The set of these WWHL Reunions is so depressing, isn’t it. Like getting married in a Vegas chapel with a liquor store next door. It just doesn’t translate to ‘daytime’ activities. Who wants to bear their soul in front of a rhinestone Snoopy or a photo of Ramona Singer doing Turtle Time in a satin dress? I guess Joao’s nervous breakdowns don’t discriminate?
Tonight we say farewell to our favorite yacht crew as another season comes to a close. The Below Deck Mediterranean reunion is tonight and we can’t wait to rehash the drama and love triangles of the season!
In the preview clips released, Captain Sandy Yawn gets candid with Conrad Empson, scolding him for his many, many cigarette breaks and his preoccupation with Hannah Ferrier. She even lets him know that she doesn’t see him making it in this line of work. Ouch!
It was the last charter and the season finale episode of Below Deck Mediterranean. I’m pooped of writing about the poop deck dramas of the Motor Yacht Talisman (I am also not too mature for poop jokes!). Everyone is moving on from the pettiness, squabbles, and bad vibes expect for Hannah Ferrier, who is just as ready as ever to make people’s lives miserable. Conrad Empson sure rues the day he ever got clobbered by a cougar!
The finale episode was truly all about playing games with Hannah. From musical chairs, to hide and seek, and finally battleship. The most shocking development though was realizing that Conrad and Hannah had never had sex! Do we believe them? It’s kind of cutely high school…
Anyway, we gotta also talk about Joao Franco admitting to Kasey Cohen that if she’d been the one sitting next to him during Hannah’s birthday, she’d also be the one he’d currently be screwing over instead of Brooke Laughton. Now Joao understands it was fate’s way of looking out for him. Joao mansplains, “When I kissed Brooke it all made sense…,” but I don’t want to talk to another girl too long, because it might stop making sense in my penile brain, then I might convenience kiss somebody else. Someone else like Kasey. This logic is like watching The Notebook in lieu of getting counseling for co-dependency, and then, even worse, believing this is how mature relationships work. And I am mature, so I should know!
It’s the last charter for Below Deck Mediterranean and the guests are literally a coma, luckily all crew relationships are exploding like a fireworks display.
Hannah Ferrier and Conrad Empson are FINALLY breaking up – and this is only because Conrad tired of her toxic, immature dramas. “This is not going to work. If you argue every day what’s the point in being there. You’re not happy. I’m done,” he decides, before telling Hannah that Prague, and all its glories as a couples trip, is not happening.
This is what truly enrages Hannah – that she cannot manipulate Conrad into staying with her through the trip. He asserts to think about it but his eyes already focused on the future horizon, populated with women his own age, looking to have fun and not use him as a baby bait to make older, established men feel bad for her.
Whoever declared that you should never go to bed angry, obviously didn’t live and work on a yacht with Hannah. After Brooke Laughton confronts her about all the liberties she takes with her job, leaving Brooke and even Kasey Cohen to pick up her slack, Hannah responds by storming off, leaving Brooke to finish the dinner clearing up.
A bit later when Hannah is skulking around, trying to spy on Brooke and hoping to catch her talking shit to Jaoa Franco (or slacking at her job), she instead finds her being consoled by Conrad Empson! Karma!
I don’t know why Hannah is so uptight about being called materialist. I mean, basically, all she talks about, except when she’s complaining about how overworked, tired, and exhausted she is, are her possessions. You’d think a woman who prefaces the description of every item she owns with a whiny “It’s EXXXPENSIVEEEE (to be me)” would happily revel in being described as materialistic, the way a Kardashian does. This is akin to calling them saint-like and altruistic. They have punted right over the top of the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to plonk a gold star on top.