Billy Joel’s “New York State of Mind” has basically been my anthem while anxiously awaiting Real Housewives of New York. Well guess, what? They’re back with all the camel toe, cultural appropriation, and drunken drama we’ve come to expect from these Upper East Siders. Throw in Luann de Lesseps’ recent shenanigans, and it’s a cocktail Carrie Bradshaw herself would endorse.
Ramona Singer is drinking coffee from a mug that reads, “Keep Calm…Take a Xanax.” If there was ever a more appropriate opening scene for any season premiere of a housewives franchise, this is it. The women are readying for a day in the Big Apple, with Carole Radziwill running through Manhattan and Tinsley Mortimer failing to potty train her mini-dog. Dorinda Medley is razor focused on planning a massive Halloween party. The theme is “Famous People: Dead or Alive” and Dorinda is channeling her inner Gaga. Unfortunately for Dorinda, she didn’t read the fine print on her Amazon order, and instead of the infamous Lady Gaga bubble dress, she received a box full of clear plastic orbs. She should store them for a future crafting sesh. Decorated with holly and scary Santas, they’d make the perfect addition to her Berkshires Yuletide menagerie. Of course, if you’re a RHONY, you’ve got a costume designer who works at SNL on speed dial who is willing to help out for a name drop. Done and done.
It really shouldn’t be a headline that Tom D’Agostino is seeing a few women since he was doing this before he dated Luann de Lesseps and while he was still with her, but apparently Tom is back on the market (not that he was ever truly off). Hopefully he is staying away from Real Housewives of New York cast members this time.
Not only is Tom back on the prowl, but there are also rumors that he’s been hanging with Missy Tool again- his former flame that Ramona Singer insisted on inviting to every event possible this past season.
I am shedding a single Lisa Rinna blue bunny tear over this season of The Real Housewives Of New York coming to an end. Thank god we have Luann de Lesseps‘ one-on-one special with Andy Cohen coming up next week to extend our stay in crazytown just a while longer! Until then, let’s relive last night’s final installment of the 3-part reunion, in which Sonja Morgan and Tinsley Mortimer decide whether Tinsley needs a life coach, Bethenny Frankel and Ramona Singer face off for round 742 of “I AM HAPPY! I AM KIND!” and Dorinda Medley tries to recall all of the things she did while in a blackout this year.
The night starts out with lots of sex. Well, at least talking about it – which these ladies love to do. Tape rolls on the innuendos, accusations, and droll dinner conversation that uncovered more than we want to know about everyone’s sexcapades. Andy wonders if this is the most oversexed or undersexed group he’s ever seen? While some regret their words, like Tinsley, who admitted she went too far in discussing her sex life with ex-husband, Topper, Sonja doesn’t regret a thing. But does Sonja like the back door more than the front door? She opens any door! As long as it’s not Tinsley’s hat delivery guy on the other side of it.
Bravo is bringing back the Real Housewives Awards for the fourth year in a row. This time, the ladies from across the franchise will compete for fans’ votes in various categories within the back-to-school theme.
Fortunately, it seems like this list was compiled with the intention to make sure everyone feels included, which is nice. Unfortunately, it seems like this list was compiled with the intention to make sure everyone feels included, which means that many of the nominations do not make sense. Nevertheless, the fandom will (hopefully) make the right decisions. Either way you slice it, nominating every housewife is a good way to ensure that a lot of them show up when the awards are handed out. So at least that’s good.
After two seasons of defending Tom D’Agostino’s shady tactics, Luann de Lesseps finally announced that the couple is divorcing… after a mere seven months of marriage. As sad as that is for her- everyone who watches Real Housewives of New York knows how much she reveled in being a newlywed- it’s also pretty disappointing for the viewers because the announcement came right after the reunion was taped.
That means that the viewers have to sit through three one-hour episodes of Lu going to bat for Tom even though we all know better. Luckily Luann will be doing a one-on-one interview with Andy Cohen to address the divorce since most of the information “revealed” at the reunion has become outdated and irrelevant.
Get yourselves adjusted and comfortable, because it’s time to rehash the drama from last night’s Real Housewives Of New York Reunion, part two. Bethenny Frankel breaks down over the custody hell she went through this year. Carole Radziwill and Tinsley Mortimer are actually permitted to speak (whoa!), and Sonja Morgan and Ramona Singer – well, they continue to be the national treasures they are. And I can’t help wishing these two would totally change, yet not change at all. The same goes for the entire cast, when it comes down to it. Their brand of crazy just…works.
Last week left us with Luann de Lesseps on the hot seat, justifying her marriage to Tom D’Agostino for all of the ladies, Andy Cohen, and America. Alas, watching that sh*t back had to be awful for her, no matter how delusionally she walked into that marriage. Luckily, Lu only has to defend herself 47,000 more times before the reunion can move on.
It’s time for the Real Housewives Of New York ladies to sit down and throw down for three straight weeks, and part one of the reunion started off with a bang – and a spooky disclaimer. As expected, Bethenny Frankel and Ramona Singer faced off, and Luann de Lesseps was forced to answer question after brutal question regarding her marriage to Tom D’Agostino, which was likely on its last leg at time of filming. The setting was very Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil, and the fashions – well, they ranged from Tinsley Mortimer’s Shirley Temple ruffles to Dorinda Medley’s chic, bejeweled butterflies. Sonja Morgan decided to unleash her girls for battle, and Ramona – well. I’m not sure how to put this. Let’s just say, Mariah Carey’s stylist must be moonlighting for RHONY.
Andy Cohen opens the reunion after we are warned by Bravo that “what you are about to watch was recorded three weeks before Luann filed for divorce from her husband of seven months, Tom.” And now I feel like the Blair Witch is beginning. That was INTENSE. (Should we be scared? I’m gonna go with: Yes.) To add to the Gothic effect, Luann is wearing her wedding (reception) dress. This makes me shudder-cringe for poor Lu.
Tinsley Mortimer began The Real Housewives Of New York as a single gal trying to make a new start from
the dust bunnies of Sonja Morgan’s spare room, and she ended it with a new beau and a hefty hotel bill! Now, Tinsley reflects on how far she’s come since cameras started rolling last fall, and how truly appreciative she is of Sonja’s hospitality – even though some of the other woman (and Page Six) say otherwise.
Despite the standard drama of being part of any Housewives enterprise, Tinsley says she enjoyed her time on the show. “Wow! I can’t believe RHONY Season 9 is over. What a rollercoaster! My life was in such a mess when I joined the show, and I think you can see the entire season for me was pretty much a long therapy session. Kindly, I received so much support from so many people that I do feel I can finally put the past behind me, forgive myself for staying in such a destructive relationship, and once again look forward to the future.”