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Brett Caprioni

Scheana

The new Vanderpump Rules cast members, Max Boyens and Brett Caprioni criticized Scheana Marie for being “boy crazy.” They’re not the only people gossiping about Schean’s love life though. Then again, this is reality TV, this comes with the territory.

This past summer there were rumors about Scheana hooking up with Shep Rose at Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright’s wedding in Kentucky. There has also been a long-time rumor about Scheana and Carl Radke from Summer House being more than just friends. They’ve copped to making out and hanging out, but it doesn’t seem like they ever actually dated. Scheana cleared up th rumors about her love life in the Bravo universe.

Stassi Schroeder Vanderpump Rules

Stassi Schroeder has been living her best life lately. Beau Clark, her sweet and funny boyfriend, popped the question in July of 2019. Oh, and he slipped that ring on Stassi’s finger in the most romantic of places–a cemetery. Well, that is pretty romantic to Stassi.

The couple is marrying in October in Rome, Italy. Stassi and Beau are so in synch that they even agreed to sign a prenup. And Stassi is part of a pregnancy pact with Vanderpump Rules besties Katie Maloney, Brittany Cartwright, and Lala Kent. Can you imagine how dramatic it would be with this squad all rocking baby bumps at the same time?

Jax Taylor Vanderpump Rules

Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was a doozy. I thought last week was bad, but well, I should’ve known better.

Why on earth does Jax Taylor think it’s a punishment to be kicked out of his trashy-ass wedding? He’s horrific so not being associated with that wad of human filth – a literal hairball pulled out of a 50 year old drain who isn’t even inviting his OWN MOTHER to his wedding – is the best thing that could possibly happen to a decent human being like Tom Sandoval.

Also Ariana Madix is the only person on Vanderpump Rules who truly understands with a toxic cesspool it is. It is the drain! The drain where a thousand strands of hair that wouldn’t pass a drug test and the dead skin of dead souls collects into an impenetrable mass that just traps a person there. Ariana is realizing that she’ll barely escape alive. That she is one scowl and a Hot Cheeto and tequila sundae away from turning into Katie Maloney, marrying a man she detests to prolong the only thing that pays her enough to buy a track home in the way-out Valley.

Vanderpump Rules Jax Taylor

I cannot wait for Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright’s weddding to be shown on Vanderpump Rules, not because I’m “so excited” about it. In all honesty, I just want this storyline to end. There have been way too many wedding-related episodes for my liking.

On tonight’s Vanderpump Rules episode, Jax confronts Tom Sandoval about the pastor drama and kicks Tom out of his wedding party. Meanwhile, Brittany wonders if she should keep Ariana Madix in the wedding as a bridesmaid. These people need to stop making such a big deal over their wedding and holding it over people’s heads.

Vanderpump Rules Jax Taylor Brittany Cartwright

To quote the immortal N’Sync, whose reputation is sullied by an unfortunate association with Vanderpump Rules, “I know that I can’t take no more, It ain’t no lie, I want to see you out that door, Baby bye bye bye.” And yes, I have had enough!

More than enough of Bravo claiming to support human rights and equality, yet, at every turn employing people who are misogynistic, racist, bigoted, and homophobic. I’ve certainly had enough of Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright. I’ve never cared about their love. Which seemed about as deep and stable as a damp cardboard box that Amazon left on your porch while you were crashing at your Tinder hookup’s place (basically Scheana Marie‘s version of marriage).

I’ve never had any interest in their greasy, fishy proposal. Or their Pinterest FAILED IT wedding planning. I can’t with Brittany’s increasingly amped up southern drawl and raspy cackle, or the way she douses herself in tequila like it really can kill off STDs (or kill off the lurking knowledge that her marriage to Jax is fake, and that he will always and forever cheat).

Vanderpump Rules Scheana Marie

Love her or hate her, Scheana Marie always works for her life on Vanderpump Rules. Have you seen her intro shot? She is serving that tray! Over the years Scheana has really bared all about her relationships, unlike some people we know. As we venture into Season 8 (!) of Pump Rules it’s become blatantly clear that Scheana is the favorite cast member for producers to troll. Sure, maybe it’s just too easy. But if you listen to Scheana’s podcast, she’s been open about how producers only show her issues with men. They could instead actually show her working on music, her podcast, or her show in Vegas. They’ve also never talked about the fact that Scheana bought a house in Palm Springs. Instead we’re only seeing certain cast members “grow up” (eye-roll), and buy homes, like Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright, Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney, and Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix.

What we’re seeing about Scheana this season is not good. First, she’s still “working” at SUR. Second, she’s being framed as though she is jealous and insecure over new girl, Dayna Kathan. Third, she’s apparently obsessed with bigots Max Boyens and Brett Caprioni. On last weeks’ episode, we caught a glimpse of some remorse for treating Dayna badly. But perhaps there’s more to the story here.

Lala Kent Vanderpump Rules

There were already a ton of people on Vanderpump Rules before this season. Plus, anytime someone gets into a new relationship, that brings in another new cast member, which has doubled the original cast.

For some reason, production decided to bring in a million new cast members for Season 8. Season 7 was a bit stale, I’m not gonna lie, but we don’t need to “meet” this many people and keep track of their lives. The viewers already have enough on their hands. Or at least Lala Kent thinks so.

Vanderpump Rules Pride Lisa Vanderpump

Last night Vanderpump Rules celebrated the annual SUR rite of passage: PRIDE!

In order to survive in this alternate universe known as Lisa Vanderpump Land, which at this point is indistinguishable from Lisa Frank Land (and one will equally find themselves trapperkeeper’d), one must dress up in rainbow paraphernalia, endure hours of Scheana Marie warbling “Solid Gold” on repeat, and have a hysterical selfish meltdown about their heterosexual relationships while ostensibly celebrating gay rights. This time, for the second year in a row, that prideful accomplishment goes to James Kennedy.

That’s right, bitches, the White Kanye is back and he came to lead his flock in verse and song of rage. And proving that James is here to resuscitate Vanderpump Rules he was even wearing a “Life Guard” man-tank with matching visor, like something out of a Ken Doll box.