship with her ex-boyfriend and baby-daddy, Thomas Ravenel.  She had two small children at a young age.  She lost custody of those children.  Even with all that, the thing that upsets me the most for her is that she slept with Thomas.  Gross.

Kathryn does seem to be trying to get her life together.  Following her trip to rehab, she appears to have gained perspective and is living a healthier lifestyle.  She regained custody of her childrenShe even has a hunky new boyfriend, a country singer named Hunter Price.

Ashley Jacobs crying

Without deep-diving into the psychology of it all (which, btw, I’m completely unqualified to do – I took, like, one psychology class in college), Thomas Ravenel, formerly of Southern Charm, is basically the poster child for “what happens when your child grows up in a wealthy and influential family in a town that is built on wealth and influence.”

First of all, Thomas was sentenced for federal cocaine distribution charges while he was the state treasurer of South Carolina.  Let that sink in – dude was a government official having cocaine parties in his home.  And thought he could get away with it.  That’s a special kind of narcissism.  He knocked up Kathryn Dennis, a woman 30 years his junior.  Twice.  He has been accused of sexual deviance and assault by multiple women.  Again: the guy had babies with a woman who is an entire Jonas brother younger than him.  I believe that my one psychology class 10 years ago (OK, 20) qualifies me to diagnose him with some major sexual control issues.    

Kenya

Some people (especially NeNe Leakes) are not at all happy to see Kenya Moore’s return to the Real Housewives of Atlanta.  I am not one of those people.  Look, I know we were all pissed that Kenya ran off and got secretly married without a camera in sight.   We know we weren’t really entitled to be there, but we should have been invited.  It’s like when your friend from college who you haven’t talked to in 10 years gets married and you hear about it on Facebook.  You probably had no reason to get an invite, and you definitely wouldn’t have traveled to Norman, Oklahoma to sit next to Aunt Bea and eat rubbery chicken.  But you’re still indignant that you weren’t invited.  Venting for a friend. 

Kenya seems to be a true narcissist, with absolutely no regard for tact or social norms.  Those character traits make for a terrible human, but a great reality television persona.   So great that last season Kenya wasn’t even on the show, but, like, 2/3 of the reunion centered around her appearance at a party.

Gina Kirschenheiter Fails To Show For Another Court Date

The ladies of the Real Housewives of Orange County should regularly pray to whatever reality TV deity has blessed us all with Gina Kirschenheiter Her life is a hot mess.    That is sad for her and her kids, but it makes great TV.  Her dumpster fire of an existence also seems to have revitalized the franchise. Or at least I hope it will.

In April of 2018, Gina filed for divorce from her husband, Matt Kirschenheiter, citing “irreconcilable differences.”   She then got herself in some legal trouble for drunk driving and talking on the phone while driving.  Girl, do you not have Uber?  And Bluetooth?  Those are both, like, the easiest crimes to avoid.  Earlier this summer, Matt was arrested for suspicion of domestic violence against GinaGina  then filed a restraining order against Matt, which resulted in him being ordered to stay 100 yards away from Gina and the children.  He has, however, gained supervised visits with the kids since then.

Phaedra Parks Says Reality Shows Are Made Up For TV Drama “Hasn’t Ruled Out” A Return To Real Housewives

Phaedra Parks, formerly of the Real Housewives of Atlanta ,had her peach ripped from her acrylic-tipped claws when she spread a terrible rumor about Kandi BurrussUgh, Phaedra is literally the worst.

Even through she is pretty much a monster, there have been plenty of rumors floating around that Phaedra is going to make a return to the Real Housewives of AtlantaNot if Kandi has anything to say about it!  And I’m sure Kandi has plenty to say about it, seeing as she is the only cast member franchise-wide who has any actual talent.  I mean, not to discount Luann de Lesseps’ vocal stylings …